by Amy Daws
Frank puts a protective arm around my waist. “Where’s Liam?”
“On his way. What is it you do, Rey?” Ethan asks to my chest.
“I work at a club. Bartending,” I reply coolly. This prick is definitely not a part of my mission tonight.
“Of course you’d have a hot arse job.” His gaze is lazily drinking me in still and it’s annoying me.
“Nothing hot about mopping up vomit. I’ve had to do that twice in only a few weeks.” I smile at Frank who gives me a tight grin. “What do you do, Ethan?” I ask even though I really could care less. But if this is Liam’s friend, I want to at least attempt to play nice.
“I own an IT business,” he replies dismissively and then leans into me. “Rey, what do you say you and I have some fun before Liam gets here? Wanna dance?” His tone is low and seductive.
“I’d hate to take you away from your party. How would they ever survive without you?” I quip with sarcasm. Looking around, you’d hardly know any of these people were here for him. I wonder how close Liam is to this guy?
His grin is arrogant. “They’ll manage. But I don’t think I will if I don’t get a birthday dance from you.” He reaches out and seductively pushes my hair off of my shoulder, revealing my black roses. His eyes flare appreciatively on my skin. Just when I’m about to put my nice girl act away and unleash my inner bitch, a thunderous voice behind me sends my heart up into my throat.
“She’s not a fucking stripper, Ethan. Back. OFF,” Liam says, coming to stand beside me. His jaw muscle ticks angrily as he shoots daggers at Ethan. “Being the birthday boy doesn’t give you a hall pass to be an arrogant arse.”
I gaze up at Liam and my pulse picks up just by his close proximity. He’s dressed in a trim, black suit with a white button down beneath. He is wearing a thin pencil tie on and his blond hair is full and wild on top of his head. It’s a little longer than the last time I saw him and I’m definitely a fan. His gaze diverts from Ethan and he glances down at me quickly. I swear I see an ember of heat in his brown eyes before he looks over and gives a quick head nod to Frank.
Ethan begins to launch into a retort, but Frank cuts him off by the balls, “Let’s get you a birthday shot, shall we, Ethan?” He throws his arm around Ethan and leads him away.
“What is it with you and other guys?” Liam asks and I turn to find him staring down at me accusingly.
“Excuse you?” I exclaim. I have to bite the inside of my cheeks to prevent myself from going for blood like I want to right now. “I was just standing here. Ethan’s supposed to be your mate, isn’t he?” I seethe.
He scoffs and then says, “What are you even doing here, Rey?” His eyes flicker with sadness as he looks down at my dress. He returns his gaze to mine and schools his features to look angry.
“Frank invited me.”
“Of course he did,” he glances at my mouth and then looks away. “He’s a meddling ginger—”
“Don’t blame Frank for this. If you would have replied to any of my texts or calls, I wouldn’t be ambushing you like this.”
He looks off to the dance floor down below, that muscle in his jaw ticking violently. “I don’t have anything to say.”
“Nothing to say?” I reply, my eyes wide.
He pins me with a smoldering and complicated look. His eyes glide down to my magenta lips, clearly conflicted with what he wants to address. The familiar scent of cinnamon washes over me as he leans down closely to my face and replies, “I think we’ve said everything there was to say, Rey. Let’s not lock the gate after the horse has bolted.”
I steel myself to take Frank’s advice. I need to keep this positive even though every part of me wants to scream at Liam how I feel. “Fine then. Want to go to the bar and get a drink with me?”
He jerks his head back, clearly taken aback. Nearly laughing, he replies, “No thanks. I’m good.”
“Come on, Liam. It’s been over two weeks. Surely you can have tea with me.” I half smirk at him in challenge, throwing the words back at him that he threw at me outside of Club Taint.
His lips form a thin line like he wants to go off on me for what I did. And I wouldn’t blame him. What I did with Hayden after just having been with Liam was inconceivable. Instead, he purses his lips and begrudgingly gestures for me to lead the way. When we reach a thick group of people, he places his hand on the small of my back to help guide me through. The sensation of his warm palm against my thin dress sends shivers up my spine. As if sensing that his touch is affecting me, he pulls his hand back quickly when we reach the bar.
“Well, what’ll it be?” I ask looking up at Liam next to me as we both sidle up to the small bar.
“I’ll just do a beer,” he replies without making eye contact.
I nod nervously as we wait for the bartender to finish with the other patrons. Attempting small talk, I ask Liam how his tattoo is healing.
“Good as far as I can tell, but it was my first so I have nothing to compare it to. How about yours?” His eyes glance down to my wrist.
“Fine. The little ones heal quickly.” I touch my dream catcher gently. A few small scabs formed, but nothing noticeable.
Just then, a man dressed head to toe in fishnets approaches us to take our order. I glance down and see he has just a patch of fabric covering his man bits. He’s got short buzzed hair and a Mediterranean look about him. “What’ll it be, love?” He winks at me and then his eyes rove over Liam in appreciation. Can’t say I blame the guy.
“I’ll do a water and my friend here will take a pint of Fosters.”
“Water?” Liam asks, eyeing me curiously. “That’s not like you.”
I nod and smile. “You’d be surprised.” He frowns briefly as the bartender hands him a glass of frothy beer.
Just as Mr. Fishnets hands me my bottle of water, I lean over and shout so he can hear me, “Hey, can I ask you a question?”
“Absolutely, pretty eyes.” The man’s brows lift in kindness.
“How do you pee in that thing?” My face screws up into playful, worried expression and I gesture down towards his crotch.
His mouth splits into a beaming smile and he lets out a hearty laugh. “Very carefully.”
“No, I mean, specifically. Do you have to take the whole thing off?”
“No,” he says, clearly knowing this will only intrigue me further.
“So is there a trap door?”
“Nope.”
My eyes alight. “So does this mean you just hold your pecker perfectly so the stream shoots between the netting—”
“Please ignore her,” Liam interrupts me while wrapping a hand around my waist and pulls me back a bit. He’s shaking his head with a grin that reminds me of Oxford. “This is so none of our business. Cheers,” he adds apologetically.
“She’s alright, mate. Cheers.” Mr. Fishnets smiles genuinely and waves us off as he attempts to take the orders of a large group that squeezed in beside us. I turn in Liam’s arms and suddenly our bodies are flush against each other in the crowded bar area.
“Bloody hell, you can’t be left alone in public,” Liam’s voice is low and husky as he stares at my lips.
“What? I wanted to get to the bottom of that. It’ll keep me up for days!” I smile innocently.
Liam sighs heavily and attempts to conceal his grin. The tiniest of a dimple forms on his chin every time he tries to hide his laughter.
“I remember that.” I say, touching the circular dot with my finger.
“What?” he asks, frowning and rubbing his chin.
“At Oxford. That little dimple would show every time you and I would have a private joke or conversation that Marisa was never aware of.” My belly flips at the butterflies I used to feel for Liam from afar even back then.
His face flickers with a variety of emotions before he replies, “I’m surprised you noticed.”
“I always noticed you.” My smile drops as I stare up at him in wonder. A flash of the way he used to be at Oxford hit
s me. He used to always make sure I had dinner plans before going out with Marisa. Even just the way his forehead creased when he looked at me before leaving. If only back then I could have believed in myself enough to believe in him.
Smiling again, I say, “Do you remember how Marisa harassed that German bartender at O’Malley’s Pub?”
This elicits a genuine smile. “She couldn’t believe he’d never heard of The Sound of Music. I had to remind her that the film took place in Austria, not Germany.”
“And then I had to show her on a map that Germany and Austria aren’t the same country!” I burst out laughing at the memory of her confused blonde expression as she looked at the map in horror. “She was mortified that she had teased that guy so much.”
“I don’t think he could understand most of what she said anyway,” he says with a huff of laughter.
“I know, right? Everyone always just agreed with Marisa.” I shake my head at the power that girl had over people by being herself.
“That they did.” Our laughter dies down as reality sets back in.
“I miss her,” I say softly.
“Me too.”
“Do you think what we did makes it possible for us to miss her properly?”
“What’s proper?” Liam shrugs his shoulder with an edge of defiance.
“In a way where I can think of her without thinking of you and me.”
His face drops with sadness and he closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again. “How’s Hayden?” He takes a long drink from his glass effectively pummeling our moment.
My cheek bones twitch at his sudden change of subject. I care about Hayden, but he’s not where I want Liam’s head to be right now. “Good, I think. He checked himself into a facility for thirty days, but I haven’t heard from him.”
“I heard something like that. Why haven’t you heard from him? I thought you two were close.” Liam’s face is hardened and cold again.
“We were, kind of. But, not in any of the ways that matter. Whenever things got heavy between us, we just pushed each other away. We weren’t ever really good for each other.” I look down and shake my head at that sad realization.
Feeling Liam’s eyes on me, I glance up again. The intensity behind his glower scares me. As if snapping out of his trance, he blinks his eyes and shakes his head. “It was nice seeing you, Rey.”
He pulls away from me and sets his beer down. Shock and confusion wash over me as he begins shuffling through the crowd toward the staircase. I glance around, looking for Frank, my eyes wide and fearful. As if sensing me, his red head pops up over the throng of bodies and our gazes collide. His eyes dart from me to a retreating Liam and he motions with his head for me to go after him. The fire behind his look ignites me and with a quick head nod, I’m pressing my way through the people toward the staircase.
Just as Liam begins his decent, I shout, “Liam, wait!” He pauses halfway down but thinks better of it and continues. I hurry down the steps and rush into the dark hallway close behind him. “Please, Liam,” my voice is pained and shaky as I stare at his back. The lights pouring in from the doorway illuminate his hunched silhouette.
My plea stops him and I take the opportunity to move past him to block his retreat. “So that’s it? We’re done? You’re just running away?” My voice is strident, as I look straight up at him.
“I’m walking away.” His head hangs as he reaches out to move me to the side. Without thinking, I shove him hard in the chest with all my might. He stumbles back, his head only drooping further with sadness.
“Why? Why walk away? What are you scared of?” I prop my hands on my hips, clutching the thin fabric of my dress nervously.
He looks at me knowingly. “I can’t even trust that you’re here right now because of me or because you don’t have Hayden to disappear into.”
My jaw drops. “How can you say that?”
“Well? Is it true?” His expression pierces me for the truth.
“I’m here for you. No one else has even come close to the place you’ve reached in my heart. I’ve never lied to you, Liam. Not on purpose at least. You are the one person I’ve never lied to.”
“Please stop acting like I was ever anything special to you.”
“You were! You are. You always have been. Even Marisa didn’t know all that you know. I never told her—” I stop myself, completely unable to finish that sentence and swallow hard to broach the subject that brought me here in the first place. “You told me I was the one. You told me I was worth something. Was that all a lie?” I ask, my hands shaking out in front of me.
“Just leave it.” He moves past me again and I jump in his way giving him another shove. His eyes glance up and he flinches as if just the sight of my face hurts him. “Please step aside, Rey.”
“No!” I scream, shoving him back down the hallway. I can’t let him leave. Letting him leave again feels like we truly are saying goodbye this time. “I’m tired of saying goodbye to you, Liam. You can’t…you can’t just…make me believe and then take it all away. Push me back! Please? I’m begging you. You have to push me!” I suck in a loud and shaky breath.
“I’m done pushing, Rey,” he says with a painful groan. “I’m done trying to make you believe. Don’t you see? I never made you believe anything. Ever. I pushed you and you ran. That’s all you’ve ever done.” He sniffs loudly and looks at me with tortured expression. “It took me too bloody long to recover the first time. Doing this again will fucking kill me.”
I shove my hands into my hair, panicky tears puncturing the surface at the painful truth behind his words. “I know I’m messed up, Liam.” A guttural sob erupts and he looks at me with sympathy. Sympathy I fucking hate but I have to keep going. “I’m working on it. But you have to know…I have to tell you.” Deep breath. “You made me fall in love with you!”
I cry at the deep and intense shock that smears over his face as the raw truth tumbles out of my mouth. I want to crumple to the floor at the fear coursing through me with that admission.
“Love?” He laughs, his glistening eyes searching my face for something I can’t possibly show him.
“I saw the way you saw me. The way no one else had ever seen me, and it made me fall in love with you.”
He looks away, gazing down the hallway in exasperation and then he pins me to the wall with ferocity in his expression. “You fucking broke my heart, Rey!” he roars and I flinch at the agony in his tone.
Tears pour from my eyes with every frenzied blink. I cover my face with my hands as a loud sob breaks through my chest. His warm arms wrap around me, but the touch is almost more painful than the space. The touch isn’t one of a lover…it’s one of sympathy. I sob even harder at that realization and at just how truly broken I am inside. I’m sobbing because the first time a person tells someone they love them shouldn’t feel this painful.
This bruising.
“This can’t be for nothing, Liam,” I croak, a knot in the back of my throat aching. “We can’t have betrayed her for nothing,”
“One person shouldn’t break someone like this, Rey. We tried to turn nothing into something. But nothing is all we ever were.” He kisses the top of my head and a chill washes over me as he releases me and walks away.
I slide down the wall and drop my face into my chest and cry like I’ve never cried before. “Nothing is all we ever were.”
“It hurts, Marisa,” I cry out while digging my bloodied fingers into the biting rock. “I’m not getting anywhere.”
“Sure you are!” she replies in her typical cheerful, singsong voice. “Just look.”
I turn to look down the huge cliff that Marisa and I have been climbing up for hours and see that we must be thousands of feet above the ground right now. Hot sunlight bakes my skin as panic sets in.
“Marisa!” I scream, trying to find a better grip. “Holy shit, we’re too high. This is way too high. We need help. HELP!” I scream at the top of my lungs while scratching frantically at the jagg
ed cliff wall.
Marisa begins laughing. “You are ma lady and I love you like mad, but you can’t honestly be this dense.”
“What do you mean?” My wide, terrified eyes ask as I cling helplessly to the bluff.
She looks at me knowingly. “‘The higher you climb, the farther you fall.’ ‘No cliff is so tall it cannot be climbed.’ I’m sure there are a million other cliff proverbs out there to draw inspiration from, but good Lord, I don’t have time to Google. Come on!”
Suddenly I look up and watch her take one more step as she reaches the top, looking down on me. Relief washes over me as I clamber up to the flat surface. I drop down to my butt and take in huge gulps of air. Looking down over the edge, a woozy sensation overcomes me. I can’t see any land down below. Only wide open sky and soft, buttery looking clouds. It’s eerie not being able to see the bottom of what you’re sitting on top of.
Marisa flops down beside me, her blonde hair blowing freely in the wind. She brushes the rock off her palms and asks, “So you get it then, right?”
“Get what?” I ask, still out of breath.
“The message and blah, blah, bloody blah.” I frown, clearly lost as to what she’s going on about. Rolling her eyes, she replies, “It’s like this: Slow and steady wins the race. You keep climbing and you’ll find what you’re reaching for. Or…oh, it could be like this: Stop climbing away from your problems and face them head on. Take your pick. I like option one better personally, but dreams are entirely subjective, so it’s whatever you’ve decided is most helpful.”
“I’m not sure what problem you’re referring to,” I reply nervously.
“You and Liam!” she crows at me. The sunlight orbs around her head momentarily. “Come off it, Rey. It’s bloody obvious. Just get it all out. Tell me what you wouldn’t even admit to yourself back then.”
“I was in love with Liam,” I whisper. Just saying the words, my chest concaves and a sense of relief washes over me. “I was in love with Liam the entire time and I never admitted it to a single soul. Even myself.”
