by P. Jameson
If she wanted him.
His stomach knotted at the thought that she might not want to share this life with him.
Bethany was right. He should tell her. But they were still so new. What if this was all too much too fast?
Her stomach growled.
“I want to make you breakfast,” he told her. “Maybe after we talk to Magic.”
“I’m okay. I’m used to going longer without food.”
His jaw clenched and he had to work to speak. “I don’t want that for you anymore.”
They walked in silence and he could sense the tornado of thoughts swirling over her head.
“I chose this, you know? Being a mountain woman. I wanted this.”
“Why?”
More silence. More thinking. He was patient. He could wait.
“When I was twenty-one, something bad happened to my family.” She paused. “Well, actually, something bad happened because of my family. You ever hear of the Destacios?”
Eagan shook his head.
She gave a sideways grin. “Good. Then I traveled far enough away.”
He pulled her out of the way of a rock in the path.
“My family was wealthy, rich off the real estate market. My father was the breadwinner, but my mother had the brains. Investing, selling, investing again. They—we—were swimming in extravagant crap we didn’t need.” She smiled. “I remember even as a teenager thinking, this is too much. So much. We don’t need it.” She shook her head. “I was weird even then.”
“Not weird,” he murmured. “Sensible.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” She sighed, and he squeezed her hand to urge her to continue. “‘This money is a poison,’ my dad would say, as he spent it on booze, ‘I might as well drink it away’. And nobody cared because we were busy ourselves, doing things that didn’t matter. Spending money that didn’t matter. Wasting time that mattered, but we didn’t know it yet. Preoccupied. Self-absorbed. Blind.”
She shook her head, looking pained. Eagan wanted to erase that look from her face and never see it there again.
“One night, he and my mama and my abuela went to dinner. They all had too much to drink, but papa drove home anyway.”
Oh, shit. He had a bad feeling he knew where this was going. He pulled Clara to a stop and turned her to face him. She stared at the ground as the rest of the story tumbled out.
“He blasted through an intersection, t-boning a car with an entire family inside. He was going twenty over the speed limit. The daughter was driving the other car. Just got her learner’s permit. She… she was the only survivor between the two cars. In an instant, in a breath, her whole family was gone. And why? Because my father had a few too many and decided to drive?” She shook her head so hard her hair flew, and Eagan smelled the rank scent of tears. “No. See, it isn’t that simple. Basic. Break it down to basics. That family died because my family, I, my sister, my mama, even my grandparents, were too damn busy with life to see how dangerous my papa was. We didn’t care that he was ruining his life one bottle at a time. We didn’t care until he ruined seven other lives.”
She stopped, breathing heavy with the weight of her confession.
“Then…” she gasped, and tears exploded from her.
Eagan drew her close, angry and wanting to fight away her demons, but unable to do anything but hold her. Shit.
“Then we cared,” she sobbed. “Then things became simple. The way to prevent it clear, if only we could have seen it earlier. I went to see her one time, the daughter, to tell her sorry. Do you know what she said to me? She said, ‘There is nothing to forgive. This wasn’t your fault.’ But she was wrong.” Clara cried into his shoulder. “I needed things to be basic, simple. I needed to be alone and to think, and to realize how little I could survive on. How little I needed money. How very little I needed period. I didn’t need a bed or TV or a bank account or… or… relationships. Life became easy and I could let go of the guilt. So much guilt.”
Pieces of his mate’s puzzle began to click into place, and the picture it revealed gutted him.
“Aw, baby, this isn’t on you. Or your family. Your daddy was a grown-ass man. Who made lots of choices that brought him to that point in time, at that intersection.”
She shook her head. “We could have made a difference.”
“Maybe so. But…” Her way of thinking was inspiring. When he looked at it closely, it was so very much like an animal’s. The basics. Instinct. Need. And purpose. “…but at base, isn’t every person’s choice ultimately their own? Doesn’t each of us have to take responsibility for what mark we leave on the world?”
She pulled back, wiping her eyes, her brow furrowed. “That’s… true. But—”
“So, this is his. Not yours. This guilt over his choices, you need to let that go, Clara. You’ve learned from his mistake. You’ve grown and changed as a person. You don’t owe the universe anymore.”
Her mouth turned up, humorlessly. “Now I’ve got my own debt. Dug my own hole. I’m a thief,” she sniffed.
A thief with a heart so big she’d mourned over burning ancient love letters. Letters that were boxed up and probably long forgotten, part of another lifetime altogether. So big, she took on everyone’s guilt and her own.
Eagan kissed her forehead. “And you can dig yourself out. I have a plan.”
She frowned. “What plan?”
“Your book. You want to make restitution for the things you’ve taken. Right?”
“More than anything,” she breathed, and his heart melted at her vulnerability.
“Then that’s what we’ll do. If Magic will hear reason, we’ll start working off your debt. Little by little, you’ll pay back what you owe. And with each thing you mark off that list, the better you’ll feel. Until your heart’s as happy as it deserves to be.”
Tears filled her eyes again, over-spilling her lids and sliding downing her sweet round cheeks. “Why do you help me? Why are you so good to me?”
Eagan took her face in his hands, brushing her tears away with his thumbs. Slowly, he bent to kiss lips that were swollen from crying. Softly, he kissed her, relaying a message he wasn’t ready to speak out loud. Again. And again, showing her that he thought she was precious, even if she was riddled with guilt. Both hers, and her family’s.
He pulled back, staring into her eyes. “At base… you’re mine. And I will always take care of what’s mine.”
His mate wrapped her arms around his waist, burrowing her head into his chest. And it was the best damn feeling he’d ever felt.
Mine, his cat purred. Always mine. My little woman.
Chapter Thirteen
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Eagan bellowed, shaking his head. “Hell no. And again, hell no.”
Magic leaned forward, elbows on his heavy desk. “You want her to work off her debt, make amends? This is how it happens. The only way it happens.”
“No. I won’t do it. What you’re asking is cruel.”
“Cruel?” Magic spat. “What you pulled last night was cruel. Anchoring her to a futile mating is cruel. This? This is her salvation.”
Eagan glared at the cat he once called brother. “I’ll hate you for doing this.”
Magic narrowed his eyes. “I’ll hate you if you don’t.”
“No.” Eagan stood, sending his chair flying backward. “I won’t do it. You find another way, or I’m gone.”
Magic leaned back in his chair. “Go then. We don’t need your kind around here.”
“My kind?”
Eagan glanced at Renner and then Owyn.
“My kind.” He let out an angry huff and threw his arm in the direction of the other cats. “Renner is my kind. Tana is my kind. Hell, maybe there are more of us who want to mate. The code has changed, Magic. Do whatever you need to do to clarify that, but you can’t ignore it. It’s no longer ‘No mating’. It’s ‘No straying’. Get that through your thick-ass head.” Eagan shook out his shoulders, the disgust on his end this time. “
I won’t take an oath to leave her unclaimed. I won’t do it. Not even for the opportunity to work off her debt. Whether we mate will be our decision. Mine and hers. And most certainly not yours. Not some asshole faux-leader who let his mate die instead of promising her he’d stay faithful. That shit is yours, man. And you need to quit pouring it onto your clan. You need to own it, and deal with it.”
Magic stood slowly, his whole body trembling with rage. “Get. OUT.” His roar blasted through the room like a siren of warning.
But Eagan wasn’t done. And if Magic wanted a fight, he’d give it to him.
Owyn and Renner both stood from their chairs, clearly wanting in on the brawl. Well, fine.
“Shit,” Owyn spat. “He’s gonna change. Right here in the lodge. Motherfucking shit.”
Eagan frowned, gauging Magic’s behavior.
Oh. Owyn was right. Shiiiit.
“The back door,” Owyn tossed out.
“No,” Renner said. “It’s broad daylight. Someone will see him.”
Magic hated his cat more than anything. He fought it, but it was gruesome to watch, his skin stretching and twisting as he struggled to remain human.
“Magic, man,” Renner spoke carefully. “Just… calm down, yeah? Let’s not make a scene for our guests.”
But Magic’s nostrils flared with his labored breaths. He might as well have been a bull fighting, for the sounds he was making.
Eagan shook his head. There was no hope that he and Clara could live a life here with his family. None at all. Not if it reduced Magic to a raging monster.
With a burst of energy, the human gave way to the cat, Magic’s panther unfurling from his skin in a furious flash of black fur.
“Fuck,” Owyn barked when he got too close and the panther took a swipe at him. It was a warning, but still, those paws were the size of Eagan’s head, and the claws sharp as a sickle. They would have injured Owyn bad enough Doc Davis would’ve had to call for help.
“Son of a bitch,” Renner muttered, starting to remove his clothes. “Get out of here, Eagan. Take your mate and wait at the cabin.”
Eagan stumbled for the door. There was nothing he could do for the cat.
“And…” Renner looked at him, frustration knitting his brow. “Have Layna tell the guests the noise is just us testing Halloween effects.”
Eagan nodded and pushed through the door just as Magic’s panther lunged at him, jaws snapping. He stared at the solid wood between him and the cat who used to be his friend, breathing heavy.
A hand touched his arm and he jumped.
Clara. It was Clara. She’d waited outside for him.
Gash came running down the hall, glaring at Eagan and then snarling at Clara. He snapped his jaws and Eagan growled low in warning.
“What did you do?” the man spat, staring at Eagan like he was no better than a worm.
“Fuck you. Your turn’s coming.”
Eagan grabbed his mate’s hand and pulled her through the lobby, quickly relaying Renner’s message to Layna.
She stared at Clara, a smirk on her face. “Don’t worry, honey. The men around here are more hissy than the females, that’s all. Things will settle.”
Clara nodded, her eyes big.
“Let’s go.”
Eagan led her through the parking lot and back down the path to his cabin. Inside, he slammed the door, locking it, and leaning against it to catch his breath. He needed to shift just as much as Magic had. The energy balled up inside him like a grenade ready to blow.
Shift or fuck. Or both.
He looked at Clara. She stood in the middle of the room watching him.
“What happened?”
“He’s an asshole.”
“Magic?”
“Yes. He… he wanted me to promise never to mate you. If I agreed, he’d let you work. If I didn’t… shit out of luck.”
Clara looked confused. Of course she was. She didn’t know their ways. He’d avoided telling her for too long.
“Eagan, what’s the deal with this mating thing. Explain it to me.”
He pushed off the door, stalking to her. He kissed her hard on the lips, pulling a gasp from her.
“We don’t mate. Our clan, we don’t mate. It’s against the rules.”
Her eyes went wide. “No sex?”
“Sex is fine. Mating is not.”
“What’s the difference?”
He reached a hand behind her head, pulling her hair free of its messy bun so it could tumble down her back.
“Mating is for life. A marriage of sorts. But one that bonds two people together forever.”
Eagan watched her throat as it worked a swallow.
“Why is it not allowed?”
He kissed her again, sweet this time.
“Because cats aren’t monogamous.”
She went stiff in his arms. Suddenly he was holding a tree instead of a soft, luscious human.
“Excuse me?”
“Cat shifters as a rule, aren’t monogamous. It goes against our animal’s instincts. Our clan is the exception. As young, we saw that it resulted in unhappy matings and wanted better for ourselves. So we made a pact. No mating. Ever. Easy fucking peasy.”
Clara squinted. “Your jaguar desires other women?” She laughed but it wasn’t funny. “That sounds like an excuse to me. If you guys can’t keep it in your pants, you just blame it on the cat? Do women really fall for that?”
If it was possible, Eagan fell even more in love with her in that moment.
“Yeah. Unfortunately they do.”
Clara frowned, shaking her head. “Poor Bethany.”
Eagan didn’t follow.
“I mean, it must be so hard to be mated to Renner and know he might be with other women.” The look on her face was so sad.
“No, it isn’t like that,” Eagan huffed. “I’m trying to explain this, but I’m not doing it right. Too damn angry. Too…” He looked at her, standing there sad and confused. “Too needy. I fucking need you, Clara. But I have to settle first. So we can talk. You understand?”
“I’m trying to,” she said, uncertain.
Eagan stepped back, pulling his shirt over his head. “I’m going to shift for a while. Okay? Pull my cat out. Just until I calm. I don’t want you to be afraid.”
“O-Okay. What should I do?”
Eagan thought about it. “Go lay on the bed.”
Clara nodded and bent to take her boots off.
“Put on my clothes. The ones you slept in.”
She bit her lip. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Yes. Do it.”
He unbuckled his jeans, removing the rest of his clothes so he was completely naked. Jag quarreled beneath the surface of his skin, needing something he couldn’t give it. Her. He needed her, but she wasn’t ready. Might never be.
He watched her as she stripped and dressed in the thread-bare clothes he’d loaned her and then laid on the bed. She stared at him expectantly.
“I won’t hurt you,” he reminded.
“I know.” Her whisper of trust hit him right in the sternum, strengthening his bond for her.
Without anymore hesitation, he let his cat roar forward, his flesh giving way to fur. His teeth to fangs. His hands to claws.
The jag purred with the transition and finally, finally being able to have his mate. He leaped forward, onto the bed, his massive paws on either side of her face. Her beautiful eyes were wide with surprise. And yes, fear.
Won’t harm. Never harm mine.
Slowly, he lowered his nose to her neck, rubbing his face along her skin. A small giggle escaped her and it made him so happy he nearly forgot about the panther who’d taken a swipe at him.
“Your whiskers,” she chirped. “They tickle.”
His purr rumbled the room.
“Eagan,” she breathed, and he felt the fear slip away through their bond. “Can I pet you?”
Mate’s hands. Yes.
His tongue darted out to lick her hand i
n encouragement. Leisurely, she ran her fingers through his thick black and tan fur.
“So soft,” she murmured. “I never would’ve imagined.”
He curled next to her on the bed, his paw resting on her shoulder while he licked her face. She giggled some more. He loved making her do that.
“You know,” she said. “If you turn back into a man, we can talk this all out. And maybe… I don’t know. Maybe you can lick me like that some more. Unless…” She laughed as his whiskers tickled her nose. “Unless I taste better as a cat or something.”
Oh, his playful, naughty mate. How perfect was she?
He’d lick her alright. Lick her so good she’d think his tongue’s only function was to give her pleasure. But first, he had some explaining to do.
***
Eagan’s jaguar was a magnificent creature. He was huge with thick, muscular legs and paws the size of a dinner plate. She knew there were sharp, lethal claws in there somewhere but he was so very gentle with her, she couldn’t be afraid.
He was completely Eagan. Kind and sensitive and concerned for her, even in his animal form. Why she thought he’d be any different, she didn’t know. The cat and the human were the same. One man. Two forms.
It was amazing.
She leaned her head against him and stroked his fur, listening to the rumbling sound erupting from his throat. Gently, he nipped her shoulder and pulled back.
Between one blink and the next, he’d transformed. Taut, smooth skin replacing sleek fur. Cat eyes that almost glowed, replaced by the stormy ones she loved so much.
And he was naked. Lying next to her in the bed.
“Renner is completely faithful to Bethany. That’s what I was trying to tell you. He’s the only mated cat in our clan, and he’s… different. He’s decided to go a different route. A mutual mating, he calls it.”
“A mutual mating?”
Eagan nodded. “See, the way it usually goes, the male finds his mate, claims her—whether she agrees to the matter or not—gets her with young, and then moves on to his next female.”
“That’s…” God, that was nothing Clara wanted any part of. “…awful.”
