by Karen Aldous
‘So, when my father told me about the land, we thought it the best solution. We would build the life we wanted. With our savings and the money our parents gave us, we had to invest heavily in the road up to the campsite, channel the mountain water and make adequate drainage, then build the toilet and shower block so we had basic facilities to get the business up and running, and money coming in.
‘Space was tight but we were almost ready to bring you over. The twins were just over a year old and less demanding.’ Roz raised her eyebrows and curled the side of her mouth. ‘Well in some ways, more in others, but the time was right: a new year, a new beginning, your birthday was coming up. We had everything in place … but then, the accident.’
Olivia saw her mother’s eyes well up and wiped her own. Her breath was shaking.
Roz swallowed, her eyes drifting off to nothing but a glaze. ‘Gone in a flash. Just a sudden slip on the ice and under a truck. No time to take control.’ Her mum’s eyes flickered and focused on Olivia’s. ‘It was quick, at least, but you know all this. It’s still here.’ She laid a hand on her heart. ‘The dead cells may have dropped off, but it still aches, like it was yesterday.
‘So, back to the point,’ she sighed. ‘I don’t know what I felt: numb, guilty, exhausted. I was sorry for me, but sorry for your papa’s parents too. It felt so cruel, like I’ve told you before, to leave your grieving gran and grandad so alone after they’d lost a son. I suppose, as odd as it sounds, I felt guilt. Guilt because I had two other children, and she had none. Of course, after your papa’s funeral she insisted you come. She would be fine. She was expecting you to come and join us in Italy, and had braced herself for your departure. She had Ronnie, your grandad, but …’
She paused, again staring past Olivia. ‘I thought I’d leave it a few weeks. Leave you there a little bit longer to see her through the worst. Then, when I saw her two months later – in fact, the three of you: Nora, Ronnie, and you – I couldn’t bear to break you all up, take you away from them. I don’t think they could either.’
Olivia had heard enough. ‘This is all bullshit. You and Papa couldn’t face responsibility. You were scared to tell them about the twins in case you had to face reality and had to work for a living. It was a cop-out.’
‘No. You loved them so much. You were the one who gave them strength. I could see how much you all meant to one another, your grandfather too. They’d lost a son, and …’
Fighting back tears, Olivia clutched her temples. ‘God, you just don’t abandon your child because you feel sorry for someone. Didn’t you consider me in any of this?’
‘Please, Liv, try to understand. I still can’t explain it, Liv, I really can’t. I saw they needed you. And, I’m afraid, I put their needs before yours, or mine, for that matter.’
‘Yours and Papa’s needs. That’s all you considered. You were scared of losing him, both of you were scared to face responsibilities. You were both selfish. You couldn’t even try to put things right. You continued the lie. Didn’t it matter to you that I would have loved to be with my brother and sister? Do you not see that I’ve missed growing up with a mother and family? I can’t imagine why you think you could explain it away. It’s blatant self-centredness.’
‘It is. I didn’t think about it like that at the time though. I only saw them heartbroken, I saw you settled, and thought their need greater than mine, if that makes sense?’
‘No. Of course it doesn’t … you …’ Choking and unable to speak, Olivia felt as though her heart was tearing and raced to the steps, sobbing uncontrollably and leaning over the handrail, feeling sick with disgust.
Roz chased her, placing a cautious hand on her shoulder.
Thrashing out her arm, Olivia screamed, ‘Don’t touch me; don’t come near me.’
Roz jumped back. ‘You were happy, you know. You loved your school, were doing very well. You had your best friend Chiara, and you didn’t even know about the twins. You never met Landi and Bella; they weren’t real to you. I don’t know how or why I thought it would work. I thought your life would be better. I was justifying my decision, I suppose. I thought I had done the right thing. Nonna disagreed. She never forgave me. I let things spiral out of control. She resented me more than ever for doing it. She made … Meeting you at hers was the only way we could be together, realistically. You don’t know how sorry I am.’
‘Nonna insisted we meet there didn’t she?’ Olivia turned, her face glowing with rage. ‘God, woman, you would have abandoned me altogether. Christ. Mamma … what sort of person are you?’
‘That’s not right, I …’
‘Do you know how that makes me feel?’ she wailed. ‘Just go. I’ve nothing more to say to you.’ Gripping her throbbing forehead, she sat down unable to look at the woman, but she could hear her mother sniffling. ‘Go, get out of my life. You selfish pitiful woman. Go back to your precious twins and grandchildren.’
Trying to recapture her breath, and stop herself shaking, Olivia took some deep breaths and clutched her stomach. She felt rooted to the spot yet more than anything she wanted to flee. She could barely think, her head throbbed so much. And the woman she had called Mamma was still hovering behind her. Grabbing the rail, she stood and steadied her trembling legs, then gazed over to the where Roz was seated.
Roz held out a hand. ‘Please, Liv …’
Olivia swerved and brushed past. ‘Fuck off out of my life,’ she shouted, then picked up her bag, took a five-euro note from her purse, slapped it on the table, and ran back towards her car. The only place to go was home – back to London – and to forget her Italian family ever existed.
Chapter 19
Hugh sipped on a cool beer as he sat in the shade of the tall, canopied plane trees overlooking the town square and lake. He’d been along to Claudia de Cadenet’s antique shop behind the square earlier and arranged to meet her at the Piazza Café. Their professional relationship was still strong, and Claudia could be relied upon to supply him with antique mirrors, her speciality being gilded.
He’d collected from her premises on a few occasions and his clients were happy with his selections. It made sense to pay her a visit, as he’d come to the area. He could take anything of interest back with him even though his mind wasn’t totally on his work.
Highly disappointed with himself, Hugh realized no amount of humour would have defused the situation with Olivia. He’d held his tongue, controlled that at least, but turning up here was a huge mistake. Olivia was angry and he only had himself to blame. He had no right following her and poking his nose in where it wasn’t wanted. She had made it clear she didn’t need him to accompany her.
Why couldn’t he have just accepted that? Why did he follow her, or have this overwhelming need to protect her? He would have felt a whole lot better if Olivia had simply kicked him in the stomach. He could cope with the pain of being winded. What he couldn’t deal with was losing someone who was becoming meaningful to him.
How had he deluded himself on such a monumental scale? He couldn’t change somebody’s feelings any more than he could grow a rose from his nose. She was in love with another man, and she really was more than capable of looking after herself from what he witnessed today, following her in a hire car. Not that he regretted seeing that she got here safely, but it was foolishness trying to catch her tears when they fell, which he knew they inevitably would.
In his eyes, she was a delicate china figurine susceptible to shattering. He needed to keep her safe. He should have stayed out of sight to stop himself from meddling. Rubbing the side of his face in utter frustration, he blew out a heavy sigh, suffice to say, he’d ruined any chance of helping her, let alone having a relationship. It was wise to stay out of her hair. Possibly move on.
‘Buon pomeriggio, Hugh. How are you?’ Claudia asked, as she signalled the waiter, interrupting his thoughts. ‘Un caffe si prega?’
He got to his feet and gently kissed her cheeks. ‘Better for seeing you, Claudia.
’
‘You look weary. Business is OK?’
Hugh raised a smile. ‘Really, yes business is good. A bit tired after the drive, maybe.’
Claudia grinned flirtatiously and reached inside a large navy Givenchy bag, retrieving her phone. ‘It’s not like you. Perhaps, I have something to take that worry off your face.’
‘Oh,’ he said forcing a smile, trying to mock enthusiasm. It seemed like good idea to meet Claudia an hour ago, now, having to peer over her shoulder at her phone, he realized it wasn’t the best idea he’d conceived. ‘Sounds like you’ve been busy.’
‘Oh, it’s up, it’s down, you know, and then I had very fortunate luck.’ Lifting her sunglasses and scrolling through the gallery on her phone, she selected a photo and leant towards Hugh, long dark tendrils of hair almost dropping into his beer. ‘Look I show you. Look at this. It is impressive. It’s lucky for me. Cassone I picked up in Lucca two weeks ago. The family abroad just want the house cleared for a fee. I couldn’t believe it. Traditional Toscana, original panels, fifteenth century. Beautiful, yes? I had in mind for a couple in Boston, in the States. He asked me to find something like this for his bride-to-be; only, he emailed me this morning. It turns out, she found someone else.’
Hugh coughed, feeling empathy for this Boston man, but then clutched his fingers on his windpipe. ‘Stunning, quite a find,’ he said as he took the phone and gave it a closer inspection.
‘It is. Hartley Jnr was going crazy he said.’ Claudia guffawed, waving long manicured talons in the air. ‘A shame, but understandably he judged them a bad omen. I may have someone else but what about you? Do you know …?’
‘I’d could certainly make some calls, but you mean for me? This is major auction merchandise, surely: Sotheby’s, Christie’s, Bonhams?’
Claudia twisted her mouth. ‘I think it’s special, but I’ve made my bit, and more. You know me, Hugh; I don’t need a yacht. I just like the chase. It’s wonderful when you find it, a bonus at a huge profit, and an orgasm when it’s a perfect fit for someone.’
Unexpectedly, Hugh felt a spike of excitement in his centre. ‘What are you asking?’
‘I was asking Hartley Jnr forty K, plus shipping. For you, thirty-five.’
‘Mmm, interesting.’
‘Come along and have a look.’
‘I really don’t have the time to stop by today. Tomorrow maybe?’
‘Yes, don’t leave it too long, that’s all.’
After just fourteen minutes catching up on news and gossip with his contact, Hugh jumped to his feet. ‘I’m afraid I have to go. Sorry, Claudia,’ he said distractedly waiting for her to stand. He air-kissed her cheeks and said, ‘I’ll call you soon.’
He rushed off across the pavement and across the road to the promenade. Skipping past the café, he saw the older woman Olivia was speaking to – presumably her mother. A petite woman with dyed black hair, attractive. Although plumper than Olivia he could see where she got her looks.
The woman was adjusting large glasses on her nose and after pulling the collar of a long coat closer around her neck, she picked up a tall glass filled with red wine and tool a long sip. Peering up ahead, he began to run as Olivia almost reached her car.
Chapter 20
Olivia craved home. Lacking the brainpower to make a decision even, there was no way she could drive home. She was mentally and physically exhausted, her body in desperate need of fuel and sleep, along with somewhere quiet to clear her head. Climbing into her seat, she threw back her head and wished now she had never opened that bridal chest.
How stupid was she to imagine her mum had some rational explanation for the two children in the photo? What was she hoping to achieve? All three of them were grown up and there was no chance of ever experiencing what it was to grow up with a brother and sister. They would be close and she would always remain the outsider. And they would always resent her for inheriting the farm. Goodness knows how her mother had got around Italian laws. That would now change, however.
Starting the engine, Olivia hadn’t a clue where to go. All she knew was she had to get away from her mother. She was just slotting the car into gear when the passenger door flew open. Hugh slid himself swiftly into the seat beside her.
‘Please, Hugh. I want to be alone.’
‘I appreciate that. I know how tired you must feel too, so rather than driving back tonight, would you rather stay at a hotel? There’s one up here I was going to book into.’
She gave him a hard stare. She had been wrong earlier. He was genuinely concerned. ‘I think that would be wise. I want to get away from here and my mum though.’
‘OK, follow this road through the town and I’ll show you where to park. You can get some rest.’
Reaching the other side of the harbour, she parked, grabbed her bag, and got out of the car. She looked across the lake. The sun was slowly dipping behind the mountains. Hugh came to stand beside her and gave her shoulders a squeeze.
‘You OK?’
‘I’m sorry I blew up at you earlier. I was so angry. I still am. I don’t know what I was expecting, but she’s confirmed what I suspected and now I’ve got to deal with it.’
‘There is nothing I can say to make the hurt go away but I’ll be here for you.’
Olivia’s lips quivered and, fighting back the tears, she smiled at him before glancing back towards the lake and admiring the silky liquid reflecting the late afternoon sunlight along the surface. The result was calming and restful in comparison to the fractious choppiness of the storm, just a few hours ago. Hugh was calming too. What an awful day. The worst day of her life. The memory of her mum’s dazed expression when she’d arrived earlier in the rain was glued to her mind as if it were a photograph.
‘Do you want to sit down? There’s a bench just there.’ He pointed to it.
‘Yes, it’s beautiful. We might as well enjoy it, before the sun disappears.’
Sitting one end and placing her bag beside her, she shook her head as Hugh sat in the middle, crossing his legs and resting his arm along the back of the bench.
‘It’s so surreal. My mum must have lied to herself and everyone for so long that she believed in her own fictional world, or worlds, to be precise. I mean, she couldn’t complicate her life much more. She has virtually led a double life. Do you know, she never even told my British grandparents about the twins?’
Hugh’s eyes widened. ‘Really. Did she say why?’
‘She said they were so busy working to get their campsite up and running, they hadn’t time to get to see me. They didn’t even phone or write to them. Isn’t that disgusting, totally selfish, and unforgivable?’
‘I agree. But surely she intended to come and get you?’
Olivia huffed and shrugged her shoulders. ‘That’s what she said, but I think she’d made up her mind, or she and Dad had made up their minds that they had enough on their plate. They were more concerned with avoiding real work and responsibility and making an easier life for themselves than they were about keeping their family together. Even when Papa was killed, she must have decided to follow that road. She said she couldn’t just take me away from my grandparents after they had lost a son and we had grown so close.
‘Oh, and I’d settled at school. I must have only just started school. The twins were probably about eighteen months. It’s completely outrageous. And, from what I gathered, Nonna had never forgiven her.’ Olivia covered her face. ‘I think that’s why I’ve been left the farm.’
‘Well the twins will question it? They know that they are entitled.’
‘Yes, quite what she has told them, I don’t know. I’ve told her I don’t want it. She will have to deal with it. Sorry, but I’m not going to have anything to do with it now.’
‘You will still be entitled to your share. Your nonna would have wanted it.’
Olivia closed her eyes, and brushed her hair back from her face. ‘What a mess.’
She glanced b
ehind her at the harbourside hotel. ‘I just want to run away and go home if I’m honest but I’ve left Nonna’s in a mess and … I’m not sure what to do about Bella.’
‘Your sister?’
‘Yes, she didn’t know about me. She was upset too. My mum dragged me off to her cabin but Bella came in after a while and I think she heard at least some of the conversation. In a way, I feel I should go and see her.’
‘I did get the campsite telephone number if you want to arrange it, or if you’d like me to me to? Perhaps we should invite her here?’
‘I couldn’t cope with seeing her tonight.’
‘Tomorrow?’
Her heart raced. Was it too soon? She was close by. It would seem sensible to meet up whilst she was still in Lake Garda. It was a stunning location, Olivia thought. She couldn’t grumble about staying a day or two more if she had to. She could at least meet her sister properly. It had been a very awkward situation when they’d met face to face.
‘I suppose. As long as she agrees to come without Mum. What will I say though? I’ll need to prepare myself.’
***
It was a three-star hotel but to her, it resembled more of a four or five. Not that it was too important: she was only there a night and just needed the bed, and some shower gel. She crossed her fingers as she walked in, feeling rather silly without a suitcase.
The room was bright but stuffy. As she opened the voile and French doors to the stunning lake view, the last ray of the day’s sunshine breezed in. She grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar and drank it down before dropping on to the bed and the soft pillow.
Thoughts of Hugh and his opinion of her loomed from nowhere into her tired mind. Why was he so concerned and following her when she’d asked him not to? Anyway, it was reassuring to know she had someone watching her back. She had managed to get herself here and hadn’t crashed the car or jumped into the lake, suicidal. Perhaps he’d suspected she was volatile because she was upset the other day, and he knew she was nervous about driving. It still didn’t make sense.
