by M. F. Wild
He thrust again and pleasure rippled through me. “We’ll always have this. Just you and me. No matter what happens, if we have this”—he held me tighter and rooted in the deepest part of me, sending a shockwave through my core—“we’ll always find our way back to each other.”
The next few strokes rendered me speechless. We’d have to figure it all out another day. Because he was right. With every thick stroke, every greedy touch, every promise uttered in the climb toward ecstasy, we were finding our way back to each other.
Chapter Ten
Clare
“Clare! Wait up!”
I froze at the sound of Paul’s voice. For the past two days, I had successfully managed to avoid him by skipping all of our mutual classes. I knew it was cowardly, but I still couldn’t bring myself to face him, especially after what had happened between us the other night.
Tightening my hold on my bag, I darted toward the nearest exit of the building and picked up my pace in an effort to ditch him. I had just reached the stairwell when he grabbed my arm. Stiffening my body, I refused to turn around to look at him.
“Let me go, Paul.”
“Clare, please. Look at me,” he pleaded, keeping a firm grip around my wrist.
I hesitantly faced him. “I said ‘let me go.’ I don’t want to do this with you right now.”
He looked at me for a few seconds before reluctantly releasing me. “Fine. Then, meet me tonight. We need to talk about everything, Clare. You at least owe me that much.”
I shook my head. “I don’t owe you anything, Paul. I told you from the beginning not to expect anything from me. What happened between us was just sex. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Well, it meant something to me.” He swallowed hard, reaching his hand out to cup my face. “I meant what I said before. I love you, Clare.”
Shaking my head, I stumbled backward. “You can’t love me, Paul. We’re just friends… Friends with benefits.”
Paul’s shoulders sagged. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment Kitty and Todd introduced us at the campus bonfire. I tried hinting that I was interested, but you never seemed to notice. You were too wrapped up with Eric to see it. I tried to be patient. I tried to convince myself that you were worth waiting for. But the more time that went by, the more I began to give up hope that you would ever see me as more than just a friend. Then, that night over Thanksgiving break happened. Since then, you’re all I fucking think about. I can still taste your pussy on my lips. I can still remember how incredible it felt to be inside you. Please, I’m begging you, Clare. Just give me tonight. Let me prove to you that I can be what you need.”
A wave of nausea swept through my body. No, no, no! This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen.
“Paul, I’m in love with Eric. I know how fucked up that must seem to you, especially after we were together, but it’s true. No matter what happened between us, what I feel for him is never going to change.” At least, I didn’t think it would.
An agonized look washed over his face. “How can you honestly say you love him, Clare? I would cherish you. Love you. Just give me a chance, please. I can make you forget about him.” Before I could open my mouth to speak, Paul stepped forward and grabbed me by the waist, planting a passionate kiss on my lips. I clamped my lips together, refusing him entry into my mouth. Desperate to break the kiss, I placed my hands on his chest and shoved him away from me.
“What the fuck?” I brought my hand up to my mouth, glaring back at him, my chest heaving as I fought to catch my breath.
Paul ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends. Regret filled his eyes. “God, Clare. I'm so sorry. It’s just… All of this is just making me so crazy.”
He wasn’t the only one. Things with Eric were confusing enough as it was. I felt like everything was closing in around me. Paul’s professed love was the last thing I needed to deal with right now.
“Look, Paul, this is all getting way out of control. Maybe it’s best if we keep our distance from each other for a while. I need some time to make sense of everything.”
Paul flinched, as if my words had somehow gutted him. Swallowing hard, he nodded his head. “If that’s what you want, I’m willing to give you all the space you need. I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.”
“Thank you.”
Despite the present drama, Paul really was a terrific guy. I regretted crossing that dangerous line in our friendship—a line we could never cross back over. I was finding out there were a lot of terrific guys out there. Sexy, intelligent, caring men who could make both my body and my heart respond.
As I thought back over the last couple of months and the outrageous agreement Eric and I had reached, on the one hand, I felt empowered. I’d had experiences and fun. But with the sex came the emotional side, and not just with Paul. It was becoming tougher to keep this simple, to keep the questions at bay. I’d hurt Paul even though I’d been clear. Did Eric deserve the parts of myself I was holding out just for him? Was this arrangement with Eric worth all the pain that seemed to go along with it? Could someone like Paul…or Reed…be more if I gave either of them that chance?
Reed Michaels.
The sexy surfer was far more than an island hookup. He had made me feel things that I had never experienced with anyone. The deep connection we had shared was unexplainable and far more than passionate sex. If I was honest with myself, it was probably a good thing that four thousand miles separated me from Reed.
I dug out my phone from my bag and scrolled through my contacts, smiling weakly at Reed’s name on the screen. For what must have been the hundredth time since I left Kauai, I fought with myself over whether to press the green button that would make the call connecting me to Reed.
Maybe if I heard his voice I could make sense of everything. Maybe he was the key to figuring my way through this fucked-up place I’d put myself in. But like so many times before, I chickened out on calling him. I tucked the phone back into the side pocket of my bag, believing that I’d made the right decision to keep that part of my past in the past.
* * *
The loud tolling of the bell on the campus clock tower broke me from my trance. Fluttering my eyes, I noticed the evening sky around me. I had convinced myself that I could clear my head with a walk, but obviously I hadn’t thought things through. Not only was I on the far end of campus, I was also wearing the wrong kind of shoes. I winced at the pain in each step, knowing I still had a long walk back. The heels of my feet might never forgive me for this mistake.
By the time I made it to my dorm, every inch of my body was aching from fatigue. All I wanted was to take a hot shower and climb into bed. Maybe I would be able to see things more clearly after a good night’s sleep.
Just as I was about to pull out my keys to my room, Eric’s familiar ringtone sounded from the side pocket of my bag. Ordinarily, I would jump at the chance to hear his voice, but my run-in with Paul had simply pushed me over the edge. Between the two of them, I felt like a ping pong ball being hit back and forth. All of it was sucking the life out of me. Digging out my phone, I cringed and sent the call to voicemail. Maybe ignoring him like this was wrong, but it seemed like the only feasible solution at the moment.
Lacey was toweling off her long hair when I entered our room. When she saw my disheveled appearance, her mouth dropped open. “Holy shit! What happened to you? You look like hell.”
Exhausted, I dropped my bag by the door and collapsed across my mattress, deciding to skip the shower and go straight to bed.
“Can we talk about it tomorrow, please?” I mumbled into my pillow. The sooner I went to sleep, the sooner I could forget about everything.
There was a shuffling noise beside me, followed by a hard kick against my bed. Cursing, I pushed myself off the bed and glared at my roommate, who was towering over me.
“Don’t you listen?”
Lacey nudged me with her hip. “Shut up and scoot over.”
As I shifted myself
over on the bed, I eyed the tall bottle in her right hand. “What’s that?”
She let out a low chuckle. “Meet José Cuervo. Your new best friend.”
* * *
“Hey, this is Clare. Sorry I missed your call…”
I didn’t bother leaving another message. I’d left four. There were at least a hundred rational reasons why she wasn’t answering, but none of them settled the uneasiness that resided inside me. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it.
“Hayward! Stop dicking around and get your ass on that field!” My coach’s angry voice resonated through the empty locker room. With the end of our football season approaching, I knew how important these practices were. If we secured these last two wins, we would be headed to conference playoffs—an accomplishment this school had not seen in years. No matter how messed up my head was, I had to get my shit together. I couldn’t let my team down.
“Yes, sir!” I tossed my phone back onto my bag and grabbed my helmet from the bench. Hustling past my coach, I made my way out of the field house.
For the next hour, I’d give it my all, but the second practice was over, I was heading to Clare’s room. One way or another, I would know the reason for her silence.
* * *
“Oh, my God! I have the best idea!” Lacey bolted upright in her bed.
Laughing, I reached for the bottle and poured myself another drink. “What’s this brilliant idea?” I happened to think the tequila was the best idea she’d had in a long time. After everything that had happened today, this was exactly what I needed to take the edge off.
“Let’s play Truth or Dare.”
I frowned and set my glass down. “Uh-uh. No way. I hate that game.”
Lacey turned to face me, hugging a pillow against her stomach. “Oh, come on. It’ll be fun. We’ll just play one round. If you don’t like it, we’ll stop.”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Pleeaasse,” she whined.
God, I fucking hated when she begged like that. Having a few drinks in her made it even worse.
“Fine, but just one round,” I warned. Surely I had enough liquid courage flowing through my veins to make it through one round of this game.
Lacey beamed. “I’ll even let you go first,” she offered, rubbing her hands together excitedly.
Rolling my eyes, I started off the game. “Okay, truth or dare?”
“Truth.” She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at me. “Better make this question a good one.”
That was easy. I’d been dying to know about something for months.
“So…is it true that the dorm janitor caught you handcuffed in the basement with Brent Morrison on Halloween?”
Without delay, Lacey leaned forward and opened her nightstand drawer. When she held up her hand, a set of shiny metal handcuffs dangled from her fingertips. “Yep. And it was totally worth getting caught. The things that boy can do with his tongue…”
We busted out laughing. God, it felt so good to laugh. Maybe this game wasn’t so bad after all.
“My turn,” Lacey announced, clearing her throat. “Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” I answered, holding my breath as I awaited her question. Judging from the mischievous look on her face, I knew I was in for it.
“How did you really get your grade up so fast in Human Sexuality?”
Fuck, this was exactly why I hated this game. I looked her straight in the eye and answered the best way I could, without actually getting into the details.
“I already told you. Extra credit.”
The pillow Lacey had been hugging came flying across the room, smacking me in the head. “You little liar! Okay, now you have to do the dare.”
“What? No way! I told you the truth,” I protested.
Lacey shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t believe you, so that means you still have to do my dare.”
Shit. Maybe I should just tell her what really happened with Professor Drake, especially since he’d taken a permanent position at another college two weeks after our encounter. Still, if what happened ever got out, I would lose my scholarship. I simply couldn’t risk that happening, especially given my financial situation.
I crossed my arms, cringing inwardly at what she had up her sleeve. “What’s the dare?”
No matter what she said, I wasn’t running naked down the hallways.
Lacey tossed the handcuffs beside me on the bed. “Now that you know about my sexy encounter in the basement, I dare you to tell me your wildest sexual fantasy.”
My shoulders tensed. I’d never told anyone my wildest fantasy, not even Eric, even though he’d inspired it. Closing my eyes, I clutched the handcuffs in my hand. The alcohol flowing through my bloodstream erased my inhibitions, helping the raunchy confession roll off my tongue.
“It’s late at night, and I’m on the football field with Eric. He’s wearing his jersey. He ties me to the goalpost, naked, while two other players join us. Their hands and mouths are all over me. They take me, one by one, until I’m begging for them to fill me up. When we’re done, Eric takes me back to the showers for a private round.”
I opened my eyes, catching the wide smirk on Lacey’s face. It was then I saw she was holding up my phone.
Lacey ended the call and glanced back up at me. “What? Eric was calling your phone. I didn’t want to be rude and stop you in the middle of a dare. Besides, you probably made the boy come in his pants. Who knew you were such a dirty girl?”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “You are so dead.”
The sudden knock on our door sent a wave of panic through me.
“Don’t let him in yet. I look like hell,” I warned, trying to smooth back my tangled hair. I had barely stood from the bed before Lacey was opening the door to our room.
“Hey, Eric. Come on in.”
I nervously turned my head, our eyes locking instantly. Eric was drenched in sweat. He looked like he had come straight from the gym. We stared at each other for what seemed like forever, until Lacey broke the awkward silence that filled the room.
“You know what? I think I’m gonna go crash in Tatum and Katie’s room tonight,” she announced as she grabbed the near-empty bottle of tequila from the table and slipped it beneath her shirt to conceal it. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Lacey sang as she closed the door behind her.
Eric eyed me cautiously from across the room. The concern on his face was evident.
“Are you avoiding me for some reason? I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”
I dropped onto my bed, unsure of how to answer him. “I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot on my mind.”
Eric pulled out my chair and took my hands in his. “Talk to me, Clare. Don’t push me away.”
I sighed. “I think I ruined my friendship with Paul. You probably don’t want to hear about this though.”
“He loves you,” he muttered, his expression tight.
I shrugged because I couldn’t lie. Paul had told me as much.
“But I don’t love him. I love you.”
He released a sigh. “But you care about him. It doesn’t take long for those feelings to deepen, believe me.” He placed his hand on my chest. “Anyone who holds a part of your heart keeps you from fully giving it to me. I want all of it, Clare. I won’t share it with anyone.”
I lifted my gaze to his, fresh hope breaking through my malaise. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that you were right. We can’t keep doing this for much longer. I already know what I want. I just need to know that’s what you want too.”
I shook my head quickly, but it only made me dizzy. “Eric. No, that’s what I want too. I just want to be with you. No one else.”
He brushed my hair back and tucked it behind my ear. “You’ve got three weeks, Clare. Three weeks to face your desires and decide if you’re willing to give everything and everyone else up for me, and only me. Come Christmas, we either commit to each other completely, or we walk away from each othe
r forever.”
A feeling of panic washed over me. “But I don’t want to lose you.”
“You haven’t lost me, Clare. I just need to know without a doubt that it’s only us you want.” Eric pressed a kiss to my forehead. “We’ll talk about it later.”
Full of desperation, I grabbed him by his shirt. “No, please don’t leave me. Just stay with me tonight.”
He frowned. “That’s not a good idea, baby. Between the alcohol and our talk, you’re too vulnerable. As much as I want you, I’m not going to take advantage of you like this.”
“We don’t have to do anything. Just hold me until I fall asleep. Please,” I pleaded.
Eric reluctantly took my hand and tugged his shirt over his head, leaving his shorts on as he crawled into my bed. I pulled the covers up over us and scooted toward him, slipping into that perfect little nook. He gently stroked my hair with his fingertips. Soon, the rhythmic beat of his heart began to lull me to sleep. In those beautiful moments before I slipped away into slumber, I savored the feel of what forever could be like with Eric.
* * *
Where the fuck are you?
I hit send on the text and set my phone down on the table as I waited for Travis’s reply—not that I expected one anytime soon. He was already over an hour late as it was. I was beginning to wonder if he was even going to show up.
Bracing my elbows on the table, I raked my hands through my hair. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about Clare’s fantasy. The fact it involved me made it even more important, especially since we now had a deadline on this open relationship. As much as it hurt to think about sharing her with other guys, losing her would hurt more. Maybe by giving her this fantasy, I could somehow prove to her that I would do anything for her, even if it meant sacrificing my heart in the process.
My thoughts were interrupted when the waitress arrived with my order. “Here we are. A number three special with cheese. Can I get you anything else, sweetie?” She set the large plate of food in front of me.
