by Emma Miller
Finally, Bram couldn’t put it off any longer. Their errands were done, and the tired look on the children’s faces told him it was time to go home. As Bram led them to the buggy still tied at the courthouse, he exchanged a glance with Ellie. Was this what a family was supposed to feel like? He would give anything for more days like this one.
Out of habit, he scanned the streets surrounding the square while he boosted the children into the back of the rig. LaGrange was a much smaller town than Goshen, in the next county over. There were a few cars and several buggies, but the county seat wasn’t crowded.
Then Bram saw it. A maroon Packard purred up State Road 9 from the south and passed by just half a block away. The fragile buggy was all that stood between Bram and the car, and his stomach plummeted to his feet just the same as if he had been standing exposed on the curb as the car drove slowly by. He gripped the sides of the buggy with cold fingers as he watched the Packard cruise through the small town, then on to the north.
“Bram, are you all right?”
The black tunnel of his vision cleared. Ellie was staring at him, and all three children looked at him with solemn faces. He took a deep breath, forcing his fingers to release their hold.
“Ja, I’m all right. Just thought I saw someone I knew.”
Ellie kept her eyes on him but didn’t say anything more. That worry line had shown up again.
Bram turned Partner toward the south, heading down Hawpatch Road before turning west, toward the Stoltzfus farm. His mind raced, matching the pace of his heart. If he took a roundabout way, there was a chance they’d be able to get home before Kavanaugh found them.
He worked the reins in his sweaty hands, trying to get a better grip. He felt like swearing, but the words stuck in his throat. He had let his guard down and had made the fatal error of underestimating Kavanaugh. Worse yet, Ellie and the children were in danger. He was trapped by his own stupid mistake.
Glancing behind them at the empty road, Bram adjusted the reins again and took a deep breath, forcing himself to relax.
He had panicked, and panic was deadly. Kavanaugh, if it was Kavanaugh, hadn’t seen him. He gave himself a mental shake and checked the road again. He just had to get Ellie and the children home safely.
* * *
Ellie watched Bram as he leaned forward on the buggy seat, the reins tight in his hands, his jaw set. What could have gone wrong this time? Ellie cast her mind back over the morning, but she couldn’t think of anything that would have made Bram angry. It had been a fun family outing.
Catching her breath at this thought, she turned her face to the dusty roadside. With Bram beside her, she could pretend they were a complete family. How could she have let him worm his way this far into their lives...into her heart? Bram had been honest with her, letting her know his future plans. He wasn’t Amish, in spite of his upbringing. He had turned his back on the Amish once, and he would do it again as soon as his work here was done. He wasn’t a man she could count on being there for her children. He wasn’t a man to fall in love with.
She turned to check on the children in the back of the buggy. Susan had fallen asleep, lying on the narrow seat. Johnny sat beside her, his new hat on his head, watching the roadside. His face was the picture of little-boy contentment. She had grown used to his sullen expression and downturned eyes, but ever since Bram had taken him into that ball game, Johnny had been a different boy. Bram’s attention had brought back the boy she knew before Daniel’s accident.
Danny sighed on her lap and turned his sleeping, sweaty face upward. She leaned closer to him to catch his sweet baby scent. Why did they have to grow up?
A sudden thought stopped her. Danny would grow up, and he would never have any memories of his father, only the stories she could tell him. Susan had been so young—did she remember anything about Daniel? And Johnny’s memories were already blurred. He told stories of going fishing with his father, or traveling with him, but Ellie knew he had never done those things. Daniel was just a dream to him.
Ellie would never forget her husband, his plans. He had longed to give his children the home he had never known as an orphan, handed off from relative to relative until he ended up with Hezekiah and Miriam. His only goal had been for his children to know a life he had never lived, but now she was the only one left to keep his dreams and his memory alive.
Her mind flitted over the morning. Bram had been so loving and caring, making the children laugh at his jokes and surprising them with ice cream. The memories of Daniel she tried to keep fresh for her children would never bring them the same joy.
Bram turned in the seat and took a long look down the empty road behind them. When he turned back to the front again, his jaw was clenched. Maybe he regretted taking them to town and the time it had taken from his work. Whatever it was, he was acting as if this morning had never happened. Was it something she had done that brought this change?
“Denki,” she said. Her voice felt muffled in the hot air.
Bram turned to look at her, his body jerking as if he had forgotten she was there.
“Denki for what?” His words were clipped, sharp. Was he angry? She really didn’t know him well enough to tell.
“Denki for driving us to LaGrange, and for the material...and for lunch...” Her voice faltered. He wasn’t listening.
Bram nodded, his eyes hard, and then he turned and chirruped Partner into a faster trot, although the horse was already covered with sweat.
“Bram, I’m not in a hurry to get home.”
He looked at her again, then behind them. His face was a blank, stony mask. He licked his lips and glanced behind them once more.
“Ja, you’re right.” He pulled Partner to a walk but shifted in his seat with a restless kick of his feet against the dashboard.
Would he tell her what was wrong? She had to know if she had done or said something to make him act like this. It had happened before, this abrupt change from tender and attentive to hard and angry.
Trusting Gott was one thing; she could rest in His all-powerful care. But trusting a man? Ellie glanced at Bram’s face, still hard and closed. He looked back at her, and his eyes softened. Without a word he transferred the reins to one hand and put the other on top of her hands enfolding Danny. He gave them a gentle squeeze while the corners of his mouth turned up in a reassuring smile.
Ja, she could trust this man.
Chapter Fourteen
Susan and Danny were both still sleeping when they reached the Stoltzfus farm, and Johnny’s head was nodding.
“I’ll carry Susan in for you.” Bram followed Ellie into the Dawdi Haus. She nodded toward the bedroom on the left as she took Danny into the other one. The dim room was cool after the brassy sunshine, and Bram laid the little girl on the bed with the blank-faced doll leaning against the pillow.
Johnny followed them and crawled up on the other side of the bed, his eyes closed already. Bram took the boy’s new straw hat off his head and smoothed the brown curls. Johnny’s face was flushed but peaceful. No cares troubled him.
Bram swallowed, a stone of regret lodged in his throat. Had he ever been this innocent?
“They’ll all sleep for a while after the excitement of the morning,” Ellie said as he returned to the kitchen.
“Ja, you’re right.” He stood in the center of the small room that spoke of Ellie everywhere he looked, from a jar of flowers on the table to the neatly folded dish towel draped over the pump handle. The serene order soothed the panic slamming around in his head ever since he had seen that Packard in LaGrange.
Every time he came to the conclusion that it couldn’t be Kavanaugh’s car, another part of his mind convinced him it was. It was as if the car was following him, haunting him with an unseen presence.
Ellie opened a cabinet door and got out two glasses. “I have some ice down in
the cellar. Would you like some mint tea?”
“That sounds wonderful-gut, but if I’m going to stay for a while, I have to take care of Partner.”
“Ja. I’ll bring the tea to the glider. It’s shady out there.”
As Bram unharnessed the horse, his thoughts went to that maroon Packard again. There had been something about it that wasn’t quite right, and the answer hovered on the edge of his thoughts. He let Partner take a quick drink of water at the trough by the pump and then tied him to a tree in the side yard, where he could crop the grass along the shady side of the fence.
The sparse rows of strawberries caught Bram’s eye. Some of the plants were still holding on, and they had better survive, for Ellie’s sake. Her heart was set on making money from those berries, and any other year it would have been a sure thing, a good investment. But the way this summer was turning out, it looked as if she was going to lose everything.
He met Ellie at the glider and took the glass full of ice and green mint tea that she handed him. He breathed in the scent of mint as he took his first swallow. It gushed down his throat, cool and sweet.
“Ach, this is good. Where did you get the ice?”
“Years ago my Grossdatti built an icehouse. All the neighbors harvest the ice on Emma Lake in the winter, and we store it for them. Ben and Reuben brought a block for me yesterday, and I keep it packed in straw in the cellar.”
As Bram kicked at the grass under the glider, setting it in motion, his thoughts went back to that Packard. What could he do if that had been Kavanaugh? He had made the mistake of convincing himself they were safe in LaGrange, but he could never take Ellie’s safety for granted. He hated ruining the end of their day together, but he had to warn her about the danger.
“Are you feeling better?”
Ellie’s question interrupted his thoughts.
“What do you mean? I feel fine.”
“I just thought... I mean, ever since we left LaGrange you’ve seemed like you were upset about something.”
Either she knew him better than most people, or he was losing his touch at controlling his feelings.
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing to do with you or the children.” He had to tell her. He hated to have her living with the same caution he did, but if Kavanaugh came around, she had to know enough to protect herself from him.
“Ellie, I have to tell you—” He stopped, looking at her profile as she sat quietly, waiting for him to speak. What he had to tell her would ruin that trusting innocence. Wasn’t there another way?
* * *
Ellie wiped a thumb-wide swath through the condensation on her glass, waiting for Bram to continue.
“When I lived in Chicago, things were pretty rough.”
She glanced at him. He sat with his forearms resting on his legs, dangling the cold glass between his knees. She didn’t want to hear about his Englisch days, but he still belonged to that world.
“What do mean?”
He shrugged his shoulders and sat up, taking a drink of his tea. “You know, the mob, the cops.” He looked at her. “I did some things that you wouldn’t like.”
“Does it matter, what I would approve of?”
He took another swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he watched Partner crop the grass along the fence. When he looked back at her, his eyes were dark with regret.
“Ja, Ellie, it matters. More than I ever thought it would.”
She looked away. Ja, it mattered.
“A man in my kind of work makes some enemies, and I made one of the worst kind.”
“Ach, Bram...” Ellie cast about in her mind for an answer, her heart breaking. “Our way is to love our enemies and to pray for them.”
“Not this kind of enemy.” Bram’s voice was harsh, his eyes focused on his glass. He upended it, draining it, and then turned to her. “I grew up hearing the teaching of the church, with the ‘love your enemies’ and all that, but I don’t think the church fathers dealt with the kind of men I’ve seen.”
“Ne, they didn’t have gangsters in the old country, but you know the stories of how our ancestors were persecuted and hunted down like criminals, and yet the doctrine of nonresistance stood the test during that time.”
“And how many died? Maybe they should have fought back. Maybe sometimes there are things worth fighting for.”
“Nothing is worth disobedience to Gott.”
“Even the safety of your children?”
Ellie choked down a sob in her throat. She didn’t know how she would act if someone threatened her children, but the church’s teaching was clear.
“We are not to resist those who are against us.”
Bram put his empty glass down in the grass as he stood, sending the glider rocking. He paced over to Partner and ran his hand along the horse’s neck and then abruptly turned back toward her.
“This man I’m looking for is evil, Ellie. He has killed before, and he’ll kill again without a thought. He would hurt you and the children only because I care about you. He has to be stopped.”
“With force? With violence?”
“He doesn’t understand any other way.”
Ellie shifted her eyes from his. Were there really such evil men in the world? Men beyond the reach of Gott Himself?
Bram knelt in front of her, capturing her hands in his, spilling her tea.
“Ellie, promise me, if you see an Englisch stranger hanging around, or if he comes to the farm...” Bram stopped. He wiped one hand across his eyes as if trying to erase a nightmare. “If you see anyone, tell me. Don’t talk to him. Don’t tell him anything.” Bram tightened his grasp on her hands. “Don’t...Ellie, don’t trust him. This man, his name is Kavanaugh, and he’s dangerous. If you see him, send someone to get me—Ben or Reuben. Can you do that?”
Ellie stared into his eyes, seeing her own fear reflected there. What would she do if this stranger came around? If she sent word to Bram, the way he asked, would he use violence against this gangster? On the other hand, if she warned Bram, perhaps he could escape from this man and save himself.
“Ja, Bram, I will, but only so you can avoid him. I don’t fear for myself, only for you.”
Bram reached one hand to that stubborn lock of hair that never stayed put and tucked it behind her ear.
“I’ll try my best to keep you safe, Ellie. You have my word on that.”
* * *
Bram kept Partner at a walk all the way home from the Stoltzfus farm. He had rushed out of LaGrange so fast that he had risked his horse’s health. Well, better risk the horse than Ellie and the children.
But then, really, what good would it have done? No matter how fast he pushed Partner, a car could overtake them. His mouth went dry as the scenario played itself out in his mind—he could have lost everything.
That Packard. One elusive detail flicked at the edge of his mind. He closed his eyes, trying to capture a picture of the car in his memory. Chrome. That car in LaGrange didn’t have any chrome trim. Bram laughed out loud in his relief. What kind of idiot was he to be jumping at every car he saw?
But just as quickly, the memory of his panic sobered him. It could have been Kavanaugh just as easily as someone else. The gangster was in the area, and Bram was almost certain he had been recognized in Goshen that day with Matthew. As long as he stayed here, he would be haunted by his past.
Should he leave, then? Get back to his original plan and keep moving on? He had known he shouldn’t get tangled up with a woman.... Now it wasn’t just his safety he needed to worry about. This whole affair could cost both their lives.
In all his years of working and living undercover, living the lie that had become his life, he never thought he would let himself get ensnared like this. But this time was different—this assignment had been screwy from the beginning. Who ever
heard of going undercover by being yourself? And now he was in trouble. Big trouble. Not only had he been spotted—maybe—but for the first time in his life, he wanted to stay in this cover.
For the first time in his life, he had something to work for, a life to build. If he was free of Kavanaugh, free of his past, he could turn his farm into something worthwhile, something for a family.
Bram rubbed his palm over his face.
Ja, in any other job he would say it was time to get out. But where would he go? Mexico was the only option he could see.
What about Ellie and the children? That morning’s trip had given him a glimpse of the family they could be together, but now that vision was slipping away as quickly as a piece of ice melting on a hot afternoon.
He loved her.
He couldn’t love her; he wouldn’t love her. Loving her would only make her a target for Kavanaugh, and he wouldn’t be foolish enough to risk that.
But it was too late.
He loved her.
He felt that now-familiar upsurge of calm, like a cool-silk breeze. God knew he loved her.
But what could he do? If he stayed here, they would all continue to be in danger. Kavanaugh was too close. If he had recognized Bram in Goshen that day, he wouldn’t give up until he found him. There was nowhere he could hide.
If he left...
If he left, he would be leaving Ellie behind.
Ellie and every hope for his future.
A sudden idea sent a chill through him. What if she went with him? He could buy another car. She and the children could come with him to Mexico. They could start a new life there and never have to worry about Kavanaugh again.
Partner turned into his lane and stopped at the barn door, but Bram didn’t move. He had to follow this thought through....
If Ellie came with him, they’d have each other. He’d take care of them. They’d have a ranch down there, and Johnny would love being a cowboy.
