“I knew you were going to throw a fit about this the soon as you found out,” Ian said wearily. “Look, I’ll tell you what has to stop—and it’s not my letting humans on base. It’s your letting humans hold your heart captive with fear. What kind of a bear are you, anyway? Always cowering in the corner when there’s a human around. Always looking over your shoulder, like there’s someone just waiting to expose you and ruin your life. That’s no way to live, Zach. If you choose to live that way, that’s on you. But I’m not going to force the rest of the crew to wallow in bitterness and fear just because you do.”
“Maybe it’s not the best way to live, but it’s the way I have to live,” Zach said. “And maybe I am over-paranoid, but you’re under-paranoid. You keep trusting people that you don’t know that well, and one of these days it’s going to come back to bite you.”
“I don’t just make these decisions lightly, like you seem to think,” Ian said. “Bailey may be human, but she’s one of the clan now. She’s agreed to be Trevor’s lifemate, and I don’t doubt her loyalty. She deserves to be treated with respect and trust. And she deserves our help with her new business. She needed to hire an employee, and she found someone who helped save her life at the hospital. Mindy also selflessly loaned Bailey money when Bailey had nothing. I don’t have any reason to doubt that Mindy is a wonderful human, who just wants to help out one of our clan members. Mindy’s being on base for a few hours to help Bailey out here and there is not putting our clan at any significant risk. Nobody’s going to shift around her, and nobody’s going to tell her that we’re shifters. It’s really no more risk than when one of us goes into town and walks around. Unless there’s an emergency and a reason to shift, Mindy will never know that she’s working in the middle of a bunch of bears. And an emergency could happen anywhere, at any time—not just at the hangar. Having Mindy around isn’t some big, extra risk.”
“She’s a big risk to me,” Zach said. “Don’t you get that?”
By the end of his sentence, Zach had raised his voice and was yelling. He knew Ian’s patience with him was running out, but he didn’t care anymore. Zach just wanted to leave, and he wanted Ian to know how he felt before he left.
Zach’s yelling caused Ian to lose his temper, too.
“And why is it such a big risk to you, specifically? What makes you so special?” Ian yelled, putting his face directly in Zach’s face.
“Because every time I see her, my bear gets demanding and restless,” Zach said, before he really thought about what he was saying. “I can’t deal with that. I can’t be attracted to a human.”
Ian’s eyes widened with surprise at Zach’s words. He blinked silently a few times before responding.
“Your bear wants her?” Ian asked, his voice returning to a normal tone. “Wants her, as in…is drawn to her?”
“Yes, is drawn to her. Meaning exactly what I know you’re hinting at—my bear thinks that Mindy is my lifemate. But there’s no way that’s happening. I can’t have a human for a lifemate. If that’s my only option, then I’ll just remain single. I refuse to trust any of their kind again.”
Ian’s expression softened somewhat at Zach’s words. “Zach, you know better. If she’s your lifemate, you won’t be able to just push those feelings away. You’ll feel incomplete and empty until you let her into your life. But, more importantly, regardless of whether Mindy is your lifemate or not, you have to find a way to get past this bitterness that you feel. I know Traci hurt you. I know you think I don’t know all of the details and can’t understand. But, while I may not know all the details, what I do know is this: you used to be full of life, and happy. Even after the rockslide where we lost most of our clan, and you almost lost your life, you have always been strong. You’ve been a solid, steady person, who could withstand any heartache. I don’t know why Traci leaving you affected you so badly, but, as your alpha and as your best friend it kills me to see you like this.”
“Well, it kills me too, believe me. But the more you try to get me to trust humans again, the more you just alienate yourself from me. I’ll never trust them again,” Zach said, his words thick with hatred.
“No one is saying that you have to trust every human fully, or even that you have to trust any human fully, at least not right away. But you should take some small steps to learn how to stop living your life in complete fear. If you find yourself drawn to Mindy, then why don’t you just ask her to have lunch with you? It doesn’t even have to be a date. It can just be lunch as friends. Tell her you want to buy her a meal to apologize for the way you yelled at her. And don’t try to say you didn’t yell at her. I know you did, because you yell at every human that comes by here, and then you come yell at me,” Ian said, crossing his arms and giving Zach a disapproving look.
Zach looked sheepishly down at the floor. He did have a pretty bad track record.
Ian uncrossed his arms and continued talking. “You don’t have to do anything at lunch except be a polite, normal person. Just one meal, Zach. If you give it a fair chance, I think you’ll realize that Mindy is an outstanding human with a good heart. She would never betray her friends.”
“I thought the same thing about Traci,” Zach spat out.
Ian sighed. “I tell you what: eat one meal with Mindy. Keep an open mind, and give her a fair shot. If you still tell me that you honestly think she’s some huge risk to the clan, then I won’t let her work around here anymore. But you have to give it a fair shot. I think once you do, you’ll see that she’s not so bad, after all.”
Zach shook his head sadly. “How am I supposed to do that? I can’t just go having meals with a woman who might be my lifemate. It’s only going to make the magnetic draw worse.”
“Well, maybe that’s not such a bad thing. Like I said, I think she’s a great person. And, if you’re drawn to her, that’s all the more reason you should give her a chance. Maybe you’re missing out on an amazing lifemate because of your stupid, bitter prejudices. This is my offer, Zach. Take it or leave it. But if you want Mindy gone, you’ll have to go have a meal with her first. If you do that, and in all sincerity tell me afterward that you still don’t want her around, then I’ll tell her to go.”
“You’re being unreasonable. I don’t even want to talk to you anymore,” Zach said, then snarled at Ian and pushed his way into the bunkhouse. But Zach knew deep down that he was the one who was being unreasonable. He felt himself faltering in his decision to pack up and leave. Maybe he should just take Ian up on his offer. Zach didn’t want to have lunch with Mindy, because he feared where it might lead—both for reasons of not trusting humans, and for reasons of worrying that Mindy was his lifemate. But what Zach did want was to prove Ian wrong. And if all he had to do to get Mindy banned from base was to spend one hour having lunch with her, then maybe it would be worth it. Feeling a little guilty, but a little smug, Zach turned on his heel. He headed out of the bunkhouse and back to the hangar.
He held his head high and strode through the large, open back doors. Then he walked right up to where Mindy and Bailey were leaning over a large container of assorted glass beads, waiting for them to notice him and look up. Their faces both took on a guarded, suspicious expression when they saw him.
Zach took a deep breath, and tried to muster up as much sincerity in his voice as he could.
“Listen, Mindy,” he said. “I think you and I got started off on the wrong foot, and I’m really sorry about that. I’m sorry that I stormed out of here in anger, and I’m sorry that I flipped you off the other day at the hospital. I also want you to know that I really appreciate your driving me home from the bar the other night. Would you be willing to let me take you to lunch, as a gesture of my appreciation for what you’ve done for me? You can pick the place and the day. If you’re going to be around here working with Bailey all the time, then you and I should at least be on decent speaking terms. What do you say?”
Mindy looked surprised, then narrowed her eyes at Zach. “This isn’t supposed to be a
date, is it?” she asked.
Zach resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Why did women always think that every time you ate a meal or had a cup of coffee with them it had to be a date? “No, not a date. Don’t worry. I just want to get lunch together as friends.”
Mindy paused for a moment, still looking unsure of herself. She looked Zach up and down, as if trying to decide whether he was pulling her leg or something. Zach felt a pang of guilt, since he did have an ulterior motive. But he told himself that it was for the good of his clan, and tried to keep a pleasant, neutral expression on his face. Finally, Mindy nodded.
“Okay,” she said. “What about next Tuesday? There’s a pizza place a few blocks away from the hospital where I work that I really like. It’s called Jim’s Pizza. We could meet there at noon.”
“Sounds good,” Zach said. “I’ll see you then. And, in the meantime, I’ll leave you two ladies to your jewelry.”
Zach turned and hurried out of the hangar. He had to get away from Mindy before the bear inside of him went completely wild. He had never felt his inner beast get so excited at the mere sight and smell of a woman. But every time he saw Mindy, the feeling only grew stronger. Traci had certainly never had this effect on him. As soon as he disappeared out of the hangar and around the corner, he paused to take a few deep breaths. Just as he felt his breathing returning to normal, he heard Bailey’s voice drifting out of the building.
“Wow. I’ve never seen him be so nice to anyone,” Bailey said. “Especially to someone he barely knows. You must have the magic touch.”
Zach winced at Bailey’s words. He wasn’t being nice. He was being an asshole, and acting like he cared about Mindy in an effort to keep her away from the hangar. He felt his resolve to have lunch with Mindy weakening. He hated the feeling of uncertainty that clouded every decision he made these days.
With his mind swirling, Zach ran back to the bunkhouse, and went up to the deserted top floor. The crew used the area up there for storage, and hardly anyone ever went up to the room. Zach lay down on his back on the dirty wooden floor and stared at the ceiling, sneezing a few times at the dust he had stirred up. He needed to be alone for a few minutes to have some time to think.
It wasn’t just Ian who didn’t know who Zach was anymore. Zach realized that he didn’t even know himself. He used to believe that he was a good person, but now he wasn’t so sure. If he took an honest look at himself in the mirror, could he really say that he was the kind of person he would want to be friends with? He had become bitter and mean, but he didn’t know how to change that.
Zach sat up slowly, and looked around the dark, dusty room. Then he stood up and walked over to where several storage boxes with his name on them had been taped shut and piled into neat stacks. He pulled down two of the boxes to reveal a third box that wasn’t sealed. Looking around to make sure that he really was alone, he pulled the box down and opened it. Inside, he sifted through piles and piles of folders, each containing records of search after failed search in his effort to locate his cub. His whole life was in this box. His whole, failed life.
Zach had to wonder if he was really the kind of man who would make good father, anyway. He used to value words like kindness, integrity, and honesty. But now, he had become a bitter shell. Lying and conniving to keep happiness from those who could still find it.
“I’m sorry, little one,” Zach said, his voice breaking. “I’ve let you down. Not only have I not found you, but I’ve become the kind of man that you wouldn’t even want to find you. Maybe it’s time that I let you go. I’ll never stop looking for you, hoping against hope that around every corner I might suddenly see a little face that looks like mine. But maybe if I let the idea of you go, and come to terms with the fact that I might never meet you in this life, then I can actually start living again. I can actually start becoming the kind of person that I hope you might one day be.”
Zach stood up and looked around until he found the bin of office supplies that he had known was among the piles of boxes. He found a roll of packaging tape, and went back to the box of papers about his long-lost child. He sealed the box, putting strip after strip of the clear packaging tape across the faded, brown cardboard. He didn’t just stop at sealing the box flaps, though. He kept going, covering every square inch of the box with tape until the whole thing looked like one big, glossy block.
Feeling confused and scared, but strangely hopeful for the first time in a long time, Zach picked up the box and placed it at the very back of the pile of his things. Then he gave the box a little kiss before starting to arrange other boxes around it to hide it.
“Goodbye, little one,” he said. “I’ve sealed you away for now, but I promise you I’m doing my best. I hope that one day we do find each other, and I hope on the day that we do, that I’m a much better person than I am today.”
Zach left the box there in the top floor of the bunkhouse, along with a piece of his heart. He went back down to the bottom floor and decided to go for a jog instead of packing up a duffel bag to leave.
Abandoning his clan wasn’t the answer. But maybe, coming back to them was. He would find a way to once again be the person he used to be.
Chapter Eight
Later that afternoon, Mindy climbed into her car after several hours of making jewelry with Bailey. Her fingers and her eyes both felt tired, but her heart felt full. The afternoon had been challenging and fun. Bailey knew a surprising amount about handcrafting jewelry, and Mindy had found herself fascinated by the process. Mindy also found herself fascinated by Bailey herself. Even though Bailey had lost a longtime colleague in a fire, and almost died herself, she remained upbeat and optimistic about life. Between giving instructions on how to design jewelry, Bailey had chatted Mindy’s ear off about everything from her new boyfriend to her favorite taco fixings. The girl was a lot of fun to be around.
The only part of the day that hadn’t gone so well was the moment that Zach had seen them walking into the hangar. Mindy hadn’t necessarily expected Zach to give her a warm welcome, but she hadn’t expected the huge outburst of anger her presence set off, either. Bailey had told her not to take it personally, because he acted that way toward everyone. But Mindy hadn’t been so sure about that. It had seemed to her like it had been her specifically that set him off.
She had done her best to push him out of her mind and get down to business with Bailey. And, for the most part, she had succeeded. So what if Zach had big muscles and a handsome face? He had also proven that he loved to act like an asshole, and Mindy didn’t have space in her life for assholes. She had settled happily into choosing beads with Bailey when Zach returned and asked her to let him take her to lunch sometime. Mindy had hesitated at first. She wasn’t sure that Zach’s request was sincere, given his unkind behavior toward her. And then she thought, to her horror, that he might be trying to ask her out on an actual date. She would have turned that down in a heartbeat. Her interactions with Zach thus far had been almost entirely unpleasant, and she wasn’t interested in dating a guy like that, no matter how good-looking he might be.
But once he assured her that he wasn’t trying to date her, she hadn’t seen the harm in agreeing. After all, she had really enjoyed the time she spent with him at the bar the first night she met him—until he go too drunk to stand up straight. Maybe lunch with him might actually be fun. And, if she continued working with Bailey, she would probably be seeing Zach quite often. No sense in making things more awkward than they needed to be. Hopefully, eating a meal with him would help smooth out the rough edges of their fledgling friendship.
Mindy started preheating the oven for a frozen pizza. She didn’t have the energy to cook anything tonight, and she didn’t feel like waiting for delivery. She flopped on the couch while she waited for the oven to reach the proper temperature, and was about to flip the TV on with the remote when her phone started ringing. To her surprise, the caller ID displayed the number for Red Valley Orphanage. Her stomach clenched up as she answered the call. She
’d never had a call from the orphanage outside of business hours, and her first thought was that something had happened to one of the kids.
“Hello?” she answered, her voice sounding squeaky and nervous.
“Mindy, hi. It’s Mr. Stewart.”
Mindy frowned. His voice sounded calm, and even conversational. But he must have a reason for calling at this time.
“Hi, Mr. Stewart. How are you?” Mindy asked cautiously.
“I’m good. Listen, I know we discussed letting you adopt once you had fifty thousand in your savings account, but we’ve just had another child join the agency, a little girl. I feel like she’s such a good fit for you that I would be willing to let you start the adoption process with her right now.”
Mindy felt the breath leave her lungs. Was Mr. Stewart trying to play some cruel joke on her? He had been so against her adopting that it seemed suspicious.
“Mindy?” he asked. “Are you still there?”
“Yes, I’m here. Um, I’d definitely be interested in that. How old is she?”
“She’s four. Almost five. Her mother died in a car accident a few years ago, the result of a drunk driving incident. No one has ever been able to find any family, and there’s no father listed on the girl’s birth certificate. The mom seemed to have a history of drinking too much and being in and out of trouble with the law, so it’s possible she didn’t even know who the father was.”
Mindy felt her heart beating faster with excitement. Was this really happening? Was she really going to have a chance to have a little girl of her own? She tried to tell herself not to get too excited until she knew for sure that Mr. Stewart was actually going to go through with this.
“Why are you changing your mind all of a sudden?” she asked. “What makes you think that this girl is such a good fit for me?”
Mr. Stewart sighed. “I just do, okay? Are you interested or not?”
An Ember To Bear (Fire Bear Shifters 5) Page 7
