“I don’t understand,” Zach said. “Where is this coming from? Did I do something wrong? I thought everything was going so well for us.”
Zach stared across the table at Traci as she tore little strips from her beverage napkin. He forced himself to wait patiently for her reply. He felt anger beginning to bubble up in his stomach. Why would she bring him here to have this conversation? Was she trying to avoid making a scene? Zach furrowed his brow. If she thought that a couple of people scattered across the restaurant were going to keep him from protesting her breaking up with him, then she didn’t know him very well, after all. He didn’t really give a shit what anyone thought of him.
“I just think that it’s time for me to find someone more, you know, mainstream to be with,” Traci said. She never looked up from her napkin as she said those words.
Zach leaned back in stunned silence. He knew exactly what Traci was implying, but he had never thought he would hear words like that coming from her mouth. He had told her on their second date that he was a bear shifter, and she hadn’t flinched for a moment. By their fifth date, he actually shifted in front of her. She remarked on how badass his bear claws looked, but never once said anything to make him believe she had any hesitations about dating a shifter. She had always rolled with the punches and been surprisingly cool about the fact that he was half bear.
“How can you say that? Especially now, with the baby coming,” Zach said. The night before, Traci had run from the bathroom of her apartment waving a positive pregnancy test around in excitement. They had both been overjoyed, and had stayed up until the early hours of the morning making plans for their future child. When Zach saw his clan members at work today, he had struggled to keep his mouth shut. He wanted to scream the news from the rooftop. He was going to be a father. A father! The only reason he didn’t say anything to his crew yet was that Traci had asked him to keep it quiet for the moment. She had grand ideas of doing some big “reveal party” where they would spring the news on all their friends at once. Zach found the idea of a reveal party a little ridiculous, but it seemed important to Traci and so he agreed.
And now, less than twenty-four hours later, she was sitting here telling him that she didn’t want to be part of his life anymore.
“Look, I know this is probably a shock,” Traci said, breaking into Zach’s thoughts. “But I’ve thought about this long and hard all day. To be perfectly honest, I’ve been thinking for several months that maybe dating a shifter wasn’t the life that I wanted. I like you as a person, but I’m not so sure I can handle you as a bear.”
“But, things have been going so well. We’ve been having the time of our lives together. And now we’re having a cub together. I mean, a baby. How can you just say this all means nothing to you?”
“You’ve been having the time of your life. I’ve been struggling with the relationship. I have been for some time. I didn’t want to say anything because I wanted to be sure of my feelings before leaving you. But, last night, when I found out I’m having a baby, it made me realize that I need to stop being on the fence about all of this. I don’t want to live my life always wondering whether I should just go find someone normal, who doesn’t shift into a freaking bear. I don’t want to spend my life dating someone society would consider a freak, if they only knew what you were hiding under the surface. I don’t want my baby to feel like an outcast, or like his or her parents are different and weird. My baby deserves better than that.”
“Our baby, Traci. The baby is ours. Half of its DNA is mine. The baby itself will likely carry the shifter gene. You can’t just sweep the whole bear thing under the rug.”
“Yes, I can. And I will.”
Zach started to get angry. “No, you can’t. Do you honestly think I’m just going to sit by and let you act like I don’t exist? Even though it will shatter my heart into a million pieces, you can break up with me, if you really never want to talk to me again. But you can’t just keep me from my child. That baby is mine, too.”
Traci narrowed her eyes at Zach and lowered her voice. “This baby is mine. I’m telling you right now what you’re going to do. You’re going to tell everyone we broke up. Say it was me, say it was you—say whatever you want, I don’t really care. Just say we’re through. Don’t tell anyone about the baby. As far as you know, this child never existed. I’m dead to you, and this child is dead to you. I’m going to go far away from this dead end town, and start over like I should have done years ago. Don’t try to stop me, and don’t try to find me. If you do, I will get an abortion, and then neither one of us will get to see this child. Not only that, but I will out your clan. I will tell everyone and anyone who will listen that you and your friends are half-bear. I will make sure your life is miserable, and that everyone thinks you’re a monster. I’ll tell law enforcement that you’re dangerous, and need to be contained. Do I make myself clear?”
Zach stared at Traci in stunned shock. He opened his mouth and tried to squeeze out words, but his throat had gone completely dry, and he couldn’t manage to say a single thing. Traci must have taken his silence as acquiescence, because she stood slowly and walked out of the restaurant, leaving her half-drunk glass of iced tea sitting on the table next to Zach’s margarita on the rocks. The ice in both glasses started to melt, and beads of condensation made tiny little rivers on each glass. The waiter came by and asked if Zach wanted to order any food, but all Zach could do was hand him his credit card.
“Something came up. I have to go,” Zach said, struggling to keep his voice even. The waiter nodded, and quickly ran off with the credit card. A few moments later, the waiter discreetly dropped off the card and the receipt for Zach to sign, seeming to sense that Zach needed privacy. Zach went into autopilot mode, signing the receipt and putting his credit card back into his wallet. He blinked a few times, trying to stop the hot tears stinging at the back of his eyelids. He picked up his margarita glass and downed the cold beverage in one long series of gulps. Then he stood and walked outside, shielding his eyes against the bright sun, that now felt like it was betraying him. Nothing felt sunny or happy in his life. Traci had just made what she knew was a checkmate move.
Traci knew Zach couldn’t risk outing his clan. He’d spent long hours confiding in her about how difficult things could get if the wrong people discovered that a clan of shifters existed. His clan did their best to blend in with society and not make waves. Zach slipped behind the steering wheel of his truck, cursing himself for ever trusting a human. She held complete power over him now that she knew his secret. And what could he do? She’d made it clear that he couldn’t chase after her, or she’d have an abortion. Then the baby would be gone from his life for certain. Even once the baby was born, and that danger was over, he couldn’t very well waltz in and demand a DNA test. Traci would laugh in his face, and tell him to go right ahead and do a DNA test. She would make sure to point out the strange abnormalities in the test and demand further testing, which would show what a monster Zach was. No court would ever award him custody of a child when it knew he harbored a bear within him. Worse, if his child had the bear shifter gene, he might inadvertently reveal that, and then his child would face the scorn of society as well.
Still on autopilot, Zach drove back to his apartment building and walked the three stories up to the small one bedroom that he had called home for the last few years. He and Traci had been talking about getting a place together when their respective leases both ran out. In fact, just last night they had discussed finding a house to rent. Something with a little bit of a yard, where Zach could set up a barbecue grill and Traci could have a little vegetable garden.
“So fucking idyllic,” Zach said as he slammed the front door to his apartment shut behind him. “I should have known that was all too good to be true. I should have listened when other shifters warned me that a human could never truly love a shifter.”
Zach kicked off his boots and lay down on his back in the middle of his tiny living room. He stared up at the ce
iling fan for a long time, watching it spin in consistent circles, stirring up the hot, humid air without actually cooling anything down. After about an hour of fighting it, Zach let the tears come. He cried for the love of his life that he had just lost, and for the baby that he would never get to meet. He wanted nothing more than to march up to Traci and demand to have a part in his child’s life, but she had made it clear that she would rather terminate the pregnancy than allow him to be a part of the baby’s life. Zach had never met this tiny little shifter whose tiny little heart had barely started beating, but he already loved the little stinker.
Zach slowly sat up and wiped at the tear streaks making their way down his cheeks. Because he loved that little baby, he would do what he had to do. He would be strong, for that little one’s sake. He would tell the clan that Traci had broken up with him, and leave it at that. He would let Traci go, but he would keep track of her. He would watch from afar as his baby grew up, never letting on that he knew where Traci had gone. And, maybe one day, he could figure out a way to be a part of his child’s life without endangering the kid or his clan. Maybe when the baby’s shifter side started showing itself, Traci would come begging him to help her. Then he might have some leverage to be part of his child’s life on his terms.
All he could do was hope.
So, Zach told his clan that Traci had left him. And he withdrew into himself. For a long time, he didn’t go out when the clan grabbed beers after work. He always made up some bullshit excuse, saying that the work week had exhausted him or that he thought he was coming down with a cold bug of some sort. At first, his clan members let him get away with this, assuming that he was still getting over a painful breakup. But as time went on, they tried to push him to move on and forget about Traci.
Zach couldn’t tell them that, although his love for Traci had long since faded into a dull hatred, his love for his unborn cub would never fade. It burned like an unquenchable fire in his chest. Zach had no contact with Traci, but he got on Google and figured out how to roughly calculate what the due date for the baby would have been. The closer he got to late May, when the baby would be born, the more he tried to figure out where Traci had disappeared to. But she had vanished like a ghost, leaving no trail behind her. Their few mutual friends didn’t have any idea where she had gone. Zach even hired a private investigator, but the detective couldn’t find Traci, either.
The years went by, and things changed for Zach and his clan. They finished their stint in the army, then became forest firefighters. Eventually, they were outed as shifters to their ground crew of firefighters, and became smokejumpers to avoid further exposure. It took a little time to get used to the new gig, where jumping out of airplanes was included in the job description. But, eventually the clan members seemed to settle into their new life, even finding lifemates.
But each new human lifemate that joined the crew reminded Zach of his own experience with loving a human. Logically, he knew that not all humans were like Traci. But his heart couldn’t let go of the idea that these women were just biding their time, waiting for an opening to take down the clan. His dark disposition worsened with every passing day, and he knew he had become nearly unbearable to be around. He didn’t care though. He couldn’t find the energy anymore to care about anything other than finding his child. He had no leads. He had no new information. He didn’t know whether the kid was still alive, or even whether it was a boy or girl.
The only thing he knew is he would never feel truly at peace again until he found that child or died trying.
Chapter Four
*** Present Day ***
Zach awoke to a sharp pain in his ribs. He cracked his eyes open and winced at the bright sunlight that hit them. The sharp pain in his ribs repeated, and he let out a small howl.
“Dude, what are you doing? Did you go off and get drunk in town last night? Too good to just get drunk with your boys anymore?”
Zach opened his eyes fully and tried to focus on the blurry figure above him. Ian towered over him, holding a mug of coffee and wearing a scowl on his face.
“Too bright,” Zach whimpered out. His head felt like it might explode at any moment from the hammer-like pounding rhythmically beating against the inside of his skull. His mouth felt drier than cotton, and he could feel his lips cracking. He tried to lick them, but his tongue was too dry to be of any help. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this hungover. To his left, his pants and shoes sat in a crumpled pile. He had no idea how they’d gotten there, or why he wasn’t wearing them.
Ian’s steel-toed boots made contact with his ribs in a swift kick, and Zach realized that his alpha was responsible for the pain in his side as the now-familiar sharp sensation radiated across his chest.
“Ow, stop it,” Zach said in protest. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with me?” Ian said with a snort. “I think the better question would be what’s wrong with you. I’ve been pretty tolerant of your attitude over the last several years, but it seems to be getting worse by the day at this point. Look, we all felt really badly for you when Traci left you—”
Zach interrupted Ian with a low warning growl. He hated the sound of Traci’s name, and most of the time the crew didn’t dare to mention her. But Ian seemed to have reached some sort of breaking point, and was determined to let Zach have it.
“I know you really loved her, Zach. But you can’t live in the past forever. You have to move on and live your life. This constant moping around has to stop. This insistence on being rude to your crew members’ human lifemates has to come to an end. Also, you need to fix the door that you smashed in last night,” Ian said, giving Zach another kick in the side for good measure.
“This isn’t about Traci,” Zach roared out. “And don’t say that bitch’s name around me.”
“I don’t believe for a second that it’s not about Traci,” Ian said. “The day she left you, the old Zach disappeared. The fun-loving, kind, all-around good guy that you used to be just vanished. In his place is this angry shell of a person who becomes more withdrawn with every passing year. If you’re not still hung up on Traci, then where is all of this angst coming from?”
Zach stood with a roar, despite the fact that the effort required to do so made him feel like he was going to pass out. “There are things you don’t know about, Ian. Things you can’t know about. We can’t all go blissfully through life like you, believing that humans are actually good and accepting of us. Some of us have had to face the harsh reality of human betrayal, and it’s not pretty.”
“I’ve had human girls break up with me before, too,” Ian said, getting right in Zach’s face. Zach winced at the stench of morning coffee breath that blew into his face, but he couldn’t really complain. If his breath smelled anything like his mouth tasted, then Ian was probably smelling a mixture of morning breath and stale whiskey right now.
“It wasn’t just an ordinary breakup,” Zach said, his voice turning quiet and steely.
Ian shrugged, sloshing a little of his coffee over the side of the mug as he did. “You keep saying that, but you can’t give me any reason that Traci leaving you was so special. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it pretty much looks to me like it was an ordinary breakup. It’s time to get over it. It’s been almost five years, and you still mope around like she broke your heart yesterday. Get your life together, man.”
Zach’s only response was another steely glare, and Ian let out a sigh before heading for the stairs that led up to his office.
“And be nice to Bailey,” Ian yelled out over his shoulder as he climbed the stairs. “She’s a good girl, and Trevor really likes her. She’s going to be around here for a while.”
Zach let out an exasperated grunt as Ian’s office door slammed shut. Then he sank back to the floor and sat cross-legged, looking around the large, open airplane hangar and trying to remember how he had ended up passed out on the floor in here.
Since the crew didn’t have their ow
n airplane, they had converted the hangar into a workroom. Sewing machines, which the crew used for parachute repairs, lined the wall. Neat stacks of gear stood ready and waiting for an emergency fire call, although it would likely be at least another month before the wildfires started up again.
Zach squeezed his eyes shut and tried to piece together memories from the night before. He remembered getting angry about Trevor showing up with Bailey. He recalled taking a pie box from the table and storming off to a bar in Red Valley. He’d stopped at the first neon beer sign he’d seen, and the place had been surprisingly cozy. He remembered sitting down at the bar next to a pretty, red-haired nurse, and then ordering whiskey and eating pie. After that, things got fuzzy.
He reached to pick his pants up from the floor, and realized that they were damp. Had he pissed himself last night? Horrified, he gave the pants a quick sniff, and was relieved to find that the dampness seemed to be just water. He stood again and pulled the pants on, ignoring the bothersome sensation of damp denim against his skin. He didn’t know if the rest of the crew had woken up yet, and he didn’t want anyone else to see him hungover and traipsing around with no pants. He grabbed his shoes in his hands and walked out the front door of the hangar, then looked toward the bunkhouse to his left. As far as he could tell, no one else had woken up yet. Hopefully, he could sneak in and get some fresh clothes without anyone else seeing him.
As he stepped out of the hangar and onto the cool ground, he felt mud squishing between his toes. He looked down, and saw that the dirt on the edge of the parking lot had been turned into a tiny swamp. When he looked over at the trees across the road, he saw their branches glistening in the bright morning sun. It looked like their leaves were all soaking wet.
An Ember To Bear (Fire Bear Shifters 5) Page 3
