“It’s not my fault. I just don’t feel that way about him,” I said.
“Well, I can’t say I’m terribly upset about that,” Tony said a sly smile creeping across his face.
I felt the blush coming on. I had caught him red-handed now. "Hey, you can't keep doing that," I said.
“Doing what?” Tony said playing innocent.
“Flirting. I have excellent flirt radar. You can’t fool me,” I said.
“Well, with you I can’t help myself.”
“What about Beth?” I asked.
Tony took a deep breath and looked at me. The expression on his face was serious.
“I don’t think it’s working out,” he said. “You’ve met Beth. Well, I’ve spent considerable time with her and her controlling, weird, bitchy nature is really starting to drive me up a wall.”
I could not help the smile that spread across my face right then. “You’ve noticed that?” I asked.
“Well, not at first. I mean she hides it well, I guess. I’m not even sure why I came up here,” Tony asked.
“That is a good question. How long have you been feeling this way about Beth?”
"We've only been dating a few months, but I'd say about the past two weeks is when I've really noticed that she isn't at all who she pretends to be with me. But I coasted with it for a while. Things have been rough for her at work and I just thought that she was dealing with some of that stuff. I mean, we've all been there, but it's becoming a more persistent problem. She is starting to constantly ask me where I am and what I'm doing and accusing me of lying about random things. I shouldn't have come up here, but I guess I was just hoping that the fresh air and getting away from everything might help to get Beth back to being the girl I first met."
“That is understandable,” I said. “We’ve all made mistakes getting into relationships only to regret them later, but I like to think that all relationships are learning experiences and so I tend to value them, even the bad ones.”
Tony looked at me as if he was digesting what I said. “You have a good point. But the thing is, I don’t want to hurt Beth and I definitely am not going to break up with her while we are here on Christmas vacation.”
“I’m glad to see you realize that might be in poor taste,” I laughed.
“So, you see my flirting is not in total bad form,” Tony said.
I could feel my eyes bugging out. "Are you serious? It is in totally bad taste," I said. "You should be ashamed of yourself," I said adding a bit of flirt to it.
“Oh, I am. I’m totally in the wrong here,” Tony added. “I guess I just can’t help myself.”
I tried to keep my smile from growing any wider and pretended to go back to my book. I desperately wanted to reach over and just kiss Tony right then. When he flirted with me I could not help but feel tingly all over. It was maddening knowing that I wanted a man that I could not have… yet.
“So, what is the plan?” I asked.
“I figure I’ll just play things by ear for now,”
Tony said. He had sat the book down and draped his arm over the back of the couch. I felt it close to me. I could almost feel the warmth, the heat rising off his arm and caressing my shoulders. But he wasn’t even touching me.
I tried again in vain to concentrate on my book, but it was just not happening. I wanted to read and ignore Tony for a bit. I was feeling like this had started to get a bit out of hand. We could not be seen flirting and hanging out like this.
Even if someone saw Tony’s position on the couch they might get the wrong idea about things, or the right idea as it was starting to become. What was I doing? I had been invited as a guest to this family’s Christmas and I was on the edge of indulging with stealing Beth’s boyfriend.
But they were basically broken up, right? I tried to rationalize it and remind myself what Tony said. He was going to break up with her. It was not working out. She was pushing him away by being Beth. It was not my fault.
Ugh! But I still felt so guilty. He was not broken up with Beth yet. She had strong feelings for him, that was obvious and if somehow this did come out it would ruin the entire trip for everybody. And I was also a guest there.
I had to get out of there. If I stayed on that couch with that amazing man for another minute I had a feeling I was going to end up hating myself.
“Well, I think I’ll head to bed now,” I said.
I hoped that Devon was still asleep. He was not making any noise, so it was likely. That was a relief.
I stood up and placed the book back on the shelf, sliding it into place.
“Goodnight,” I said. I took one last glance at his amazing looking form and felt my insides flutter as I walked towards the door.
Suddenly my arm was pulled backward slightly and before I realized what was going on I was leaning over Tony. He had grabbed me gently and pulled me to him. Now my mouth was right in front of his.
His warm, sweet breath was coming up to me. His eyes were staring right into mine pulling me into him. This was really happening.
And his lips were touching mine, massaging them with his own, his warm mouth engulfing my own with total comfort and sweet pleasure. I felt my body coming forwards towards his. This felt so right.
But we couldn’t do this. We could not do this...
Why did something that was so wrong feel so good? I wanted it to go further I wanted him to rip my clothes off and just throw me on the couch and take me in every possible way. I wanted his hands to rub over my large, luscious breasts. I needed to feel his hard girth deep inside of my center filling me up so tightly… so tightly… I could feel myself already getting so moist as I anticipated what I wished would happen next.
But I knew it just couldn’t. I had to pull it back. I had to, but I felt so weak. I was willing my body to pull away and keep this lust from materializing further but my body was not responding. What was I going to do?
Suddenly Tony made the decision for me.
Tony pulled back right then slowly. His warmth was gently being replaced by the cold air between. I longed for him, wanted him. I wanted to pull back in and continue the kiss. I didn’t want it to end, but I knew that it must.
Our lips brushed against each other once more as they pushed off. Tony looked square in my eyes again as he smiled at me. My whole body felt frozen in place.
“Goodnight,” Tony said as he slowly released my arm.
I stood back up and walked towards the door. My feet felt like they were not touching the floor and I had to pay careful attention to each step to make sure that I was not going to misstep and fall on my face. That would have been a significant downer after the amazing experience that had just happened to me.
“Goodnight,” I said softly as I walked through the door and headed towards my room.
When I reached my room, I closed the door behind me very slowly. Devon was still sound asleep. I checked on him and marveled at how he became more beautiful every single day. I loved my little angel more than my next breath. I thanked God every day that he had given me this beautiful little boy.
I laid down on my bed and closed my eyes. I tried to drift right off to sleep but it was just not happening. I’d been having trouble drifting off earlier because my mind had been stuck on the ski races and the fight that had happened earlier that day.
Derek and Tony had basically avoided each other since then. I hoped they would bury the hatchet soon, but I wasn’t counting on it. There was some definite animosity brewing between those two guys.
And I believed a lot of it was about me. I found the idea of two guys kind of fighting over me flattering, but it was also a headache I didn’t really need.
I realized that Derek felt very threatened by Tony and I understood that Tony was not about to put up with any of Derek’s childish crap either. I felt sorry for Derek, but the more I thought about the accident the madder I got at him. Was Tony right? Did Derek really try to injure him out there?
I didn’t want to believe it and I
doubted I would without solid proof, which I did not see forthcoming. I doubted that Derek would ever admit that sort of thing to me even if he did do it. It was probably for the best; I wasn’t sure I wanted to know that Derek would go to that length to get rid of competition that wasn’t there.
What about Beth? Did she suspect that Tony had feelings for me? Or was that just her natural paranoia I was feeling?
I groaned as I realized my life was turning into one of those bizarre soap operas I had caught on TV during the day. I hated those stupid shows and I swore I would never allow myself to get caught up in juvenile stuff like that, but here I was finding myself smack dab in the middle of that same type of stuff.
I hoped that tomorrow would be better and that everything would start to sort itself out. It was only two days until Christmas. This was going to be a long week.
Chapter Seven
“It feels so good out here.”
I looked around at the trees, the sunshine that was peeking through the break in the overcast sky, and the crisp, cold air that swirled around my face in the space above my hooded sweatshirt and gave me an odd sense of peace. Derek looked over at me as if hoping I would agree with him.
There was a different look in his eyes today. He acted like something was definitely on his mind. I had a few ideas what might be worrying him or what he might have had to tell me, but I didn’t want to pry or ask him what was up. If he wanted to tell me then he would just come right out and say it.
"It is actually. I hardly miss the city at all," I said. This wasn't exactly true, but the peace and quiet were pretty sweet I had to admit. That was something you took for granted when you lived in a rural area like this. Nothing surrounding you but the sounds of nature.
“I sometimes think about coming back here and just giving it all up,” Derek said.
“So, moving here is giving up?” I asked. I wasn’t sure where this was going.
“Well, I mean the city life. I grew up in a small town and we lived just outside of it in the country. It was a nice idyllic place to grow up. I remember that I practically counted the days until I could leave the place and now I almost count the days until I come back.”
“Well, what’s stopping you? You can come back her anytime you want.”
“I feel like I’m giving up if I do that. And I just won’t let myself give up. I won’t let myself become a statistic.”
I looked at him as if he had lost his mind entirely. “You think that moving back to where you grew up and trying something new makes you a statistic?”
"Yea, to me it is. It doesn't feel like it would be trying something new. To me, it's giving up on what I set out to do and going back to what's safe. I can't let myself do that."
"I can understand that, I guess. But at some point, you have to ask yourself if you still have the same dream you had before. I've always believed that things happen for a reason, even bad things. And sometimes it is terrifyingly hard to find out what that is."
Derek looked at me and smiled. He stopped walking and just stood there.
“You are incredibly wise, Jackie Banks,” Derek said.
“Well, thank you. I’ve always thought so. Why else would you put up with me?” I joked. I wished instantly I hadn’t asked that last question. It was offhanded and I immediately felt like I had opened a can of worms. Was Derek going to take that bait?
I could see the gears turning in his eyes.
“I often wonder,” he said.
I laughed. “Hey, that isn’t fair.”
“What isn’t fair? Life is sure as hell turning out to not be fair. That bastard Josh Thorn needs to pay for what he did to us.”
“Wow, where did that come from? I thought we were playing around and you just throw that out there…” I said.
“Sorry, it’s just really been weighing on my mind lately,” Derek said.
He was silent for a minute. I wanted to tell him that it was pointless to think about that jerk, but that wasn’t the sort of pep talk that Derek needed right then. I think he just wanted me to listen most of all. Despite doing most of the talking in most situations, I was actually a really good listener.
“I’ve had some bad thoughts, especially lately,” Derek finally said.
“What kind of bad thoughts?” I braced myself. Was this the please don’t commit suicide talk or the please don’t commit murder talk?
“I’ve had thoughts about going to his place and just putting several silver bullets right through his heart.”
Ok, that answered that question. I knew that the only way to kill a shifter was to shoot them in the heart with a silver bullet. Or another shifter could suck their soul out. But shooting them with a silver bullet just sounded easier, I supposed.
“That’s not you,” I said.
"What? Don't you think I've got it in me to kill someone? He is a despicable being. God only knows how many people he has probably killed."
“We don’t have any evidence that he has actually killed anyone.”
“He tried to kill you. You think that you are the first woman to reject him?”
I didn’t really have an answer for that. I supposed that the idea had definitely crossed my mind, but I was not ready to dwell on it enough to think of it. I guess that it was just putting it all out of my mind.
“I guess not, but if you want to get him then do it right and find some evidence of his crimes. Put the police on his trail,” I said.
"You think the police could do anything against him? They wouldn't have a clue. Besides if something like what he is got out in the media then our kind would be ruined. We would have to hide forever. They might find out about us and have us all destroyed."
I closed my eyes and swallowed. I had never thought of that. Derek had obviously had much deeper conversations with himself about this than I had.
“So, what are you going to do? Go in there and fight him again? Or just sneak up on him? He could probably pick up your sent two blocks away.”
“I kicked his ass last time,” Derek said.
“That’s right,” I replied. “You did.”
I put my arm encircling his. “Thank you,” I said warmly. He had saved my life and I would always love him for that. He was my best friend by far and I hoped he knew that.
Derek smiled, the mood lightened a bit. “I would have kicked Tony’s ass too,” he said.
I rolled my eyes. “That fight was stupid,” I laughed. “What would make him think that you tried to take him out during the race?”
“I don’t know. The guy doesn’t like me too much, I guess. I think he knows that I’m onto him and he’s afraid I’m going to spill the beans about who he really is.”
I was now alarmed. “What do you mean?”
“Well, keep this under wraps. Beth would freak if she found out, but Tony is a Grizzly.”
“What do you mean? He turns into a Grizzly bear instead of a black bear like we do?” I asked.
Derek laughed. “No. The bear shifters turn into is not the same type of bear that you would find in the wild in case you hadn’t noticed. Grizzly refers to a pack of bears that live outside of the conventional rules and laws that the rest of us do. They have their own set of laws.”
“Ok, I wasn’t aware that any of us had any special laws,” I said. I was getting confused. Derek wasn’t really being clear.
“Well, yea we all have freedom and basically our lives are very similar to the way that normal people live. But we do have some guidelines we have to abide by. We do what we can to keep our secret, we don’t kill people, and we don’t make others of our kind.”
Apparently, Josh didn’t really follow most of those rules. I understood that most shifters are not made like I am, but most are actually born. It was something that ran in families.
It always made me feel a bit like a freak among the shifter community, but then again, the only shifters I really knew were Derek and his family.
“So, what are you saying? That Tony kills people?”
"I don't know, but his pack does. They believe that the same laws that apply to humans just don't apply to shifters and they mistakenly believe that killing people somehow makes them more powerful, despite there being any evidence that such a thing actually occurs."
I shook my head. “I don’t believe that Tony is a murderer. I just don’t see it. He is too nice of a guy.”
“Well, most people appear nice and normal, even when they aren’t.”
“I just find it hard to believe that Tony is that type of guy.”
“Like I said I don’t know for sure about him personally, but I did some research into his background and I discovered this about his family.”
I didn’t say anything for a few minutes. Just imagining Tony actually being a murderer was beyond my realm of comprehension right then.
I did not think that Derek would be making this up, but then again, he may have received some poor information. I felt like calling him out on that, but I didn’t want to blatantly call him a liar. Derek was a bit weird that way. He was always thinking that people were judging him and trying to say he was not telling the truth.
“Are you going to tell Beth? I know you don’t want to hurt her, but she needs to know if her boyfriend might be dangerous,” I said.
Was I really believing this? I wasn’t sure yet. I mostly just wanted to keep the conversation going, so I didn’t have to go nuts thinking that my baby was back at the resort with a murderer.
Surely this was fake. Every time I heard it in my mind it just sounded so crazy.
“She is a bear shifter, so he isn’t too dangerous to her. It’s more of a moral thing,” Derek said with a smile.
I wasn’t sure how to take him right then. The guy smiled about the weirdest stuff sometimes. I thought that maybe it was just the way he got nervous sometimes and stuck his foot in his mouth.
“She deserves to know,” I said.
“I could try, but I won’t tell her here. She won’t believe me anyway.”
“It might plant seeds of doubt in her mind and maybe she can check it out for herself.”
“I’ll tell her when the vacation is over.”
I hoped he would. We didn’t really talk much on the way back to the resort. I found myself walking faster than normal wanting to get there quickly. I was suddenly very worried about little Devon.
The Bear Shifter's Nanny (Fated Bears Book 3) Page 16
