by Lexi Blake
Her tongue had obediently shot forward. God, she’d wanted that taste so badly. She’d dreamed of him from the first moment she’d seen him. She’d whirled her tongue around the bulbous head of Gideon’s cock, for the first time in twenty-seven years understanding the inclination to swallow a man down. He’d tasted like salty heaven, and she knew what had been wrong with her previous sexual encounters. They hadn’t been with him.
“That’s right, sweetheart. Just like that.” His praise had gone a long way in helping her shed her inhibitions. “You’re very submissive. Open wider. I want to fuck your mouth, Jessica. You’re going to let me fuck your mouth, aren’t you?”
She hadn’t answered. She hadn’t felt the need to. She’d merely done as he asked and opened wide. He’d taken immediate advantage, shoving his cock deep. She’d tried to steady herself against his thighs.
“Hands back, Jessica,” he’d ordered roughly. When she’d faltered, he’d made himself more clear. “Behind your back. Clasp your hands behind your back. Thread your fingers together. Use only your mouth on me. I’ll tie you up later. Right now, just obey me.”
He’d fucked her mouth. He’d held her hair and shoved his cock in and out of her lips. The whole time he’d told her how beautiful she was, how much he enjoyed her. Her jaw had ached because of his size, but she’d never even thought of complaining because Gideon told her he was crazy about the way she sucked him. When he hit the back of her throat, she’d swallowed around him. He’d thrown his head back and filled her mouth.
The ground beneath her was suddenly unsteady, and Jessica came out of her reverie. Gideon Michaels was going to be the death of her. Even six months after she’d walked out of his life, the memory was still there, still an aching wound.
She cursed as she calmly righted the car. She had to concentrate, or she was going to go over the edge. She wasn’t about to die. Not when she was finally going to head down the right path.
She wasn’t in Colorado for her health. She had come here to find herself. To let go of the past and start on her future.
The soft trill of her cell phone was a welcome sound. She slowed down. She was glad she was the only one on the winding road.
“Hello?”
“Jessica, are you all right?” She heard Reid’s worry over the speaker. It warmed her.
Through it all, he’d been her friend. He was still Gideon’s partner, but he hadn’t deserted her. He’d shown up the day after her debacle with Gideon. He’d held her while she cried. He’d been her anchor. She didn’t know how she would have made it through the last few months without Reid’s steady hand to guide her.
Reid had been the one to help her find a new job.
“I think I’m almost there. It’s hard to tell. Everything looks like mountains.” There was no way to disguise the shakiness in her voice. “But get a martini ready for me. I’m going to need it. I’m never driving up a mountain pass again.”
“I’m sorry, darling.” Reid’s tone was smooth as glass. She loved the sound of his voice. It was rich velvet and rolled over her like a blanket, making her feel safe and loved. “I wish I’d been able to pick you up. I’ll make sure you have exactly what you need. Vodka martini, two olives coming up. I’ll let the bartender know how little you like vermouth.”
She laughed. “Yes. Just a kiss of vermouth, and not an open-mouthed one.”
His chuckle vibrated against her ear. “I’ll have a kiss for you when you get here, pretty girl. I’ve got your room ready. It’s one of the best in the whole hotel. You’re going to love it.”
She smiled at the thought. She was sure it was perfect. Everything Reid did was absolute perfection. He was a man who paid attention to the details. He would make the perfect boyfriend, if only she was his type. His type. The phrase itself made her angry. Damn it, she wasn’t going there. “I can’t wait.”
The idea of a lush suite for a whole week nearly brought tears to her eyes. Reid had made it possible. Reid was making all of this possible. She was going to get over Gideon. She was going to find herself. It was her time to explore and play and enjoy the world again. Reid was a big part of that.
“All right, love,” he said over the phone. “I’m watching for you. Are you sure you’re ready for this?”
She groaned, unable to stop. They had discussed this endlessly. “I know what I want. I can’t help it. It’s who I am.”
He sighed. “I wasn’t judging. You know I would never judge. You’ve met me. Lightning would strike and quickly. I just…I love you, Jessica. I want you to be sure.”
Tears crowded her eyes. She took a deep breath. “I love you, too. I know what I’m doing. Gideon showed me what I am and what I want. Just because he didn’t want me doesn’t change the fact that I’m a sub. Don’t be worried. Be excited for me. I’m done mooning over some man who can’t love me. I’m ready to explore. Tell me there are some superhot Doms there looking for a sub to train.” She felt herself flush as she said it. She was putting a lot on the line. What if no one wanted her? What if she spent the whole week in a corner somewhere?
“Stop. I can hear you panicking from here. They’re going to love you, but I get first dibs. You know you’re my sub for the first few days. This is a training seminar, and you’re my guinea pig.” As always, he knew how to calm her fears. It seemed to come naturally to Reid to always know the right thing to say.
She inched forward. Finally, in the distance, the Aspen Retreat came into sight. It was a gorgeous piece of Western architecture. The ski lodge was a magnificent work of wood and glass rising from the snow. “I don’t know why you chose me, but I’m glad you did. I could never afford this seminar on my own. I thank you for choosing to use me as a guinea pig over some superhot boy.”
Reid snorted. He did it often, though he would never admit it. Jessica found it hopelessly endearing. “Honey, if I used a superhot boy, I would never be able to teach. Get that sweet ass in here. I’m waiting, Jessica.”
He hung up with a decisive click. She shivered, and it had nothing to do with the cold. Reid had used that voice on her. It was his Dom voice. She groaned as she made the final turn. Gideon had shown her a whole world and then told her she didn’t belong there. Jessica looked at the imposing Aspen Retreat and knew she was about to find out if his words would prove true.
* * * *
“How many more guests are we waiting on?” Gideon asked, looking out the huge windows to the mountainside. The scene was perfectly romantic. Some of the guests were happily tromping through the snow carrying skis or sleds. They seemed carefree. It was not a feeling he could relate to.
“Just one more,” Reid said, walking up behind him.
Reid’s hand slipped up his sweater, tracing the strong line of his back. He suppressed the sigh of pure pleasure that came from being connected to Reid. His best friend and lover let his chin rest on Gideon’s shoulder. It was a familiar gesture, but it had been an awfully long time since he’d felt it.
For months and months there had been nothing but ice between them. He’d lost so fucking much that one day. He’d lost his family, his career, his place in the only society he knew.
But worse, he’d lost Jessica and Reid.
He deserved to lose Jessica. Hell, he’d never really had her. If she’d known about his secret life, she would have turned away. But Reid…he might not deserve Reid, but after twelve years with him, not sharing their lives openly was slowly killing him.
Gideon stayed perfectly still, not wanting to break the connection. The Dom in him wanted to simply order Reid to touch him.
Yeah, that didn’t work anymore. Trust was the key. And he’d broken Reid’s trust into a thousand pieces. How long would it take to get his life back?
“Dom or sub?” Gideon asked. Stick to the conference. It had only been a couple of months since they had started talking about anything outside of work. Gideon had been grateful for the day when Reid started using words with more than four letters and foul hand gestures to communicate
.
“A pretty little sub.” Reid’s sexy whisper made Gideon wonder.
What did this sub look like? It had been a long time since he and Reid had a gorgeous female sub between them. After he’d agreed to marry Anna, they hadn’t played. Despite the fact that Gideon had never actually touched Anna and they had a discreetly open relationship, it had seemed wrong to him to bring a woman in.
Maybe the way to get back into Reid’s heart was to remind him of how much fun they’d once had. “Good. I wasn’t in the mood to give a stern lecture to a late Dom. I’d love to spank a sub though. It will be a good way to start the seminar right.”
Reid let his arm drift around Gideon’s waist. “Will you? You haven’t seemed terribly interested in disciplining anyone for a long time.”
“Can you blame me? I’ve spent all my time trying to get you to talk to me again.”
There was a long sigh, but to Gideon’s complete relief, he didn’t pull away. “I miss you. I’m tired of being apart. Are you finally willing to understand that Anna was a horrible mistake?”
“I know Anna was a mistake,” Gideon replied woodenly. He was back to being morose, though not for the reasons he suspected Reid thought. He could forgive himself for Anna. It wasn’t Anna’s blonde beauty that haunted Gideon. It was a petite, curvy thing with big blue eyes and chestnut hair that made his heart clench every time he thought about her. He shrugged out of Reid’s embrace. Maybe he wasn’t ready for this. “Is there anything to do before tonight’s mixer? The caterers have everything ready?”
Reid sighed. “Yes. Everything’s ready. I planned the menu myself. It will go smoothly, just like everything else. You’re running on fumes, you know.”
He turned and looked at his long-time best friend. They’d shared everything since they were nineteen. Well, everything except Anna, and that had been the trouble. Gideon had tried the vanilla route in public, and it had been a disaster. He’d tried to please his family and ended up hurting everyone he truly loved. He could still hear his father turning him out. His mother had cried prettily, but she wouldn’t take his phone calls even six months later. His brother had been well pleased. When Gideon had left the mansion he’d grown up in, his ex-fiancée had been at his brother’s side, her well-manicured fingers clutching his arm. Gideon still wondered how long his brother had been having an affair with Anna. The thought that his baby brother had outed him left him weary on the inside. It should have enraged him, but he’d simply felt hollow.
He’d buried himself in their legal business for the past six months. It had been damn good for the bottom line, even if it didn’t help him out emotionally. He kept up his obligations in the D/s community. Gideon couldn’t see what Reid was complaining about. If he wanted to brood, shouldn’t that be up to him? “What do you mean? You’re going to have to give me a list of grievances. I’m sure it’s long. Mind how you talk to me, though. I’m in a bit of a sadistic mood.”
Cool green eyes rolled. “See, you are the touchiest thing these days. I’m supposed to be the dramatic one in this relationship. I don’t like having to be the logical one. I’m not thoughtful, damn it.” He shook his head and started to walk away. “And I’m playing the Dom while we’re here, too. It wouldn’t do for the students to see me over your knee.”
Gideon felt a smile tug at his lips. Reid’s ass looked good over his knee. God, it had been so long. He was right, though. His switch of a boyfriend was firmly in Dom mode while they were here. Still… “I was thinking more along the lines of tying you to a St. Andrew’s Cross and taking out my frustrations.”
Reid shook his head. “Another time, lover. Somehow I don’t see me giving in quite that easily. Although later you might try. I’m going to see if our last guest is here.” Reid stopped. He turned and, despite his earlier protests, looked very thoughtful. “You know I love you, right?”
“Of course,” Gideon replied automatically. The fact that Reid loved him had been the one constant in his life for years. Even when Reid wasn’t speaking to him, Gideon had known deep down that he wouldn’t leave.
“Remember that.” Reid nodded cryptically and walked away. “And remember you owe me.”
He groaned and turned back to the delightful scenery in front of him. Reid was right. He was sleepwalking through his days. He couldn’t help it. Every time he let his mind wander, Jessica’s face showed up.
What was she doing now? Was she back in Alabama enjoying the day? Was she getting ready for a date?
He couldn’t help but think back to that fateful morning.
“Why?” she’d asked him the morning after they made love. She had pulled the sheet up over her breasts as though disturbed by the thought of him looking.
His first impulse had been to tear that sheet from her hands. She should never hide that body from him. That body belonged to him. It was his to look at. It was his to please and take his pleasure from and, oh, he’d had such pleasure from her. She’d been so soft beneath him. She hadn’t complained or questioned him. She’d taken the pleasure and the discipline he’d given her. She was the perfect submissive, just as he’d always suspected. She was perfect for him and perfect for Reid.
She didn’t even know about Reid.
Gideon had felt panic gnawing at him. He and Reid had hidden their relationship from her for years. She would walk out, just like his family had.
“It won’t work.” He’d forced himself to grind out the words. He wasn’t going through this again, he promised himself. Jessica was too sweet, too naïve to enjoy his lifestyle. It wasn’t fair to try to bring her into it. Just because she was submissive didn’t mean she could handle what he would demand from her.
“It worked fine last night in your office. It worked fine when I drove us back here,” she’d mumbled.
He could see her retreating. God, how was he going to deal with her in the office? How was he going to work with her every day and not take her again? How could he go back to being friends with her?
“It was a mistake.” He’d been in full-on protection mode. He couldn’t see her again. “I had too much to drink. I wouldn’t have touched you if I’d been sober. You’re not my type.”
The tears that had filled her eyes had almost done him in. He wanted to fall to his knees and play her supplicant for once. He’d held his ground. It was a case of being cruel to be kind. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew she’d been infatuated with him for a while. She had no idea he’d been half in love with her since the day they met, and she would never know. He had to let her go. She needed to find someone nice and normal who would buy her a house in the suburbs and never try to share her with his gay lover. His gut had rolled at the thought of Reid. Reid had been pushing him to get close to Jessica. Reid thought Jessica was the one.
Reid was going to be so angry with him, but he couldn’t do it.
“If you’ll give me a moment, I’ll get dressed and get out of here.” Her voice wasn’t quite even, but he could tell she was working hard to hold it together.
He’d nodded and left, planning all the while how to ease her out of his professional life.
He shook his head, coming out of the memory. The crazy part was he’d changed his mind almost immediately. After she left without a good-bye, he’d sat in his lonely house and thought about her. His daily life had revolved around Jessica. She’d taken care of the office and been the bright spot in his increasingly dark life. Jessica’s smile had been as necessary as a cup of coffee to start the day. By the time Monday had rolled around, he’d found himself waiting at her desk with a dozen lilies, ready to beg her forgiveness. He’d made the decision to ease her into D/s and gradually bring in Reid. She’d loved Reid. Maybe, he’d thought, maybe Jessica would understand.
Her resignation letter had been the only thing waiting for him on Monday. She’d sent it with Reid rather than facing him. That choice had saved him. She was smarter than he was. Still, he wondered if she liked her new job and if her new boss was nice to her. He missed everything about
her. Reid had been the one to keep in touch with her. Gideon listened in when he knew Reid was talking to her.
It was better this way. She was far too soft to handle him.
And he was never going to change.
* * * *
If there was anyone in the world who needed a change, it was Gideon. Reid couldn’t help but think about that fact as he walked through the lobby of his uncle’s ski resort. The Aspen Retreat was one of his favorite places in the world, and he couldn’t wait for Jessica to see it. He only hoped she didn’t get right back in her car the minute she realized Gideon was here.
He sighed. He also hoped Gideon didn’t punch him in the face when he saw Jessica. Gideon could be extremely indulgent with him, but he was pushing his Dom, and he knew it.
Theirs was an odd relationship. He wasn’t truly submissive enough to fulfill Gideon’s need to dominate, and Gideon couldn’t submit at all. They’d discovered ménages with female submissives filled the holes in their relationship. He’d always thought they would find a permanent third until the day Gideon told him he was getting engaged.
He’d almost left Gideon that day. He’d almost told the bastard where he could shove his vanilla, straight white picket fence dream.
And then Jessica had walked in for an interview. Perfect, sweet, submissive Jessica. He’d known then and there that this was fate, and he’d stood by the only man he’d ever loved. All through the two and a half years of Gideon’s “engagement,” Reid had stood in the shadows knowing the arrangement wouldn’t work.
Sure enough, it hadn’t.
Reid touched his jaw. There was a mirror over the registration desk and he studied himself in it. Gideon wouldn’t discipline him, though he probably deserved it. He really was too pretty to fight with. He made sure his black hair was perfectly mussed. It took an enormous amount of product to look that deconstructed.
The problem with Gideon was his stubbornness. He had a bit of a god-complex. What Dom didn’t? It led Gideon to believe he knew what was best for everyone. Gideon had made the decision that Jessica was better off without him, and he couldn’t be swayed. Jessica had made it easy on him by taking herself out of the equation. But if Gideon had to deal with Jessica in an intimate situation, he wouldn’t be able to help himself.
