Heaven and Mel (Kindle Single)

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Heaven and Mel (Kindle Single) Page 4

by Joe Eszterhas


  In the early fifties she told HUAC, the notorious Red-baiting un-American activities committee: "In the 1930s we put eleven hundred men into the priesthood in order to destroy the church from within. Right now they are in the highest places in the church."

  She told a friend of hers that when she was an active Communist Party member she had dealt with four cardinals within the Vatican who "were working for us."

  Communism was dead and buried. The greatest crises in the Catholic Church today had to do with pedophilia and homophobia. Mel was still worried about The Commies.

  * * * *

  I WENT HOME, not expecting to ever hear from him again. I was busy working on a thriller and a spec script exploring a Tea Party kind of populist steel mill owner.

  Mel called about two weeks later.

  He began by saying, "You know, I really liked your 'Guadalupe' script."

  I thought: Oh no, is the Blessed Virgin Mary really going to allow Mel Gibson to direct her story?

  I shouldn't have questioned the Blessed Mother. Mel wasn't calling about "Guadalupe." He was calling about "The Maccabees."

  Maccabees - Schmacabees! I had heard of them, but I didn't really know who they were.

  Mel said, "They're a family in the Old Testament, part of the Apocryphal books of the Bible."

  I said, "Part of what?"

  He sounded a little exasperated, but explained it. They were stories in some of the bibles, but not in all of them.

  The Maccabees, he explained, were a father and his five sons who led a rebellion of Jews against the Seleucid Empire (Syrians and Greeks) who'd invaded and occupied Judea in 160 B.C.

  "I think there's a great movie there," he said. "Read their stories in the Scriptures. See if you agree with me and call me. I see it as a 'Jewish Braveheart.'"

  I wasn't sure I heard that right and I asked him to repeat it.

  "A Jewish Braveheart," Mel Gibson said again.

  "Great," I said, "I'll read it."

  "Cool," Mel Gibson said. And then added, "Cool breeze."

  * * * *

  SO I READ MACCABEES ONE AND TWO and was more excited about telling this story than anything I'd worked on in a long time.

  It was heroic, grand, and powerful. It was the glorious story of a Jewish family that decided to fight for its freedom — especially their religious freedom, their freedom to pray.

  In my mind, in simple cinematic terms, it would be an epic and moving story that resonated from the Maccabees… to the Nazis and the Holocaust… to Israel's struggle to survive in the world today. If done right, I thought, it could be a monumental film.

  In more personal terms, writing this story would be spiritual penance for the sins of my father, Istvan Eszterhas, the alleged war criminal. If my father had written things that caused injury or death to Jews — then I would write something that would be an inspiration to every Jew in the world. If my father had written things that promulgated hatred, then I would write a film that would promulgate heroism and glory. If my father had written things read by hundreds or thousands, then I would write a film seen by vast millions.

  I didn't think I would ever be able to make up for the pain, injury or death that my father may have caused with his writing, but I thought that if I wrote this stirring Jewish and human story, it would be a formidable beginning to balance the scale.

  On another level, I was eager to study the Old Testament. Catholics, speaking generally, know more about saying the rosary than they do about Scripture.

  I said a prayer thanking God. I felt that God, through Mel Gibson, had handed me this story and this deeply personal spiritual opportunity.

  * * * *

  I CALLED MEL BACK and told him how much I loved the piece and how terrific a "Jewish Braveheart" would be. He seemed pleased by my reaction.

  I was still stunned and somewhat in disbelief that it was Mel Gibson who wanted to make the "Jewish Braveheart." Was he serious? Was he telling me the truth?

  Or was this an attempt to overcome the fact that his career had hit a wall: That he didn't even have an agent or a manager and that Ari Emanuel had fired him from the William Morris Endeavor agency.

  I asked Mel the question when I called him back: "Why," I asked, "do you want to make the 'Jewish Braveheart'?"

  "Because I think I should," he said, and then added, "I've been thinking about doing a movie about the Maccabees for a long time, at least ten years."

  I liked his answer and thought maybe it was heartfelt. It felt that way and I was desperate to research and write the piece.

  "How do you want to proceed?" I asked him.

  "Let's keep talking," he said. "You keep reading and thinking."

  * * * *

  "YOU KEEP READING AND THINKING" meant that he wanted me to work for free. Through the sixteen films I'd written and the thirty-plus years I'd been in Hollywood, I had never been asked to work for free.

  What always happened was that a deal was structured and the writer would be paid (in steps) for the research and the writing of the script. Not only was I being asked to work for free, but I was being asked to work for free on a complicated and hugely arced epic story with many ramifications, characters, and plot twists. The biblical story of the Maccabees took place over thirty years, a time span I'd have to somehow whittle into two hours of screen time. It was a big undertaking.

  I called Mel's publicist, Alan Nierob, who, after all, had been my own publicist for years, to explain the situation to him.

  I told him how much I loved the project for a multiplicity of reasons. I told him I was desperate to research and write it. I told him the scope of the story.

  "Mel couldn't make a deal with anybody in town right now," Alan said. "Not with the flak over those fucking tapes and with Ari Emanuel firing him. It would be stupid for Mel to try to get a deal now with anyone. For anything."

  "What about Mel himself?" I asked. "Could he pay me?"

  "Well, I can tell you this," Alan said. "It wouldn't be a good idea even to ask him right now with his divorce pending and all the other Oksana-related stuff. I don't know what his finances are like right now, but I know he feels they're not good."

  "So what do I do?" I asked. "Do it for free?"

  "All of this will settle down sooner or later," Alan said. "I'm sure of that. And then he'll be able to make a deal with somebody. Do what your conscience tells you to do."

  I didn't tell Alan that I had said a prayer to God for sending me this project… to be able to research Scripture as a part of my work… to be able to write something that would attempt to redeem my father's sins.

  Money, I knew, didn't matter when God and my heart were involved.

  Okay, I'd do "The Maccabees" for free. My deal was with God, not a studio. And not with Mel Gibson, either.

  * * * *

  I STARTED READING AND THINKING about the Maccabees and calling or emailing Mel with what I was thinking.

  I soon realized that Mel didn't know all that much about the story. He knew the Catholic version of the story, the Douey-Rheims biblical version.

  But there were lots of other books to read and I started sending him lists of books, sometimes the books themselves.

  He sent me a series of emails, sometimes obviously distracted by the events of his personal life:

  • "I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THE MACCABEES FOR ABOUT A DECADE OR MORE. IT'S BIG, BUT THERE'S A WAY TO DO IT THAT CAN SURPRISE THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE. IT'S A BATTLE EPIC BUT I CAN INVESTIGATE THE NATURE OF WARFARE IN A WAY THAT SHOCKS AND HASN'T BEEN SEEN B4 WITHOUT A BUNCH OF SPECIAL EFFECTS HORSE SHIT."

  • "SHIT U SOUND ON FIRE!!! THE MECHANICS OF HOW JUDAH COULD BE VICTORIOUS AGAINST SUCH ODDS REMAINS A MYSTERY TO ME. DIVINE INTERVENTION WAS THE FACTOR. BUT HOW EXACTLY DID THE MIRACULOUS PRESENCE MANIFEST IN A TANGIBLE WAY?"

  • "JUST GOT BOUNCED OFF HANGOVER. NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHY. THIS TOWN SUCKS!"

  • "BIG TROUBLE SINCE VATICAN 2. WHAT THE MACCABEES STOOD UP FOR IS EXACTLY THE SAME WE ARE CONFRONT
ING NOW IN CATHOLICISM. THE SIMILARITIES ARE SO STRIKING. THE FALSE SACRIFICE — THE ABOMINATION IN THE HOLY PLACE. THE CHURCH IS NOT GONE BUT ECLIPSED AND LIKE THE FOURTH CENTURY ATHANISUS, 99% HAVE EITHER FALLEN FOR IT, CAPITULATED, CAUSED, OR ARE IGNORANT."

  • "THE PROJECT ROSE TO THE TOP OF MY PILE AFTER I MET YOU. IT HAS OCCUPIED ONE PART OR ANOTHER OF MY FLAWED CEREBRUM FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS OR SO. SO HAVE THE BIG BATTLE EPICS WHICH HAVE FLOODED THE MARKET IN THE LAST DECADE OR SO. THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM THAT I THOUGHT IT WISE TO BACK OFF. SOME OF THE OFFERINGS, LIKE TROY, WERE ALMOST UNWATCHABLE, PLENTY OF TRICKS BUT SHALLOW AS A PISS PUDDLE. WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO REALLY MAKE IT MEAN SOMETHING — HAVE OUR BROTHERS WHO HAVE LOST THE FAITH BE DRAWN TO THE LIGHT. IT'S HITTING ME LIKE A MALLET! IT WILL BE HARD: WE WILL PROBABLY BE EXCORIATED. BUT WHEN ONE BEGINS TO DWELL INTO TRUTH, OTHER FORCES COME TO OPPOSE."

  • "I'M WALKING THROUGH THE MIRE OF MY OWN MAKING AT THIS TIME OF MY LIFE. BUT GOD WILL BRING ME OUT AND I WILL BE DIFFERENT. PLEASE GOD I WILL SOON BE FREED."

  • "SAW FATHER JOHN BARTUNEK A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO. GAVE A HINT OF WHAT WE'RE CONTEMPLATING. HE WAS VERY EXCITED AND SAW THE POSSIBILITY IN IT. HE IS BOUND BY THE SEAL OF CONFESSIONAL. LAST TIME I WENT IN THERE ONE OF THOSE CRITTERS WAS BALANCING A BALL ON HIS NOSE WHILE TYING UP THE PRIEST."

  • "IN THE USELESS, GREEDY, INSANE WOMAN STRUGGLE. IT TAKES SO MUCH ENERGY. I RESENT HER FOR STEALING THAT TOO!"

  * * * *

  ALL THE EMAILS THAT I RECEIVED were from Mel's email alias, "Bjorn Pork."

  It seemed a very odd name for an email alias. With all the names to choose from, why in the world would anyone choose "Bjorn Pork"?

  I asked him why and he laughed and said, "I like the sound of it."

  A woman friend of mine said, "He's a pig — that's why he's pork."

  A Jewish friend said, "Bjorn Pork. Born Pork," — pork — "anathema to Jews."

  * * * *

  I WAS PUZZLED by two Bjorn Pork emails I didn't understand.

  "TRY THE DOUAY-RHIEMS BIBLE WITH THE HAYDOCK COMMENTARY. THERE IS MORE COMMENTARY THAN SCRIPTURE AND IT TRULY GIVES A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE ON THE OLD TESTAMENT. IT'S VERY AWARE OF PREFIGURATION. E.G. THE REASON THAT THE JAMNIEN COUNSEL BOUNCED THE BOOKS IN 90 A.D. WAS A REFERENCE FROM THE MOUTH OF JUDAS MACCABEE HIMSELF THAT 'IT WAS A GOOD AND WHOLESOME THOUGHT TO PRAY FOR THE DEAD.'

  "IF THE DEAD ARE DAMNED, THEY DON'T NEED PRAYERS — IF IN PARADISE THEY DON'T NEED PRAYERS, THIS WAS AN EXPLICIT REFERENCE TO PURGATORY AND THAT DIDN'T FIT THE PICTURE FOR THE COUNCIL. LIKEWISE THE OTHER FIVE EXCISED BOOKS HAVE WHAT ARE THE STRONGEST MESSIANIC REFERENCES IN THE OLD TESTAMENT. LIKE RIGHT ON THE NOSE!

  "TOO MANY WERE JUMPING SHIP, SO THE SANHEDRIN HAD TO BURY THOSE. EVEN WITH THOSE, PEOPLE WERE CONVERTING WHICH LED TO THE NECESSITY OF ANOTHER BOOK THAT COULD OVERRIDE THE OLD TESTAMENT. THE TALMUD HAD ITS INCEPTION."

  And then there was another email about a priest named Father Bill Fulco, who had worked with Mel on "The Passion":

  "HE'S THE MAN. I LOVE BILL, HE IS THE COOLEST. HE PROFESSES AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT HERE AND CAN REALLY DRIVE HOME THE SYMBOLISM AND PREFIGURATION OF MACCABEES."

  * * * *

  "PREFIGURATION?"

  Did Mel really view our film in terms of Judah Maccabee "prefiguring" Jesus Christ?

  Was it Mel's intent to justify the Catholic theological concept of "Purgatory" by finding a line about Judas "praying for the dead?"

  Why was there a need for a "Christian perspective" on the Old Testament if our intent was to do a film about a glorious chapter of Jewish history?

  Why did we need to speak to a priest who was expert in prefiguration? Did Mel want to do a Catholic film about a family of Jews?

  Why did he see a connection between the Maccabees and Catholics and the Vatican? The connection I saw was between the Maccabees and the Nazis and today's Jews.

  My focus was the Old Testament: the Maccabees.

  His focus seemed to be the New Testament: Jesus Christ.

  Mel's stated intent to me, to do a "Jewish Braveheart," almost sounded like he wanted to use the Jews and the Maccabees to make Catholic theological points.

  Was his intent to make Judah Maccabee, the Jewish Braveheart, into a John the Baptist-like messenger for Jesus?

  * * * *

  HE CALLED AND ASKED ME to come and talk in person, to come and stay with him at his house in Malibu. He asked me to tell no one. We had to keep our potential collaboration secret; he feared that it would immediately leak into the media.

  He didn't offer to cover my airfare. I was working for free and now the project was costing me money. I had no idea that I'd be working for free for almost a whole year.

  * * * *

  BJORN PORK SENT ME ANOTHER EMAIL:

  "I HAVE VERY LITTLE HOPE OF FENDING OFF DEMONIC ATTACKS. I CHEAT AND ASK SOMETHING BIGGER THAN ME TO STOP IT. THAT SEEMS TO WORK."

  The Devil would be with us in Malibu.

  * * * *

  II.

  BRAVEHEART

  NAOMI COMES WITH ME when I go to Mel's house in Malibu. Naomi comes with me wherever I go.

  We've been married for eighteen years and in all that time, we've never spent a night apart. Even when I was in the hospital for my cancer surgery.

  I find that I'm smarter when she's in the room. Or maybe it's just that she's smarter than I am. She's my best friend. She never flatters me or bullshits me. She's a truth teller.

  So she's here for all those reasons and one other: I want her to size Mel Gibson up and give me her no-bullshit take.

  * * * *

  THE HOUSE WHERE HE LIVES, on Carbon Canyon Road, is only a few minutes away from the house where he and Robyn and their kids lived… where Robyn and some of the boys still live… in Serra Retreat.

  The house where Mel lives now was the actor David Duchovny's house when Mel bought it, as the Serra Retreat house had been rocker Rick Springfield's, as our house in the Malibu Colony had been Woody Harrelson's. It's sort of a half-assed Hollywood tradition: You buy a house that has a little bit of stardust already on it when you buy it. Mel's house on Carbon Canyon is right next to Sean Penn's house, which burned down in one of the fires.

  This is the house where Mel and Oksana and their baby, Luci, lived until their explosive break-up. This is the house where his sons come to visit him now.

  * * * *

  HE IS WAITING FOR US when we arrive, friendly and gracious, and helps us inside with our bags. He's smoking, of course, even as he totes our bags into the house. He is wearing shorts and a white T-shirt and still has the Blessed Mother medal around his neck.

  What strikes me about him again physically is his grayness. If anything, his face is even grayer than the last time, and I find myself thinking that it would probably be better for his health if he still drank. The booze would at least cut through all that nicotine in his veins.

  His body, as I watch him in his shorts, seems odd. His legs are short and skinny, his chest is hollow. His butt is prominent. His head is big. He's all eyes. He is a baby-blue-eyed troll. He's never heard of plumber's butt either: his T-shirts are too short.

  He's all charm meeting Naomi, but my wife is a beautiful woman and I know very well that Mel, as Ohioans say, has "an eye for horse flesh."

  * * * *

  WE'RE INSIDE THE HOUSE NOW, and immediately like it. It has an old feel, but I don't think it is. It overlooks a canyon that is undeveloped and seems as primitive as a jungle. In the distance, far below, is the sea. It is dazzling and sun-kissed today. The patio is child-proofed and filled with toys and goodies: Little Luci's wonderland, no doubt.

  Inside, the house is large and spread out. An open-walled patio, this one made of stone; a large living room; a kitchen overlooking the canyon; a large dining room; two other large sitting rooms; and then the corridor that leads to three guest bedrooms, one of which will be ours while we stay here. There is an upstairs, which houses Mel's bedroom and several other large rooms, one of them for Luci.

  A
cross the canyon, up on a hilltop, is an area that Edge (from U2) is trying to develop — but Mel laughs, "It's not very easy to get permits here."

  Mel's eleven year old boy, Tommy, is also here, and Mel introduces us. The boy is shy and charming and reminds us of our smallest, Lukie.

  Nick Guerra shows up — as he always will — doing anything and everything for him. He's Mel's "Man Friday" through every day. Nick Guerra is from Kansas, friendly, smart. Mel will call him "my right and left arms." Nick is here because he has brought food from the market for tonight.

  "We're having a small dinner party tonight," Mel says. "You guys are the guests of honor."

  We thank him and he says, "Make yourselves at home." He grins and adds apologetically, "I'm a little bit of a slob." He has a meeting to hurry to. He'll be back before dinner.

  "If there's anything you need, anything at all," Nick Guerra says, "Let me know."

  We thank him and sit outside on the patio in the sun, enjoying the view of the canyon and the sea. We lived in Malibu for eight years and, until this moment, I really haven't missed it.

  In every room of his house, as in every room of ours, are crucifixes, rosaries, religious statues, and icons. I wonder what part of this decor Oksana contributed. I especially wonder about the icons, many of them Russian, that we see on the walls.

  Naomi and I both like the feel of Mel's house. It feels like a holy place.

  Draped across a kitchen chair is an old, beaten-up leather motorcycle jacket — a jacket which, I will learn, is Mel's favorite piece of clothing. He likes leather motorcycle jackets as much as I do.

  Something feels weird to me, though, and at first I can't put my finger on it — but then I do. There are no animals in this house. There are kids who use this house and sometimes live here, but it is a house without animals. No dogs, no cats, no birds, no serpent named Lucifer.

  With a pang, watching the beauty of splendid Malibu, I suddenly miss the presence of our patchwork menagerie back in Ohio.

  * * * *

 

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