by Gemma James
His mouth pressed against mine, and his kiss instantly possessed me.
Wrong. Bad. So bad. Tell him to leave and never come back.
“Gage?” I moaned into his mouth. I should have slept with someone else—maybe I wouldn’t be so susceptible to his spell. “I hate you.”
His mouth hovered, brushed mine again, and I felt the upward curve of his lips. The bastard was smiling. “Your head does.” He settled a palm over my erratically beating heart. “But not here. And definitely”—he lowered his hand to the patch of hair between my legs—“not here. Here, you love me. You need me, so stop fighting it.”
He forced my lips apart and dipped his tongue inside, but I wrenched my mouth from his. “It doesn’t matter what I feel or don’t feel. It’s not important. I won’t have you around Eve.”
His eyes darkened to such a deep blue—the hue of the sky after sunset but without the beauty of reds, pinks, and oranges to soften the emerging twilight. Just the darkness. Just Gage.
“I told you I’d never hurt Eve.” His lips thinned, and his fingers shot out and held my chin in place. “Never, Kayla.”
“But you’ll hurt me, won’t you?”
“I’ll also make you scream my fucking name every night. I could tell you that by the time I’m done, you’ll beg me to take you again, but that’s a lie. I’ll never be done with you.”
Shaking my head, I tried to push him away, suddenly self-conscious of my nakedness, but he wouldn’t allow it. “I can’t do this with you. I can’t go through this again.”
“Things will be different. We’ll discuss boundaries.” He dropped his hands to his sides. “You say you can’t? Well I can’t be without you. There’s no one else but you.” It was the closest he’d ever come to begging, and the honesty in his voice pulled at me.
Damn him.
“How about I make us breakfast?” I asked. He stepped back, and I took the opportunity to slip by him. His appreciation burned along my skin as I dressed, and I didn’t have to look at him to know he was watching my every move. But I glanced at him anyway and caught him reaching for his pants on the floor.
My blood rushed hot through my veins as he pulled the slacks up his legs, past the powerful build of his thighs, and I was certain my cheeks warmed to an obvious pink. How could someone so dark and rotten to the soul be so beautiful? The heat in his expression rooted me to the spot, and I swallowed nervously as he buckled his belt. That belt…I remembered that strap of leather all too well, and from the upturn of his mouth, he did too.
I breezed past him and left the bedroom. The worst he’d done since showing up on my doorstep yesterday was tie my hands behind my back, and his actions and words were almost gentle in the way he treated me now, but I wasn’t about to fall into his trap. He’d show his true colors again eventually.
But did I want to be around when he did?
The sight of the kitchen stopped me cold. The space was tiny, the linoleum cracked in some spots and the counters faded with age, but the sink was clear of the dinner dishes I’d left the night before and the counters were spotless.
He leaned into me from behind. “I cleaned up last night while you had your freak-out moment in the bathroom.” His arms looped my waist.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, unsure of how to handle the varying emotions boiling inside me. Was this a trick? Why was he being so…decent?
“It was nice having a home cooked meal with you and Eve. Prison food leaves much to be desired.” He released me and took a seat at my small dinette. “So what are you making me?”
I blinked before moving into action. The contents of my refrigerator made me cringe. I’d been so busy with work and Eve that I hadn’t had time to go grocery shopping, but at least I had some eggs and cheese. “Omelets okay?”
“Yes.”
I slammed the door shut, hating how off-balance his presence made me, and as I fixed our food, I allowed my mind to wander to a year ago. To the smack of his hand on my ass, to the force of his belt as it struck my skin.
The taste of his cock in my mouth as his hands held my head in place.
My breath grew shallow, from arousal, from fear. Gage was good at that—eliciting strong emotions that contrasted so sharply, they knocked a person on their ass in total confusion. I shouldn’t want him. I should scream at him to get the hell out of my house and never come back. I should get a freaking restraining order.
As if the turmoil inside me didn’t exist, I set our omelets on the table and calmly took a seat across from him. “What did you mean by boundaries?” I stabbed a bite and shoved it in my mouth. Raising my eyes to his turned out to be a mistake. His hypnotic stare paralyzed me; I couldn’t look away if my life depended on it. I fell into the ocean of his gaze and almost missed the satisfied quirk of his lips. Almost.
“You know by now that a relationship with me won’t be your standard variety. You’ll have rules that govern your behavior.”
“My behavior?”
“Yes. I expect you to obey me.” He set his fork down and winced. “But last year I was cruel to you and that’s not how I normally treat a woman. Not even when they beg me to hurt them beyond what I’m comfortable with.”
“Then why?” I choked out. Everything he’d done hit me square in the chest, and his admission that he’d been exceptionally cruel hurt more than it should.
“I wanted to destroy what was his.” He lowered his head with a frown. At least he had the grace to look ashamed.
“Congratulations.” I let my fork drop, satisfied with the clatter it made. “You succeeded.”
“No, I didn’t. Your strength is both my frustration and my undoing. There’s nothing more irritating or sexier on a woman.” He took a bite, and his gaze veered up to mine. “And to clarify on what I mean by boundaries, we’ll set limits this time. You’ll have a safe word.”
“You’re talking as if we’re going to be together.”
“I’m not leaving here without you, Kayla.”
His words crawled up my spine, and every inch of my skin broke out in goose bumps. Definitely the bad kind. Before I could form a thought, let alone a reply to that loaded statement, a knock sounded on my door, loud and insistent enough to be heard from the kitchen.
Stacey had taken Eve to preschool for me, and I’d called in sick the previous evening so I’d have time to deal with Gage’s unexpected appearance. I had no idea who knocked at the door.
Gage scooted back, and his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as he rose to his feet. “Expecting someone?” he asked.
“No.” Shaking my head, I left the kitchen, knowing he was on my heels as I headed to the front door. My lungs deflated when I pulled it open.
This wasn’t happening.
“Hi, Kayla.” Ian’s gaze swerved over my shoulder, and I didn’t have to feel the warmth of Gage to know he stood inches behind me, most likely giving off a nasty territorial vibe.
A dark shadow passed over Ian’s face, extinguishing the usual warmth of his expression. “I figured you’d be here,” he told his brother.
3. Last Chance
Had anyone been around to witness the spectacle in my living room, the three of us would have dropped jaws. I stood between Gage and Ian, my arms spread wide, a palm flat on each of their chests.
If they wanted to kill each other, they’d have to get through me first.
“This isn’t happening here,” I warned.
Ian withdrew first, his shoulders dropping in concession, but then his gaze veered to my disheveled hair and bare feet before swinging to take in Gage’s naked torso. He spun me around so he shielded me from Gage.
“How could you be such an idiot, Kayla?” His verbal attack astonished me; it was so unlike Ian to lose his temper, especially with me. “A whole year, and you’re still falling for his bullshit?”
“Is it really that shocking?” Gage asked. “She’s still falling for yours after eight.” He ripped Ian away from me, and his jealousy crowded the atmosphere in the roo
m. “I bet there’s plenty you’ve kept from her. Does she know about your infamous reputation, or does she still think you walk on water?”
Ian balled his hands, and my own began to shake. This wasn’t going to end well.
“Shut your damn mouth. That was a long time ago.”
“Not long enough,” Gage said. “I certainly won’t forget.”
Ian shook his head. “Doesn’t matter what I do or say. You won’t budge.”
Gage lurched forward, his face twisted in hatred. “You have no idea what you did that night!” He pushed Ian against the wall. “No fucking idea.”
I settled my hand on Gage’s shoulder, but my touch only made him flinch. “Gage,” I said, keeping my voice low, but steady, “calm down.”
He flung my hand off and stepped away. “I’ll calm the fuck down as soon as he leaves.”
Ian laughed, a bitter, spiteful rumble that chilled me. “You’re crazier than I thought if you think I’ll let you hurt her again. If anyone’s leaving, it’s you. I’ll drag you out myself if I have to.”
I’d never before seen this side of him. Ian was synonymous with gentle, loving, kind. Not hateful, though obviously, his brother brought out his temper. My foolish actions did too. I was hurting him, and I hated myself for it.
Make a choice, Kayla, and stick to it this time.
Three choices. One stupid beyond recognition, one safe and comfortable, and one so lonely the thought made me ache.
“You don’t deserve her,” Ian said.
Gage went rigid, and I sensed things were about to get even uglier. I planted myself between them again. “This needs to stop. I’m not a possession you can fight over.” I almost rolled my eyes at the thought. There were so many women worthier of this shit than I was.
“As soon as he’s gone,” Ian said, stepping closer, “I’ll convince you there was never a fight to begin with.”
Gage snickered. The bastard actually snickered.
I shot a finger toward the front door. “Get out. Both of you,” I said through gritted teeth.
Ian took a step back, uncertainty on his face, while Gage crossed his arms. His mouth turned up in a self-satisfied smirk. I wanted to hit him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “We have things to discuss, or did you forget? I suppose we can forgo the boundaries, though I doubt you’ll like that arrangement since you didn’t take to it the first time around.”
His cocky tone unraveled the last thread of my patience, and I shoved him toward the door. “Get out of my house!”
He stumbled backward, his sapphire eyes narrowing, and yanked the door open. “You’re making a mistake. Trust me—you’re not going to like the outcome.”
I slammed the door in his face and stood stock-still for a few moments, listening to the clock on the wall tick away the seconds, keenly aware of Ian behind me. A fist pounded, making me yelp.
“I need my damn clothes!”
I stalked to the bedroom and gathered the last of his things before throwing them onto the porch without a second glance. The door banged shut again, and I sensed Ian’s gaze on me, though he didn’t move. His presence only now caught up to me, and I fell into a state of shock, much like I had last night when Gage surprised me with his visit.
A whole year…
And I was still just as fucked up and confused as ever. A tear leaked down my face. I angrily brushed it away. “Why did you guys come here? I would have been okay.”
Now he was moving, the softness of his flannel shirt rustling through the quiet as he neared me. I felt his heat, though he didn’t touch me. “He got out of prison a few days ago, and I knew he’d come straight for you.”
Which would explain why Ian had called more than usual this past week.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of him hurting you again.”
“He didn’t.” Not this time. This time, Gage had sent me soaring.
“I need to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.”
I bit my lip.
“Are you in love with him?”
The space between us weighed heavily with silence, yet the roar in my head overshadowed it. In love with Gage Channing. Now wouldn’t that be stupid? I gave him the only answer I could. “I don’t know.”
I was afraid to turn around and see how my words impacted him. Without warning, his arms came around me, and I tensed before sagging against him. His face nestled against my hair, nudging the strands aside and exposing my neck. His mouth caressed, open and hot and making me shiver until I melted. Ian still got me going and the realization came as such a relief.
“Did you sleep with him?”
A shameful sigh escaped my lips. “Don’t make me answer that.”
“You just did.” The agony in his voice cut deep. He tightened his arms around me. “Give me one night, Kayla. If you can walk away from me afterward, then I’m gone for good.”
“I don’t deserve one night with you.”
His protest vibrated against my collarbone. “Let me decide that. You need to stop blaming yourself.”
He turned me around until we stood face to face, and his hands rose to frame my cheeks. “I want to show you what making love is really about because I think you’ve forgotten.” His lips settled on mine and it was the briefest touch, the smallest of teases, yet achingly sweet all the same. “Let me love you.”
“What if we do…and I still…let him come back?” I couldn’t fathom it, had trouble saying the words even, but I didn’t trust myself and I didn’t want to hurt Ian anymore than I already had.
“Then I’ll let you go.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I can’t do that to you.”
“One night, Kayla. We’ll go out and have a good time. No strings attached.”
“There’re always strings.”
“You’re right, but I’m cutting them now. Give me one chance to show you…”
My heart thumped at his words. “Show me what?”
“How much I still love you.”
My mouth trembled, so I bit hard on my lower lip. Part of me wanted him.
Wanted to find out if I could still be normal.
But I feared the larger part of me that wanted Gage too much—the part that would hurt Ian because of the stronghold from which I couldn’t break free.
“One night,” he said again. “Besides, I think it’s time we put all of our cards on the table. Gage is right—I have things I need to tell you, and I want you to hear it from me.”
“Okay.” The word was lost somewhere among the roaring in my head, and I knew I was making another mistake. Another wrong choice. Would I ever stop?
4. Girl Talk
“Good God girl, what happened?” Stacey exclaimed as I ushered her and the kids inside. Eve didn’t give me a chance to respond. Not that I would’ve known what to say anyway. She demanded my attention with her excited chatter about how “Aunt Stacey” took her out for ice cream.
“And we had movie night last night!” Her eyes rounded with childhood innocence, and she failed to notice the strained curve of my smile. Thank God she didn’t question why mommy had been crying as I pulled her into my arms and held on tight.
Stacey’s assessing gaze followed me into my living room. I set Eve down, and she took off running toward her bedroom with Stacey’s son Michael not far behind her. Turning to face Stacey, I fisted my hand and held it to my mouth.
Don’t start crying again.
I was normal here, known only as the quiet woman with the adorable daughter. I wasn’t the criminal who allowed abusive men to take advantage—the messed up woman who got off on being controlled and punished.
“Gotta let it out eventually, Kayla. It’s been festering for months.”
I raised my eyes and blinked. “Wh…what?”
She took me by the elbow and led me to the couch. We sat side by side, and she rubbed my back in the soothing way my mother used to, long before she’d died. Long before the world’s darkn
ess had seeped into my veins and turned me into a shadow of myself.
“I know you’ve been runnin’ from something. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready. Seems like you’re ready now. So, who was the hottie in the shiny Benz last night?”
I wasn’t sure how long we sat in silence, me chewing the inside of my cheek while the kids played in the next room. Stacey didn’t push, didn’t say a word. She was older, in her early forties and divorced. Michael had been her miraculous surprise late in life because she hadn’t thought she’d ever have children. She’d been quick to take me under her wing months ago. And as usual, she was right. I did need to talk about it but finding the words was another matter.
“His name’s Gage Channing.” I closed my eyes, rubbed my hands down my face, and little by little, what I’d done last night seeped in. “Oh my God.”
“Let it out. You’ll feel better.”
“Last year, Eve was sick. She had leukemia.” I glanced up and took in Stacey’s stricken face. “She’s okay now,” I assured her. “I have Gage to thank for her survival. I was working as his personal assistant and one day…well, I stumbled on a way to steal the money I needed for her treatment, but he found out.”
More silence. Eve darted from her room long enough to show me she’d dressed her doll by herself. “Wow,” I said. “You are such a big girl!”
“Michael says dolls are stupid.” She pouted.
“He’s a boy, baby. Most boys think dolls are yucky. I bet he’ll like your new puzzles though.” She rewarded me with a toothy grin before returning to her bedroom.
“What’d he do when he realized you’d taken the money?” Stacey asked, bringing me back to our conversation.
A small laugh escaped, a bitter and crazy sound. “He blackmailed me into being his sex slave.”
Stacey had no words, just wide and round eyes that assessed me in a different light. The whole story poured from me, and by the time I finished telling her everything, she’d gathered me into her arms. I muffled my cries so the kids wouldn’t hear and gushed like a broken dam that wouldn’t be stopped.
