by Stacey Lewis
The heat of the other resturant patrons stares are on me, but it doesn’t stop me from reacting further to Grant’s words.
“I’m not looking for advice, and if I was I wouldn’t come to you. Mel is everything I want and need in a woman and just because you don’t see her worth doesn’t mean I don’t. Now get the fuck out of here, and speak to no one about this conversation or these documents. If you do there will be grave consequences.”
Grant blinks as if he’s awaking from a deep sleep, and stumbles out of his chair. He doens’t turn around, not even once, or mutter another word. His eyes, and features are filled with shock but again I remind myself I don’t care.
I’m tired of everyone telling me what to do. Tired of being compared to my brothers, and being the only one who has yet to find his happiness.
Well, I’ve found my forever. All I have to do is prove to her how much she means to me, and that we can in fact make this work.
Chapter Thirteen
Mel
I feel the onset of a panic attack as I walk out of the hotel lobby. I try to suck air into my lungs but each breath feels as if I’m sucking it in through a straw. Sweat forms against my brow, and I slump against the exterior wall of the hotel.
Why did I do this? I think to myself well trying to calm my breathing, and reeling mind. I know why I did this. I did it for my sister, who deserves to live a happy, healthy life, and for my mother who I know will not make it through losing another person that she loves. But in signing that agreement I’ve agreed to putting my heart in the line of fire, and I know that’s what’s going to happen.
I’m going to fall for Remy Winston. Hell I already am. The man leaves my body soaked with need every single time I see him. A wake of fire spreads across my body everytime we touch. He literally sets my soul on fire and I’m terrified that I’ll get burnt if I give into the flame that he sparks. I’m terrified of everything the man represents because just like my father hurt me, if I give Remy all the power he too will destory me.
I hold my head in my hands feeling completely defeated. Having a baby is the last thing I want. I’ve watch my mom struggle to care for my sister and I for years… I’ve seen my sister nearly die in the last year and I could never imagine going through that as a parent.
Yet that’s exactly what I signed up for.
I swallow down all my fears, and hold my head high, straightening my back. The only thing I can do is press forward. I blink away the tears from my eyes. I’m stronger than this. I didn’t cry over my father leaving, so I won’t cry over yet another man in my life.
Exhaling a huge sigh I decide to skip out on visiting my sister in the hospital tonight. It’s already late and the nurses won’t find it amusing if I show up right now anyway. I get an Uber and head home instead, deciding a glass of wine and a binge of one of my favorite shows Naked and Afraid is in order instead.
I feel like shit when I finally make it back to my apartment. I pop the cork on a bottle of red wine and grab a chocolate bar from my period stash hidden in the cabinet. Then I all but run to my bedroom and sink into the mattress.
I feel the urge to cry as soon as I set the items down on the bedside stand.
“It’s okay to cry…” I mutter to myself as the tears slip from my eyes. I don’t know why I’m crying really. Maybe the stress of everything, or maybe I’m realizing that I just might be pushing away the one person to show they care about me since my father leaving.
I feel the wetness against my cheeks, and hear my blood pumping loudly in my ears. My hearts racing and yet I remain silent on the outside, well chaos runs rampant on the inside eating away at whatever sanity is left.
I bring the bottle of wine to my lips and keep my eyes closed as I tip it back swallowing down gulp, after gulp. It’s not my favorite kind of wine to drink but it will do for now.
I pull my legs up to my chest, and wrap one arm around them well the other holds onto the bottle of wine. I sit like this for a long time wallowing in my own pitty, so stubborn to call Fallon or my mother and vent to them.
I can do this. I chant to myself.
I can do this. I chant once more.
I chant the words until I’m sure I can do it, and then when my confidence wavers, and the tears start falling again I take another sip of wine, hoping my emotions will flat line eventually. I do this all night, until eventually my emotions do flatline and I fall into a restless sleep where all I can do is dream about Remy and I being together without the consequences of us actually doing so.
***
When I awake the next morning my hair is stuck my face, and my skin feels like it’s been rubbed against twenty grit sandpaper. My phone is blowing up with text messages and missed calls, and I barely have one eye ball open.
“What the fuck was I thinking last night.” I barely get the words out. My head is pounding, every little sound, and breath making the ache worse.
I grab my phone and scroll through the notifications. There’s a couple text from my mom, one from Remy, and ten from my sister asking me when I’m going to come visit her next. I scrub a hand down my face and sigh, falling back against the pillows. I turn my head and see the culprit for the worst headache in the history of headaches.
Wine. I narrow my eyes at the bottle and vow to make today a better day. It has to be otherwise I just plainly quit.
Like my mom always told me, don’t look behind you, you aren’t going that way. And as badly as I want to mope around in bed all day long I know I owe it to my sister to at the very least show up at the hospital and say hello to her. She might be doing better but she’s confinded to a small ass room for who knows how long.
I send her a quick text back letting her know I’ll be on my way soon. Then I hurdily shower, and dress myself even though it feels like I have bricks tied to my ankles as I do so.
I pull my hair into a messy bun, and hope for the best. Then I get an Uber over to the hospital. In less than an hour I find myself standing at the entrance to my sisters hospital room. I think back to the first time they brought us here. How much pain and sorrow we felt knowing this might be the last room she ever got to sleep in.
It’s strange when you think about it, death that is. You’ll never know when it’s going to take place or how it’ll happen. But you see with my sister she kind of always knew it would be in this room or at the very least because of her Leukemia and yet, because of Remy she has the chance to beat this.
I blink really fast afraid that if I don’t I’ll burst into tears.
It isn’t until I focus on my sisters door and the voices expelling from it that I realize the one man to ruin me for all others is inside that room, talking to my sister. My still very much sick sister. Fire burns inside of me, and I press forward pushing the door open, revealing my presence.
My father’s eyes grow to the size of saucers when he notices me walking through the door. Maddie however has a smile that causes happiness to twinkle in her eyes, and that smile alone almost makes the nausea I’m feeling dissipate.
“Melanie, it’s quite a surprise to see you here.” His cheeks heat as if he’s embarrassed but I don’t really care if he is. It’s me that should be embarrassed, embarrassed that he’s my father, and that he has the audacity to show his face here after running in out of our lives for the last couple of years.
I see Maddie’s favorite flowers, a gigantic bouquet of pink roses sit in a vase near the window and I cringe inside, as I discover which each movement of my eyes that he’s also brought her books, and numerous magazines.
Fuck him. My teeth grind together with internal rage and my fists clench as if they’re ready to land squarely on his chin.
This asshole has a lot of nerve showing up here yet again when he’s missed the most important moments of Maddie’s journey.
“Sissy I’m so glad you’re here.” Maddie exclaims but my eyes are still on our father, or the sorry excuse of a man before me that considers himself to be one.
“Why’re yo
u here?” I hiss, directing my words at our father. He straightens his tie, and stands a little taller. He’s a burly man, and worse yet is the fact that his rather dashing looking, but at the end of the day he’s the same man that left my mother, myself and my sick sister with nothing.
“Is that really any way to speak to your father?” He smiles but it’s a tight smile proving just how irritated he is with my words.
“You’re not a father. A father is a man that cares for his children. It’s been months since we seen you last. You can’t just keep walking in and out of our lives.” The venom in my words stings I’m sure but I’m past caring. After all that I’ve sacrificed I’m not going to let him come in here and claim that he’s the reason everything has worked out for us. He’s done nothing to help with the medical bills or ease Maddie’s pain.
A coldness forms in his beady eyes and I’m reminded of just how much I resemble him and that sickens me further.
“I’m busy Mel, you know this and yet you pretend to act like you’re the only one doing anything.” My blood boils and I see red when he starts to speak again.
“Get out, and if you’re smart you won’t show up here again well I’m here.” I growl pointing towards the door I just came in through.
My eyes meet Maddie’s and I see the plea in her eyes to not fight any longer. I notice the tension in my father’s jaw and I wait for him to say something else, but when he doesn’t and merely walks out of the room I’m shocked into silence.
Did he just listen to me for the very first time in my life?
“Are you okay? First you storm in here fighting with Dad and make statements we both know you can’t take back, and do I even need to mention the fact you have bags a mile long under your eyes?”
I shake my head, as if I’m waking myself from a long stupor.
“I’m not okay, but I will be eventually. Are you okay?” I question crossing the room, and taking my usual spot right beside her bed.
Maddie looks happier, healthier actually, and that makes all of this worth it for me. I can go through with giving Remy whatever he wants, so long as it’s not my heart if he can keep my baby sister alive.
“What’s going on?” She of course asks, but knows I won’t answer. I never tell her about my worries or fears. It’s the last thing she needs to hear when she’s struggling to merely live.
“We both know I can’t disclose my adult activities or problems but I will tell you I am stressed and sleep hasn’t been coming the easiest of late.”
Maddie rolls her eyes, a very teenage thing of her to do, considering she’s been in the hospital for what seems like forever. Sitting here with her the tension of my father’s appearance seem to ease out of me and I find myself smiling as Maddie starts a conversation about how I need to find a man and then I’ll have an excuse for not sleeping at night.
“I don’t need anymore excuses to not sleep at night.”
“You could use a man though. It has to be so boring working all the time and then going home to an empty house.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. All I want to do is tell her she has no idea how true that statement is but I can’t. I refuse to tell her anything about Remy or the situation I’ve gotten myself into.
I’m strong enough to handle it on my own.
“I don’t need a man sissy. I don’t need anything but you and mom.” I smile, and lean in and bop her on the nose. She gives me a look that merely says bop me again and see what happens, and that look makes me giggle earning me a dirty look from her.
“Someday you’ll want to be in love. I know I will be. I just hope I can find someone that wants to be with me for me. Sitting in this hospital bed doesn’t exactly make me attractive or even capable of finding someone to date.
I shake my head, “Let’s worry about that after you get out of here. Baby steps little sis, baby steps.” We talk for awhile longer and then Carol comes in to administer meds and I decide to head home.
My house needs clean and I need to swing by the grocery store and pick up some groceries. I say my goodbyes, giving her a quick kiss and hug and then slip out the door. When I think my nausea has eased and things can’t get any worse my eyes collide on my father’s stature just outside the door.
“I knew it was too good to be true. You’d never take my advice and actually leave.” I sneer and head down the hall not wanting to get into a fist fight with my father in the children’s hospital. I’m a bitch but I’m not that big of a bitch.
“Wait... “ His fingers dug into my shoulder, halting my steps and causing me to whirl and shrug out of his grip.
“What? What could you possibly need to ask me? Your my father this is your job. You should know what the hell is going on. What do you need to ask me?” I seethe, gaining some looks as nurses, and parents meander the hall.
My father looks around, and then leans in speaking underneath his breath, “How did you get enough money to pay for the special medication she’s taking and all the other bills?” I blinked, completely shocked that he had the audacity to ask me questions about bills that weren’t even mine to pay.
“If you were half the man you consider yourself to be then you wouldn’t even have to ask me that question.” I spat. “Don’t come here again, and I mean it.” I growl, turning on my heels and heading back down the hall, anger, and fiery rage burning deep inside me. I make it out of the hospital and down to the parking garage before the tears start falling.
I’ve been strong for such a long time...can I keep going on when I’m doing it all by myself.
Chapter Fourteen
Remy
I stare at my phone, the need to crush the damn thing in my hands stronger than it should be as I discover that Mel has been reading my messages all day but refusing to respond to them.
“Jesus, Hulk is there a reason you look like you’re ready to snap Siri in half?” Ryker jokes walking into my office. I force myself to breathe even though I want to throw my phone through Ryker’s head.
“Is there a reason you’re in my office and not working?” I raise an eyebrow in question.
“Is there a reason you’re asking me what I’m doing when it looks like you’re doing the same thing I am doing.” I roll my eyes at his confusing as hell response.
“What do you want?” I snarl, confused, and hurt. Mel’s got my emotions heightened and even though I don’t want to take out those feelings on my brother he’s caught me at the wrong fucking time.
“Oh nothing, just checking in on my most favorite brother.” My gaze narrows.
“Favorite? I didn’t know you had one. Then again I’m not really in the mood to play your little mind games right now.” I grip my phone tighter knowing if I want to get answers from Mel I’ll have to go straight to her, but first I’ll have to get out of my office and away from my brother who seems to interrupt at the worst times.
“Of course I have a favorite. Reed is my favorite when you aren’t, and you’re my favorite when Reed isn’t.” He snickers before giving me a boyish grin.
“At least you’re honest. Don’t you have anything else to do with your time?” I stand, gathering my shit to go and hunt down Mel. I can’t sit in this office all day when I know she’s ignoring my damn calls and messages just to spite me.
“Not really...without Ava here things seem more boring than usual.” I roll my eyes.
“When you say boring I’m assuming you mean you have to work more than usual.” Ryker nods his head yes.
“How did you know?”
“You hate working. You hate being in an office, and regardless of what you say I know you hate working here.” I’m shocked by my honesty, and I can tell Ryker is too because the shock in his features gives him away.
“Jesus. Well thanks for giving me away.” He scrubs a hand down his face, all laughter and playfulness gone from his eyes.
“What’s the point in lying? If you want to leave, then leave. Life is too short to be stuck behind a desk your entire life if you don’
t want to be there.” Why am I the one giving him advice? I should be the one asking with my current situation.
“I wish it were that easy little bro.” I slide my laptop into my bag, and walk towards the door. Ryker’s staring holes through me and I know what he’s going to ask before he opens his mouth.
“Where are you going?” He asks curiously.
“Out. I have some things I need to sort out.” I give him the vaguest answer I can. I love my brothers, but I’m not required to tell them every little thing about my personal life. They’ve found their happily ever afters, and they need to let me find mine now.
“Out? And when you say you have things to sort out does that include a person or…?” I stand in the door jam with my back to him, a smile on my face.
Fuck does he know me well.
“When I’m ready to share what’s going on I will. Until then, just let me do my thing.”
“Sure little bro, whatever, just know if you need anything Reed and I are here for you.” I nod, and walk out the door, heading to find the one person I want more than my next breath. The one person who refuses to want me as much as I want her.
***
I pound against the wooden door of her apartment, anger spiraling out of control inside me. Text message upon, text message have been sent to her and yet she doesn’t answer. Knowing she’s screening my phone calls and texts annoys the hell out of me, but now that I’m here at her apartment and she’s not answering the door, well that’s the nail in the coffin for me.
I run a hand through my hair and let out a long sigh before I rest my head against the door contemplating my next move. She signed the contract. I could push the fact that she signed it, but that may just send her running, then again nothing can be worse than it already is, right?
