by Tonya Brooks
"Cyn, snap out of it," John said anxiously as he rocked her back and forth, his hand gently tapping her bloodless cheek.
"Give her this," Brett instructed and handed him a glass of whiskey.
John lifted the glass to her lips and got a couple of sips in her. The color started coming back to her cheeks and he wrapped both arms around her protectively. "It's okay, darlin'," he crooned gently. "I got ya. You're safe in my arms."
The shock began to wear off and sheer panic took over. Huge, frightened eyes stared up at John and she threw both arms around his neck to hold on tightly. " Oh my God. He killed her. It was Chip, wasn't it?" She demanded and shuddered. "Oh my God."
Brett placed the barely touched glass of whiskey in his hand again after John peeled her off of him enough to get Cyn to drink it. Once the glass was empty, her cheeks were flushed and she appeared much calmer. "You okay, darlin'?" He asked anxiously.
"He would have killed me too," she admitted in realization.
"If you hadn't known how to deal with him, you and Cathy might not have been as lucky," Brett pointed out. "That degree in psychology is what kept you alive until we got there."
"I knew you would save me," she whispered as she stared up at the handsome yet worried face staring back at her. "Thank you, John."
Her lips pressed the softest of kisses to his and John buried his face in her neck. He'd come so close to losing her. Just the thought scared the hell out of him.
~~~~~
When they arrived back at the house, John led Cyn up to the music room and sat her on a sofa. He removed a portable safe from a closet, opened it and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. He knew that she loved him, but he needed her to trust him completely. That meant full disclosure. "Want you to look through this shit, darlin'," he said as he sat across from her.
"What is it?" Cyn asked curiously as she stared into the safe filled with papers.
"Shit that nobody else knows," he admitted. "Everything you need to know."
"John, you don't need to..."
"Yeah. I do," he insisted. "Want you to know it all. Don't want any secrets between us, darlin'."
It took her almost an hour to go through all the paperwork inside and she was completely stunned at what she read. The tear stained, crumpled letter from Rex had been the hardest and she had shed silent tears as she read it. It was beautiful and eloquent and filled with love.
He had thanked John for showing him what true happiness was by being his friend first and foremost, as well as for giving him his love. Rex had apologized for taking the easy way out and explained that he was just so tired of the lies, and that he could no longer continue to live in a bubble now that he knew what his life could be like, what it should be like.
He had pleaded with John to forgive him and assured him that it was not his fault. I had planned to commit suicide that night in Malibu, but meeting you changed that. Your music touched something deep inside of me and made me want to live. You gave me the best year of my life and I hope you never regret that.
He had gone on to say that he hoped John followed his dream and became the star that he was destined to be, and shared his wonderful gift with the world. Rex told him that he would find love again with someone who would always be there for him and assured him that their time together was meant but for a season. When you find the one destined to fill your soul with music, hold on with everything you have and never let go.
She had also discovered that Rex had made John his sole beneficiary and left everything he had to him. The struggling young musician had become a multi-millionaire with the stroke of a pen, but what he had done with that wealth was even more shocking. John had set up the Rex Crawford Foundation, an organization to assist placing foster children with permanent families who would love them forever.
He'd had enough money at his disposal that he could have started his own recording label. Hell, he could have retired and lived like a king for the rest of his life. He could have done anything he wanted to with it, but he had chosen to help children and immortalize the man he had loved at the same time. That completely selfless act touched Cyn more than anything else and assured her that John was a man who loved deeply.
The more she learned about him, the more she was convinced that taking a chance on loving him was less of a risk and more of a blessing. Her heart ached at what he had been through and she was so proud of him for all that he had accomplished. He was a very special man and she was deeply honored that he considered her worthy of his love.
She placed the papers carefully back inside the safe, looked up at him with tear filled eyes and said softly, "I don't deserve you. Or your love."
He shook his head at that. "Darlin', you deserve better than me," John admitted. "But I'm selfish enough to keep you."
"There's nothing selfish about you, John Baker," Cyn denied. "Giving away a fortune proved that."
"Wasn't my money," he shrugged as if it were no big deal. "Rex had been raised in foster homes. Some of 'em were pretty bad. Seemed right to help other kids in the same situation."
"It's a wonderful cause," she agreed. "I just don't understand how no one knows what you've done." Other than the copy of Rex's will, John's name never appeared on any of the legal documents. Everything had been done by JBB Enterprises, including the trust that funded the foundation.
"Yeah, that was the hard part." he said and raked a hand through his hair. "When I found Rex, I thought he was asleep. Then I saw the letter and lost my shit. My boy heard me screaming and came to find out what the hell was going on. So did the housekeeper. While Alex was calling 911, she was calling Rex's agent."
"By the time he got there, with the publicist and lawyer right behind him, the place was crawling with police and EMT's," John said heavily. "Alex drug my ass out to the pool house and calmed me down before I had to talk to any of them. Turned out all I had to do was give a statement to the lawyer who turned it over to the police. They never asked me the first thing. Hell, they never even saw me."
"I didn't know it then, but the lawyer was protecting me, his new client, since he was the one who had drawn up the will for Rex," he admitted. "When he explained the situation to us, it gave me the upper hand. Since I was the one in control, it was my decision how Rex's final scene played out."
"Don't know which one of them bribed the coroner to lie about the cause of death, and I don't care. They did what I asked and that was all that mattered," John confessed. "In spite of the media frenzy, Rex was buried with the dignity he deserved. His people made damn sure of that. Only the five of us knew what really happened. Hell, the band doesn't even know the truth."
"Did Alex know about you and Rex?" Cyn queried since the drummer seemed to know something that he did not want to discuss.
"He knew that we were tight," John admitted. " The band was staying at the beach house that weekend. I took off down there after Rex and I fought over telling my family about us. I got completely wasted, realized that I'd acted like an ass and wanted to go back to LA. Since I was in no shape to drive, Alex took me. I'm pretty sure he figured it out when I found Rex, but he never said a damn thing."
"He had to know something was up when I went off the deep end and started using pretty heavy. Having a shit load of money made it easy to become a coke addict. That's how I wound up with the pearls," he confessed. "I was completely out of control and my boys were afraid I was going to OD, too. So they brought me home knowing that Pop would kick my ass back into shape."
"And you never told your family," she said and was trying to figure out how they knew.
"Nope, but they figured it out," John informed her and looked as if he were still having a hard time believing it himself. "Pop let me know last weekend that he, Matt and Mark have known all along. Guess I must have said some shit while I was in DT's and they put it all together. I never had a clue."
"John, you have a wonderful family," she assured him. "I can't imagine them judging you or being embarrassed by anyone you
loved, male or female."
"Yeah," he agreed. "Guess I was just too young and stupid to realize it back then. Took me a year to get my shit together. That's when I contacted the attorney and told him I wanted to set up the foundation. He created JBB Enterprises so I could do it anonymously and everything goes through him. I think I might come clean and let Luke and Mark handle all that shit for me."
Since Luke was an attorney and Mark had double degrees in business and finance, it seemed like a good idea. John had thought about it a lot over the last few years, but he'd never figured out how to let them do it without admitting the truth. Getting this shit off his conscience seemed like a step in the right direction.
"I think you should," she agreed and was thrilled that he seemed to be opening up to discussing his past with his family as well as sharing something that obviously meant so much to him with them as well. "The truth will set you free."
"Don't want to be free, darlin'," John said as those piercing eyes met hers. "Just want you to trust me."
"I do trust you, John, and that's what scares the hell out of me," Cyn assured him. "I trust you too much."
"Cyn, I'd never..."
"I trusted you to save me. The whole time I knew that you would come for me, and you did," she confessed. "I kept thinking that I was going to die and do you know what my biggest regret was? That I'd never told you I loved you. That you'd grieve for me and I wouldn't even deserve it."
John was across the room and had her in his arms in a heartbeat. The thought of losing her still too fresh in his mind. "Not gonna lose you, Cyn," he swore and kissed the tears from her cheeks that she hadn't been aware of shedding. "I love you and I'm gonna be right by your side proving that every damn day until you believe it."
"And every night?" She asked with a watery smile.
"Damn straight," he agreed with that bad boy smile. "I'm yours, darlin'. Get used to it."
Cyn did not have a problem with that.
Chapter Twenty
Friday, June 14
Since Luke was back from his honeymoon, John called all three of his brothers and asked them to meet him at the club that night. He led them into his office and they sat on the couch to watch him expectantly as he paced the floor. This shit had seemed a hell of a lot easier when he'd planned it than it was to actually do it.
"What's up, bro?" Luke finally prompted when John just kept pacing the floor and muttering to himself.
He grabbed his desk chair, rolled it into the center of the floor to face them and sat down. "Need to come clean about some shit," he informed them and all three men eyed him warily at that point. "It ain't easy."
"Just spit it out, little brother," Matt encouraged.
John took a calming breath and did just that. "When I was in Cali, Rex Crawford was my lover."
Luke was not as shocked by that announcement as you would think. His brother was a total manwhore after all. He'd often accused John of screwing anything with two legs. Looked like he'd been right. Not that it mattered to him one way or the other who his brother slept with.
He glanced over at their two older brothers who were doing that annoying thing they did by silently communicating with a look. That was when he realized that neither one of them appeared to be surprised by the news either. Swinging his gaze back to the youngest, he saw that John looked more nervous than he'd ever seen him.
Sweet Jesus. The kid thought they were going to judge him, he realized. The hell with that. Luke was no homophobe and he'd be the last one to cast stones at one of his brothers for their choices. If the two eldest even thought about it, he'd kick both their asses.
"Okay," he said evenly and injected total acceptance into one word.
"That's it?" John asked in surprise. He had expected more of a reaction than that.
Luke shrugged his shoulders and added, "I got no problem with it."
"Me neither," Matt confirmed.
"No problem here," Mark agreed. "Though I am curious why you're telling us now."
The youngest snorted at that. "Don't act like you didn't know," he warned the two eldest.
"Hey, I never had a clue," Luke protested.
"These two did," John admitted.
"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" The attorney complained. He and John were pretty tight and he couldn't figure out why he would have shared this with them and not him.
"Didn't know they knew until Pop told me last weekend," he admitted.
"What the hell? Pop knows, too?" Luke demanded and was starting to get pissed that he had been left out of the loop.
"You were at Harvard when John came back from California," Matt said as if that were explanation enough.
"The kid was suffering from DT's and talking all kinds of crazy shit," Mark added. "We managed to piece it together, but not enough to be sure."
"DT's?" The attorney repeated in shock. He knew his little brother had smoked pot back in high school. Hell, who hadn't? But he'd never seen John use anything stronger than alcohol since then.
"Had a coke habit, bro. To the tune of several G's per day. Would have killed me if my boys hadn't hauled my ass back home," John informed them all.
The band had been as broke as a joke and struggling just to get by, so they were all wondering what Matt put into words with, "How the hell did you support a habit like that?"
"This will explain everything," he said as he walked over to the desk, picked up a handful of documents and handed them to Luke.
The attorney read the will twice before his incredulous brain comprehended what it meant. Then he passed it on to Mark and started in on the documents for a charitable organization. Once he'd gone through them, he handed them over as well and just sat there processing it all. "You inherited all of Rex Crawford's worldly possessions, his wealth and any future royalties from his films," he finally stated.
"Uh huh."
"Then you sold all of the cars, houses and art, and put all of the money into a trust to fund the charity that you founded in his name." Luke added just to make sure he wasn't missing anything.
"Uh huh."
"Little brother, that's the coolest damn thing I've ever heard," Luke said seriously and he was impressed as hell at the decision. The kid had founded a multi-million dollar venture all on his own and hadn't kept a damn thing for himself.
"John, trust funds aren't bearing a lot of interest right now. If you invested some of it, you'd generate a lot more capitol," Mark suggested as he read over the financial reports.
"Yeah, that's why I showed it to you," John confessed. "I'd hoped that you could handle that shit for me."
"You want me to manage the money?" Mark asked in surprise.
"And Luke to handle the legal shit," he confirmed.
"Hell, yeah," Mark readily agreed and was happy to help his little brother with such a worthy endeavor.
"I'm in," Luke assured him, more than ready to aid the cause. "Whatever you need."
"Awesome," John said with the familiar bad boy grin. "My attorney out in Cali set the whole thing up under JBB Enterprises since I want to remain anonymous. I'm on the board but my votes are always done by proxy through him."
"Bro, why would you want to keep something like this a secret?" Matt queried since this was such an incredible organization that he had put together.
"Millions of fans thought Rex was straight and he fought hard to maintain that image," John explained. "Everything I've done is to protect him."
"You put a hell of a lot of thought into this," Mark admitted and was surprised at what the kid had put together.
"Yeah, well, I spent a year thinking about what I wanted to do," he confessed. "This seemed like the best way to honor his memory."
"He was lucky to have you," Matt said seriously. Not many people would have turned their back on a fortune like this.
"Nope, I'm the lucky one," he corrected, more than a little choked up at the total acceptance. "I've got the best brothers a man could have." At that, all three brothers took turns
wrapping him in bear hugs.
"Love ya, bro," Luke admitted, his eyes a little misty. Then he just had to tease, "I always knew there was something up with that eyeliner." Which sent all four brothers into laughter.
John knew then that he was the luckiest SOB ever to have a family like this. He wondered how he'd ever doubted that they would do anything but stand beside him, no matter what decisions he made. Cyn had been right. The truth had set him free.
~~~~~
In spite of the fact that his heart was not in it, John gave a hell of a performance that night. The club was packed and he realized that he might not have thousands of screaming fans filling a stadium, but what he did have were a lot of good people who loved to hear him and his band play. In his opinion, that was just as good.
He had his woman and that was all that really mattered. Leaving Cyn at home while he came to the club was harder than hell, but he knew she needed time to deal with the emotional trauma. She didn't want to talk about it and he sure as hell wasn't going to force her to. It was over. They needed to find a way to put it all behind them and move forward.
They had both spent enough time dwelling on the past, and he didn't need a damn psych degree to know that. It was time for them to start looking forward to their future together. But first, he had to make her believe that he would always be there for her, no matter what. Cyn was the most important thing in his life and he was going to prove it to her everyday
“They say go big, or go home,” John said into the microphone and everyone in the building looked at the stage. “I don’t know about y’all, but home is big enough for me.” Rowdy cheers and shouts of approval filled the air. He opened the first set with the reason he did what he did.
“It ain’t a middle finger on a t-shirt, the establishments trying to sell, It’s a guy with the balls who told the establishment to go to hell, It ain’t about the money you make when a record gets sold, It’s about doin’ it for nothin’, cause it lives in your soul. That’s damn rock and roll, that’s damn rock and roll.”
