by Noah Harris
“I tried to reach out to you, you know?” He continued. “When I realized my mistake. It was only a couple months later, but you were already gone.” He shook his head sadly. “You never responded.”
“I was busy.” He was in basic training by then. He remembered getting the texts and the missed calls and the voicemails, but he had already been determined to move on. He didn’t want to get trapped in the small town again. He didn’t want to be trapped by Ben. The wounds of their break up arguments were still fresh, and he didn’t think they could just patch it up. So he had ignored them for his own mental health.
“I know.” He smiled and tilted his head, looking Dylan over. “And you’ve made quite a life for yourself. Blake isn’t the only one who’s grown up a lot since we were kids.” He took another step toward Dylan, closing the distance slowly like he was stalking a flighty prey. He rested a forearm on the tree trunk above Dylan’s head and leaned forward.
It was a position he had used a lot when they were together. Dylan used to like it. It used to make him feel sheltered and protected, and he loved to see the muscles in Ben’s arm. Now he just felt cornered and nervous, and Ben’s arm wasn’t nearly as impressive as his own. But still, he couldn’t bring himself to move.
Ben’s other hand rested on his hip, his thumb slipping beneath the hem of his shirt to stroke his hip. Dylan shivered. Heat radiated from the simple touch on his hip, and it made him both thrilled and nauseous. Excitement and guilt. Attraction and disgust.
Dylan kept eye contact, refusing to look away. Ben held his gaze steadily, smiling serenely with a cool confidence. That smile used to make Dylan’s head spin, and it still did, but for completely different reasons. “You’re making a mistake.” He tried to say again, trying to talk some reason into Ben.
“Maybe I am.” He chuckled to himself. “I don’t know anymore. All I know is that you’re all I can think about. Day and night. And every time I see Blake, I’m angry. I’m jealous. I don’t want him, or anyone else, to touch you. You were mine once. My first. And I don’t want to let you go.”
“You’re the one who broke up with me.” Dylan reminded him, narrowing his eyes slightly. He pressed his lips into a frown. “You’re the one who cheated on me. Several times. Now you’re marrying my cousin. You don’t deserve me.”
“I was young and stupid. We all make mistakes. I know I don’t deserve you, and yet …” His hand lifted from his hip to cup his cheek. He stroked his jaw and ran his thumb across his bottom lip. He was staring at his mouth with a single-minded intensity that sent shivers of excitement and dread down his spine. “And yet I want you.” He continued his voice barely above a whisper and growing husky. “I wonder what it’s like to kiss you. I wonder what it would be like to touch you, to fuck you. Do you still feel the same? Do you still make the same sounds? Will you call out my name the way you used to? I want to know …”
He leaned forward, and Dylan froze, watching him get closer as time seemed to slow to a crawl. He didn’t know what he wanted. He wanted Ben to kiss him. Because if he were being honest, he had been wondering the same things about him. It might have been morbid curiosity mixed with a nostalgic longing, but he wanted to know. Everything in his life was hectic and confusing right now. He felt like he had no control. When he had been with Ben, everything had been so simple. Everything had felt right, and he had known with certainty what he wanted. All of his old feelings for Ben came rising to the surface. Nostalgic feelings of youth and love. His first love. His first lover. They were going to take on the world together. Dylan was going to have his children.
He knew he shouldn’t, no matter how much he wanted it. But he didn’t do anything to stop it. He stood there, still as a statue, as Ben kissed him.
The kiss was awkward, probably due to Dylan’s stiffness and lack of participation. Still, Ben wasn’t discouraged. He tilted his head, kissing Dylan’s lips until he relaxed. As soon as he did, Ben was shoving his tongue past Dylan’s lips, demanding and exploring. Dylan started to react, trying desperately to salvage the kiss. It was nothing like he remembered. It wasn’t sweet or loving. It didn’t spark anything inside him. It was warm and wet and messy. His hands went to Ben’s chest, bracing against him. Ben’s hands went down to his hips, pushing under his shirt and fingers creeping upward to explore his stomach and chest.
He couldn’t help it. He started to compare Ben and Blake. It wasn’t that hard to do. They were both roughly the same height, though Blake was a couple of inches taller. They had the same white blond hair, but Blake kept his a little longer and Ben cut his short. Ben had thicker muscle tone, and he was more aggressive in the way he held himself. Blake had leaner muscles and held himself with a relaxed and comforting atmosphere. They were both cocky, but where Ben’s was a self-centered cockiness, Blake’s was playful and teasing. Ben’s came from a place of arrogance. Blake’s came from hiding his insecurities.
When it came to the way they kissed and the way their bodies felt, the difference was even plainer. It directly reflected their personality differences. Ben kissed Dylan with reckless abandon like he wasn’t even aware that Dylan was uncomfortable or that he hadn’t noticed that Dylan had been slow to react. He was eager to take charge and take what he wanted without any consideration for his kissing partner. Either Ben was simply that eager, or he didn’t care as long as he got what he wanted. And he was used to getting what he wanted.
Blake was so different from his brother. Dylan had never noticed what a considerate partner and lover Blake was until Ben kissed him. Blake always seemed to react to how Dylan reacted. Their bodies were so in sync with what they wanted, even if Dylan wasn’t mentally prepared. Blake never pushed him when he didn’t want it … well, except for that one time, but he had instantly felt bad about it, and even then, Dylan’s body had been reacting to him. When they kissed, Dylan felt it everywhere. Everything about him called out for Blake. There was never a doubt that he wanted him. And the way Blake kissed him made him feel wanted and needed. He was so tender and loving in his touches. Every little thing was just as much for Dylan’s benefit as his own.
He got none of those feeling from his kiss with Ben. Ben didn’t even excite his body. No, he had been more thrilled by the prospect of it than the actual event. The anticipation had been exciting and thrilling, but the actual kiss left him feeling disappointed, guilty, and disgusting.
He pushed on Ben’s chest, breaking their kiss. But the alpha was leaning so heavily on him that he didn’t move away very far. He tried to kiss him again, barely even noticing that Dylan was trying to push him away. Dylan turned his head to the side, but Ben just kissed his neck instead. Dylan gasped and made a strange groaning sound, but not out of pleasure. His sensitive neck used to be a weakness that Ben liked to exploit. When Blake kissed him there, he felt a shock run down his spine to his toes, leaving fire in its wake. When Ben kissed him there, he gasped and groaned out of the pure loathing of it. His skin crawled, and a shiver of disgust went through him.
But Ben misinterpreted it. He chuckled low in his throat. “I knew you still had feelings for me. Your body says it all.” He whispered against Dylan’s neck. His voice was cocky and smug, and Dylan felt revolted. “You still can’t hold back those sounds when I touch you.” His hands moved around to Dylan’s back, roaming down to grab his ass. “You always did have the best ass.” He bit Dylan’s neck, and Dylan grunted, pushing harder against his chest. Ben didn’t seem to notice. He just leaned closer, pressing their bodies firmly together. Dylan could feel Ben’s knot hard against his thigh.
Filled with an overwhelming sense of anger and disgust, Dylan shoved him hard. Ben stumbled backward, obvious surprise written across his features. When he recovered his balance, he glared at Dylan.
“What was that for?”
Dylan glared back at him, fire in his eyes and fire in his chest. He was disgusted with Ben, and he was disgusted with himself. He had tried to be strong and ended up being weak. He had given into temptation,
and it hadn’t been worth it. Not by a long shot.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Dylan growled through clenched teeth. He was still leaning back heavily on the tree, not quite trusting his shaking legs.
Ben’s eyebrows rose, and his frown morphed into a smug smirk. “Don’t you mean what are we doing? We’re rekindling our old flame. Getting these unresolved feelings out in the open.” He took a step toward him.
“No,” Dylan said, pointing at him. “I mean what the fuck are you doing? You kissed me.”
His smirk widened. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, babe.”
“Don’t call me that.” Dylan snapped. He pushed off the tree, standing straighter.
“Sure, sure, but you can’t deny that you didn’t like it. You were reacting to me. You kissed me back.” He said, holding out his hands innocently.
Dylan laughed suddenly. It was humorless and bitter, and so unexpected that Ben’s smirk faded. “Is that honestly what you think? Oh my god, how can you possibly be this self-centered? How can your ego be so impossibly large that you don’t even notice when someone doesn’t want to kiss you? That you’re actually forcing yourself on someone?” He laughed again, shaking his head. “Don’t you dare blame any of this on me.”
Ben was frowning now, clearly not happy with this turn of events. He took another step toward him, but Dylan held his ground. “Don’t try to pretend you didn’t enjoy it. Don’t think I don’t know the real reason you’re with Blake.”
“Enlighten me,” Dylan said dryly.
Ben smirked again, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “You may not have known who he was at first, but he obviously looks enough like me. You clearly aren’t over me and will do anything you can to replace me. You should be grateful that I’m giving you exactly what you wanted.” He put his hands on Dylan’s hips, sliding up close to him. Dylan glared but refused to back up. He didn’t want his back to the tree again.
“What about Alex?”
His smile widened. “He doesn’t have to know.”
“Don’t touch me.” Dylan hissed.
“Too late for that, babe.” Before Dylan could react, Ben gripped his hip and spun him around, pushing his chest into the tree. He leaned into his back, pushing his hips against Dylan’s ass. His hands went around him and under his shirt. “You should be thanking me.” He chuckled into Dylan’s ear. “I’m giving you the real thing instead of some cheap, younger replacement.”
Anger flared up in Dylan. He was not some small, helpless omega to be taken advantage of. And he wouldn’t let Ben of all people touch him. He flung his head backward, cracking Ben in the nose. Then he braced his hands against the tree and shoved back, knocking Ben off balance. He stumbled backward, hand to his nose. The sun had gone down, and it was too dark for him to see if it was bleeding.
“What the fuck, Dylan?” Blake shouted, glaring at him.
“Don’t you ever fucking touch me again.” Ben started to puff out his chest, and Dylan could feel the intimidation alpha aura coming from him. He straightened his back and took several steps forward, refusing to back down. “Blake is ten times the man you’ll ever be. Don’t you dare insult him because you’re petty, jealous, and possessive.”
Ben got in his face, trying to get Dylan to back down. He didn’t. He stood his ground and met his glare with one of his own. Ben looked him up and down and sneered. “Your loss. I was just trying to do you a favor. Who would want a big brute of an omega like you anyway?”
He said it with such disdain and such disgust, his lip curling upward as he sneered down his nose, that Dylan snapped. All of his anger, all of his hurt, all of his disappointment and disgust. Everything that he had been holding back for days. Everything that had been kept locked inside of him for fear it might tear him apart. Everything came roaring out. He pulled back his arm and let his fist fly. Before either of them knew what was happening, Dylan’s fist was connecting with Ben’s face. He yelped in surprise as his head snapped back. He stumbled and fell flat on his ass. Dylan took a step forward and stood over him. Ben looked up at him with shock, anger, and a little bit of fear.
When Dylan spoke, his voice was eerily calm and level, betraying none of the fiery emotion he had just unleashed. “Don’t you ever touch me again.” He repeated, slowly and calmly. But his voice held a subtle threat, sharp and cold, surprising himself. “Don’t you ever insult your brother again. He is ten times the alpha you’ll ever be.” He turned and started to walk away, then stopped and half turned. Ben hadn’t moved. “And if you dare to try to turn this around on me and tell Alex that I tried to seduce you, I will make your life a living hell.”
Without waiting for a reply, he left, stomping through the woods with his head held high. He expected Ben to shout something after him. Anything to get the last word in. But he didn’t. The woods and the swimming hole were silent and still, save for the crunch of leaves beneath his feet.
Chapter Six
Once he was well out of sight of Ben, he pulled out his bag and started stripping, shoving all his clothes into it. He pulled the drawstring closed and shifted into his wolf form. Taking the bag in his mouth, he started off dashing into the woods. He didn’t go home. He couldn’t. Not yet. He hadn’t calmed down. His head was a mess.
He ran on autopilot for a while, letting his instincts and inner wolf take control of his body while his mind tried to process what had happened. His wolf sniffed around the woods, chasing scents and night animals. He tried to run out his emotions physically, but it didn’t work. The wolf might be a good distraction, but in the back of his mind, he was still left feeling disgusted with himself. He hated himself for letting himself give into Ben’s temptation. He felt incredibly guilty. More than anything, he wanted to see Blake, but he was also afraid to tell the man what had happened. And he knew he was going to have to. Before Ben let it slip and ruined whatever relationship they had.
He wanted to see Blake soon. Now, even. He wanted his comfort and his forgiveness. He needed it. He turned his course to start back toward the neighborhood. He had wasted a lot of time running around, but he was willing to bet Ben wouldn’t go straight home either. He might be able to get Blake to come out, and they could go somewhere else for privacy.
He stopped as he ran past the park. Dylan lifted his nose to sniff the air. Something had made him stop, and he was trying to figure out what it was. He was downwind of the park, and he had caught a whiff of something familiar. It only took him a second to place it: Blake.
Turning, he darted across the fields of the park. He found Blake sitting on one of the swings. He had his phone out and his headphones in. He sat in the swing, idly rocking himself back and forth with his foot as he held his phone out in front of him. He didn’t hear, see, or smell Dylan coming. He didn’t notice until Dylan was nearly standing in front of him. He stood there, still in his wolf form, shoulders hunched and tail down, ears laying down flat. He waited until Blake noticed him.
He saw the moment the man’s nostrils flared. He looked up, surprised. “Dylan?” He said when his eyes fell on the copper wolf. His face immediately became serious. He could see in Dylan’s stance that something was wrong. He stood, pulling his headphones out and shoving his phone in his pocket. “Dylan? What’s wrong?” He looked around, eyes searching for a threat he wouldn’t find.
Dylan opened his mouth and dropped the bag on the ground. He glanced up at Blake, then away. He sat down. He didn’t want to shift. Shifting meant he would have to explain everything to Blake, and he didn’t want to do that just yet. He just wanted the man’s company, but he didn’t know how to convey that.
Blake crouched on the ground in front of him, reaching out his hands to Dylan. He scratched his neck and behind his ears. Dylan closed his eyes, enjoying the affection. He had missed this man’s touch, no matter what form he was in. Blake held his head in his hands and forced Dylan to look at him. “Are you hurt?” He asked, his voice and his expression serious. Dylan gave a short shake of
his head. “Do you want to shift?” He shook his head again. “Do you want me to join you?” He shook his head again. Now that they were together, he didn’t want to run anymore. Blake smiled softly, just a small tilt to his lips, and leaned forward to put his forehead against Dylan’s. “Come on, then.”
He stood, and walked over to one of the wooden playground forts. He ran up one of the slides and stood atop it, glancing back at Dylan.
“You coming or what?” He sat in the fort, putting his back to the wall and pulling out his phone. Dylan left his bag on the ground and hesitated only a moment before following Blake up the slide. He padded over to Blake, who glanced up at him and patted the floor beside him. Dylan curled up beside him, putting his head and a paw in Blake’s lap. Blake draped an arm around him, gently scratching the fur on his side. He then scratched his ears and rubbed the fur between his eyes. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.” He cooed. Dylan shifted, getting comfortable. He made a small huffing, grunting sound in acknowledgment. “Until then, we can watch Netflix.”
He unplugged his headphones and shoved them in his pocket, then held his phone out in front of both of them. While they watched, he continued to scratch and pet Dylan, soothing and comforting him more than he knew. Dylan didn’t pay any particular attention to the show they were watching, and he had a feeling Blake wasn’t either. It was just a way to fill the silence. Dylan felt better just being in Blake’s presence. He was no longer angry, but he was still overcome with guilt. He realized that he didn’t care what Ben did to him. He didn’t care that Ben was trying to use and manipulate him. His feelings didn’t matter. He cared that Ben’s actions would hurt Blake. He was angry at himself for doing something so stupid that would hurt the man he cared about most. The man who actually cared about him. The man who was the father of his child.
Overwhelmed with the need to be closer, Dylan suddenly stood. Blake was mildly surprised and lifted his arm as Dylan readjusted. He climbed into Blake’s lap, forcing him to spread his legs into more of a circle to accommodate the giant wolf who wanted to sit there. He sat with his back to Blake. And when he had finished moving, Blake leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Dylan. “Shift for me?” He whispered.
