He looked around, not saying anything immediately. Spotting his hat on the ground, he leaned over, dusted it off and settled it on his head. Not until his eyes were safely shaded did he turn to face her again. “It’s too soon.”
“Too soon for what?”
“For us to have sex.”
Susan opened her mouth to protest, to point out that they’d only kissed, then shut it as she realized he was right. Given a little more time, that was exactly where things had been headed.
She wasn’t sorry, either. All of a sudden, she felt as if she’d been waiting for him—and this—her whole life. If she had a regret, it was that they’d stopped.
It didn’t take a Ph.D. to figure out that wasn’t something she ought to share with Sterling right now, however. A glance at the tense set of his jaw was enough to tell her he felt strongly about whatever was bothering him. No matter how hard it was, some diplomacy was called for.
She conjured up a weak smile. “Well...at least we’re married. That ought to count for something.”
He shook his head, his expression grim. “No. That’s just it. We’re already going to be parents. We got married quickly. I don’t think we should rush into anything else.”
For the life of her, Susan didn’t know what to say. What he said made sense—in a way. Everything had happened fast. And in terms of actual time, they hadn’t known each other that long.
And yet, he was her husband. And she didn’t need any more time to know what kind of a man he was. What’s more, she’d never, ever felt about anyone the way she did about him.
“We’re both adults,” she said softly. “If we both want the same thing, I don’t see the harm—”
“It’s too much, too soon,” he insisted.
“But Sterling—”
“You’re not thinking clearly, Susan.”
“That’s not true,” she protested.
“Yes, it is.” His expression closed, he started to turn away.
“But shouldn’t we at least talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to discuss,” he said forcefully. “I’m heading back to the house. Are you coming?” Not waiting for her answer, he walked away, his long, booted legs churning up the terrain.
For the second time in two days, she found herself . staring at his backside, her emotions in turmoil.
Only this time, she realized, following slowly after him, she finally knew what she wanted.
Sterling stared broodingly at the heavy cut-crystal glass in his hand.
He’d ordered the rare and expensive Scotch on the rocks forty-five minutes ago, taken one sip and had since spent his time watching the ice melt.
So what did that say about his character? That he was a bust as a sinner?
Big surprise.
He scowled, impatiently setting the glass down on the table so hard that it sent diluted Scotch splashing onto his fingers. Leaning back in the oversize leather chair placed in the shadows of the room’s far corner, he looked around the familiar interior of the Cattleman’s Club cigar lounge, hoping for some sort of a diversion.
Unfortunately there was none to be found. As had been the case for the entire hour he’d been there, the place was about as lively as a crypt. The only signs of life came from the bartender and a pair of waiters, who were standing at the far end of the ornate bar, quietly going over next week’s schedule.
It figured. Nothing had gone his way today.
Oh, yeah. There’s nothing worse than finding out your wife wants to make love with you—
He bit off a curse and clamped down on his thoughts, determined not to go there. Reconsidering his drink, he picked it up and forced himself to take another sip, even though his heart wasn’t in it. He’d given up hard drinking for good in his early twenties, after a binge with a bunch of Marine buddies. It had only taken that once for him to decide that no amount of temporary oblivion was worth the resulting loss of control. He really hated losing control....
“This a private party?”
He jerked his head up, surprised and pleased to see his friend Greg Hunt. “Hell, no. Have a seat.” Grateful for the unexpected company, he waited for the other man to get settled and order a drink before stretching out his legs and asking, “What’re you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in court in Austin this week.”
Greg shrugged. “I am. But there were some matters here at home that needed taking care of. I’m planning to fly over in the morning.” He fell silent as the waiter delivered his drink. He took a sip, then looked curiously at Sterling. “Besides, you’re one to talk. I read in the paper this morning that you got married.”
That damn paper, Sterling thought blackly. He ought to buy the thing and shut it down for all the unwanted explanations it was causing him. “Yeah, I did.”
“Well, that’s great.” Looking puzzled at Sterling’s less-than-festive mood, he said mildly, “So what are you doing here? I’d think you’d be at home, tucked away with your new bride.”
“I will be shortly,” Sterling lied. “I had to run into town to get some papers from the office and decided to drop by and see if Hank was back from his honeymoon.”
“I see.” Greg took another sip of his drink. “I believe he’s due back at the end of the week.”
“Yeah. I know that now.”
“I suppose he’ll be living at his place in Pine Valley now that he’s finally tied the knot.”
“I’d imagine so.”
“So what about you? You planning on making any major changes now that you’re married?”
Sterling heard the curiosity in his friend’s voice, but knew Greg was too well-mannered, and too private himself, to press the issue. Since he wasn’t ready to reveal his impending fatherhood—the past few days had convinced him it would be best to let the interest in his marriage subside first—all he said was, “No. I don’t think so.”
“Pretty sudden, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it was.” Determined to change the subject once and for all, he said abruptly, “I stopped by the diner and checked on the princess last week.”
Greg shifted in his chair. Maybe it was Sterling’s imagination, but his friend suddenly seemed to grow a little distant. “And?”
“She seemed to be doing all right.”
“Good.”
There was definitely an edge to the other man’s voice. A month ago, Sterling would have pretended not to notice. But that was then, and this was now... He eyed his friend curiously. “So what’s the story with you two?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean there must be some sort of history between you. After all, she did call you when she needed to be rescued.”
For a second he didn’t think Greg was going to answer. Then the other man gave a slight shrug and said coolly, “We were briefly involved a few years ago when I was finishing up my stint with the military in Obersbourg. I didn’t know she was a princess. When I found out...well, it was obvious that it wouldn’t work. She had obligations to her country and to her family, just as she does now...” His voice trailed off as he lifted his glass to his lips and took a long swallow.
It was more than Sterling had expected him to say, and he decided not to press his luck. He nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean. She is worried about her niece and nephew. And she’s concerned that we hadn’t heard anything from Blake. I told her it’s still too soon, that everything would be fine, but I have to tell you, I’ve got some questions of my own.”
“About what?”
“About Blake. I know he’s done some hush-hush stuff for the government, and I’m not questioning his ability to pull this thing off, but once he does—what does he know about taking care of babies, anyway?”
“Relax,” Greg said persuasively, his blue eyes intent.
“I realize my baby brother’s got a reputation for being a bit of a playboy, but he takes his work seriously. I’m sure he’ll have the child-care angle all figured out before he makes his first move. If Blake’s
anything, he’s resourceful.” He was silent a minute, as if to let his words sink in, and then one side of his mouth quirked up. “Although I’ve got to admit, I’m sure this mission of his is going to have its moments. I’d like to be around the first time he has to change a diaper.”
“Yeah, there is that,” Sterling agreed, his own mouth curving slightly at the thought—until it occurred to him that come next spring he’d be doing the same thing and his amusement vanished.
The two men spoke a few more minutes about local business before Greg drained his glass, set it down on the table and climbed to his feet. “Well, I need to get going. I have a pile of briefs I need to go over tonight.” He cocked his head. “So when am I going to meet your bride? I was pretty sure I knew everybody in this town, but somehow she passed me by.”
That, at least, wasn’t a bit surprising. The Hunts were old money; Greg probably hadn’t had a reason to set foot in a public library since law school. “Soon,” Sterling replied, repeating his answer to Becky. “We’re thinking of having a reception. I’ll let you know.”
“You do that.” With a nod, Greg departed.
As Sterling watched the other man walk toward the door, he found himself thinking how much things had changed. The last time he’d seen Greg his life had been empty, and he’d been so restless and dissatisfied with it that he’d had nothing better to do than take off to Europe and come to a perfect stranger’s rescue.
Now, his life seemed too full. And though he still felt restless and dissatisfied, at least he knew the reason why, he thought sardonically.
Just like that, the dam he’d been keeping on his feelings finally let loose and he found himself thinking about what had transpired between him and Susan.
He could put any spin on it he wanted, but the truth was that one touch of her lips and the control he prided himself on had vanished.
Aw, come on. It was only a kiss...
But it hadn’t been. By the time she’d made that soft little sound that had inexplicably gotten his attention, the only thought in his head had been whether it would be better to make love in the hammock or on the picnic table.
So? You didn’t do it either place. And that’s what matters—isn’t it?
Well, yeah. That was true. But it sure hadn’t been from any nobility of spirit. Because what he’d wanted to do was lay her down on the nearest horizontal surface and bury himself inside her. He’d wanted to kiss her round little breasts, suck on her nipples, taste every inch of her ivory skin. Hell, he still wanted to do all those things, he admitted, scowling at the heaviness in his loins.
Yet what he’d told her was true. It was too soon. If he slept with her now, he was pretty sure she’d get the wrong idea. She’d give it all sorts of romantic significance, or even worse, she’d start to think she was in love with him. And then later, when she realized that he was never going to love her back, when she learned that he was done with such feelings, she’d feel hurt and betrayed—and then where would they be?
Better by far to wait and give them more time to get to know each other. Susan was an intelligent woman. Sooner or later she would figure out what everyone else had—that he wasn’t the “loveable” type. Then, if she still wanted to be intimate, so much the better.
Because, while he might not love her, he was fond of her, he realized. She was smart, sensible and kind, and he liked her understated sense of humor. She was also surprisingly easy to live with, a rarity for a woman in his experience. Hell, if not for this unfortunate physical attraction between them, she’d be the perfect wife.
Which made him realize he was probably doing her a disservice. By now she would’ve had time to reflect on what had happened between them. And because she was such a nice person, she was no doubt not only regretting her behavior, but also sorry she’d put him in such a tough position. If he gave her half a chance, she’d probably say so.
But that’s where it was going to end, he promised himself. He’d made a vow to never again let a woman matter to him too much—and he meant to keep it. Somehow today, he’d lost control and let Susan get past his defenses.
It wouldn’t happen again.
He wouldn’t let it.
Fresh and fragrant from her bath, Susan stood before her bedroom window, wrapped in an oversize bath towel. Looking down, she saw the beam from a pair of headlights flash across the back pasture, then abruptly disappear. A second later came the faint sound of a car door slamming shut.
Sterling was home.
She instinctively touched her hands to her stomach as it fluttered nervously. She could do this, she told herself. All she had to do was stay calm.
She’d had lots of time to think since their aborted embrace out by the lake. She’d reflected on her actions, on what had happened and what Sterling had said about it afterward. And she’d come to a conclusion.
He was wrong.
It was not too soon for them to make love. Not if that’s what they both wanted. After all, as she’d tried to point out to him earlier, neither of them were children. And in her case, at least, it wasn’t as if she were rushing into anything. In a year and a half, she’d be thirty. She’d waited a long time to find someone she desired—and someone who desired her.
Which Sterling did. She smiled, unable to help herself as the realization sent a little thrill through her, the way it had off and on ever since it finally occurred to her on the walk back to the house. She might still be a virgin—heck, she was probably the only twenty-eight-year-old one left in the entire state of Texas—but she wasn’t deaf, blind or stupid. She knew that Sterling had been as affected by their encounter as she had. He hadn’t been acting polite, or merely going through the motions.
He wanted her, thank heavens.
And she wanted him back.
However, it also seemed very clear from what had happened out at the lake earlier that she’d be a virgin forever if it was left up to Sterling. She wasn’t quite sure what the problem was. Knowing him as she was beginning to, she suspected it had something to do with his strong sense of responsibility and that it was likely he was trying to protect her.
From what, she didn’t have a clue. But it did seem obvious that the only way anything was going to happen was if she made the first move.
That she was prepared to do. Turning away from the window, she tugged the towel free and let it drop to the floor. She opened her top dresser drawer and drew out the filmy black lace chemise the saleslady from Cachet had insisted she purchase. Slipping it over her head, she smoothed it into place, stepped into the matching bikinis, then picked up her hairbrush and drew it through her hair. Only then did she look in the mirror.
Her lips parted in surprise. Surely that wasn’t her! Thanks to the touch of makeup she’d applied in the bathroom—a smudge of eyeliner, a hint of mascara, a dusting of blush and a coating of strawberry lip glosser—her eyes looked huge and her lips full and smooth. As for the scanty ebony nightie... The shirred top clung to her like a second skin, making her breasts look as if they might spill free any moment, while the abbreviated length made the most of her legs.
She swallowed. Then, a rueful expression crossing her face, she opened the dresser drawer and drew out the robe that went with the chemise. Slipping her arms into the sheer sleeves, she reminded herself that Rome wasn’t built in a day. And that she was doing okay for a woman who until a few weeks ago had slept in an old Dallas Cowboys T-shirt.
She spritzed herself with a touch of perfume and took a deep breath, feeling a return of her confidence.
She was ready. Before she could lose her nerve, she walked into the dressing area that bridged her and Sterling’s rooms and knocked lightly on his door.
There was no answer. Frowning, she considered, and concluded that he’d had plenty of time to get to his room. Afraid her newfound courage would desert her if she waited any longer, she knocked again, opened the door and stuck her head in. “Sterling?” she called softly.
He was standing barefoot at his dresser
. At the sound of her voice, he whipped around and she saw that his shirt was open and his jeans unsnapped. An apology instinctively sprang to her lips, but she forced herself to suppress it. He was getting undressed; so much the better. It would make things easier later.
He turned back around and finished emptying his pockets, dropping his keys and his money clip onto the dresser. “Hey, Susan.” His deep voice was even. “What can I do for you?”
She proceeded into the room. With her newfound awareness, she saw the way the skin across his nose and cheekbones tightened as he glanced over and took in her state of dress. And how his big body went taut, as if he were suddenly in a high state of tension.
That was only fair, she decided, since the sight of his bare chest and abdomen were making her feel warm and light-headed. She took a deep breath. “I was hoping we could talk.”
He hesitated a bare instant, then nodded. “Sure. I kind of figured there were some things you might want to say to me.”
She felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Apparently she’d misjudged him. He wasn’t going to be difficult about this after all. “First, I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done the past few weeks,” she said softly. “I know it can’t have been easy. After all, I chose to have this baby. I thought about it, saved for it, planned for it. But you had the whole thing just handed to you, and even so, you’ve tried really hard to do the right thing.”
He shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”
“It is to me. It’s made me think about my life, about what I want. And what I want—” she took a calming breath “—is for us to have a real marriage.”
Sterling was shaking his head before she finished. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.” Screwing up her courage, she closed the distance between them, not stopping until she was so close she could feel the heat radiating off of him. “I realize I’m shy on experience,” she went on quietly, tipping back her head so she could see his face. “And that this has all happened very quickly. But that doesn’t change how I feel.”
“You haven’t thought this through,” he insisted, taking a step back. “Hell, we’re still getting to know each other.”
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