Mel gave her a brief sidelong glance. “When did you know?”
“Oh, I always knew I didn’t like boys in that way. I liked girls for a long time before I really named what I was feeling and accepted it as reality.” Regan glanced over at Mel, then back to her lap with a half-smile. “I don’t think I came out to myself until I was about fifteen, but I had been lusting after women ever since I first saw Jo on The Facts of Life.”
“Amen.”
“Yeah, so that naturally made me feel like even more of a freak. And kids are perceptive, you know? Girls were never really mean to me in school until everyone decided to start calling me a dyke, but they were some of the worst then. It got a lot better in college, really, and I found other people like me and made friends, but I’ve never really been able to forget how it all felt.” Regan glanced out the window at the brown-red desert landscape of New Mexico.
“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about that, baby,” Mel murmured. “That must have been really hard.”
She gave Mel a meaningful look. “I know that there have been times when you’ve felt weak for letting all the hurt and disappointment of your childhood affect you as an adult. But I do understand, I really do, because every time I walk into a social situation I get short of breath, and every time I meet a new person I pray that I’ll be able to find my voice and not make a fool of myself.”
Mel glanced over at her with sad, tender eyes. Without a word, she flipped the turn signal and steered the truck onto the shoulder of the road. Regan looked behind them as they slowed to a stop, then out the front windshield.
They were roughly two hours outside of Amarillo, heading toward Santa Fe, and the dry, desolate landscape was just beginning to show signs of the mountainous regions that lay ahead. The highway was nearly abandoned; a car a quarter of a mile ahead of them disappeared into a hazy cloud of dust, leaving them alone on the side of the road.
Mel leaned over and pulled Regan into her arms. The embrace filled Regan with strength, a wordless reassurance that centered her and erased any lingering fear of talking about who she was.
“I love you,” Mel murmured. “I wish I had known you then. I think we could have been very good for each other.”
“We are good for one another. And I love you, too.”
Strong arms tightened around Regan and she murmured happily, sliding a hand up to tangle in dark hair. Mel’s heart pounded against her chest and her own heart beat in rhythm with it, hard in her breast as if straining to reach its twin.
“I never imagined finding someone like you,” Regan said. “Even if I had nothing else, you would be enough.”
Mel’s mouth hung open and she shook her head as if dazed. “There are no words…” She faltered, her voice cracking with emotion. “I don’t know how—”
“Just kiss me.”
Mel leaned in and obeyed the whispered command without hesitation. Their kiss was unhurried and gentle, and Regan poured of every ounce of feeling she had into their joining. She couldn’t bear to break their contact even when she needed air, and so she pulled back a fraction of an inch to inhale, then closed the distance between them again.
We’re on the side of the highway. I really should stop.
She pulled back with a small sigh of regret. For a moment Mel remained as she had been during their kiss, eyes closed, panting, before she blinked and fixed Regan with intense gray eyes.
“How do you do that?” Mel whispered.
“Do what?”
“You always know exactly what to say—and what to do—to make me feel incredible. It’s…well, it’s amazing, really.”
“I could say the same of you,” Regan said. One hand remained tangled in Mel’s hair, while the other mapped the contours of her face.
“You know,” Mel said, and kissed Regan’s hand, “no matter how awkward you may feel with other people, you’re really fucking good at this relationship stuff. You’re just so open, so brave.”
Regan smiled, nose crinkling. “I think I’m pretty good with people once I know them and trust them.”
“Well, you’re pretty good with me.”
“And just imagine how good I’ll be with a few months under our belts.”
Mel gave her a smile that told her that she enjoyed imagining a future together just as much as she did. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll even develop some new skills.”
Regan patted her knee. “Darling, I’m not sure I can handle any new skills from you. I almost passed out the other night with that little tongue trick you pulled.”
With a chuckle, Mel drew back and glanced in the rearview mirror. “I’d better start driving, huh?”
“I guess so, yeah.” Regan glanced out the side window at a small group of cows grazing nearby. “Or else the cattle will start wondering what the hell we’re doing just sitting here.”
Mel snickered as she pulled back onto the road. “Right. That’s just what I was worried about, too.”
“Shaddup.”
Mel made a show of zipping her lips closed and throwing away an imaginary key. She glanced over at Regan with upraised eyebrows, then turned to study the road with feigned obedience.
Regan settled back in her seat to enjoy the show, a distracted grin on her face. About a mile down the road, she said, “I’m just waiting for your illusions about me to be shattered. It’ll happen eventually, you know.”
“Oh, yeah? So what about you is so terrible?”
“Hey,” Regan protested. “I’m not saying I’m terrible, just that I can be…unpleasant, and I don’t want you to be surprised.”
“Hit me with the worst you’ve got,” Mel said. Challenge rang clear in her voice.
“Okay. You haven’t seen me in the throes of PMS yet. Then you’ll wonder how you got so lucky.”
“Nah.” Mel chuckled. “I’m sure I can handle it. You’re probably just all cute when you’re grumpy. I’m not too worried.”
“Grumpy, whiney, bloated,” Regan recited in a serious voice. “The list goes on.”
“I think I can handle it. I give excellent back and belly rubs, by the way.”
“You’d better,” Regan purred. “It’ll help get you through it in one piece, that’s for sure.”
“So is that all you got? PMS? You’ll have to do better than that if you want to convince me that you’re not as amazing as I think you are.”
“I can be kind of solitary sometimes,” Regan said. “Sometimes I just like to be alone with my code, you know?”
“I respect that,” Mel said with a serious nod. “I need my alone time, too. I’m relieved you’ll understand.”
“Oh, thank God.” Regan slumped back in her seat at the magnitude of this revelation. “Nobody understands alone time. Sarah always got offended, like it reflected on her.”
Mel wore a smug smile. “See? You’re not horrible at all.”
Time for the trump card, Regan decided. “I’m a criminal.”
Mel laughed out loud. “Oh? And what terrible acts have you committed?”
“A little high school hacking to change grades for some of the kids who were assholes to me,” Regan said. “And when I was seventeen, I decided to fuck with some display computers in a department store and brought the entire store’s network down for the day.” She flashed Mel a wicked grin. “I made the paper and everything.”
“A teenage hacker, huh?” Mel gave a soft snort. “We’re not going to get chased through the desert by a fleet of squad cars, are we, Thelma?”
“Don’t worry, Louise,” Regan replied, deadpan. “As long as you don’t turn me in, I think I covered my tracks.”
“Good to know.”
“And how about you, Officer Raines? Have you ever dallied on the other side of the law? And smoking a little weed doesn’t count.”
“Beyond committing various acts of sodomy—including some very pleasant ones this morning—no. I really am a saint.” Mel sat back in her seat with a self-satisfied smile.
“Oh, but remember honey,
the Supreme Court says we’re allowed to have sex now.”
“Generous of them.” Mel rolled her eyes heavenward.
“Well, I appreciate it. You have a magnificent tongue that should never be legislated.”
Mel laughed long and loud. “Have I mentioned that I love your comfort with your sexuality? You’re so confident about sex. I have to admit that it surprised me, but I love it.”
“I’ve never worried about sex,” Regan said. “I’ve had lots of time to think about it. And engage in self-directed training.”
“Oh, yeah,” Mel drawled. “I remember hearing something about that around the campfire.”
Jesus, I was stoned. What the hell did I say? Regan thought for a moment. “I told you I practiced a lot, right?”
“Baby, you told everyone you practiced a lot.”
“Yeah, well, I do. I even lettered in masturbation, back in high school.”
Mel guffawed. “Do they have varsity jackets for that?”
“Damn it, they should.”
“So, is that considered a spectator sport?”
Mel’s low voice sent a jolt of excitement through Regan’s body. She squeezed her thighs together as if to stave off the flow of wetness their conversation was creating. “That depends.” She watched Mel’s throat work for a moment at the sultry tone of the reply. You turned me into an oversexed pervert, now deal with the consequences.
“On?” Mel rested her hand high on Regan’s upper thigh, but kept her eyes remained locked on the road.
“On how nicely you ask?” Not that it would take much to convince her at this point.
“Please?” Her voice was so sweet Regan didn’t even consider refusing.
“Yeah, that was pretty nice.” When Mel didn’t respond, but instead slid bold fingers down along her inner thigh, Regan blinked. “Wait, right now?”
“Right now.” Mel’s voice was rough with passion.
Regan looked around at the road. I don’t want more spectators than I bargained for. An ancient pickup truck trailed far behind them and the road ahead was clear.
“Here?” She waved her hand in the air, indicating the interior of the truck.
“Right here. Sitting next to me where I can watch. And listen.”
Being shy didn’t even occur to her. “Okay,” Regan agreed, and proceeded to surprise her lover once again.
Chapter Fourteen
“Hello?”
Mel fought a brief moment of anxiety at the sound of Hansen’s voice even as she marveled at how much stronger he sounded. She threw her shoulders back, holding her cell phone tight against her ear.
“Hey there, partner.” She watched a young couple across the street barter with a Native American vendor whose table was loaded with handcrafted jewelry and blankets. “Jesus, you sound great.”
“What the hell are you doing calling me? You’re supposed to be having a good time with your girl.”
She could hear Hansen’s smile and succumbed to a blush of sheer pleasure. “Oh, I am. But my girl’s busy poring over a bin of used video games in a store down the street. She’s dead to the world until she looks through every last one of them, so I thought I’d step outside and give you a call…see how you’re doing.”
“Better. We’re all doing better, thank you. And the deck looks fantastic, by the way.”
She soaked up Hansen’s praise. “So does that mean you’re up and around?”
“I’m not running any marathons, but I don’t feel quite as useless as I did a few days ago.” Hansen chuckled. “The grub’s not as good as it was in the hospital, though. Annie’s insisting I eat the rabbit food she keeps cooking for me.”
“Well, that’s because she loves you,” Mel said. “I’m afraid I have to take her side on that issue.”
“Hey, you’re the one who smuggled a cheeseburger into the hospital for me.”
“And if you ever tell anyone—”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hansen grumbled.
Mel started walking briskly as two women leading a large group of small children headed straight for her. “Scary,” she muttered.
“What’s scary?” Hansen asked. “Being in love?”
Mel stopped in her tracks directly in front of a jewelry store that had an outside display table lined with glass cases. “What—”
“You’re really going to waste your breath denying it?” A quiet chuckle floated into her ear. “Christ, Raines. I can hear it in your voice.”
“I—”
“Have you told her yet?” Hansen interrupted. “And where are you, anyway?”
“Whoa, there. Give me a minute.” Mel turned her face away from the bright sun, looking down at the jewelry on display in front of her. “We’re in Santa Fe, New Mexico. And, yeah. I told her.”
“Good for you.” The quiet seriousness of his voice surprised Mel. “I mean it. I’m proud of you. It takes courage to give your heart to someone. But it’s worth it.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know that I had a choice. Regan pretty much stole my heart without my knowledge or consent.”
“You want that I should arrest her, partner? Sounds pretty dangerous to me.”
“I think I can handle her.” Mel took a closer look at several rows of gold rings. One particularly attractive design caught her eye. It was a small gold Claddagh with a slim, feminine band.
“So, Santa Fe, huh? You two are making good time,” Hansen remarked. “Which route did you take?”
“Missouri…Oklahoma…Texas.” Mel answered vaguely, studying the Claddagh ring.
Hansen didn’t miss a beat. “Do anything fun in Oklahoma?”
Why hide it? “I saw my father. I hadn’t seen him since I left for college.”
“Rough visit?” He radiated quiet empathy.
“A little rough. But good. Regan was there with me, and I said some things I’ve always wanted to say.” Mel’s words died in her throat when she realized how much she was talking, and how easy it felt.
“Like I said. I’m proud of you.”
“That means a lot, Hansen. Thank you.”
They shared a comfortable silence, then Hansen said, “You’re going to bring Regan to meet me when you get home?”
Mel exhaled, a calming breath. “I guess I will, yeah.”
“You’d better,” Hansen said. “After all, if you’re thinking of marrying this girl—”
Mel straightened up in alarm at Hansen’s light comment. “Marry…what—”
“It’s nice to hear that I can still get you all flustered.”
“You know that’s not exactly legal in Michigan, right?” Mel knew that was lame, but she couldn’t quite believe that she was even talking about this level of commitment with a woman. Out loud. No matter how right it felt inside.
“I’m not talking about the law,” Hansen said. “I’m talking about sharing your life with someone.”
“Tell me something,” Mel voiced a concern she’d always had when it came to the idea of forever. “How did you know Annie was the one?”
Silence stretched out between them for long moments, and Hansen seemed to give her question a great deal of thought. “Because I couldn’t bear to think that she wasn’t. I didn’t want to imagine not having her in my life.”
Mel closed her eyes, and swallowed. When she opened them again, it was to gaze upon the Claddagh ring. “I think she’s the one.”
“Then don’t wait too long to tell her,” Hansen said. “And say hello to her from me.”
“Will do. Take care of yourself, okay? Enjoy that home cooking.” Mel wanted to say something more meaningful, to let him know how much it meant that they could talk this way. But she knew Hansen got it. He said goodbye with a gruff tenderness that made her feel like the beloved daughter of a proud father.
Touched, Mel flipped her cell phone closed and met the eyes of the young woman who watched over the jewelry display. Pointing down at the delicate Claddagh ring, she said, “I’d like to see this one, please.”
*
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Regan’s stomach was mercifully calm when she drifted into consciousness the morning after their arrival in Santa Fe. It was the first thing she noticed and she breathed a sigh of relief.
Does this mean I’m acclimatized now?
Regan’s first bout with altitude sickness had been unpleasant, and especially disappointing because it sent her to bed early, unable to appreciate the atmosphere of the lesbian bed and breakfast she’d booked online. She opened her eyes and looked around now, smiling at what she’d been too ill to appreciate last night.
Their room was cozy, decorated with numerous pictures and trinkets that created a decidedly woman-centered atmosphere. Two older gray-haired women, arms around one another, grinned back at her from a large framed picture across the room. A small poster of Rosie the Riveter was mounted next to it.
Regan yawned and burrowed even deeper into the comfortable queen-sized bed where they lay. A handmade quilt pooled around her feet, pushed away during the night to leave both her and Mel covered in only a white sheet. Too bad I didn’t plan for the altitude like I planned for romance. She sighed quietly. Mel was pretty cute when she got all butch on me, though. Sweeping me into her arms and carrying me up to the room was a nice touch.
Next to her, Mel was unconscious, stretched out on her stomach with one leg bent toward Regan at the knee. A possessive arm curled over Regan’s belly and a slight smile played upon full lips. I’ve never seen her so relaxed. Or so beautiful. Regan stroked her fingers over her lover’s bare shoulder, all the way down to one supple hip. Mel didn’t even stir. Regan’s other hand traveled down her own stomach, skimming over the top of Mel’s arm on her way to the curly hair between her legs. She found her wetness with sure fingers, unsurprised.
I’m in constant heat these days, aren’t I? Now should I take care of myself and let her sleep, or…Regan bit at her lower lip, casting an apologetic look at the vision of perfect serenity beside her. Sorry, baby. It’s really no contest.
She slid the sheet down to Mel’s calves, exposing her coppery skin with a careful hand. Mel didn’t move a muscle when Regan pulled out of her lazy grasp, and her breathing remained steady when Regan propped herself up on an elbow to give her powerful frame an appreciative stare. She worshipped Mel’s body with gentle touches and tender caresses. Even as she treated the familiar solid frame like something that might shatter beneath her fingers, she wondered at the strength of her lover’s lines.
Infinite Loop Page 21
