by Emery Jacobs
I turn to walk away, and he steps in front of me.
“What is it, Max?”
“Who’s the father? You don’t have on a wedding ring, so you’re not married.”
I will myself not to cry, because every time I think about Beau, I shed a thousand tears. I haven’t heard one word from him. His brother, Leo, and his sister, Hannah, came by my office about a month ago to check on me. They were both super sweet, and I would never keep them from their niece or nephew—I’m just not that kind of person. But Beau… well, he obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me or our baby, which is fine, because I can do this with or without him.
“It’s none of your business, Max. I don’t owe you any explanation about anything. We were finished the day you decided I wasn’t enough for you. Now, step aside and let me go!”
The dizziness is back, now accompanied by nausea.
“Are you okay?” Max’s voice sounds like it’s coming out through a tunnel.
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. Your color’s not good. You’re pale—almost pasty.”
His voice is fading. “What?” Even my own voice sounds jumbled.
“You need to sit down.” Max wraps his arm around my waist and I let him without a fight. Then he walks me to the nearest pew and I sit.
I’m sweaty and dizzy. I try to tell Max these things, but my voice is gone. I’m scared. My baby… something’s happening. Where’s Beau? Somebody has to get him. He has to care. I need him.
My eyes flutter closed and I try to lie back.
“The baby…” I mumble.
“I need to get you help, Emmie,” says a male voice.
Is it Beau? He’s here.
“Beau?” Please be Beau.
“Hang on, let me call an ambulance.”
“Beau?” I mumble, just before my world goes black.
30
Beau
“Emmie’s in the hospital,” my mother says from across the room. My chest tightens, and it becomes hard to breathe.
“The baby?”
“I don’t know anything else other than she was working a wedding today and collapsed at the church. Luckily, there was someone with her who called an ambulance.”
“What if she’s not okay? What if the baby’s not okay?”
“You can speculate all day long, but unless you go see for yourself, you’ll never know.”
I grab the remote and turn the TV off.
“Where’s Rhys?” I ask.
“He’s in his room playing video games. I’ll stay here with him until you get back, and if it looks like you’ll be late, then I’ll take him home with me.”
“I don’t know if I should go. Her family will be there, and I’m probably not one of their favorite people.”
“Is that the real reason you don’t want to go? Her family?” My mom walks across the living room and sits down on the couch.
I shrug. “Yes and no.” My eyes meet hers. “I’m afraid, Mom. Afraid that something will happen. I know it’s not time for the baby. She still has another month or more.” At least that’s what Hannah told me. The baby is due sometime in May.
“Not every woman who has a baby dies, Beau. What happened to Sara was terrible, but it wasn’t the norm. She had a clotting disorder that she didn’t know about. No one did, including her parents.”
“I know all of this, but I just can’t risk losing someone else.”
My mom stands and walks over to me, stopping directly in front of me. “Sara died of a pulmonary embolism. It was one of the worst days of my life, too. But she gave us Rhys. I love him as much or more than I love anyone else. And you are an amazing father. So, please don’t let your fears keep Emmie and your unborn child from knowing what a wonderful man you are. Please don’t cheat this child out of a life with you,” she pleads.
I pull her in for a quick hug.
“And if it is truly her family that you’re worried about, it doesn’t matter what they want. This is between you and Emmie. If you don’t check on her and the baby, you’ll never forgive yourself. Let go of your fears and take care of your family.”
I take a few seconds to catch my breath. My fears are worse than ever. She’s got to be okay.
I grab my keys from the coffee table and shove them in my pocket. Before I reach the door, I turn to face my mother. “Did Hannah tell you about Emmie and the baby?”
“No, it was Leo.”
I should have fucking known he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut.
I’ve been wrong this entire time. I know it now—hell, I’ve known it all along. It’s just that fear has kept me away, fear and selfishness.
I pull into the cemetery where Sara’s buried. It’s been a while since I’ve visited my wife. No, not a while, but years. Three to be exact. Coming here is so fucking hard for me. I used to bring Rhys several times a month. He knows Sara Matson is or was his mother, but because he never knew her, it’s hard for him to understand what he’s missing. Now, my mom brings him on holidays, because I can’t. I just can’t do it anymore.
I park my truck and walk down the long-paved path to her grave. Sara Miller Matson. Loving wife and daughter. And almost mother. I take in my surroundings and see that I’m here alone. Good. I lower myself to the ground until I’m sitting with my feet flat and knees bent. I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands and then drop my head back. “Why did you have to die?” I mumble.
For so long, I blamed myself for Sara’s death. I always thought if I wouldn’t have gotten her pregnant, then she would still be alive. But then I wouldn’t have Rhys. So it’s a fucking catch twenty-two. I would spend my life without one of them either way. I bring my head back to center and stare at the tombstone.
“It’s happening again. I’m scared, Sara. I never wanted to care about anyone again. You were it for me. But then I met Emmie, and I couldn’t help it. I need her to be okay.” I squeeze my eyes closed and take in a deep breath. “I can’t lose another person I need in my life. I can’t be a father to another child with no mother. I just can’t do it.” I drop my head downward and stare at the ground.
“You won’t lose her,” a deep voice echoes from behind me.
I push myself up from the ground and turn around.
Dave.
“Sorry, man. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you during your time alone with Sara, but listening to you punish yourself over something that wasn’t your fault….”
“You’re right. You shouldn’t have imposed on my time with her, but you did, and honestly, I’m glad you’re here.”
Dave moves toward me as he continues. “Sara loved you. She loved Rhys even though she only met him briefly. She wouldn’t want you to punish yourself over something that wasn’t your fault. I know if my sister could speak right now, she would tell you to be happy and love hard. Most importantly, she would not want you to look back. Because the past won’t do anything but make the future seem impossible.” His gaze moves to Sara’s tombstone. “She was my baby sister. I miss her every day, but I remember her like she was when we were kids and it always puts a smile on my face.”
“I guess you know about Emmie?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Only what I heard when I walked up. She’s pregnant?”
“Yeah, and I’ve been a selfish son of a bitch. I walked away because I was afraid of the outcome. I’ve let her go through almost the entire pregnancy alone.”
“It’s not too late, Beau. If fear of losing her like you lost Sara is the only thing holding you back, then you need to let it go and do what your heart wants you to do. Don’t live in misery for the rest of your life because of the past, man. Sara wouldn’t want that.” Dave moves toward the grave and puts the flowers he’s holding in the small vase next to the headstone.
“You come by here often?” I ask.
“Yeah, at least once a month. Sometimes I bring my wife, and sometimes I bring Mom, but most of the time I come alone. We all miss her, man, but we have
to keep living. That’s what she’d want.”
I nod as my gaze meets his. “Thanks for talking to me. I don’t do a whole lot of talking about Sara or Emmie to anybody.”
Dave laughs. “Really, you don’t talk much?”
I smile and nod again. Then I turn away from the grave and Dave.
“You heading out?” he asks.
I stop and look back over my shoulder. “Yeah, I’m on my way to the hospital to see Emmie.”
“She had the baby?”
“Nope, not yet. I’ll see you around,” I tell him as I start to move toward the concrete pathway.
“Hope everything works out for you, Beau. You deserve to be happy,” Dave hollers as I walk away.
31
Emmie
A knock at the door awakens me from some of the best sleep I’ve had in several weeks. My eyes flutter open and I take in my surroundings. Gray walls, IV pole with a bag of fluid flowing down a tube and into a vein in my hand. An overhead light that’s dimly lit and two empty chairs. I wonder how long I’ve been asleep.
Another knock reminds me that I didn’t invite whoever’s on the other side of the door in.
“Come in.” My voice is soft and raspy.
The door pushes open, and the man who walks into my room is the one person I don’t care if I ever see again.
“Hey, you feeling any better?” My ex-husband walks over to the chair closest to my bed and pulls it up next to me. Then he sits down and leans over, resting his forearms on his legs. He’s too close, so I squirm in the bed, trying to move in the opposite direction, away from him.
“Why are you here, Max?” I ask, my voice stern.
“I’ve been worried about you ever since you were taken away in the ambulance several hours ago.”
“You shouldn’t be here,” I tell him.
“Of course I should.” He slides his hand over the mattress and squeezes my wrist. I pull away from him. He moves in closer and rests his arm on the bedrail.
“Do you remember what I told you the day I left?”
I don’t answer, because I don’t remember, and I don’t care. My only concern right now is getting him out of my room.
“I told you that I still loved you and my feelings haven’t changed. I love you today as much as I did the day I married you.”
“Max, please don’t do this. We’re over and have been for a long time. For Christ’s sake, you have a daughter and a live-in girlfriend.” I sit up straighter in the bed and grab a pillow, placing it in front of my body like a shield.
“Emmie, I still love you. I don’t love Natalie. I’ve never loved her. Of course I love my daughter. She’ll always be a part of my life.”
“What? Wait a minute. I hope you don’t think I’m letting you back in my life, because if you do, then you’re mistaken. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m pregnant with another man’s baby and—”
“Where is he?” Max scans the entire room as if he’s looking for Beau.
Point proven, asshole.
“You need to leave.”
“He’s no good for you. If he were a real man, you’d already have a ring on your finger, but instead, he’s let you go through this entire pregnancy alone, and I promise he’ll leave you and your child in the end.”
My eyes fill with tears, not because I believe him, but because his words hurt.
“You’re wrong, and you have no room to talk about anybody. You walked out on me. You have a daughter with another woman.” Hot tears burn my cheeks as I glare at my ex-husband.
“You’re right, and I regret it every single day of my life. I’m not married to Natalie, and I’ll walk away from her if you’ll take me back. We can get married, and I’ll take care of this child like it’s my own. Just give me another chance, Emmie. I fucked up.” His voice is shaky.
“Are you insane? I’ll never give you another chance. You almost destroyed me. And now suddenly you decide that you love me?” I shout. Wave after wave of shock slams into me—his words, his tone, the audacity of this man I loved for so many years. “You fucking broke me, and believe it or not, Beau has managed to put me back together.”
Max stands and walks toward the window in my room before throwing his head back and laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
He brings his head back to center before continuing, “Your precious Beau is nothing but a broke mechanic who thought he could catch a beautiful woman with a great job and a trust fund. What do your parents think of him? What does Miles think of him?” My heart pounds against my ribs as anger rushes through me. “That’s what I thought, and while we’re on the subject of Beau, did he tell you he stalked you for weeks before you fucked him?”
I throw the pillow across the room at him. He moves aside, and it hits the wall. “You’re an asshole. You set him up!” I shout.
“I didn’t set him up. He gladly agreed to follow you, or should I say stalk you, in exchange for help with improving his shop and running a few ads.” Max shoves his hands in his pockets as he moves toward my bed.
“You lied to him. He thought you were my brother. He had no idea who you really were. I can’t believe you would do something like this to someone.” I drop my head downward and close my eyes. Beau tried to tell me it was Miles, and I wouldn’t believe him. This entire time it was Max, who played on his weakness. Max probably knew Beau had a son who depended on him, so he set him up to fail. The only thing Max didn’t count on was me falling for Beau.
“You’re right; I did lie to him. I was worried about you, Emmie, so I told him I was your brother. Hell, I’m still worried about you. I just needed somebody to look out for you for a while, until I knew you were okay. You were my best friend and the love of my life. I fucked you over, and I know that now. Hell, I knew it the day I walked out of your life. I just never imagined you’d get pregnant and end up alone having to care for a baby. That guy doesn’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you, but I’d spend every day proving to you that I still love you.” Max walks back to the bed and stands in front of me. “Just give me another chance. I swear things will be better.”
“You need to leave before I call security.” I reach for the phone.
Max turns and walks toward the door. He grabs the handle and looks back over his shoulder one last time before he walks out the door.
I blow out a much-needed sigh and fight back the tears. How could he say those things to me after what he put me through? I shake my head and rub my huge belly. “Don’t worry, baby. I know your dad will come around in time, but if he doesn’t, I will always take care of you.”
The door to my room swings open and I jump. “I thought I told you to leave,” I say loudly.
“Everything okay, Ms. Carmichael? It’s just me, Molly.” I lean up slightly and see a brunette nurse.
“Everything is fine.” I smile apologetically as Molly makes her way into my room.
32
Beau
After leaving the cemetery, I head straight for the hospital. I’ve been so stupid. I only hope I’m not too late and Emmie forgives me for putting her through hell the last few months.
I step off the elevator and head down the hall. Luckily, Leo and Hannah came to visit her earlier and gave me her room number. I make a right, heading down the hallway leading to the maternity unit. Just as I walk around the corner, I notice a man leaving what I assume to be Emmie’s room. I assume this only because the man walking out the door is Miles Carmichael. What if her mom and dad are here, too? I stop for a second and suck in a deep breath. If her family’s here, then I’ll be polite, and hopefully her dad won’t take my head off in front of his pregnant daughter.
I make my way down the hall until I find Emmie’s room. And I was right. It’s the same room I just saw her brother walk out of. I knock softly and wait for someone to answer, or at least invite me in. A couple of seconds pass, and a young brunette nurse pulls the door open.
“Hi, this is Emmie Carmichael’s room, right?”
&n
bsp; She smiles. “It is, and there’s no one else here, so she’s all yours.” The nurse smiles and walks past me out the door.
I step inside the dimly lit room and push the door closed. When I round the corner, Emmie’s sitting up looking at her phone. My chest tightens at the sight of her in a hospital bed. It guts me to know she’s sick and has needed me, but I’ve been too self-absorbed to take care of her.
Her breath catches when she sees me. She tosses her phone down onto the mattress. “Beau, you’re really here?” Her voice is surprisingly cheerful. Not at all what I expected.
“Yes, I’m here.” I rush over and sit on the edge of the bed, facing her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. The doctor said I was dehydrated and had been overdoing it—whatever that means.” She smiles as her gaze meets mine.
God, she’s even more beautiful than she was the last time I saw her. Maybe it’s the pregnancy, or maybe it’s because I’ve missed her so damn much.
“There are so many things I need to say to you, but I don’t know where to start. I’m so sorry for the way I’ve treated you. There is no excuse for it.”
“Beau…” she whispers and then positions herself closer to me. “There’s so much I need to say, too. I want to tell you I’m sorry I got pregnant, but I’m not because I already love this baby so much. It’s just important to me that you know I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I would’ve never willingly done this to you.”
“I believe you,” I tell her before leaning in close and kissing her cheek. “I just need you to forgive me for walking out on you. There’s really no excuse. When you told me you were pregnant, I panicked for a while—for too long, and I’m so ashamed that you’ve been going through this pregnancy without me. If you’ll forgive me, I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
