Meredith couldn’t speak. She tried to pull him up off his feet, but he wouldn’t let her. “Ben, I can’t talk to you like this. Stand up.”
“Will you marry me, Meredith?”
She bent down on a knee so they were eye to eye. “Ben.”
“Wait.” He reached over to unzip his knapsack and pulled out a small velvet box. Ben held the box in his hand and opened it. Inside was a gold ring set with a dark red ruby. The ring looked like an antique, from about the 1920’s. Tiny diamonds encircled the ruby. “We can exchange it, if you don’t like it. I tried to pick out a diamond and they all looked the same.” He shrugged. “None of them said ‘Meredith’ like this one.”
“I love you,” she began.
He nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “Will you marry me?”
She looked at Ben, the man she loved. “Yes. Yes, Ben, I’ll marry you.”
He let out a whoop that sent birds flying from trees. “Here, try it on.” He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. She held her hand out, looking at the ring. It glittered in the sun. She thought of her last engagement ring, from a different life.
“Forget about the past,” he said. “You’re the one for me. I’m not walking away from you twice.”
She kissed him. He hugged her, and kissed the top of her head. She looked at her hand. “This ring is beautiful.”
Ben rolled back onto his heels. “God. My hands are shaking.” She took his hands. “I’m going to give you so much, Meredith. I promise you.”
“Ben, I already know.”
Ben called his parents when they got home. Meredith called Kira and Sarah.
She was sitting on an inflatable raft in the middle of the ocean. The raft looked like it’d been sewn together with patches of used material. One of the patches looked like a piece of the blue winter coat she’d worn in the second grade. She could just make out the embroidered snowflakes from her side of the boat. As far as the eye could see, there was nothing but water. She wanted to try to paddle with her hands, but she didn’t know which way to go.
“You’ll never get anywhere without a compass.”
Meredith spun around. Eric was sitting in a corner of the raft.
“Where did you come from?” she exclaimed. The second before, when she’d looked around the horizon, she’d been alone.
“I’ve been here the whole time.”
He was wearing a suit, which she thought was inappropriate for their situation.
“Meredith.”
She looked up. She’d forgotten how he said her name, dragging out the first e for an extra few milliseconds. It was so strange to be sitting in front of him again. She wondered if she should apologize for leaving him at the altar. “Eric,” she said, “how did we get on this raft?”
He shrugged. A drop of water plopped onto the raft. Then, another on her cheek. She thought, Someone is crying. Looking up, she realized that an angry storm was heading their way. Bending down, she reached into the water and frantically tried to paddle away from the storm, but a moment later she gave up. What was the point. She turned to Eric.
“I heard you are getting married. Congratulations.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you,” she said. “So very sorry.”
He smiled. “It all worked out for the best. It’s funny, because even though you left me, you’re the one who wound up getting trapped.” A second later, the raft hit sand. She was washed up on a beach and Eric was gone.
Meredith jerked awake. Where was she? For a minute, she thought she was in her bedroom in the South Valley. Ben was asleep next to her, Eric was long gone from her life, and everything was okay. She was hundreds of miles from the ocean. Then she remembered: she was in her home in Corrales, and, yes, Ben was still asleep beside her and everything was still okay. Mendra was snuggled in between her and Ben’s body. Meredith reached down and scratched Mendra behind the ears for a while. Eventually, she fell back asleep. Ben never even woke.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“So Jeremy made it through surgery alright?”
“Yes, flying colors.” Meredith was sitting with Sarah, drinking wine while they waited for Kira to arrive. She still marveled at Sarah’s ability to remember names.
Meredith was trying to stay calm, but she and Sarah and Kira were all together for the first time, painting Meredith’s downstairs, and the mutual presence of her two friends was making her nervous. “And Ben is taking a job at the University?
“Yup. They offered it to him yesterday.”
“Will that be a pay raise, then? To go to the University?” Sarah asked.
“No, a great big pay cut. Around fifty percent.” Meredith said. She was still shocked by that information.
You’re nuts,” Sarah said. “Move to Santa Fe.”
Kira came bustling in the door. Meredith made introductions and they started moving furniture.
“Even with Ben’s pay cut, we’ll be ahead. Santa Fe is much more expensive. This house would cost triple, probably. What’s funny is that I’ll be making almost as much as he does, when he comes back here.”
“That’s pathetic,” Kira said. “I mean, no offense, Meredith, but you had, what, six years of school?”
“My undergrad and masters, yeah.”
“And Ben’s had four for undergrad, four more for medical school. Then his residency was three years long. So he’s got eleven years of schooling under his belt. He makes decisions about life and death on an almost daily basis. And he is making what you are making. They don’t pay doctors enough.”
“Other doctors earn more. Family Practice is famous for its low pay.” Meredith told her. “I’m sure that Mike will make a huge salary when his fellowship is over.”
“I wasn’t talking about Mike. I could care less how much he makes. In fact, I have really good news. If all goes the way I expect, after next month I’ll be debt free!”
“Oh my god! Kira, how did you do that so fast?” Meredith cried.
Kira turned to Sarah. “My ex-husband and I had run up a lot of debt. When we divorced, we split it down the middle. I’ve been working two jobs for a few years now to work it off.” She looked over at Meredith. “When Jeremy divorced me, in between my nervous breakdowns, I increased my hours at the florist. I was so disconsolate that I couldn’t bear to sit home alone. It was easier to be around people, at work. Also, I was so depressed that I stopped doing a lot of social activities, so I spent less money. All told, I’m a whole eight months ahead of schedule.”
“How’s it feel?” Meredith asked.
“Fan-fucking-tastic.” Kira climbed a ladder, roller in hand. Sarah handed up a tray of paint. “I will never live outside my means again. I’ve finally got my priorities straight, in so many ways. I think that I overspent because things were wrong with me and Jeremy. I won’t make that mistake twice.”
“What will you do if Mike and you get married?” Sarah asked. “Do you think you’ll keep your money separate?” Meredith knew she was thinking about the salary discrepancy between her and Victor.
Kira began painting the ceiling. “If I’ve learned anything about all this experience, it’s that money isn’t everything. Overspending didn’t help my marriage. In fact, it added strain. I agree with pooling our resources. But if Mike and I ever became that committed, I think we’d have to not take his salary too seriously. It could be overwhelming, to have that much money. And I don’t even think my life would get better for it.”
Sarah nodded, but said nothing.
“So do you think you’ll ever get married again?” Meredith asked.
“Oh sure. Probably.”
Meredith started to tape the windows.
“I’ve always used my money to define me,” Sarah said. “I am proud of how high my revenues are.”
“You should be,” Meredith told her.
“But there is more to me, and to life, than money. Maybe I need to take a look at my priorities.” Sh
e nodded at Kira. “Maybe I shouldn’t take the money so seriously.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Hey, wife-to-be, how was your day?”
“Well, future husband, it was red-letter.”
“How so?” Ben was lighting a fire. Meredith had just walked in the door.
“I wowed everyone this morning with that new program I’ve been working on. Josie, that stickler for detail?” Ben nodded. “She said it was the most ‘creatively efficient design’ she’d seen yet.” Meredith dropped her paint box and set a wet canvas down by the door. “Then, in art class, I finally figured out how to make my figure’s left leg move back in space. It’s been bugging me for days.”
“Let’s see.” Ben sat up from the fire to get a better look at the painting. “Yeah, that leg definitely goes back now.” He continued to study the piece. “It’s very green. You hardly ever use green.”
“I used it more in New York. My palate changes with the scenery I live in, I think. But lately, New York has been on my mind.” She sat down on the sofa.
“Do you miss it?” Ben asked.
“Not yet. Not ever, maybe. But I am thinking about going back.” She looked up at him. “How would you like to meet my parents?”
“Babe, I’d love to.”
“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”
“If they made you, they must be okay.”
“They’ll probably tell you how great Eric is,” Meredith said.
Ben smiled. “I can handle it.”
“He’s a very successful lawyer.”
“Hello? I’m a doctor, here. Remember?” He smiled. “It’s my ace in the hole. In case my winning personality and movie star good looks aren’t enough.”
Meredith laughed. “You’re the best, Ben. That’s why I love you.”
He squeezed her hand slightly. Without looking at him, Meredith could tell he was smiling.
Meredith and Sarah were in Sarah's kitchen, chopping vegetables for stir-fry.
“So eventually you’ll get a big diamond, right?”
“No. This is the final ring.”
“Because rubies aren’t very strong stones,” Sarah muttered.
Meredith looked down at her ring finger. “I like this ring.”
Sarah harrumphed. “Well he got damn lucky. Rubies are a hell of a lot cheaper than diamonds.”
“I’ll make sure to remind him of that throughout our life together.” Meredith shivered. “It’s scary to say those words, even think them. At least my parents were gracious about the news.”
“Maybe they’re not as bad as you remember.”
“Or maybe they’ve mellowed in their old age,” Meredith said. “I can’t believe I’m getting married!”
“You’ve got a rough road ahead,” Sarah told her. “At least, it has been for Victor and me. The good part is that Ben has already shown you he can make compromises. Victor and I, well, we’re neither of us very skilled at that.”
Meredith nodded. “I know compromise isn’t easy for you.”
“I tend to think my decisions are more valid than his, because, on the surface most anyone would agree that I’m more successful.”
Meredith waited.
“Same with Ben,” Sarah continued. “No offense. I mean, you have a good job, Meredith. But Ben's is more flashy.”
“True.”
“And yet, here he is, coming to you instead of you going to him.”
“Well, he did want to live here too.”
“You don’t judge people by their outward success. Ben being a doctor, is that at all a part of what drew you to him?”
Meredith thought about it. “No, I guess not. Not even remotely.”
“You look at other things besides money and star power.”
“Those things won’t keep you warm at night.”
“Yeah. I mainly agree.” Sarah smiled. “Eighty-five percent of me agrees.” She started to measure out rice, then put the cup down. “I envy you, Meredith. It’s so effortless for you to see beyond those trappings.”
Meredith was amazed. “You envy me? Well, that’s a change. Usually it’s the other way around.”
Sarah didn’t answer. She picked up the measuring cup again.
“But you’re wrong, Sarah. You see beyond those trappings too. Otherwise we wouldn’t have stayed friends.”
Sarah looked up. “Really? Do you really believe that?”
“Yes, I do. And you certainly wouldn’t have married Victor.”
Sarah smiled at the thought of her husband. “He’s changed my life,” she agreed. “Made me re-evaluate my priorities.” Her face clouded over. “But I’m not always as successful as I’d like to be. I still get caught up in the stupid stuff.” She lowered her voice even though Victor wasn’t home. “I still get embarrassed sometimes when people ask me what my husband does. I want him to crave success like I do. I want him to do something more meaningful than work in a gym.”
“That’s okay,” Meredith told her. “Some of us need people to push us. Victor probably doesn’t want to work in a gym his whole life either. Maybe someday he’ll spend his time teaching self-defense to college students. Or yoga to kids.” She smiled. “Or karate to juvenile delinquents.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Just what this world needs.”
“Giving them a sense of purpose and a feeling of self-worth,” Meredith countered. “Or maybe he’ll stay at home with your kids. You’re pushing him to give something back to the world. That’s good.”
Sarah shook her head. “God, I wish I had your faith in me. I’m afraid I push for the wrong reasons.”
Meredith turned on the gas burner under the wok and added oil. “Maybe you do. But you know, at least, and that’s half the battle.” She put her arm around Sarah and gave her a little squeeze. “Have a little faith in yourself, Sarah. You’re a good person.” As the words came out of her mouth, Meredith realized she meant them. She hadn’t always felt that way and she wondered, Did Sarah change or did I?
“I hope I am,” Sarah replied. “But I don’t always feel it. I think that’s why I’m friends with you, Meredith. Because I’d like to be more like you.”
Meredith was surprised at the impact those words had on her. “I never thought I’d hear you say something like that. It always felt like you were trying to turn me into you. Remember all those guys you were always trying to fix me up with?” She pitched her voice high with a tragic note. “Have you ever dated an angel, Meredith?”
Sarah laughed. “Joel Vanussen. He’s in prison now for dealing drugs.”
“No way!”
Sarah shrugged. “It’s true. What did I know, anyway? You found your angel, all on your own. You certainly didn’t need my help.”
Meredith dropped the vegetables into the wok. An explosion of water hitting oil filled the kitchen with crackling noise. “Of course I needed your help, Sarah,” Meredith said after the noise settled down. “You helped me all the way through this stuff with Ben, and I fully expect to rely on you for all the upcoming crises that are sure to come.”
“I’ll be there.” Sarah laughed and stirred the stir fry. “Boy and are you going to need me. Let me tell you, that first year of marriage is rough.”
“You’re not even at six months yourself,” Meredith reminded her, starting to feel slightly irritated.
“Yes, and so I should know,” Sarah continued. “Talk about the honeymoon being over. That is the understatement of the year.”
“Well, I’ve got some time before I cross that bridge.”
“Just be ready for it. Then things will settle down a bit.” Sarah spoke like a 50-year veteran of marriage. “You’ll start farting in front of him and he in front of you and you’ll realize how deceived you’ve been for all these years by romance novels and movies.”
“Oh, I’ll never fart in front of Ben,” Meredith assured her, smiling inwardly.
“Sister, you’d be surprise how much you’ll do in front of him. Why, I never tho
ught I’d let Victor see me without makeup and last month when I had diarrhea...”
Meredith stopped her. “Enough, Sarah. You’re married. I’m not. I won’t lose my virginity on my wedding night, so why don’t you leave some of the other surprises for me to discover on my own.”
Sarah started dishing their food onto plates. “Oh, you’ll get surprises. Plenty of those. Good ones too,” she added as an afterthought.
Meredith looked at her friend, impeccably dressed, makeup un-melted, hair in place after cooking over a hot stove. She felt her own curly mass of hair, pinned back in an unruly bun, her t-shirt already stained with soy sauce. Two friends. Opposites in many ways. Often at odds. Sometimes in sync. She glanced down at her ring finger and smiled. Life was good, she knew. Her cup was full. With a smile, they toasted to friendship and dug in.
The End
Dear Reader,
Thank you for reading Searching For Meredith Love. If you enjoyed this book, would you please consider posting a review on Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble?
Thank you!
Julie Christensen
Julielivingthedream.blogspot.com
About the Author
Julie Christensen is the author of Searching for Meredith Love and The Truth About Dating. A native New Yorker, she studied painting at Pratt Institute and worked briefly in advertising on Fifth Avenue before she realized that her "creative" job was sucking the life out of her soul. Julie has worked as a live-in Au Pair in Brooklyn, taught preschool, and lived in Barcelona and New Mexico before finally going back to school to get her Masters in Audiology. Julie continues to paint (juliechristensen.net) and write (julielivingthedream.blogspot.com). She is currently at work on her third novel, a mystery set in Brooklyn.
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