by EMILIE ROSE
She endeavored to keep her expression blank. “The children don’t need me upstairs anymore.”
“Your chest is red,” Lucy pointed out. “Hannah Leith, you’re fibbing.”
Hannah stared at her best friend, and the weight of pretending everything was okay suddenly became too much to bear. “You’re right. The truth is I can’t go into the bedroom upstairs without remembering the day we made lo—had sex. In fact, there are so many reminders of Brandon in that house I’m thinking of selling it. I need to move to a place that requires less maintenance anyway.”
Lucy’s eyes filled with sympathy. “Honey, moving won’t help.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ll take him with you. He’s in here.” Lucy tapped Hannah’s chest over her heart. “And until you deal with that, you’re never going to be free.”
“He can’t be. He’s a cop. And I will never let myself care for another cop.”
“You can tell your heart who to love all you want to. But it’s deaf and it doesn’t read lips. Talk to Brandon. I’m sure he had a very good reason for what he did.”
He did, but she couldn’t tell Lucy that. “It wouldn’t do any good. He’s anti-relationship. Because of his father’s Parkinson’s disease.”
“If Rick had survived the shooting and been severely disabled, would you have still loved him?”
“Of course.”
“Maybe you need to explain that to Brandon. Make sure the big lug knows that real love doesn’t quit when the road gets rough.”
“I never said I loved him.”
Lucy laughed. “You didn’t have to. Your tail’s been dragging since he left, and you had an energy when he was around that I’ve never seen in you before. And I’m not talking about the sexual awareness that made me want to blindfold the kids. Then there’s the way you perked up when Mason said he’d heard from him...like you were hungry for any news. Let’s just say, I don’t need to be psychic to read you. Call the man!”
* * *
HANNAH REPLAYED LUCY’S words on the drive home and all through dinner. She wanted to deny everything her friend had said. But she couldn’t. Brandon had a way of making Hannah nervous and comfortable simultaneously. But could she live with knowing that each day he went to work might be his last? If her work had taught her one thing, it was that anyone could be hurt anytime anywhere, doing even the most innocuous things.
“Mommy, why are you making that face?” Belle asked over her plate of macaroni and cheese.
She’d begged for the pasta, so they were bypassing a meal out and eating at the breakfast bar Brandon had built. She’d found a set of four used stools cheap at a yard sale and she, Mason and Belle had refinished them, painting one in each of their favorite colors. The fourth chair was in the attic.
“I’m thinking hard, sweetie, and wondering if I made a mistake.”
“It’s okay, Mommy. We all make mistakes. Ya just hafta fix ’em.”
When did Belle become so smart?
Then Hannah studied Mason. Curiosity over what Brandon and Mason talked about over email was driving her crazy, but that was her son’s personal business.
Ask the difficult questions, Hannah, she heard Brandon’s voice say. If she wanted to know what was going on with her son, she had to ask. And she should. She needed to know what Brandon was telling Mason. As far as difficult questions went, this one was beginner level. But she had to start somewhere.
“What has Brandon been emailing you about?”
“He mostly asks how we’re doing, if Belle has lost any more teeth, and if Rocky has learned any new tricks. He wanted to know my dart score and if you’d been climbing the rope.”
Then Mason smacked his forehead. “He sent me a file for you. I downloaded it but I forgot about it. He said you’d need a password to open it. But he didn’t tell me what it was.”
“A file? For me?” Her mouth was so dry it was hard to form the simple words.
“Yeah. Hold on.” Mason put his plate in the sink then took off for the den to retrieve the laptop Brandon had loaned them. He returned, booted up then pushed the device toward Hannah. “Here it is. You can read the email if you want. He said the password is something you should never order on a first date if you want to impress a girl.”
She laughed. On their first date Rick had taken her to a fancy French restaurant. The waiter had convinced him to order Tête de Veau. After Rick had eaten half of the dish he’d asked the waiter what it was. The answer—cow brains—had sent him racing to the bathroom. Was that the password? If so, it was one only she, Rick and Brandon had known.
“Are you sure you don’t mind if I read your email? I don’t like butting into your business.”
“You’re my mom. Brandon says moms are supposed to do that. It means they love you and want you to be okay.”
Thank you, Brandon. “Thanks.”
She pulled the computer closer and read Brandon’s email. He asked the kinds of questions a friend would ask, and friends were something of which Mason didn’t have many. As she read Brandon’s words, she could hear his voice. He ended the piece with, “Take care of your mom and Belle for me. You’re the man of the house now. Let me know if you need anything. Love, Brandon.”
The emptiness she’d experienced since sending him away welled inside her. It was as bad if not worse than the way she’d felt after losing Rick. Because this time the loss was her choice. Her fault.
Then she clicked on the attached file. A box popped up. She typed in Tête de Veau and the page opened.
Hannah,
Thanks to Mason, the team has apprehended the mastermind behind the site, and after seizing his computers, we’ve tracked leads to several of the administrators and moderators. In the process, we discovered that the members-only internet platform was much larger than first believed. I’ll give Mason—and you—a heads-up when to tune in to the news.
I miss you. Take care.
Love, Brandon
Did he mean he missed them all? And was his signature no different than how he’d signed Mason’s email?
She closed the laptop. The investigation was scary. She sent up a silent prayer of thanks that Mason hadn’t become any more of a victim. She had Brandon to thank for that. Because he hadn’t been afraid to talk to her son.
“You miss him, too,” Mason said.
She debated denying it. But she couldn’t lie to Mason and expect honesty from him in return. “Yes. I do.”
And then to distract him, she forced herself to ask another question that had hovered on her lips over the past weeks. “Have you heard anything else from the bully?”
“Nah. He moved the last week of school. One day he was there and then he wasn’t. He didn’t even take exams. I heard he and his mom went to live with his aunt, or something. I kinda wonder if his dad isn’t the mastermind Brandon wrote about.”
A shiver of fear skated over her. What if he had been? “Why didn’t you tell me when all this started?” Then she held up her hand. “I know, I didn’t ask. I’ll have to work on that. I... I don’t want you to think I don’t trust you.”
Mason ducked his head. “I kinda gave you reason not to.”
His remorse was heartfelt. “But you know I still love you, right?”
He nodded. “And I didn’t tell ya’ cuz I was scared you’d send me away to the boarding school Grandpa always talks about. I don’t wanna go there. I need to stay here and take care of you and Belle.”
Her little man. She hugged him tight. And he hugged her back. “There’s no chance of me sending you away.”
Her father... She’d called last week and asked him why he’d refused to tell her the truth about her mother. He claimed it was because her mother had failed as a parent and therefore needed to be discharged of duty.
Military jargon for a very personal matter. To him, that
was perfectly logical.
“Will you do me a huge favor, Mason? Come to me next time you have a problem. I can’t promise I’ll have the answer or that it will be easy to talk about—whatever it is. But I do promise I will always love you. No matter what. And I will never leave you voluntarily.”
“I know that.”
She ruffled his hair. Then remembered he was too old for that. But he hadn’t pulled away. “I wish I’d been as smart as you when I was your age.”
“How could you be? All you had to learn from was books and teachers. We’ve got Google and YouTube.”
That made her smile. “Yes. You do. For better or worse.”
That made her think of Brandon. She owed him an apology. He’d done what she’d asked him to do and found the root of Mason’s behavior issues. And he’d been there for Mason, willing to talk about the uncomfortable things she’d avoided.
“My tax refund check came today. That means we can buy a new laptop tomorrow and return this one to Brandon.”
“Why wait until tomorrow? I know where he is tonight. It’s Wednesday. Wing night.”
Her pulse tripped into double-time. “It’s almost your bedtime.”
“School’s out for summer. And I won’t fall asleep in science camp. It’s awesome.” The Leiths, in their usual way, had enrolled Mason in a very expensive science camp without asking. But her son loved it, and she wasn’t going to refuse to let him go out of spite.
“You’re not afraid of meeting the other officers?”
“Not anymore. They’re on my side now.”
“I want to see Uncle Brandon, too, Mommy.”
A cocktail of fear and anticipation raced through her. “Then I guess we need to go and find Uncle Brandon.”
* * *
TOBY SLAPPED BRANDON on the back. “Man, you’ve gotten rusty. The only way you’re going to win tonight is if we award points for missing the board. But keep it up. When you lose, my bar tab is low.”
Smiling, Brandon flipped his buddy the bird. He knew he should be celebrating with the rest of his team. They’d broken the biggest case any of them had ever seen. But the evening felt flat.
What had it cost him? Hannah, Mason and Belle. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and checked the message. Hannah’s name popped up as the contact. His heart slammed his rib cage. Then he read the message.
It’s Mason. I borrowed Mom’s phone. Is the offer of wings still open?
Anytime, he typed back without hesitation. But would Hannah let him pick up the kid? She hadn’t brought Mason by headquarters in the four weeks since Brandon had seen her, and she hadn’t responded to the email he’d sent six days ago. He guessed when she’d said clean break, she’d meant it.
A phone played a Disney song behind him. He didn’t know which song, but he recognized the tune as one his niece and sister sang all the time. In a room full of men playing darts, somebody’s ass was going to get chewed for that. He turned, curious to see which one of the guys had been pranked by having his text tone changed.
Hannah stood in the doorway. Mason and Belle flanked her. Exhilaration filled him like a helium balloon, quickly followed by deflating concern. He crossed the room in three fast strides. “What’s wrong?”
“What makes you assume something’s wrong?” Hannah replied.
“Because you said you never wanted to see me again.”
She wrinkled her nose—adorably. “I have a bad habit of that, don’t I?”
She looked good. But nervous. Seeing her bite her lip made him want to do the same. He transferred his attention to the mini-Hannah by her side. Belle wore the same short yellow skirt, same white daisy-dotted shirt, same sandals and even the same gold glitter toenail polish. But she didn’t have her mother’s curves or any front teeth.
“How’s my snaggletooth ballerina?”
“Uncle Brandon,” Belle exclaimed and leaped. He caught her, lifted her and gave her a hug. Something warm suffused him, filling a void he hadn’t realized he carried.
“How’s the man of the house?” he asked Mason. Shifting Belle to one arm, he offered his fist. The kid bumped it then jumped forward and banded his arms around Brandon’s waist like a boa constrictor. Brandon’s throat clogged as he returned the hug.
Then Mason stepped back. “I’m building my bank account by walking the neighbors’ dogs while they’re on vacation.”
“Good for you.” Then his gaze returned to Hannah. “How are you doing?”
She took a deep breath, moving the flowered cotton in ways he didn’t need to notice. “Mason, why don’t you show Belle how to play darts?”
“Sure thing.”
Belle wiggled. Brandon set her down, noting Hannah had avoided answering his question. The kids scampered to a recently vacated board in the corner.
“We brought back your laptop.” She held it out.
Given the way she’d objected to his other purchases, he couldn’t tell her he’d bought it for them. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“My tax refund came in. I’ll buy a new one tomorrow...unless you’re finished with my old one?”
“I am. I was going to call and ask if I could bring it by later this week and tell Mason how we used it to trap the gatekeeper of the website.”
“How did you?”
“We infiltrated the members-only private network then employed an NIT—network investigative technique—to track the IP addresses. We found more than 150,000 members globally. We nailed the kingpin and his top two assistant administrators then the feds took over. This is too big for us.” A line formed between her eyebrows. “Sorry. Technical mumbo jumbo.”
“I haven’t seen it in the news. I’ve been watching.”
“We tried to keep it low-key. We didn’t want any of the children to be further victimized by the media.”
A smile twitched the corners of her mouth. “I appreciate that. The boy who was bothering Mason...was he related to any of the bad guys?”
“His father was one of the assistant administrators.”
She rocked back on her heels and curled her glitter-tipped toes in her sandals. Then she inhaled and slowly exhaled. “So Mason was in real danger. Because I avoided asking difficult questions.”
“He could have been, but he’s okay because you caught him sneaking out that first night. That’s what you need to focus on.”
“You always make me feel like I’m a good mom—even when I make mistakes.” Then her smile drooped and she shifted in her sandals. “You know how hard questions are for me. But I need to ask you one.”
The warning hairs on the back of his neck rose. “Shoot.”
She took another deep breath then blurted, “Have you missed us—me?”
“Hell, yes.” He hadn’t meant to let it burst out like that, but the smile that flitted across her lips was worth it.
Relief filled her eyes. “Good. We’ve—I’ve missed you, too.”
He glanced around the room, noting the guys were giving him space—which he appreciated. Brandon indicated an empty table in the back corner. “Let’s sit.”
She followed him and perched on the edge of the stool, then set down his laptop and gripped the edge without meeting his gaze. Her left hand was bare.
“I’ve taught Mason and Belle to admit when they’ve made a mistake and to apologize.” Then she lifted her lids. “I owe you an apology, Brandon.”
The pain in her eyes made his brain grind to a halt like rough-shifting gears. “No, Hannah, you don’t.”
“You did exactly what I asked you to do, and because of my emotional baggage I misinterpreted you keeping Mason’s confidences as spying. You were a friend to him the same way you were to Rick. I’m sorry.”
He covered her fidgeting hand and a comet of heat shot from his palm to his chest. But she didn’t pull away. “I’m glad I
could help.”
“It seems like that’s all you’ve done. You’ve been like a guardian angel to us since Rick died. And I’ve never said thank you because I blamed you. I go to church every week and I know I’m supposed to forgive. But I didn’t forgive you. And then to find out that I’ve been holding hatred in my heart that you didn’t even deserve... I’m not proud of that.”
He couldn’t stand her berating herself. “Hannah, don’t—”
“Please. Let me finish before I lose my nerve. I have another question. If Rick had survived the gunshot wound to the head, he would have no doubt suffered brain damage. Would you have abandoned him?”
“Of course not.”
“Do you think I would have?”
Where was she going with this? “No. Never. You were his rock.”
“Then what makes you think that you—with your slim possibility of contracting Parkinson’s—would deserve any less loyalty?”
He couldn’t do that to her. “It’s being a burden physically that I’m concerned about. I’ve taken steps to get around that by buying a long-term care policy that will insure that whomever I choose to spend the rest of my days with won’t be saddled with my care—if it ever comes to that. I’m hoping I can find someone willing to risk it.”
Disappointment clouded her face. His pulse kicked up. If that disappointment meant what he hoped it meant, then his luck was going to turn around tonight. And he didn’t mean with darts. He checked on the kids and noticed his team had joined them, and it looked like Zack was giving throwing pointers.
His gaze returned to the woman in front of him. “I thought you’d sworn off cops.”
“I um...might have been a little hasty in that decision.”
Good to know. “Hannah, when Rick first brought you to our apartment I saw the kind of woman I wanted to find. Smart, funny, spunky, attractive.”
Her eyes widened and she caught her breath.
“Don’t get me wrong. I never thought of you as anything but Rick’s girl when he was alive. You two were perfect for each other. But I realized something when you came back into my life. You had become the yardstick by which I measured all the women I dated. And my dates always fell short.”
