Yeah. That sounded about right.
Chapter 10
Mandy…
I was half afraid Zander would stand me up. The potential of him disappearing after last night… Well I tried valiantly to banish the thought from my head, but the anxiety just kept creeping back in. I was hard at work in my kitchen and Soul Fuel was so incredibly busy! As soon as the first hour had gone by and I saw what we were selling the most of, I immediately started in making more of them. Just when it looked like we were going to run out of the truffles I completed a double batch, which was in all reality a double batch of what was a quadruple batch of my grandparent’s original recipe.
“Mandy-girl!” Zeb called from the doorway in his rich and melodic accent.
“Yes?” I asked looking up from the marble countertop I was scraping fine curls of chocolate off of for decorating purposes.
“Someone to see you girl,” he said and my heart leapt. I felt my breath catch in my throat as he stepped aside and where I thought I would see Zander, my mother stood wringing the strap of her handbag between her hands.
“Mom!” I cried astonished and wiped my hands on my apron. She rarely went anywhere without daddy and I ran my tongue nervously over the slight split in my lip from yesterday.
“Oh, um, I’m here by myself,” she said and asked, “May I come in?”
“Of course!” I stepped around the counter and pulled two stools out from under its top. I got up on one while my mom hopped up on the other.
“Are you okay?” she asked me quietly after the silence had dragged out for a moment or two. I smiled.
“Absolutely.”
“That boy who came to the house yesterday…” I smiled in spite of myself.
“Zander? He’s not a boy mom, he’s like ten years older than I am!” she searched my face, worried.
“Is he in a gang?” she asked.
“Nope, The Sacred Hearts is a club. Not a gang.”
My mother and I both turned sharply at the sound of Zander’s voice in the kitchen doorway. He stood in his typical style of long shorts and a sleeveless shirt under his black leather vest, a couple of full, brown paper bags in his large hands. He padded into my kitchen on those soft rubber-soled red canvas high tops of his and set the bags on the counter between me and my mom, one of his massive arms circled my waist and he stood hip to hip with me, turning those chocolate caramel colored eyes of his on my mother, searching her face.
“He touch you after I left?” he asked her and my mother blanched and shook her head. I put a hand on my mother’s arm.
“It’s okay mom. Zander’s a good guy,” I smiled a reassuring smile.
“John Alexander,” he said, holding out a hand to my mother.
“Melinda Price,” she made to shake Zander’s hand but at the last second, he turned it in his grasp with that devil may care smile of his and kissed my mom’s knuckles like some kind of old fashioned gentleman.
“Oh my!” My mother laughed and smiled and put a hand to her chest flustered.
“Mom just got here,” I murmured.
“Want me to come back later?” he asked, eying us both. I smiled and shook my head, my mother smiled too.
“No, that’s all right John, please stay.” She shot me a questioning look and Zander grinned.
“Look, I’m real sorry we had to be introduced like this after yesterday going down the way it did,” he had the grace to look embarrassed, “But, I’m not sorry I said anything that I said to your husband and I mean it. He touches you or Mandy again I’ll be there.”
I fixed my eyes on my mother’s wedding set where it sparkled under the kitchen light.
“Jim’s not normally like that… I think he was…”
“Mom stop! It’s okay, you don’t have to make excuses for him anymore!” I rubbed my forehead, “I’m not anyways… Dad’s been like that my whole life and the older I get the worse he gets. I just wish I knew why he hated me so darn much.” My mother looked positively heartbroken in that instant.
“Oh Mandy-girl, oh Baby, he doesn’t hate you honey… he hates me.” She took my hands in hers.
“Why, Mom?” I asked, desperate for an answer to the question that had been plaguing me since I was a child. “And why would he disown me like that?” I stared at her and let the pleading look on my face finish doing the talking for me. My mother’s face collapsed into lines of sorrow and the din from out in the shop lessened by half. We turned, Everett leaning on the inside of the closed kitchen door.
“Hello Everett dear,” my mother said, ever so polite.
“Hi Mrs. Price,” Everett smiled but it was watered down.
“Perhaps some privacy would be best for this,” my mother tried, but failed. I shook my head.
“Mom, Everett is family as sure as anything and Zander…” I looked at him and he gave me a crooked smile.
“Mrs. Price I’ve loved your daughter for a while now and I’d really like to be here for her if it’s all right with you,” he said and my mother’s look softened.
“You have to understand it was a long time ago,” my mother said and sniffed. Everett went over to the paper towel dispenser and ripped two out, bringing them over to my mom.
“Thank you,” my mother said and dabbed at her eyes.
“Mom, just tell me, please?” I pleaded. She took a fortifying breath and let it out slowly.
“I’m so sorry Baby Girl. I cheated on your father, before you were born and the man I was unfaithful with…” she rolled her lips and I blinked and swallowed hard.
“You what?” I asked and my voice sounded hollow. Zander’s arms tightened around me where I sat. I stared at my mother in stony silence while I tried to process what she was saying.
“He was a high school sweetheart of mine. Your father and I, our marriage was in trouble and… He was a member of our church and a good man. When we all three saw what it was doing to Jim and I’s marriage, when the guilt became too much… David left and then I found out I was pregnant and we couldn’t be sure and then you were born and…” Everett put her arms around my mother, heck our mother and hugged her as she dissolved into sobs. I swallowed hard, unsure how to feel right this second but no matter what mistakes were made, and by whom… I slipped off the stool I was perched on and Zander let me go, my arms going around my mother.
“I love you mom,” I sniffed and held her tight. I would not cry.
“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out somehow,” I murmured but I wasn’t sure how you figured something like this out, I mean… holy geeze! Wow. I looked at Everett over my mom’s head and I think she looked as poleaxed as I felt. Zander’s hand was a warm, comforting weight at the small of my back as he lent me silent strength from behind.
“I think your whole family needs to talk, Red,” he said and my mother nodded emphatically.
“Come on Sunday?” my mother asked hopefully.
“Daddy doesn’t want me there,” I said exasperated, playing our last exchange over in my mind.
“No, he does, I’m certain of it. He went to the church after you left, to pray for guidance. When he came home we had a good talk. At his heart, your father is a good and decent man Mandy – “
I scoffed, I couldn’t help myself and I stared up into one of the kitchen light fixtures.
“He is!” my mother insisted and I dropped my eyes back down to hers.
“I need to think about all of this,” I said softly and she nodded.
“If she does come, she’s not going alone,” Zander said dispassionately. My mother nodded.
“I’ll go with her,” Everett told him and I cut in.
“I’m here, I’m right here! And if I decide to go, you’d best set the table for six because I’m not coming without Zander, Evy and Dray.”
I shook, I loved my mother, I loved her very much but this was a lot to process. I never in a million years suspected that what my father had said the day before was something he meant literally and not just figuratively. I stepped back fr
om my mom and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.
Whatever, my dad was a jerk at home. I’d known this for a very long time and now it all made sense, the tumblers all falling into place now that I had the key bit of information to turn in the lock that was the whole mess. Still, so many questions ran rampant through my mind and before I could stop them, some of them came pouring out of my mouth.
“Why did you stay with him!? How could you let him do that to us?” I shivered and Zander stepped in front of me and pulled me against him. He was so warm whereas I felt chilled. I stared at my mom from over his shoulder and felt a couple of tears get loose.
“I stayed because I made a commitment to your dad under the eyes of God, in the house of God, Baby. I took my vows seriously…” I scoffed again and my mother flinched and I instantly felt bad, I wanted to be angry at my mother and I was, but most of the anger and yes, even hatred that twisted in my heart was reserved for my… I didn’t even know what to call him anymore. A sob tore from my chest and Zander clutched me tighter against his chest.
“You should probably go,” he said. “We’ll be there on Sunday to sort this shit out, right now she needs time to get through all this,” I let him hold me and I let him handle it. I didn’t want to handle it anymore. My mother was silent and cried as Everett took her out of the kitchen. Zander sat me back up on my stool but kept his hold on me. He leaned back and palmed the side of my face gently, smoothing his thumb through a track of moisture on my cheek.
“God you got a brass pair,” he muttered and pulled me into a hug with a sigh.
I rasped a laugh and asked, “What!?”
“Takes a whole lot of shit blowing up in your face to make you cry and even then, one or two tears and you’re done.” He kissed the side of my neck through my hair. I sniffed and wiped under my eyes.
“Crying, in my house growing up, was just something you simply didn’t do,” I said honestly and it was as if my heart gave a sigh of relief at the burden that was lifted from it. No more secrets, Thank God. Everett came back in the kitchen.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey. Who’s got the front?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about that right now, okay? How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’ll be okay,” which was true, there were worst things in life weren’t there? I went to the sink automatically and washed my hands.
“Brought lunch,” Zander said dryly, but he was watching me intently.
“Not very hungry now,” I murmured and he nodded. Lexie, one of our part time counter girls, pushed through the kitchen door.
“Sorry Everett, need some help, another rush just came in. It’s either you or Zeb.” Her long blonde ponytail slipped over her shoulder, her blue eyes uncertain at the mention of the Sacred Heart brother out there.
“I’m coming, Lexie,” Ev said with a smile and then she turned her steely blues on Zander, jabbing a sharp finger in his direction.
“You take care of my girl!” she crowed.
“Plan on it,” he said dryly but he was talking to the swinging kitchen door. He turned contemplative eyes on me. I sighed and shook my head.
“It’ll be all right,” I said and he gave me that smile, suffusing me with warmth.
“That’s my line, Sugar.” He sat up on the stool I’d vacated. I tried to make light of things and stuck my tongue out at him.
“Well consider it stolen.”
I returned to curling chocolate shavings with my painter’s knife from the marble countertop to Zander’s booming laughter. I smiled faintly to myself but I could feel the tension between my shoulder blades and in my upper back as I reeled on the inside from the implications of what my mother had told me.
Before I knew it I found myself praying on it, struggling to come to terms with an entire childhood… twenty-one years! Of lies. I missed my daddy from when I was a child. The one who held my hand as we crossed the parking lot. The one that rode the teacups in Disney World with me, laughing, when I was six. I missed my dad when he was a dad. Before I started to grow into my own and I guess he started to see more of this David person in me than himself.
Large, gentle hands plucked the knife from my shaking fingers and Zander pulled me into a gentle hold. He murmured soothing things against the side of my neck while I stared sightless at the hardening chocolate. I let him sooth me a moment more and pulled back gently.
“I need to finish before it gets too hard for me to curl.”
“Okay babe. I’m going to make a quick call out front, that cool with you?” he asked. I nodded, smoothing my palms over the rough canvas of my apron.
“Yeah.”
“Okay, back in a minute,” he kissed me, a quick soft press of his mouth to mine and one I gratefully returned.
“I apologize!” I blurted when he opened the kitchen door, he froze.
“For what?” he asked.
“For leaning on you so hard the last few days, that you’ve suddenly found yourself tangled up in all my problems when I know you’re still dealing with your business and the club and all of that.” He let the door close.
“Sugar, there’s no place I’d rather be than here helping you. I’m glad I showed up when I did… both times,” he smiled, his eyes so warm and sweet as they looked me over.
“Thank you,” I murmured softly. He nodded.
“Be right back.” He gave me one more long considering look.
“Dis is stayin’ at his boyfriend’s place tonight. Come home with me,” he said abruptly. I thought about it a second and nodded.
“I’d like that, I think.”
“Good. Settled then. Back in a sec,” he disappeared through the door and I hoped that Everett would understand. A half second later she slipped into the kitchen as if my thought had conjured her by magic.
“Going home with Zander?” she asked and I nodded. She smiled. “He’s been there for you and been good for you the last few days,” she stated.
“Yes he has,” I blushed furiously and she smiled wide. We’d had the entire sordid girl talk about my first time in the car on the way in this morning. Everett hugged me close and I hugged her back.
“I know you almost as well as I know myself,” she stated dryly. “So are you feeling what I’m feeling about your da’?” she asked.
“Almost relieved?” I asked.
She laughed, “Certainly explains a lot.”
“Yeah it does,” I said softly.
Everett knocked her shoulder lightly in to mine. “I think it’s a good thing you want to talk to Zander rather than me about this one. I’m close to the situation. I know your da’ and how it’s been and all of that. All I could tell you is what you already know and the same perspective. Zander might have something different for you.”
I sighed and said the one thing that Everett and I had fantasized about for years. “Why couldn’t my mom…” she picked up and finished with me,
“…and my/your da’ have gotten together when we were growing up?” we laughed lightly together.
“My da’ loved my mum… So much. I wish I had more than just the one picture of them together. I wish I had some kind of journal or something to know what she was like,” she said wistfully.
“I just wish my dad loved me. Saw me for me and could be proud of me,” I leaned my butt against the kitchen’s sink.
“I know that look,” she said and crossed her arms.
“What look?” I asked.
“The one written all over your face that spells out regret but also says you’re going to forgive him and keep trying. I’ve seen it a thousand times before,” she rolled her eyes. I pursed my lips.
“Shows you don’t know everything. I wasn’t thinking about my dad just then,” Everett’s eyebrows went up.
“Your mom?”
“It’s the first time she’s ever let me down and it’s just so big.” I sighed.
Everett snorted, “Bullshit! Your mom has been letting you down your entire life! Every time she let
him hit you, or her, without standing up to him.” Everett shook her head. “I love you, Mandy, but it stops here. I won’t be silent anymore. I can’t be silent anymore.”
I nodded, “It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to keep such a big secret anyways,” I admitted and Everett softened.
“It all had to come crashing down at some point. I’m just glad Zander was there to protect you when it did,” she said. The kitchen door opened and the man of the hour stepped in.
“I’m glad I was there too, but Red had it handled. I’m pretty sure she was going to serve him a mean right hook any second,” he put up his fists and went through some boxing movements and I smiled, but it wasn’t exactly easy or a comfortable one.
“Violence isn’t Mandy’s thing,” Everett said, “Never was and never will be,” Zander straightened up.
“I know, that’s why it was funny, and it’s one of the reasons I love her like I do,” he quirked that grin that made the butterflies in my insides lift off.
“Me too,” Everett said.
I finished with my chocolate curls and laid them artfully over the top of the chocolate ganache coated fudge cake and slid it towards Everett. She sighed and picked it up and took it out to the display case, carefully backing out the kitchen door with it.
Zander retook his seat at the counter and sat quietly, watching me move around the kitchen, cleaning up and moving fluidly on to the next project. After another hour I joined him at the counter where we quietly ate our lunch. Appreciative of the fact that he didn’t feel the need to fill the silence, that he gave me time to parse through the things in my head.
It was nice to have a presence other than Everett in my life that didn’t tell me how I should feel, or react or how to handle things but at the same time I was feeling a little lost at not having these things spelled out for me. What did that say about me?
Fractured & Formidable: The Sacred Hearts MC Book V Page 11
