Darkness & Light

by Murray, Dean

  On'li wrapped her in a hug that was surprisingly fierce for such a small individual. "Now you listen to me and you listen good because nothing could be further from the truth. I'rone is more special than you realize yet. The Stephens men always are, but he's the kind as comes along once in a century. He always does what's right no matter what it may cost him. That's just who he is."

  Betreec's mind was whirling as she tried to fit On'li's words with what she already knew of I'rone, but the older woman was still speaking and she hauled her mind around like an unruly gurra so as not to miss anything else.

  "...I fear that kind of strength is going to be needed greatly in the days to come or the Goddess wouldn't have sent him to us. All of which means you need to pay more attention to the fact you were able to link with him than him refusing to break the rules and promise himself to you. You and I know it's one of the most winked at rules out there, but for him it's a rule and therefor important."

  Betreec was suddenly grateful for On'li's arms around her, she wasn't sure she could stand on her own right now. The boy she had thought I'rone to be had been desirable, but she knew him to be even more now and her heart ached at the thought of the hurt she'd put him through by pressing for something he wasn't capable of giving.

  "But if that's all true then he'll tell that we linked. It was all my fault, but he'll get in trouble. Nobody will believe we didn't plan it from the first."

  "Hush now child. I'll deal with that, but you'll have to keep your mouth shut for it to work. He can't ever know we spared him the punishment or he'll seek out a greater one. It's up to those of us who love him to spare him from as many of the sharp corners of life as we can."

  ##

  A cycle later On'li finished healing I'rone's shoulder and side. The poor thing had been so exhausted he'd slept through the entire process, Jasmin curled up at his side the entire time. Betreec had crawled in next to him shortly after recounting their tale, and now slept just as soundly on his other side.

  They'd both returned older than they'd been when they set out a few cycles ago. Betreec wasn't the flighty thing that spared no thought for anything other than her own wants, but it was I'rone who really worried her, he was already too old for his age.

  Javin was waiting for her when she finally sighed and crawled out of the tent. He wrapped her in hug that was exactly what she needed, and she idly wondered once again if he could read her thoughts. Maybe reluctance to speak came from some pact he'd made with the Goddess's handmaidens. A lifetime of few words in return for actually communicating better than most people could with a day's worth of speech.

  "I worry for him. It seems like every good deed he does results in something that will make someone want to punish him. Stephen's is the only bloodline as could have taken him, but sometimes I wonder if he's not too much for us."

  "Was the right thing to do."

  "You're right. It's not as though I regret our decision to sponsor him, I just worry what life holds in store for him. What could have possibly caused the Goddess to send him down here to us? Are things really going to get that bad in his lifetime?"

  "The alternative is even worse."

  It took On'li several seconds to realize what her husband was getting at, but when she did, she felt a chill run down her spine. If I'rone's destiny wasn't to accomplish some heroic undertaking during his life, then one could only assume that the Goddess was going to use him to pave the way for someone else, someone vital to the People's survival, but who was so unusual, so terrifying that only I'rone and the women who loved him could be depended upon to sponsor him.

  On'li returned Javin's hug absently, she even managed to smile at him, but inside she worried how history would view her beloved I'rone. Would he be looked upon as a savior, or as the man who'd destroyed himself doing a deed so terrible that nobody else would have had the courage to attempt it.

  Author's Note:

  "Absence" was my first real short story. I toyed with the idea of writing when I was younger, not because I had anything approaching ability in the area, but just because I loved the way that writers could make me feel.

  By the time I made it through high school, writing was the last thing on my mind. People asked what I would major in once I got to college, and I talked about computer science, physics, and who knows what else.

  When I actually arrived at student orientation, I found out that at some point in the application process, I'd filled something out with computer science as my preferred major. I went through a year and a half of school before deciding that I didn't want to spend the rest of my life programming. I bounced around a bit for a semester or two, considering pre-physical therapy among other majors before landing in accounting.

  It wasn't until I was entering my graduate work in accounting, that I realized I really did want to be a writer. I decided to finish out my degree, but found myself sitting in class working on stories rather than listening to the lectures. I wrote a couple of novels/novellas and then found myself struggling with regards to what I should work on next.

  I did some outlining for a horror novel that may someday see the light of day, and toyed around with the concept that eventually became The Greater Darkness, but my next real success was "Absence". For a long time it sat on my hard drive with the label 'Sad Girl' because to me that's what it was really about. A boy and a girl, and the tough, angst-ridden phase most real romantics tend to go through.

  I guess this one is really for all of us. Everyone's been in Lacy's shoes to some extent or another in their lives. No matter how you think the story ends, the choice of where we go from there tends to be a large part of what defines us.

  Absence

  Lacy blinked a couple of times, ridding her eyelashes of some of the gently falling snow, as she zipped up her light jacket. It wasn't really all that cold, but the moonless night and the huge snowflakes made her feel like she was the only person alive for miles. Even the infrequent suburb streetlights, all verging on being swallowed by the inky darkness, served only to highlight the dark emptiness of the rest of the night.

  Crossing a street, and passing through one of the tiny pools of light, Lacy wondered if anyone had noticed when she slipped out of her home. Fresh snow crunched under the seventeen year old's feet, as she reached a brightly-lit house. In stark contrast to its silent, dark neighbors, the house and yard before her seemed to be welcoming Christmas. The floodlights and nativity weren't enough to breath a trace of warm cheer back into her. Not even the countless strands of lights woven through the branches of snow-covered trees managed to do that.

  Even more welcoming than the cheery yard, were the lights blazing inside the house, a softly-glowing fire was just visible through partially-open curtains.

  Lacy hadn't planned on ending up here when she set out from her house. In all fairness she hadn't really planned period. She'd just known that something was bothering her, and she needed some time to think.

  Minutes had turned to hours, and the blocks became miles. Halfway across town Lacy realized that she still didn't know what it was that had been eating at her for the last week or two. It was too bad that she couldn't talk to Dan.

  That is what I always do when something is bothering me, I talk to Dan and he somehow makes everything ok, or at least survivable. For the last year he has been my best friend, the person I could tell anything, but now he doesn't have time for me.

  Waiting for a light to change, Lacy had kicked at the thin cover of snow on the ground. That isn't fair. He doesn't mean to let me down, he is just super busy now that he is Student Body President. College applications, studying for tests, it all adds up. He was busy before, but with all of the new stuff this year something had to go, I just didn't think it would be me.

  Crossing Main Street, Lacy had finally admitted to herself that her fading relationship with Dan was exactly what was bothering her. It took eight more blocks before she realized exactly why. Friends tend to come and go in high school, especially now. The days of best
friends remaining together from kindergarten on were pretty much gone. The problem wasn't that Lacy was losing her best friend, it was that she had fallen in love without even realizing it. Looking up at the street signs, she'd realized she was only a few blocks from Dan's house. Overcome by a sudden sense of boldness she decided to go and tell him what she had been thinking.

  Now here she was, stepping back a little farther into the shadows as she tried to regain the courage that had brought her this far, tried to fight the loneliness and doubts that had plagued her all week.

  It won't work. He doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend. He's always telling me I should ask out Jimmy Gines, and when I tell him I'll ask Jimmy when he asks Teresa he gets really quiet like he wishes he had the courage to ask her out. I'm not blond, or pretty like her. There isn't anyway I can compete with her, especially not if he already has a crush on her.

  A pair of lights went out in the house as someone headed towards bed, and Lacy's heart sank a little farther. I'll never do it, I'll just sit here for a couple of hours, watch all of the lights go out, and then go home hating myself for not having done something.

  A tiny quiver started to build inside Lacy as if her emotions had become too much to contain. It just wasn't fair. She was so tired of not having anyone. Her parents were too busy fighting to even remember she existed most of the time. Instead of a loving family and a secure warm home, Lacy had a tiny frozen void in the center of her heart. A cold spot that seemed to be growing now that she knew that Dan wouldn't be the one to fill it.

  Lacy thought about going back to school after the break and seeing Dan again. Instead of the comfort that she'd always drawn from thoughts of her friend, she was nearly overwhelmed by despair. He'll start hanging out with someone else, maybe even Teresa, and I'll have to watch from afar. He'll be happy and I'll be so lonely.

  The quivering had reached her outsides now, but somehow Lacy managed to take a few steps towards the house, passing a pair of brightly lit trees. I can do it. I'll walk up to the door, and tell him that I'm falling in love with him.

  Lacy made it halfway up the driveway before she started thinking about how everything was likely to play out. Dan would answer the door smiling, and then as Lacy started to tell him how she felt, his smile would change a little.

  I've seen that smile a hundred times. The one that's a bit forced, a tad awkward. It's his "how do I handle the next few minutes without hurting someone's feelings," smile, the one he uses when he feels like he has to do something just to be nice. He uses it all the time when people want to hang out with him as a way to become more 'popular', but he hasn't ever used it with me before.

  Confident steps slowed, and became tentative before stopping altogether. In that instant Lacy gave up any hope that Dan could ever be interested in her. She had seen the way he looked at the girls he was attracted to, and he hadn't ever looked at her that way.

  If I do this I'll drive him away. He won't mean to put more distance between us, but it will be too uncomfortable for both of us, and it will only be a matter of a week or two and it will be over. By the end we won't even be friends.

  That smile would be the gentlest form of rejection that anyone could possibly offer, but it would be rejection nevertheless, and Lacy couldn't possibly survive having her best friend turn away from her like that.

  Tears started to pool in her eyes, sliding down her face and falling to join the snow covering her jacket. I guess I'm a coward. At least this way I'll have a little bit of time with him before we drift completely apart. Maybe by then I'll be able to find another friend to help dull the loneliness.

  The last light in the house went out as Lacy turned and stumbled through the ankle-deep snow. The tears were coming so fast now that she couldn't see, causing her to trip over something partially hidden in the snow on her way back to the road.

  Lacy heard a door slam shut behind her, and sobbing she struggled back to her feet, seeking to flee before someone tried to come and help her.

  Running across the road Lacy heard Dan calling her name, and some traitor part of her stopped just short of the darkness, turning so she could see him running through the snow towards her.

  "Lacy, what are you doing? Your parents just called, they said that you left home hours ago. I told them you weren't here, but then I looked outside and there you were."

  Sliding gracefully to a halt before her, Dan cocked his head to the side. "What's wrong, are they fighting again?"

  Lacy shook her head and turned to walk away, but Dan gently grabbed her arm. "Wait, let me drive you home, you'll freeze in that."

  Looking down at his bare feet, Dan shrugged. "Not that I really have any room to talk mind you."

  Lacy knew that she was supposed to laugh at the comment, but it just drove home how much she was going to miss him, and the resulting wave of sadness and loss made her want to cry again.

  As Lacy turned her head so that he wouldn't be able to read her like he usually could, Dan reached out and wiped a tear from her cheek. "What's the matter?"

  Lacy started to tell him to leave her alone, but as she looked into his eyes, the words somehow changed before they left her mouth. "Once there was a girl who's best friend started to drift away from her. She tried to be understanding, but it just kept getting worse, and she missed him more and more every day."

  A fresh wave of loss rolled through Lacy as she paused. "One night she couldn't take it any more. She started walking only to find herself at his house."

  Dan opened his mouth, concern blossoming in his eyes, but Lacy shook her head and continued in a whisper. "The real problem though is that on the way there she realized that she fell in love with him a long time ago."

  Lacy couldn't look up at Dan now, but she forced the words past the lump in her throat.

  "So she sat outside his house and hoped that somehow he'd know she was out there. That he would come outside, wrap his arms around her, and take away the crushing loneliness."

  The tears were back now, and Lacy couldn't bring herself to say anything else. Not that anything else was really needed, after what she had just said the next words out of his mouth would be to tell her, as kindly as he was able that they couldn't ever be anything more than friends.

  A pair of seconds passed, awkward in their solemnity, and then Dan reached out and tenderly pulled Lacy towards him. Coming to rest against his chest, Lacy felt Dan's tears trickle through the snow on the top of her head, and slide down her already-wet cheek.

  Author's Note:

  Back in early 2009 while driving up to Idaho to visit my parents, I had an idea for a story that involved both paranormal/magic elements and cyberpunk type technology. At the time I believe I was running through 'one last pass' of Broken and as usual I was casting about for my next project.

  My wife patiently listened as I rambled on for the better part of two hours about all of the cool elements that I wanted to incorporate. Oddly enough, I usually start with the magic or technology framework of whatever world I'm creating, and then flesh out plot and character. This time was no exception with regards to where I began, but before I really got too far into the plot I started haring off into the presentation of the story.

  I was suspecting that part of my difficulties in driving traffic to my website (deansonlinefiction.com) revolved around needing more free content. A serialized story that took advantage of some of the exciting aspects of html, specifically designed just for a web format seemed like the way to go, and my 'Serial Story' was born.

  Ultimately, I ended up getting pulled into the idea of taking Broken and writing it from the viewpoint of one of my other protagonists. Not necessarily an original idea in the grand scheme of things, but a new idea for me, and one that sunk its hooks into me and refused to let go.

  I did however steal a few minutes when I was supposed to be outlining Torn and instead hammered out some short stories with the intention of submitting them to some of the paying magazines as yet another way of-you guessed
it-driving more traffic to my website.

  It was during this block of time that I wrote "I'rone"," Backlash" and "Beginnings". I seem to sometimes have a hard time keeping my projects from exploding into novels. With "Beginnings", I was fortunate in that I hadn't really spent a ton of time yet developing the characters I wanted to use to tell my 'Serial Story'. Because they were still a little nebulous, I didn't have to get caught up in their life story or a giant conflict that altered the course of their lives. Instead, I just told the story of the day that launched them onto the path that ultimately would take them in a drastically different direction than any of them expected to go.

  I learned some things about my characters, Coffee in particular, and invented Croaker as a way of taking care of a plot driver that I'd known I was going to need to implement but hadn't ever quite got around to implementing. Of course Croaker is an entirely different story all by himself, Coffee's moment in the spotlight really was the beginning of my 'Serial Story'. Not the beginning I'd originally planned on, but still one of the beginnings to a story that I was quickly finding had more starting points than I'd ever intended.

  Beginnings

  You'd think that particular afternoon at least would be one of the few where I woke up free of pain. No such luck. My implants, not those kind of implants, had been acting up for years, but the degeneration seems to have really sped up during the last few months.

  Most of the mods I got installed while still with The Company work like clockwork, but the hand razors were apparently released into service prematurely. The metal still works fine, but the flesh is another matter. I've developed severe arthritis in the first joint of each finger. One of the guys down in research suggested I just get pregnant. I almost ripped his head off before he explained something about an unknown pregnancy hormone temporarily suppressing arthritis. I told him to shut up and finish isolating it. For that I'd even suffer through daily injections.