All this after she had, in essence, run out on him.
Don’t forget why you ran out on him.
But he’d changed, Eve silently argued with herself.
She’d tried to cling to the belief that people were basically good and that, if they went down the wrong path, with enough effort, they could redeem themselves. They could get back to the right path again. There was nothing to indicate Adam had brought his old way of life with him or that he was still associating with addicts.
When would he have the time? His days were divided between the bookstore and the baby and her.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Adam observed after several minutes of silence had gone by. Despite her arguing to the contrary, had all this been too much for her? She usually wasn’t this quiet. “What are you thinking?”
Not wanting to admit that she’d been thinking about him, that lately, most of her thoughts were centered on or around him, Eve said, “I was just thinking about going back to work at the animal hospital on Monday. Vera has been pretty swamped and she’s had to close the place on Sundays. I don’t like not being available to my patients one day a week.”
He knew her. If she went back, she’d throw herself into her work wholeheartedly. It was easier to watch over her in her house. A lot of people came into the hospital. An assailant could easily slip in.
“You think you’re up to going back full-time?” he asked. “Maybe you should try going back just part-time for now, work your way back up to frantic over the course of a month or two.”
She’d already made up her mind. There was a place for the baby in the back office. She, Vera and Susannah could all take turns keeping an eye on Brooklyn.
“I don’t like just dipping my toe in the water,” she told him. “I like diving in.”
The smile that came to his lips was automatic. “Yes, I remember.”
Her cheeks suddenly turned a fascinating shade of scarlet. Adam did his best to bite back a laugh. As he did, he felt that same strong, breath-stealing stir whirl around his insides, the one he experienced whenever he would look at her, really look at her and realize just how beautiful she was.
Allowing his instincts to govern him, the way he would during a mission, Adam brushed his knuckles against her cheek. He saw a glimmer of desire flash in her eyes. Considering what was at stake, that should have been his red flag, his signal to back away. Now.
But he ignored it.
Ignored everything but this unmanageable yearning that was holding him a veritable prisoner. With one hand gently touching her face, Adam leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against hers.
Though his lips barely touched hers, it still had the same effect as the first time he’d kissed her all those months ago. He felt as if a fist had been slammed into his midsection, knocking all the air right out of him.
Okay, this was where he had to pull back. He’d had his sample, had tasted how sweet her lips still were and had rediscovered just how overwhelmingly susceptible he still was to her. All his questions were concisely answered.
This was where he needed to cut and run, or at the very least, to retreat. There was no way this could lead to anything except for frustration. And the more he allowed this longing, this need, to build up within him, the more frustrated he’d be. There was no recourse but to leave. The woman had just given birth, for God’s sake. She was literally in no shape to give him what he so badly craved—and that was a good thing because, deep in his soul, he knew she was a habit he needed to kick.
For her sake.
He had nothing to offer her except for bits and pieces of himself and a life that was forever being lived on the edge. If she were part of his world, really a part of his world, she’d be in danger all the time. And he would be worried about her all the time, her and the baby. The first thing he’d been taught was that an operative with a split focus was a dead operative.
He couldn’t let himself go, for her sake more than for his.
So, with supreme effort, Adam drew away, his adrenaline racing through his veins as if he had his back to the wall and was facing down an entire squadron of drug dealers, every last one of them intent on slowly vivisecting him.
Stunned, Eve blinked. Oh, no, he wasn’t going to do this to her. He wasn’t going to stir her up, making her, in the space of hardly a few seconds, mentally forsake each and every one of the promises she’d made to herself just to pull back.
Was he trying to prove something to himself? That he could walk away from her at any time? Or was there more to it? Was he showing her that he still had power over her? That he could still press her buttons, make her need him more than she needed the very air to breathe?
Well, she would be doing the showing, not him.
Very deliberately, Eve wove her arms around his neck, her eyes more than her arms holding him in place. The next moment, she brought her mouth to his. Brought her soul to his, kissing him as if the very world would be doomed if she didn’t.
Damn it, Eve, why are you making this so hard?
Pulling his head back, Adam gently but firmly removed her arms from around his neck. “We can’t,” was all he said.
She put her own interpretation to his words, praying she wasn’t being the biggest fool the world had ever seen. That he wasn’t just toying with her because he could.
“I’m all right,” she whispered, her eyes on his. “The doctor told me that I could…be with you if I wanted to.”
Be with you. What a tenderly innocent way to say it, he couldn’t help thinking. Maybe, just maybe, if he could just have this one last time to make love with her, that would somehow sustain him. He knew all too well that making love with her wouldn’t quench the fire, but at least it could dowse it for a small space of time, allowing him to reapply himself to what he really needed to concentrate on. With any luck, the worthless piece of trash he was dealing with would slip, giving him the name of the head supplier and the department could move in for the kill.
He wasn’t naive enough to think that once this present head of the cartel was captured that would be the end of it. Like a hydra monster, if one head was cut off, one if not two more would suddenly pop up in its place. But with luck, there would be some downtime and maybe, the department could further clean up the streets.
With effort, they might make it more difficult for a new foothold to form in the high schools currently being supplied with narcotics. Any respite was better than none and who knew, maybe in that small time frame the users would see the upside of even partially regaining control over their lives. Maybe they would think twice before abdicating it again, allowing powders, pills and drug dealers to govern them.
But right at this moment, Adam had to admit that he had a great deal of sympathy for addicts. For the first time in his life, he could see things from their perspective because he was addicted to Eve. Addicted to the rush she created in his veins. Addicted to the memory of what was and to the incredible draw of the promise of what could be.
He needed her and could think of absolutely nothing else.
Was she losing the battle? Or was Adam trying to be strong for reasons she couldn’t grasp? Eve didn’t know. All she knew was that she needed him. Badly. It was as if their lovemaking had taken place in another life, a life she needed to get back to.
She raised her eyes to his, silently entreating him. And then, when he made no move to take her back into his arms, she finally put it into words, quietly saying, “Adam, don’t make me beg.”
Her voice was low, but the need she felt pulsated throughout her entire being.
“No begging,” he promised, his own voice husky with longing.
The next moment, Adam covered her mouth with his own, kissing her deeply. In less than a heartbeat, he became lost within her.
Sealed by that physical act alone, they were instantly one. Nothing mattered right now to Adam but this overwhelming, screaming need inside of him, this need that demanded satisfaction, some sort of an outlet before it completely tor
e him apart.
The moment he silently surrendered control, it was as if someone had suddenly fired a starter pistol in the air, signaling the beginning of this explosive interlude. Adam found himself hardly able to remember how he got from one stage to another. Couldn’t actually recall how his clothes had disappeared from his body. One second, he was dressed, the next, he wasn’t. Had he done it, or had she? He was unclear as to the steps. Similarly, he wasn’t even sure if his hands had urgently tugged her dress from her while she had been similarly engaged with his clothes, or if they simply divested themselves of their own clothes.
He was only aware of movement and shedding. Through it all, his mouth remained urgently sealed to hers as if his very life depended on it.
In a way, it did.
And just like that, she was nude. Her flesh was tender and pliant beneath his hands. He felt as if he was on fire just touching her, sliding his palms along her soft, soft breasts, caressing her supple curves and recommitting them to memory.
This was only the second time he’d made love with her, and yet every touch, every pass, teased forth a memory from within him. Her body was oh-so-familiar to him even though, as he trailed his hands along her curves, he felt on the brink of an exciting new adventure.
Over and over again his mouth slanted over hers, kissing the sensitive area along her throat, seeking out the hollow of her neck, the dip in her now-flat belly. Her moan of pleasure in response to his questing tongue set him off the way Adam thought nothing ever could, making his head spin.
She had never told Adam that he was her first lover. It wasn’t the kind of thing a woman broadcasted, even though, in her case, she had never met anyone she’d wanted in her bed. In her heart, however, Eve was certain that someone with Adam’s experience would know. She, on the other hand, had nothing to compare except perhaps the first time that he’d been with her. What she vividly recalled was that she’d been utterly, hopelessly lost in ecstasy.
This time around, the ecstasy had doubled itself so that she could hardly contain the wild feelings rushing through her. It was as close to an out-of-body experience as she would ever hope to have.
She didn’t want it to end.
Something told her this would only be a onetime thing. Last time, there’d been no encores because she’d discovered his secret life. This time around, she had a feeling that the cause for the lack of encores would be his.
But if it came to that, she wanted this isolated moment in time to last as long as possible.
Eve bit down on her lower lip as the first climax suddenly exploded over her, a depth charge coming from oblivion and targeting her. There’d been almost no warning. One moment, there was deliciously mounting pleasure, the next moment, fireworks.
Bucking, raising her hips to absorb every ray of heat, every movement of his mouth over her inner core, she cried out his name and something more. With lightning flashing through her brain, Eve couldn’t even say for certain what it was that she had cried out.
But Adam could.
He’d heard it even though he told himself he’d imagined it.
At moments like this, with control wrenched away from him, it was easy to hear things that weren’t said, see things that weren’t there.
With his last scrap of strength, he forced himself to deny what part of him had thought he’d heard, burying the words “I love you,” even though, with all his heart, he wished he could acknowledge them, press them to his chest and echo them in kind.
Instead, he drew himself up along her body, igniting them both as flesh rubbed against flesh. And just like that, he was hovering over her, looking down into her eyes, his gut tightening. Feeling things he couldn’t acknowledge, wanting to say things he couldn’t say.
It was just the moment that caused him to get carried away, nothing more, Adam silently swore to himself.
Even so, he gathered her into his arms, holding himself back as much as he could while positioning his hips over hers.
And then he was inside again, entering as gently as he could, ever alert for any sign that he was hurting her. That she had, at the last moment, changed her mind.
There was no sign.
Her arms tightened around his neck and she held on as hard as she could, mimicking the rhythm of his hips, determined to feel the peak of the crescendo at the same moment as he did. And then, it seized her, sending a rainbow of stars shooting all through her. She held on as hard as she could, praying that the moment would never end.
Mourning because she knew it had to.
Chapter 12
At first, Eve couldn’t register the sound on the outer perimeter of her consciousness. Still in the throes of the final stages of euphoria, it took her several seconds to identify the insistent, soft buzzing.
A cell phone, set on vibrate.
Since hers played the first few bars of “When the Saints Go Marching In,” a song she vividly remembered from her childhood, Eve knew the buzzing cell phone had to belong to Adam.
The last vapors of her euphoric state evaporated. The outside world invaded this piece of paradise they’d managed to construct. It was to be expected.
But on Thanksgiving?
Because she’d unwittingly stumbled across Adam’s double life eight months ago, unbidden suspicions instantly crowded her brain. She tried to fight her doubts. Harboring suspicions would taint this perfect moment for her.
They already did.
The cell phone stopped and then started ringing again. And again. Whoever was on the other end obviously didn’t want to go to voice mail. Eve suppressed a sigh.
“Your phone’s buzzing,” she finally said.
He was aware of that. He’d secretly been hoping that his caller would go away. But no such luck.
It was either his handler, or the reason he was being handled.
The phone vibrated again.
“Shouldn’t you answer it?” Eve asked, wondering why he wasn’t. Fearing that she knew.
Adam turned to look at her. All he wanted to do at this moment was make love with her again.
“I don’t want to,” he told her truthfully.
Was that because he couldn’t take the call with her so close, or because Adam was having the same thoughts about the moment as she was? That it was too perfect to spoil.
Too late.
Shifting, she moved away from him and began patting the articles of clothing entangled and scattered all over the floor, searching for the telltale lump that was his phone. Adam instantly came to life and started looking for the offending cell phone himself. He needed to get to it before she did.
But Eve found his cell phone first. Pulling it out of the pocket of his jeans, she glanced at the LCD screen as she held the phone up to him. “You’d better answer it. They don’t sound like they’re going to go away.”
He glanced down at the display. It said “Private.” That would be his handler.
Flipping the phone open, Adam murmured, “Hello?” as his mind scrambled, searching for a way to get rid of the man without arousing Eve’s suspicions.
“Where the hell were you? I called your damn phone four separate times.”
“Three,” Adam corrected, keeping his voice even. “And it’s Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah, I know. My wife’s not happy about me ducking out on her and her family. The whole bunch should be locked up in an insane asylum,” he grumbled, allowing himself a personal moment.
It wasn’t like Hugh to complain about his life. His handler was careful to keep a definite line drawn between his work and his private world. Adam couldn’t help wondering if something within the mission was going south. “What’s so important it can’t wait until tomorrow?”
Hugh’s tone was clip. “Intel has it that the incoming shipment’s been moved up. Might not be accurate, but get ready to roll in the next couple of days or so anyway. Might even be tonight,” he amended. “Whoever that college punk’s main man is, he keeps everyone on their toes.”
Adam fo
cused on the only thing he considered crucial. “Tonight?” He saw Eve looking at him, the curiosity in her eyes growing.
“Maybe,” Hugh responded. “I just wanted you to be on standby.”
“Right,” Adam muttered.
The connection on the other end of the line went dead.
Glancing toward Eve, Adam continued talking as if his caller was still there. “Well, you handle it. I’ve got faith in you. Call the police and give them whatever information you can pull from the surveillance tapes. Okay, fine. If they want to talk to me, I can come down to the store to answer questions. But try to handle it yourself first. Yeah, Happy Thanksgiving to you, too,” he added for good measure. “Goodbye.”
“Police?” Eve echoed once he shut the cell phone. “What was all that about?”
Adam tossed the phone back down in the general vicinity of his jeans. He sighed and shook his head, as if the idea of vandalism was beyond him. “That was the new clerk I hired last week. He said the security company called him because someone tripped the alarm, breaking into the bookstore tonight. Can you believe it? On Thanksgiving. Whoever it was that broke in probably figured nobody would be around.”
She pulled her dress up to her chest, partially covering herself. It seemed strange somehow to be carrying on a conversation naked like this, with the heat of passion drifting into the horizon.
“This security system you have, it’s hooked up to a surveillance camera, right?” she asked.
He found her sliver of modesty really arousing.
“Absolutely,” he told her. “I’ve got a lot of valuable books in that shop. And some of them are rare, one-of-akind editions. Doesn’t make any sense not to have an interactive security system.”
She thought of the pure joy she’d seen on her father’s face when she’d given him that Mark Twain first edition for his birthday. “I’m sorry,” she said with feeling. “What did they take?”
She was being so sympathetic, he felt guilty about lying to her. “Bill has to go over the inventory to see what’s missing.”
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