When Lucas mentioned he’d never been on a SUP before, the sales assistant suggested a lesson.
“I mean, you get up there and paddle, right?” Lucas said, his voice gruff.
I sighed; men always resisted accepting help. “It’s a bit more involved than that,” I said, “and a quick lesson will make things a lot easier for you.”
Lucas growled. “Fine. Whatever. Show me this shit, then, son.”
The young man was tall and lithe, with sleek muscles and short messy blond hair, wearing colorful board shorts and an open zip-up hoodie. “Grab your board and paddle and meet me over at the docks. I’ll grab my board and we’ll hit the water.”
In a few minutes, I was watching as Kyle, the SUP instructor, stood on the dock giving Lucas an overview of basic stance, paddle grip, and stroke mechanics.
“I’ve done plenty of canoeing,” Lucas said. “This sounds a lot like that.”
Kyle nodded. “It is. Just…standing up. This is a great core workout, so make sure to tighten your core when you pull. That will help with balance, too.”
Lucas eyed the board that was leaning on its side against the dock pylons. “You sure that thing will hold me? I ain’t exactly a lightweight.”
Kyle nodded. “I’m one hundred percent sure. It’s a twelve footer, eight inches thick, and rated for up to four hundred and fifty pounds.”
Lucas sighed. “Shit. I mean, I ain’t light, but I don’t weigh that much.”
“Not by half,” I said.
He tipped his head to one side. “Eh, not by half may be a bit generous. But it’ll do, I guess, as long as you’re sure of the rating.”
Kyle set his board into the water, climbed down and sat astride it, kicking his bare feet in the water for a second before strapping the tether around his ankle. “So. Always put on your tether. The water is pretty calm today, but it’s never worth taking a chance.” He splashed a hand in the water. “Your turn. Set your board in, leave your paddle on the dock, and climb down on and sit on it like I am.”
He hesitated a moment, and then Lucas stripped off his socks and shoes, and did as instructed. Somewhat awkwardly and with a good bit of uncertainty, he sat astride his board.
Kyle grabbed his paddle and used a shortened grip to paddle away from the dock; Lucas followed suit, and I got on my board and followed at a distance. Once we were out in the channel a bit, Kyle tucked his knees up on the board and under his butt and sat upright.
“If the water gets choppy or you’re unsure of your balance, you can always go down to your knees. This is your safe position.” He stood up in a smooth, lithe movement. “Try standing up, facing forward. Take your time.”
Lucas went to his knees first, and spent a few minutes like that, getting used to it. And then, slowly, lumbering, he got to his feet, arms waving to catch his balance.
“Tighten your core, and stand straight. Get used to just standing on the board at first.”
Lucas took a deep breath and held it, glancing back at me. I saw resolve harden on his face, and he stiffened, but that didn’t’ help. If anything, it made it worse.
“Relax, Lucas,” I said. “Remember, the worst that can happen is you go for a swim.”
“Relax, she says,” Lucas snarled. “Easy for you to say. I feel like a walrus balancing on a toothpick.”
“A-hem,” I coughed.
He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He closed his eyes briefly, and let out a breath. “I can do this.”
“That’s better,” I said. “Try it again, this time with feeling.”
He loosened, and his balance improved. “I can do this.” This time he sounded like he almost believed it.
Kyle was just drifting, paddle blade resting on his board, watching the two of us. He grinned at me, and paddled back to the dock.
Once Lucas got the hang of things we paddled for a while, staying fairly close to the shore. The more he did it, the better he got and by the time two hours had passed Lucas had established an easy style and was paddling easily, keeping his balance effortlessly. He was even grinning.
Eventually we returned to the dock, returned his board and paddle, and headed for my truck—Lucas insisted on carrying mine for me, which only made me the tiniest bit melty.
Sitting in my truck, engine idling, I looked over at Lucas. “So. Paddleboarding.”
He leaned his head back against the headrest and groaned. “I’m sore in places I didn’t know could be sore.” He swiveled his head to grin at me. “I had a lot of fun, though. A little weird and scary at first, but it ended up being fun.”
I shouldn’t be this giddy; we were just friends. “So…you’d go with me again?”
He smirked. “If you’ll be there, yeah.”
“But not by yourself?”
He snorted. “Not by a long shot, Liv.”
I laughed while sighing. “Baby steps, huh?”
He glanced at me, one eyebrow brow arched. “Getting a three-hundred-and-some pound, six-foot-four, sixty-two-year-old redneck out on a paddleboard? That there is a hell of a big step, sweetheart.”
“I suppose when you put it that way…” I said.
He glanced at his palms, which had the beginnings of blisters. “You want to get some lunch with me?”
I smiled, heart thumping hard. “Yes, I do.”
“Know where Badd’s Bar and Grill is?”
I shrugged. “I’ve heard of it. Pretty popular local hangout, from what I hear.”
“My nephews own it. My dad opened it a few years after I left Alaska, and my brother bought it a couple years after that, and then took over when Dad’s health started failing.” He sighed, as if something in that statement was painful.
“What aren’t you saying?” I asked.
He shrugged. “A lot, probably.”
“Start with something small?”
He groaned, rubbing his temple. “I wasn’t there when Dad passed. Or Gramps. Or Liam.”
I wasn’t sure what to say that—he wasn’t so much mourning their loss or expressing sadness over it, but that he hadn’t been there; condolences didn’t seem appropriate right now.
“Why not?”
“Some grudges are impossible to get over.”
“Against them?”
He rolled a shoulder, staring out the window. “Liv, I…” His sigh was more of a growl. “It’s history. No sense digging it up. They’re all in their graves, now.”
I recognized his need to let it go, and nodded. “Okay.”
“Just like that, huh?”
I shrugged. “If you don’t want to, or can’t bring yourself to talk about it, I understand. I’m not going to push or pry.”
“I…well, I appreciate that,” he said. “More’n you know.”
“Badd’s Bar and Grill, then?”
He nodded. “Bax said he’d be there this afternoon. Sunday lunch with the crew is a thing, I guess. Should be some good grub.”
I felt a little woozy at his suggestion. “The crew, meaning…your family?”
He gazed at me. “Didn’t think of it like that. We can go somewhere else.”
I shook my head, resolved to not make more of it than need be. “No, it’s fine. It sounds like fun.”
It sounded like a date, is what it sounded like…with his extended family.
It turned out we were just down the road, so the drive there was short. The parking spots along the street near the bar were filled with trucks of all sizes and colors. A big motorcycle was parked out front, and there was a giant yacht in the harbor down on the quay which something told me belonged to someone in the bar. There was music thudding from within, and a sandwich board was placed outside the propped-open doors which read in neat block lettering: “Closed for a private event. Open to the public Monday!”
We found an open parking spot a dozen or so feet down the road from the bar, and made our way toward it. I sensed nerves jangling in Lucas, but wasn’t sure what to say. We paused at the open doors, and Lucas seemed hesitant t
o go in.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He nodded, and then shook his head. “I shoulda been straight with you. The whole gang meets here every Sunday, but this is the first time I’ve been to one of these gatherings. I kinda invited you because I need some moral support.”
I frowned. “They’re your family.”
He nodded, glanced at me. “Yeah. But…” he trailed off.
“What?”
His head ducked. Shoulders slumped. “I didn’t even know I had family other than my kids and my estranged brother until a couple years ago.”
“Really?”
“I was hiding down in Oklahoma. Drinkin’ myself into a goddamned stupor every fuckin’ day…didn’t know Liam and Lena had had any kids, let alone fuckin’ eight of ’em.” His drawl was pronounced, and his language saltier than ever. Signs of agitation, as if I needed any further proof other than his overall demeanor.
“Lucas…”
He huffed, half growl, half sigh. “Rome found out, dragged his brothers up here. Never left. Now I’m here, and I don’t know my own kin from Adam. They all got wives and girlfriends and fiancées and kids, and my own boys are settlin’ down, and I…” He swallowed hard. “I can’t bring myself to go in there.”
“Why not?”
“I was a fuckin’ coward, Liv. Hid from my own brother because of…shit. Not goin’ there. Point is, they don’t know me. I don’t know what I was thinkin’, draggin’ you into this damned mess.”
I smiled at him, resting my hand on his shoulder. “There’s never any time like the present for mending things with family.” I was standing close enough to him that I could feel his body heat and his anxiety. “Do they hold ill will toward you?”
He scoffed. “Hell, no. The opposite. They’ve been badgerin’ me to get to one of these gatherings for months. I’ve just been too damn chicken. And now I’m hidin’ behind a woman.” He growled, slapping himself in the forehead. “God, I’m such a fuckin’ tool.”
“Positive self-talk, Lucas. Remember?”
“That shit may work for stayin’ on a paddleboard, but this here is serious emotional baggage.”
“This kind of situation is exactly what it’s most needed for.” I saw his hands opening and closing, trembling. “I…I don’t know how to ask this tactfully, so I’ll just ask. This being a bar, is that going to be an issue for you? Considering…”
He nodded. “Another reason for being nervous—I’ve avoided these for that reason. I ain’t been sure I was strong enough to be around drinking without falling off the wagon.”
“And now you are?”
He shook his head. “Hell no. But if I want to get anywhere with my kids and my nephews and all of them, I gotta figure out how to be okay.”
“Another reason for my presence, I imagine.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Thought maybe if you were with me, I’d have that much more of a reason for stayin’ strong.”
I turned away, sorting through my myriad of emotions. “I will say that I wish you’d been more forthright about your reasons for asking me here. I feel somewhat blindsided.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I am willing to be here with you, for all the reasons you’ve stated, and simply because I enjoy spending time with you.” I turned to face him. “I am a woman who appreciates honesty above all else, Lucas. Just…talk to me. Don’t blindside me, and don’t use me.”
He nodded, and then jerked his head in the direction of my truck. “Let’s go. I’ll do this another day, on my own.”
I shook my head and grabbed his hand, pulling him back before he could walk away. “No.”
He halted, eyeing me with astonishment. “No?”
“We’re here. I smell food, it smells good, and I’m hungry.” I smiled at him as brightly and reassuringly as I could. “No time like the present.”
He blinked at me, and then slowly shook his head. “I wonder if God misses you up there.”
I frowned, tilting my head in puzzlement. “What?”
“Well, I figure heaven lost an angel when you came down here, and I wonder if God misses having you up there with him.”
I laughed, leaning into him. “Ohhh, Lucas. What a pickup line.”
He winked at me. “It wasn’t a line, sweetheart. You really are an angel.”
“I’m not an angel.”
“Then tell me your biggest flaw.”
I laughed. “Just one?”
“How many can you have?”
“Just as many as the next person, Lucas. I’m far from perfect.”
“Then name one.”
I sighed, thinking. “I’m great at figuring out other people, and expect honesty from them, but I am not always so great at figuring out myself and being honest with myself.”
His expression was musing. “Hmmm. Interesting to note.”
I frowned. “What does that mean?”
He shook his head, grinning. “Nothin’. Let’s go in and party.” He paused, waving a hand. “Party clean, for me.” He gestured at me. “You better not feel any kind of obligation to not drink just for me. My issue is mine and mine alone. Okay?”
I smiled. “I have never really been much of drinker, truthfully. A bit in high school and college, and maybe a glass of wine or two here and there with Darren, but I never really enjoyed being drunk, so it’s really not a big deal for me.” I grabbed his arm and held on. “So, rest assured, if I don’t drink, it’s because I don’t want to, not because of you.”
He nodded. “Okay, then.” He took in a deep breath and stepped between the doors. “Let’s go meet my family.”
I sucked in a deep breath, shunted my own nerves way down, and pasted on a smile. I didn’t entirely have to fake it, because just being around Lucas tended to put a smile on my face. But nonetheless, if I was being honest with myself—which, like I’d told him, I wasn’t always very good at—I was feeling as if a large cloud of butterflies were dancing in my stomach.
Lucas’s family.
This had suddenly gone from a fun, low-expectation morning on the water with Lucas, to feeling very much like a date. A serious one.
With a man I knew I was developing feelings for.
I shook that thought off, and refused to consider it.
Friends. Just friends. We are here as friends.
I’m just meeting my friend’s sons and nephews. Nothing else.
Nothing else.
I wondered if he knew I was as nervous as he was.
9
Lucas
Her hand was shaking.
I squeezed gently, and felt her squeeze back. My heart thudded, realizing I was holding her hand. Electricity arced through me, buzzing in my veins, setting me on fire. A simple thing, but for a man who’d been alone as long as I had, it was huge.
Once we passed through the doors, I let go; everything I was getting from her signal-wise was telling me she liked me, but there was resistance as well, and I wasn’t sure if she was ready to hold my hand, let alone hold it in front of my family, which would be giving them—and me—the wrong idea.
She smiled at me as I let go, knowing why.
The interior of the bar was fairly dark, but it was buzzing with conversation, and humming with music. One of my nephews and a stunningly gorgeous young blonde woman were on a little stage in the back corner, creating the music. My nephew was sitting on a wooden box that he was slapping to create a drumming sound while the girl strummed a guitar, and they were singing in harmony. It was amazing music, although god knew I didn’t know shit about music. I just knew it sounded great, and it was my nephew making it. The rest of the crew was clustered around the bar, standing, sitting on stools, a few in a booth near the kitchen, and others milling around.
I tried to identify the ones I’d met, and the names I remembered. I leaned close to Liv and pointed them out. “The big dark-haired one with the tats is the oldest of my nephews, Sebastian. He goes by Bas or Bast, or some stupid shit like that. Next to him is m
y son Roman, who you met. The one with the buzz cut and a permanent scowl on the other side of Rome is Zane, the next oldest of my brother’s set. He was a Navy SEAL, which explains the scowl, I’d say. On the other side of the bar opposite of Zane is Bax, he’s the big fucker built like a bull on steroids. Next to him is the pretty boy of the bunch, Brock. I think Brock is actually the next oldest after Zane, and Bax is after him.”
Liv laughed, standing with me just inside the bar. “You know I’ll never remember all this, right? Even for me, this is going to be a lot of names and faces to memorize.”
I chuckled. “I’m telling you for my own sake. Quizzing myself on my own family.”
She bumped me with her shoulder. “There’s a lot of them, so be nice to yourself.”
I had no answer for that, so I went on with my inventory. “The young skinny kid with the glasses is the baby of the family, Xavier, the one with the long ponytail is Lucian, next oldest to Xavier. The one on stage is…Canaan? I think? Not sure. He’s an identical twin to the one in the booth, and I’m not sure which is which. Only met ’em twice. I know the ones on stage are married to each other, and are pretty successful musicians.”
Liv frowned at them, listening. And then her expression brightened. “Oh! I know them! They’re Canary. My daughter Cassie is a huge fan of theirs. She also was a fan of…oh gosh, Bishop’s Pawn, I think it was?”
I shrugged. “Honestly, fuck if I know.”
She laughed. “You have a lot to learn.
“No shit,” I growled. “Um. So, my other two boys are in the booth over by the kitchen. Ramsey is the one with the beard, and Remington is the other one, obviously.”
“What about the women?”
I sighed. “I’m not as sure of them, who’s with whom, or their names.” I pointed at the bar, where three women were seated in a line, engaged in a three-way conversation with each other and the men behind the bar. “I know Dru is the one with the reddish hair on the end, married to Sebastian, with the tattoos. Next to her is…oh god. Um…she’s with Zane. Marie? No, that’s not it. Close, though.” I squinted, thinking. “Mara? That sounds right. Mara. On the end of the three sitting at the bar is Kitty, who’s with Roman. Not married, but living together serious, permanent-like, whatever you want to call that.” I surveyed the bar. “The native chick is Juneau, who’s with Remington, and next to her, the tall blonde with the huge…ahem. The tall blonde is Izzy, who’s with Ramsey.”
Badd Daddy (The Badd Brothers Book 12) Page 12
