“God, you’re so beautiful,” Cole says, brushing the curls off her face. He puts his hands on either side of her head and caresses her earlobes with his thumbs. Olivia closes her eyes and lifts her chin. He bends down to find her lips and their tongues tangle. “I love the way you kiss,” he whispers.
“Then don’t stop,” Olivia says.
Olivia smells his woodsy cologne with a hint of musk and smiles. She bought it for him the other day while shopping with Lexie at the mall. The kiss deepens and she tastes the chocolate candy bar he ate moments before. The lights flicker and they stop and sit up. Olivia brushes her hair back with her hands.
“Everything all right down there?” asks Elizabeth from the top of the steps.
“Yes, Mom. We’re just watching a movie.”
The kids hear the door close and Cole finds Olivia’s lips once again. She falls back on the sofa and pulls him on top of her and softly moans.
“God, Lib, we gotta stop.” Cole sits up. “You’re on fire tonight and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“But I like kissing you,” she says.
“Well, I love kissing you. That’s the problem. Stopping at kissing. You drive me insane inside. Christ, I’ve never been with a girl that makes me feel the way you do.”
Watching Olivia and Cole make out is beautiful and frightening. I know they are falling in love. Since the party, they spend as much time together as they can. Olivia has dance and Cole has baseball, but what free time they have they spend with one another.
The first time Bryan kissed me I thought I was going to die. My entire body quivered and I just wanted more. I wanted someone to care about me my entire life and I finally found that in Bryan – or so I thought.
He didn’t kiss me until the second date and then it was as if neither of us could get enough of each other. The kissing led to other things fast, things I had no idea about but Bryan taught me. He never made me feel incompetent or naïve. He led and I followed, learning as I went.
Sometimes, we’d drive an hour to the beach and just sit, side by side, listening to the surf pound the beach and watching the flat horizon swallow the blazing sun.
There was this private beach fronted by luxurious homes and we’d pretend that we lived in one of the mansions. We’d imagine what it looked like inside and describe certain rooms to each other.
Bryan always described a game room equipped with every gaming system ever made, pinball machines, pool, air hockey and foosball tables, a flat screen and a poker table. I’d usually describe a master bedroom with a gas fireplace, spa area, walk-in closets with tons of drawers and hooks and baskets to store things and a comfy reading area equipped with a flat screen mounted on the wall in case I wanted to watch TV.
Bryan was so easy to talk to and yet I always felt like there was something he was hiding, something that he was ashamed of. He never talked much about his family and when I asked, he’d somehow manage to change the conversation. He was good at that.
It was as if he had two lives, the one with me and the one that involved his work and home and family. I had never been to his apartment and he never asked me to go there. It was as if he wanted to keep that half of his life separate. I thought it was strange and yet it added a certain mysteriousness that appealed to me.
I was happier and more confident and able to shrug off Tracey Carmichael’s nasty comments and actions more easily.
“Did you mean that?” asks Olivia, sitting up and straightening her top.
“Which part?” Cole says.
“The part where I drive you insane.”
Cole smiles and nods. “Yes, Lib. I meant it.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
“It’s a dangerous thing.”
“I thought you were a daredevil?”
“But I’m not stupid. And I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What if it’s what I want?”
“Look, Lib. I’m crazy about you. These last few weeks you’ve turned my world upside down. But I don’t want to hurt you. I want to take it slow.”
“How many girls have you been with anyway?”
“Not going there,” Cole says. “But I’ve never been with anyone like you. I never felt about any girl the way I feel about you.”
“And how do you feel?”
I sensed the words were hanging on his tongue, ready to drop, but he was holding back, not wanting to scare Olivia. So, he changed the subject. “Ready to meet Lexie and Tallen for miniature golf?”
“We could cancel.”
“Are you kidding me? And miss beating the two of them in one of the hottest matches of the year.”
Olivia laughs. “OK. OK. You win.”
Bryan and I played miniature golf once. We saw Tracey and Chase there. We were a couple of holes behind them. Chase waved but Tracey ignored us.
“Who’s that?” Bryan asked.
“Tracey Carmichael and her boyfriend, Chase.”
“That bitch from your school?”
“The one and only.”
“Want me to whack my ball so it hits her?”
“Don’t you dare. She’s not worth wasting your time on.”
“I wouldn’t consider it a waste of time. I’d consider it a good use of my time.”
“Bry, stop it.”
“OK. OK. I won’t do it.”
Bryan kept his word but I noticed that he stared Tracey down every chance he got.
The next day in school, I overheard Tracey tell her minions in the locker room about seeing me and Bryan.
“She really has a boyfriend,” Megan said.
“Yeah,” Tracey said. “And he’s hot. I can’t imagine what he sees in the Goodwill…”
I came around the corner. “Girl. Actually, Tracey, he likes the hot, wild sex we have. He can’t get enough of it.”
That shut Tracey up. For the first time ever she had no comeback. Truth was, Bryan and I got to third base, but we always stopped before we went any further. Of course, Tracey didn’t have to know that. Let her think I was the slut she always said I was. If I admitted it, maybe it would take the wind out of her sails.
Olivia and Cole get to the miniature golf course just as Tallen and Lexie pull in.
“So what’s it tonight? Couples against couples or girls against guys?” Tallen asks.
“Let’s do girls against guys,” Lexie says. “OK with you, Lib?”
Olivia nods. They get their clubs and balls and head to the first hole. The course has a pirate’s theme and includes a huge wooden ship that incorporates a couple of holes on its lower level and a couple on its top level.
As they play the course Lexie and Olivia discuss their plans to spend the night with their boyfriends. Lexie has told her parents that she’s staying at Olivia’s house and Olivia has told her parents that she’s staying at Lexie’s. In reality, they are spending the night at Tallen’s house, whose parents are attending a corporate convention in Las Vegas.
“Everything set?” Lexie asks.
“I think so,” Olivia says. “I don’t think Mom and Dad suspect a thing.”
“Look,” Lexie says. “Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Just because I’m sleeping with Tallen doesn’t mean you have to sleep with Cole.”
“I know that.”
“Besides, I’m older.”
Olivia laughs. “By one year. By the way, did you get them?”
“Yeah. Got the pills the other day. I went to the clinic downtown. No way was I going to my regular doctor. Definitely don’t want my parents to know.”
“What are you girls whispering about?” Cole asks.
Lexie snickers. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“It’s not nice to keep secrets,” says Tallen, pulling Lexie toward him and kissing her.
“It’s girl talk,” Lexie says. “Stuff that you guys wouldn’t be interested in.”
“Wanna try us?” Tallen asks.
Lexie shakes her head. “Nah.”
The guys win t
he game and they decide to pick up a pizza and take it to Tallen’s house to eat.
“Anyone want a beer?” Tallen asks. Cole takes one but the girls stick with Diet Pepsi.
Tallen lives in a contemporary log home with a floor-to-ceiling fieldstone fireplace in the great room. It has six bathrooms and a theater, billiard room and custom bar on the lower level. A long lane lined with trees leads back to the home, which sits in the woods.
“Kind of dark back here,” Olivia says.
“You get used to it,” Tallen says. “We lived in a development like you and Lexie. Mom and Dad didn’t like having neighbors so close. Out here, you can walk out in the backyard naked and no one will see you.”
“Do you?” Lexie asks.
“What?”
“Walk out naked.”
Tallen smiles. “No, but I have gone skinny dipping before.”
“Hmm,” Lexie says. “That might be fun.”
“We’ll be sure to try it when it’s warmer,” Tallen says.
I wondered what Tallen’s parents did for a living. This place was amazing. I especially liked the log pergola in the back for outdoor entertaining.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in Lexie’s, Olivia’s or Tallen’s house. Each of them is beautiful yet different. They are the kind of houses Grandma and I used to look at in magazines while we were waiting in line at the grocery store. The kind Bryan and I would pretend we lived in at the beach.
Sometimes, when Grandma wasn’t home and Bryan was over, I imagined what it would be like if we were married and it was our apartment. One time, Bryan and I were in my bedroom making out and Gram came home. He hid in my closet until she went to bed and then sneaked out.
Tallen and Lexie head for his bedroom, leaving Olivia and Cole alone.
“Do you ever think about it?” Olivia asks.
“Now what are you talking about?”
“Going all the way.”
“Of course I think about it. Do you?” Cole asks.
Olivia nods.
Cole pulls her toward him. He kisses her top lip, then her bottom lip and her mouth opens and they fall into a deep kiss. The kind of kiss that is the beginning of so much more.
There are a lot of things I remember about Bryan. His strawberry-blond hair. The way his light brown eyes with gold specks danced. The way he made me feel as if I was the most important person in the whole world. He was the only guy in my entire life who loved me, who wanted me.
But the thing I remember most is the way he held me. I had never felt so safe in anyone else’s arms. He was the shelter I had been searching for my entire life, the rock that I so desperately needed. I had never grown so close to anyone so quickly and I knew that it was more than just a crush. I felt with every part of my being that we were meant to be together, forever. That’s why I gave myself to him. That’s why when he left and Grandma died, I had no reason to live. That’s what I thought, anyway. And then I realized too late that you can’t let life take your life. You have to be strong.
Chapter 29
“I told you not to ride on his motorcycle,” Tom yells at Olivia. “Now look at your leg.”
Olivia burned her calf on the motorcycle exhaust pipe. The burn, about the size of a baseball, is painful and red and oozing.
“Sorry,” Olivia says. “I should have listened.”
Tom puts ointment on the burn and covers it with gauze. His voice is laced with anger and disappointment. “You know, Lib. Sometimes parents do know what they’re talking about.”
He points with his head to her neck. “When you get that?”
Olivia feels for Cole’s class ring dangling on a silver chain around her neck. “Last night.”
“How serious are you guys, anyway?” Tom asks.
Olivia’s face turns red. “Dad.”
“Don’t Dad me. I was young once, too, you know. Look, Lib, you’ll always be my little girl. Even when you’re ninety. I want what’s best for you. I like Cole. He has a good head on his shoulders. He’s a hard worker. But he’s heading into his senior year of high school and then has college. You still have a couple of years before college. Just don’t get too serious too soon. You have your whole lives ahead of you.”
He shakes his head and looks at Olivia’s bandaged leg. “And damn it, no more motorcycle.”
I remember Grandma having the same conversation with me about Bryan. Not the motorcycle part; the getting serious too soon part.
“You like that boy, don’t you? A lot,” Grandma said.
I nodded.
“Well, don’t like him too much too soon. You have a couple of years of high school yet and I’m hoping you go to college.”
“But, Gram,” I said, “we can’t afford college.”
“I did some checking and you’ll get a lot of financial aid because we don’t have much money. For once, being poor counts for something. As long as you have the grades, you shouldn’t have a problem. Course, you’ll have to work part time during school, but the finance man at the college told me that there are jobs on campus. Like in the library or cafeteria.”
“I can’t believe you’re already checking on college stuff.”
“Never too early for that, Sarah. It’ll be here before you know it. I want to make sure that you have the means to go if it’s what you choose to do.”
“What if I don’t want to go to college?”
“You’ve seen the kind of life we have, barely scraping by, living from paycheck to paycheck. I thought you wanted better than that.”
“I do.”
“Well, education is what will get you there. Sitting around wishing for it won’t make it happen. Buying a lottery ticket and hoping to win won’t make it happen. Not that I haven’t tried that. Hard work will make it happen, and I expect you to work hard. Don’t let me down, Sarah. Don’t let me down like your dad did.”
“First, Matt wasn’t my dad. He provided the sperm that made me. That’s it. So don’t ever compare me to him. And, Gram, you got to know that I would never let you down on purpose. I love you. You’ve been wonderful to me all of these years. If it weren’t for you, I would have ended up being raised in a stranger’s home. So I’ll try. I’ll really try to do the best I can do to make you proud of me.”
“That’s all I’ve ever asked for,” Grandma said. “Your best.”
“So was your dad pissed when he saw your leg?” Cole asks.
“Very.”
“He probably hates me.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who didn’t listen. I’m the one who touched the stupid hot muffler with my stupid leg. It’s not like you made me do it.”
“True, but I coaxed you into going on the cycle ride, knowing that your parents told you my cycle was off limits. I should have at least insisted that you wear long pants.”
Olivia changes the subject. “Coming to the picnic tomorrow?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
Olivia’s parents are having their annual Labor Day shindig and invited Cole’s family.
“I told you my parents can’t come, right? They’re going away for their twenty-fifth anniversary.”
“How romantic.”
“Yeah. Dad surprised Mom. She doesn’t know where he’s taking her.”
“Do you?”
“No, he wouldn’t even tell me. All I know is that plane tickets are involved.”
“I’ll miss seeing you tonight,” Olivia says.
“I’ll miss you more. Wish you were hanging out with me instead of Lexie.”
“I wish your stupid ass friend Tallen hadn’t broken up with her and made her so miserable. What gives anyhow?”
“He’s stupid — what can I say? Lexie is drop-dead gorgeous and lots of fun. Just between you and me, I think he really likes her – too much. It scares him because he’s never liked anyone as much as he likes Lexie.”
“He has a great way of showing it.”
“He can’t handle it so he’s running,” Cole say
s. “That chick he works with who’s always coming on to him just made it easier.”
“He’s an asshole,” Olivia says. “Lexie even went on the pill for him. I don’t blame her for giving up on guys.”
“You’d never give up on me, would you?” Cole asks.
“You’d never drop me, would you?”
“Not in a million years. I’m crazy about you.”
“Even though we’ve never done it like Lexie and Tallen?”
“Lib, why do you get hung up on that so much?”
“Because I know you’ve been with other girls.”
“But never with anyone like you. It will happen when the time is right. No pressure. No, ‘We gotta do it because everyone else is.’ I want it to be perfect for you.”
Few things in life are perfect. I thought that Bryan was.
Turned out he vanished one day and I never heard from him again. It was as if he were a figment of my imagination, as if he never really existed. And yet I know that he did. The baby growing inside of me was proof of that. I knew that the night things got out of hand too fast and the condom sat unopened on my nightstand something would happen.
Grandma kept asking me where Bryan was. Why wasn’t he coming around anymore or calling. Finally, I told Grandma that I didn’t know. For the first time in a long time, Grandma held me as I cried in her arms.
I realized how little I actually knew about Bryan, how secretive he was about the part of his life that didn’t include me. I didn’t know where he lived. I didn’t know where he worked. I didn’t know where his parents lived, or if they were even alive. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if Bryan grew up here or moved here. Every time I’d ask these kinds of things, he’d change the subject or grow quiet. So after a while, I just stopped. It was better that way. And what did it matter anyway? The only thing that mattered was the present and our future. Of course, that’s when I thought we had a future. That was before he left without even saying goodbye.
“Libby,” Elizabeth calls. “Lexie’s here.”
Lexie finds Olivia in her room. She’s sitting on her bed reading the newest issue of Teen Entertainment. Daisy is curled up beside her.
The Moment Keeper Page 15
