by Ian Rodgers
Baroness Bluemont came from a minor aristocratic family that had dedicated its daughters to the cause of “Proper Education.” For generations this family had raised and trained the best teachers and personal tutors for the upper crust of society. Any child who came under the wing of a Bluemont emerges as a well mannered, properly trained gentleman or lady.
And this particular Bluemont was the most famous in a very distinguished family. Rene Lasfel Bluemont; current matriarch of the household and renowned for having taught the current king of Varia and his father the ways of etiquette. And not just Varia’s royal family, but the current kings of Tashel, Brune, and Larate had been taught by her. Countless noble scions and the wealthy offspring of merchants and guilds had passed under her tutelage. Her methods were known and respected as far as the Second Elfish Domain of Par-Orria and Distant Qwan in the east.
So why was she so frightening to these people? I couldn’t understand their panic. Was she the harshest of task mistresses? Did she use the cane? Even King Tiberius, normally unflappable, was shifting from foot to foot due to nerves. I trembled.
We were currently in the Lesser Audience Hall, a room reserved for small, informal meetings. Unlike the throne room, which was made to be spacious and imposing, this place was cozy and much less intimidating. It was where the king met the mages from some time ago, and where he preferred to greet important individuals one on one without fanfare.
The royal family was all dressed up today. The king was wearing his usual outfit, but had taken care to polish the buttons and shine his boots. Queen Amdora was in an outfit that resembled a wedding cake more than anything. How she could even move was anybody’s guess. Young Julius was in a fetching jacket-and-pants ensemble, all in varying shades of blue. It sort of made him look like a pile of blueberries from a distance. Lastly was my owner. She too was in a dress that seemed far too heavy and expansive to move in, the white fabric emphasizing her pale skin.
Behind Liliana and Julius were their maids. Orleen stood close, the air of nervousness sweeping her up along with her counterpart, a slightly younger woman. Her name was Jean and it was she who took care of the prince. It seemed that neither had been in the castle when Lady Bluemont had been around before. Understandable then that the tension from the longer serving staff carried over onto the younger members.
We did not have to wait long as soon there were footsteps on the other side of the door. It creaked open a smidge to allow a hasty, whispered conversation to pass between heralds.
“Announcing the Baroness, Lady Rene Lasfel Bluemont!” A servant called out as the doors to the hall were pushed open. King Tiberius went stiff, his children echoed his worry with nervous expressions. Queen Amdora just smirked at their discomfort. I remained unmoving in Liliana’s arms, warily watching the entryway.
“Oh, little Tiber! It has been so long! Are you doing well?” A tornado of a woman swept into the Lesser Audience Hall, bustling over to the reigning monarch of the country and embracing him with a bone crushing hug.
I must say, she was not at all as I’d expected, and my owner and her brother shared my surprise.
Unlike the rail-thin, prim and proper task-mistress I had been picturing in my mind Lady Bluemont was a short and portly old woman with apple-like cheeks in a flowing yellow dress all but choked in white and yellow ruffles. Her hair was composed of dark grey curls that bounced as she moved. A plethora of jeweled accessories covered her fingers and decorated her neck. She smiled widely as she remained wrapped around King Tiberius.
“It has been a while since I have seen you! Oh, how you have grown! Let me get a good look at you.” She reached up and clasped the king’s cheeks in her hands, dragging his head down to be level with hers. She hummed and hmmed as she looks over him, before releasing him with a grunt of approval.
“Glad to see you’ve grown into a fine, strapping lad! And such lovely facial hair! I do love a man with a beard,” Lady Bluemont said with a wink at the queen, who laughed at that.
“It had indeed been a while, Baroness Bluemont. I am so glad you agreed to tutor our children,” Queen Amdora said, holding out a hand to the famous woman who took and eagerly shook it. King Tiberius was still reeling from the attack on his personal space, and so stayed as far away from the conversation as he could.
“These must be the little dears I’ll be teaching, then?” Bluemont inquired, turning to face the royal brood.
“Indeed. This is Liliana and Julius. Say your greetings, dears.”
“Greetings, Baroness Bluemont. It is a pleasure to meet you, and welcome you into our home,” my owner said, Julius only a syllable behind.
“Very polite! Good, good, I see I won’t have to worry much about proper greetings. Posture could use some work on the both of you. And you’re both far too thin. Do you feed them properly, little Tiber?” Their father only grunted at that as the tutor continued to examine her new charges.
“Nibbles? I made them myself.” Out of the blue, the elderly teacher reached into a pocket on her and removed handfuls of sliced, dried fruit, offering them over to her two new students. Blinking in surprise, they only hesitated for a moment before reaching out to take some of the offered meal.
Out of the corner of my senses, I noticed King Tiberius shiver in some unknown emotion as he spotted the candied fruits. Further away, I could tell that some of the servants’ expressions took on wary looks, eyes locked onto the snack. But none of the Dire Swords made a move so they weren’t toxic or dangerous.
Ah. So that’s the story.
My intuition was proven correct when my owner’s face scrunched up in barely contained and suppressed disgust. The little pieces of fruit were unnaturally flavored and unpleasant to eat. And from what I’d so far gleaned of this woman, she would likely take every opportunity to feed people her homemade ‘nibbles.’
Surprisingly, Julius actually seemed to like whatever these dried fruits were. He shocked everyone when he reached for a second handful. When this happened, Lady Bluemont chortled good-naturedly.
“Eat up, you two! Children need energy to do well in school!” She urged.
“Of course, Lady Bluemont,” Liliana choked out.
“Please, call me Rene. No need to be formal to me. Too many rules stifle learning,” the unusual aristocrat implored. Her gaze then shifted to me, and I pressed myself back into Liliana.
“And who is this little one?”
“This is Jelly. He’s my pet, and friend,” Liliana stated proudly.
“I see. Shake!” I jerked in surprise and instinctively extended a pseudo-pod out to Lady Blu- I mean Rene. She gripped my tiny limb and pumped it up and down before releasing me. She then passed me a few slices of her dried fruit snack. Confused, I none the less accepted, and swallowed them into me.
Despite being as magical as a chair, an explosion of flavor filled me as I “chewed” the fruit slices. I gleaned a few unique properties about this food as I digested it. While dried, it had a massive boost to its sugar content. The reaction of my owner made sense, as did the faces the people nearby made when they saw the edibles. Most people would find it sickeningly sweet, and almost unpalatable. But a second, much more interesting facet of the fruit was that it contained small traces of natural anti-toxins. They were potent and lingered for a while after consumption. Eat enough of them and you could potentially survive consuming all manners of non-magical poisons, be they fast or slow acting.
Ah, now it makes sense!
From what I already knew Rene Bluemont had taught generations of notables and their children. And sadly such people are often the target of assassinations. Poison being a time honored, popular and common method of carrying out this heinous act. So, to prevent her charges from dying, she made them eat a homemade anti-toxin. I wondered just how many of her students had had their lives inadvertently saved because of this. I wondered if any of them even knew.
I offered the kind elderly woman a happy, thankful burble, and she replied with a grandmotherly smile.
“It’s nice to see that at least two people here appreciate my cooking,” she said jovially. Julius nodded and eagerly took another handful. Well, it seemed the prince had quiet the sweet tooth. Interesting.
“Now, I know we’ve just met, but I need to get a sense of what I need to work with. If you two darlings wouldn’t mind, I need you both to show me what you can do already.” There was a twinkle in her eye as she said this, her enthusiasm practically overflowing.
“I have set up a space for your classes, Rene,” Queen Amdora cut in before anyone did anything right then and there. “Perhaps it would be best to perform their evaluations in there first?”
“Splendid idea, your majesty! Come, children, let us see what our classroom will be like, and then we shall begin some simple tests.” Like a sugar-scented whirlwind the elderly lady practically carried off the prince and princess, their maids trailing behind anxiously.
“Hmm, not a bad room. Plenty of natural light and floor space, and not a whiff of mildew,” Rene commented, nodding in approval. She clapped her hands and eagerly turned to face my owner and Julius.
“Let us start off with some bows and curtseying. If you cannot manage this, you’ll never be able to make it in high society,” Rene lectured. “Oh, and I’ll have to ask that you put your pet slime down for this. It can stay in the room, but you’ll need your hands free.”
“Yes, Rene,” Liliana intoned obediently. She passed me over to Orleen who proceeded to gingerly place me onto the floor. I sighed internally. Even though the two of us had bonded somewhat over the Rose Worm incident, my owner’s personal maid was still not entirely comfortable or keen on holding me for longer than necessary. It’s not like I am dirty. I suppose some people just don’t appreciate the soft suppleness of my body.
I settled down to watch my owner perform the various gestures and actions known to and expected of a person of high standing. Seeing her focused on her work only made my own drive to improve grow.
I had been working on a surprise for my owner. I hoped I’d be able to show it off soon. They’d love it.
Chapter 7: A slime and his body
The past few days had been nothing but torture for me. So far, I had spent a lot of time watching my owner and Julius learn how to bow, curtsey, ballroom dance and more. Interesting the first few days as I got to see some new movements and activities. But now it was excruciatingly painful being hardly able to do much but watch the two people closest to me be scolded in a passive aggressive manner by an grandmotherly tutor who kept offering sickly sweet snacks to everyone nearby.
Lady Bluemont, or as she preferred, Rene, was very good at what she did. She knew her subjects and how to best work with the strengths of her students to improve their coordination and success rate. In the two weeks since she began teaching, Liliana had dramatically improved; where she used to be unable to bend her knees too far, now she could almost reach a 90 degree angle with her knees. In regards to dancing, Liliana was already decent, but far too fast and eager to move for the more sedate ballroom dancing that a noble most often performed. As such, it was a strain to get used to more measured steps.
Julius was doing well too. He could perform a deep bow with an almost perfect 90 degree angle on his spine, and had gotten a lot better on coordinating his feet when dancing, only stepping on Rene’s toes two times out of ten, instead of five. He only really needed work on his balance. He was quiet good at memorizing the forms he must take and use, and was steadily getting better at the stances.
And of course all credit had to go to their tutor. Rene’s secret to this improvement; stretching and an odd body workout called ‘Yoga.’ It looked painful, and each warmup session tended to end up with lots of pulled muscles amongst her students. But it limbered them up, and made it easier to work on using muscles for longer periods of time.
This martial art work out style originated from a far off continent in the east, beyond the Deepstar Ocean; Distant Qwan, a mystique-filled land full of interesting goods and ideas. Even the dried fruit Rene so loves originally came from this nation, and had been replanted and grown here in her own personal greenhouse.
So why, then, did I remain in the classroom with my owner, when I could leave whenever I want?
Because I was studying on my own. I was observing how Liliana and her brother moved, both in short bursts of rapid movement, and slow, measured paces. I was beginning to understand how the human body moved, and how it looked as it did so. Soon I would be able to show off all my hard work!
“That’s enough for now.” At Rene’s declaration, I glanced over to where my owner stood, panting lightly and coated in a sheen of sweat.
“Thank you,” she gasped, giving her teacher a short bow, before beckoning Orleen over. The maid quickly approached and passed her a towel to wipe down with. A grateful sigh escapes Liliana’s mouth.
“You are doing well. I am glad to see that your actions and movements have improved,” Rene praised, giving my owner a smile and holding out a handful of dried fruits.
“Yes, all thanks to you,” Liliana responded, hiding a grimace as she took one of the little snack foods. Far too polite to outright refuse, she resigned herself to having one of the overwhelmingly sugary tasting fruit slices.
After exchanging some more farewells, Liliana scooped me up and carried me, somewhat stiffly, back to her room. Her chipper mood was muted somewhat and I could tell that the daily training was starting to get to her. She only had one day a week off, the rest all involving her studies. Mornings were reserved for the non-physical classes; history, letters, law, governance, and arithmetic, one of each every day. But the late afternoons and early evenings all belonged to Rene and her classes. Cramming so many in seems odd to me. Why had their parents waited so long to teach them this, when the event looms so close? I couldn’t fathom the thoughts of my owner’s parents.
It was barely evening and yet my owner flopped face down onto her bed with a groan of pleasure mingled with a sigh of bone crushing weariness.
“My lady, that is quite unseemly,” Orleen scolded. But there was only the barest trace of disapproval. I could tell she said it merely because it was expected of her. She’d been with her ward all the time and had seen, and even participated with on occasion, Rene’s lessons. Orleen understood how hard her lady was working, and was careful not to be too harsh when my owner wanted to relax.
“Sorry, Orleen, I’m just so tired today,” Liliana apologized, words muffled by the pillow she lay down upon.
“You’ve been working hard, my lady, and I understand your desire for some personal time, but you can’t let all of Lady Bluemont’s etiquette teachings go to waste so soon after learning them,” the personal maid admonished. Liliana somehow managed to look meek and chastised despite remaining face down on her bed.
“I’m sure with a good night’s rest you’ll feel much better. But until then, you need to get ready for dinner.”
My owner complied with the request, changing into some new and better clothes than the exercise outfit she’d been in earlier, and departed with Orleen, leaving me behind.
I did not mind. It gave me more time to practice in private.
The next morning came soon and Liliana awoke in a slightly more chipper mood than the one she’d fallen asleep in, but a sense of dread for the afternoon still loomed over her. Sensing that, I rolled groggily out of my bed. Today’s as good a day as any to show off my new trick, and hopefully it would improve my owner’s disposition. I really disliked seeing her depressed. As she swung her feet off the side of the bed, and Orleen stood nearby ready to help as always, I trundled over and reached out for her with a tendril.
“What is it, Jelly?” Liliana asked, looking down at me as I tugged at the cuffs of her pants to get her attention. My ability to touch and manipulate with my pseudopods had gotten better through trial and error, and I could now grab people’s attention without melting the article of clothing I snagged. Pleased that I had her attention, I took a deep breath (figurative
ly) and concentrated.
The surface of my body wobbled and jiggled violently, unlike anything my owner and her maid have seen me do before. Then, I extended my body five ways, creating a quintet of new pseudopods. Slowly and shakily, I felt my body rising vertically, as I flattened out bits and pieces of myself to create a new shape for my body to balance out the five new limbs I was generating.
It felt like several long minutes had gone by since I started, but in truth no more than a few seconds had passed. To those observing me, I underwent a rapid transformation.
“Sweet and Holy Cynthia, Selika, and Nia!” Orleen shouted, taking several steps back until she was pressed up against the wall in her shock. Liliana just stared open mouthed at me. Their reactions were not surprising. I had a body now, after all.
To be accurate, I had changed my old body to resemble the form of a biped. Two stubby tendrils became ‘legs,’ and a second pair of them acted as ‘arms.’ A fifth pseudopod pretended to be a neck and head. I shifted my core around so it now rested where a brain might be in my new ‘head.’ I now looked like I had a giant cyclopean eye sunk into my skull. I had yet to figure out how to give myself eyes or any other facial features, so it was just a smooth, flat surface for now with my core suspended in the middle.
The sensation of molding a new form for myself was not one that I could describe fully, since it wasn’t anything new, per say. It was just like growing new tentacle-limbs, but required far more focus and attention so they do not merge back into me. And as could be seen I had managed to create more of my limbs at once. My new limit was seven, and they could stretch and act a lot like freely than they used to. I am also still the same size, sort of. My mass was still the same, just more distributed. I now stood about two feet tall and half that wide. My limbs were all stumpy and small, but functional none the less. I kind of look like a creepy doll of sorts.
Anyways! It was time to test the body out. Carefully, I lifted one leg in front of the other, one after another, until I’d taken several steps and was fully facing my owner. As she stared on, I gave a short and pitiful bow, before holding my hand out and beginning to shadow-dance with myself. All those days spent watching my owner in her dance and movement lessons had paid off as I now imitated those same actions in front of her, performing a crude but playful recreation of her own efforts.
