For some reason, just his asking made my heart leap. “The boys took it outside, and Lucky chewed it up and dragged it through the mud. It’s ruined.” Tears filled my eyes again. It was just a book, but at that moment it signified everything wrong in my life.
“I’m really sorry about your book. Maybe we can get you another one?” he asked.
“I doubt it. I mean it’s an old book. I doubt that it’s even in print anymore.”
“Look, we can talk about this when I get home. Okay? I am really sorry you’re having a bad day,” he said.
“Yeah, me too,” I said. “Will you be home for dinner?” I asked.
“Yes, I might be a bit late, but I will be home for dinner. We can all eat together.” He said good-bye, and I hung up the phone. Though I felt a bit better after talking to David, my book was still ruined, and there was still no food in the house to make the dinner I had just promised David we would eat together. I had a busy afternoon ahead of me.
After an hour at the grocery store, with a full cart that had doubled as a jungle gym, the boys and I finished our shopping and made our way to the checkout registers. I was nearly exhausted from the effort. The only consolation I could muster was that at least Kailey wasn’t with me too. While we shopped, the boys had invented a game of jumping between the cracks in the floor, paying no mind to other shoppers. Half the fun had apparently become how many times they had to say “Excuse me” after bumping into people. And at one point, we passed an old lady at the end of the aisle whom Duncan informed, “Girls don’t have wieners,” bringing up a subject I hoped he had forgotten all about. Checking out couldn’t have come soon enough.
The cashier had the kind of disk earrings that enlarged the earlobes, a trend I just did not understand. What about after they took them out? Did they want extra-large earlobes for life? He looked at the boys. His name tag, I noticed, read “Chief.”
“What’s up?” he said to them. Duncan hid behind me, but Donovan and Dylan openly stared. I nudged them when the guy looked down to scan my items, but they wouldn’t stop staring.
“What are those things in his ears, Mommy?” Duncan asked from behind me. Loudly.
“Earrings, honey,” I said back and gave the cashier an apologetic smile.
“Boys don’t wear earrings,” he said. “And those kinds are weird.” He pointed at the cashier just as he looked up. I moved to stand completely in front of Duncan. He popped his head out from behind me, looking at the cashier like one might look at a rare specimen in a museum: Teenagerus Rebellious. As I was swiping my debit card, Duncan looked at Chief. “Girls don’t have wieners,” he said.
“Duncan, shush,” I pleaded.
“Nah, it’s cool,” he said, waving it off while I turned five shades of red. I certainly didn’t want to discuss male and female anatomy with this person. “What’s your name, little dude?” he asked Duncan.
Duncan was suddenly shy. Of course, now.
Donovan stepped in. “His name’s Duncan. I’m Donovan. And this is Dylan.” He pointed where Dylan stood quietly. “What’s yours?”
“My name’s Keith.” He slapped Donovan five, then Dylan. Duncan hid his hand behind his back and refused to play along.
“But your name tag says ‘Chief,’” Donovan countered, pointing at the evidence clipped to his polo shirt.
“That’s a joke,” he said, laughing. He turned to look at me. “And your name?” he asked.
“Ariel,” I said.
“Ariel,” he repeated. “That’s a pretty name.” He raised his eyebrows in a way that I could only describe as flirtatious. If memory served, that is.
I felt warmth crawl up my neck. This was new. No one really noticed me these days—at least not in that way. Even though the noticer was a would-be hoodlum with funky earlobes, it felt good to be noticed, gazed at appreciatively, singled out. I shuttled the boys quickly out of the store while Keith waved at us before turning to the next customer in line. I couldn’t wait to tell David a teenager had flirted with me. It was the highlight of my day.
On Saturday morning, I woke to David standing over me, holding the phone out like an insect he found in his cereal bowl. “Phone’s for you,” he said.
I sat up in bed, blinking. “What time is it?” I asked.
“Seven. The boys are downstairs, and the neighbor—the pretty one from behind us?—is asking for you.” He handed me the phone and walked away.
“Hello?” I said, not bothering to mask the sleep in my voice, feeling a bit unnerved by David calling Justine pretty and remembering how he wouldn’t look directly at her at the pool.
“Ariel? Is that you? Are you asleep?”
“Not anymore.” I groaned and flopped back down. I would have to find a polite way to ask Justine not to call so early.
“Let’s go for a walk. It’s time we get in shape for summer.”
“I’m not a big fitness person,” I said.
“Well, it’s time you start,” she responded. “We are going to start walking every morning early, before the kids get up and the husbands leave for work.” I didn’t remind her that David was out of town much of the time. “So, I am going to swing by there and get you. Can you be ready in five minutes? We need to beat the heat.”
I mumbled in agreement and hung up the phone. Groaning loudly, I slid out of bed and went over to the box of my clothes I had been living out of. I was bent over digging through it when I heard David laugh behind me. I turned to face him. “Nice butt,” he said, and smiled at me in a way I recognized vaguely.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to the box. “Apparently Justine thinks it could be much nicer and wants me to go walking with her every morning.”
He leaned up against the wall. “You going to do it?”
“What choice do I have? She’s trying to be my friend, and if this is what it takes to be her friend, then this is what it takes.”
“I’m sure there are plenty of people you could be friends with in this neighborhood,” he responded. “Give it time.”
“Why do I need to find other friends? She’s, like, in charge of the whole neighborhood, so pretty much if I’m friends with her everything will follow and—” He shook his head. “What?” I asked.
“You just seem a bit overly interested in this woman, is all. You mention her a lot.”
I brushed aside his inference. “I’m fine. I’m not overly interested in her. I’m inspired by her. There’s a difference.”
“Just be careful, okay? I know she’s this neighborhood bigwig and she’s a nice person, but you’re putting her on some kind of pedestal. And you know the danger in pedestals.”
“That I’ll never reach the same level?” I quipped.
He gave me a mock-reproachful look. “The higher the pedestal, the longer the fall.”
“We should go at six tomorrow,” Justine said as soon as I stepped out the door. She did some stretching exercises on my sidewalk while I looked up and down the street, vaguely wondering which of the neighbors had seen the tampon incident.
“I am not sure I can go tomorrow,” I said, remembering David’s words of warning. I gave a rueful smile. “And I know I can’t go at six.” This was as much as I could stand up to her. My heart raced as I said it.
She shot me a sideways glance. “Party pooper,” she accused. “Don’t you want to get in shape?”
We set off, her keeping a pace I would qualify as running but one that she called power walking. I had not had my running shoes on in years, except to wear with my jeans in the winter.
“So did you walk like this with Laura?” I ventured.
She shook her head, her blonde stubby ponytail bobbing from side to side. “No,” she said, her breath coming out in huffs. “Laura and I went to the gym a lot.”
We continued walking in silence. “I’m sorry that she’s gon
e,” I said, hoping to get her talking. Justine wasn’t one for baring her soul, I was learning.
She waved her hand, dismissing my statement. “It’s okay.”
As we got closer to my street, I felt a burst of energy. The faster I walked, the sooner I would get into the air-conditioning. I was hardly listening when she began talking again.
“When Laura moved, it was one of the hardest times of my life.”
I became focused on her once again, realizing that she was giving me a rare glimpse into her private thoughts.
“It shook my confidence in what I can count on. I mean, we’d planned this perfect future with our two families being together. And then one day all of that future was just gone. And then I lost this part in this church thing I usually sing in, and well, lately, it just seems like things have been going wrong. I know it might sound petty.”
We had stopped in my driveway. “It doesn’t sound petty,” I said. “It sounds like you’re having a hard time. Thanks for letting me know.”
“So, I guess I just wanted to say to you that I’m glad that a nice family bought Laura’s house. It’s good to see life there again, happiness. It’s helped me feel more … hopeful than I’ve felt in a long time. And it’s been fun hanging out with you. You make me laugh. Mark said it’s good to see me laugh again,” she said, cocking her head and looking at me as if she’d never seen me before. “I’m glad you moved in.”
I smiled back at her. “Me, too.” I waited for half a second before I said more. “Maybe whoever lives in Laura’s house is just destined to be your friend.” I was careful not to say “best friend.” That would have been too much.
Chapter 10
Justine
When I left Ariel at her house, I kept walking, thinking about how much I had grown to like my new neighbor. I liked how she didn’t put on pretenses, how she let her faults show. I liked how she didn’t seem caught up in the neighborhood politics, didn’t jockey for position like I’d seen other neighbors do. Her house was messy and sometimes she was messy and her boys were definitely messy. I rarely allowed mess in my life. It felt too out of control. Lately I’d been wanting to be out of control though, straining to break free from the confines of my own ordered life. I had a feeling that Ariel could help me do that.
My feet took me to a destination that my brain seemed unaware of until I turned down the street. I don’t know what I expected to happen. To see his house? To see his kids playing in the yard? To see him? I felt like a silly girl. The closer I got to his house the more my heart raced.
I replayed the moment that I saw him at the pool. I had been introducing Liza to Ariel, thinking how Ariel was my new project. I could tell Ariel was so taken with the whole scene at the pool and with being a part of Essex Falls. I enjoyed seeing the neighborhood through her eyes. The way she asked me questions like I knew everything, the way she held on to my every word and looked at me like I would lead her to the Promised Land or something. About all I could lead her to was uncluttered counters and the best playdates for her kids, but if that was enough for her, I was glad to do it. I remember Liza said that I needed to meet the new neighbors, and all I could think was I don’t need any more new neighbors to keep track of.
And then she called them over, Tom and Betsy. He shook my hand. When our hands touched, I felt like someone opened a trapdoor in my life and I fell through. The only thing that was keeping me from hitting bottom was his hand, holding on. Our eyes connected for a fraction of a second—nothing that would give us away to Liza and Ariel and Betsy and the others standing around us, but enough for a flash of recognition, and revelation, to pass between us. His eyes said, “There you are.”
And mine said, “Finally.”
Walking toward his house, I wondered if I was being stupid. Mark always said I read too much into things, that I wanted things to be what they weren’t. It was possible that was true with Tom. Maybe his eyes were just saying, “Nice to see you again.” Maybe I just needed to let this go, turn around, and go home. Or maybe I just needed to look into his eyes again.
His house was “the one with the terrible backyard,” a house everyone knew about in the neighborhood, mostly because it wouldn’t sell. I came to a stop in front of the house, debating what my next move should be and what would possess someone to buy a house that no one else wanted.
“It was a steal of a deal,” he said, coming up behind me. “I like people who get desperate. They make foolish decisions.”
I looked around me as if he’d materialized out of thin air, willing my heart to stop pounding from the scare he gave me. “Where’d you come from?” I asked.
He smiled and held up an extension cord he’d wrapped around his arm. I turned my eyes from his strong hands as he gripped the cord. I couldn’t start thinking about how those hands had once touched me or I’d be useless. He pointed at the house across the street. “Was at the neighbors’ borrowing this. How about you?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, where’d you come from? I mean, you don’t live on this street, right?” He smiled at me, and I knew he was teasing.
“I was on a walk. Was just wondering who bought this house after all this time and it turns out it was you. And here you are.” We both knew my vagueness was a cover.
He shifted his weight and adjusted the extension cord, the orange coil looking like a snake he had tamed. “Here I am,” he said and smiled. He held out his hand to shake mine, and I took it, happy for the excuse to touch him somehow. “Name’s Tom Dean,” he said. “Nice to meet you.”
“Dean?” I asked just like I had all those years before, just like I had at the pool in front of everyone, a message to him that no one but us would know. “Like James? I just love James Dean. He’s so …”
“Sexy?” He was grinning too, both of us repeating lines from a moment that seemed inconsequential at the time.
“Cool,” I corrected.
“Stick around,” he said. “James Dean’s got nothing on me.”
We both laughed as a look passed between us, saying things neither of us would ever say out loud, so much history called up in just the acknowledgment of that one long-ago exchange. I changed the subject. “I thought I might invite you and your …”
“Wife?” he asked, still smiling.
“I was trying to remember her name,” I said.
He looked down at the ground, kicked at a stray pebble, and then looked at his house. “Her name’s Betsy,” he said softly, the smile gone.
Of course I remembered it, I just didn’t want to say it out loud. “Yes, I’d like to invite you and Betsy to dinner,” I said. “I try to invite all the new neighbors to dinner. My husband and I like to get to know them.”
This was not true. Ariel and her husband had lived behind us for weeks and I had never even thought of inviting them to dinner. The truth was I would use any excuse to get to know him, even if I had to include his wife and kids.
“I’m sure we could work that out. We’re new in town, so I know Betsy would love to get to know some of the other moms.”
“Well, it sounded to me like she’s getting involved quite well,” I couldn’t help but say. “And who would you like to get to know?” I added, unsure where my bravado was coming from except it’s not every day that the one who got away is standing in front of you with an orange extension cord.
A look of shock passed across his face, as brief and fleeting as the flicker of a firefly. “Me?” he sputtered.
I nodded, pulling myself up into a proud stance and making myself look him in the eye.
“Well, let’s just say I’d like to get to know one of the moms,” he said. He looked away again, then back at me. “Can we meet to talk about … this?”
“What about this?” I countered, being purposely coy.
“About us being thrown back together. Here. Now. I’d
like to talk about how we should handle this. I mean, do we tell people, or do we try to keep it quiet? There’s just questions we should … go over.”
“Sure. We can meet privately. But I’m still going to ask you all over. For dinner.”
He shrugged. “You do what you need to do. If it eases your conscience.” He gave me that teasing smile. “But in the meantime let’s figure out how we could meet. Alone.”
I thought suddenly about a coffee shop across town where I had met a woman a long time ago to pick up items for an auction at school. It was as if my brain had cataloged it for a time like this. The depths of my own depravity shocked me but didn’t keep me from blurting out, “There’s a place. Give me your number and I’ll text you the address. We can figure out a time.”
“Do you have something to write with?” he asked.
“Just tell me,” I said. “I’ll remember.” And then, for the same reason that had made me walk by, made me say the things I’d said already, I added, “I remember lots of things.”
Sitting in the coffee shop across town with sunglasses and a ball cap on, I felt a little silly and a little excited. I couldn’t deny that this sneaking around added an element to my life I’d been missing before Tom showed up at the pool that day. I couldn’t believe I’d agreed to meet him like this, away from people we knew, people I knew. And I couldn’t overlook the fact that the same person I’d once fantasized about seeing again was about to walk through the door, that I was about to sit alone with him and get to ask all the questions I’d waited to ask.
The bell over the coffee-shop door jingled and I looked up, but it wasn’t him. A frazzled mother carried a flailing toddler. The child kept screaming, “I want juice!” I scanned the room to make sure I didn’t see anyone I knew, my heart racing. I wondered how people carried on affairs for years on end. Was that what I was doing? Carrying on an affair? I took a deep breath. No. I was seeing an old friend. That was all. I smiled at the man next to me and tried to look like I met men who weren’t my husband in coffee shops every day.
She Makes It Look Easy Page 10
