by Jaye Wells
My breathing slowed and he shifted beneath me. I lifted my cheek from his chest, fully expecting awkwardness to ruin the moment. But when I looked in Adam’s green eyes, I felt… confident. No, more than that. I felt powerful. Whole. Full of the mysterious and sacred feminine knowledge passed down from the Great Mother herself.
His lips lifted. “What are you thinking? You’re smiling like the Mona Lisa.”
I kissed him once, twice, three times. “Nothing.”
He eyed me suspiciously through droopy lids. “One of these days, you’re going to tell me all your secrets.”
I ducked my head to hide the fade of my smile and the lie in my eyes. “I don’t have any secrets.”
My conscience raised its head. After everything we’d just shared, I knew I had to make a choice tomorrow. I told myself it was for his own good. Sure, he might hate me after it was done. But better angry and alive than aware but doomed.
His hand tipped up my chin. I schooled my features but couldn’t quite meet his eyes. “Hey,” he whispered. “Don’t go chasing dark thoughts. Just enjoy the fact we’re here together, finally.”
I forced a wobbly smile and kissed him softly. My eyes stung, so I squeezed them shut and tried to show him everything I felt without saying the words I knew he wanted to hear. It seemed wrong somehow to give voice to them now. As if speaking them would sharpen the betrayal.
Finally, I pulled away and looked him in the eyes. “You’re absolutely right. By this time tomorrow, everything will finally be as it should.”
27
The steady pings of rain on the roof woke me. Of course, woke was a relative term given how poorly I slept. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind filled with images of everything that could go wrong.
Adam’s body pressed against my back. A muscled arm snaked around my waist and his hand cupped my breast. I closed my eyes and savored the feel of him. A risky indulgence, but one I justified because it might be my last moment with him alone.
Too soon, the pressure in my gut from the sun’s descent forced me to move. Judging from the pressure, it was about four o’clock. Just an hour or so before night’s shadow spread over the Big Easy.
After the day spent making love, Adam slept soundly. His eyes didn’t flutter when I carefully removed his hand and slipped from the bed. I dressed quickly, my eyes on him for any sign of waking. Finally, I grabbed my gun from the nightstand and shoved it into my waistband. Just as the weapon slid home, Adam murmured my name and rolled away. I stilled, expecting him to jump up and demand an explanation. But he settled down and soon his slow, even breaths were the only sound in the room.
As I watched him, I realized that David had been right that a tough choice would have to be made. After the Queen’s order, I’d assumed the Maisie-versus-Lavinia issue would be that choice. But now I knew the choice was between saving those I loved and pursuing my own goals.
Too many lives had already been disrupted. Too many bodies injured. And in the early morning hours, wrapped in Adam’s arms, I asked myself the question that sealed my fate: Could I live with myself if anyone died? Not just Maisie, but Adam, Giguhl, Rhea, Zen, Georgia, or, hell, even Mac.
I’d been through it before. With Vinca. Her loss was still a hot, sore spot on my heart. Losing her hadn’t killed me, but it still haunted me. But Vinca died when I was the old Sabina. The one who didn’t understand the meaning of loss. The one who didn’t think about the consequences of actions.
This was the new me. The one who had more friends than she ever imagined. The one who had it in her power to protect those friends. This me understood that losing any of them would destroy me. So, in reality, this sacrifice I was about to make was totally selfish.
Maybe I hadn’t changed so much, after all.
I mentally shook myself. I knew one thing: The mere thought of Adam dying made me want to scream. Plus, one small sacrifice on my part meant he wouldn’t have to choose between duty to the Council and his conscience. I might not be able to offer him pretty words, but I could at least give him this much.
Besides, the more I thought about it, the more I realized going it alone seemed some sort of inevitable poetic justice. This whole drama had started with my parents and their star-crossed love affair. And now it would end with their daughter. I’d do everything in my power to save my sister, and then I’d do whatever it took to kill my grandmother before she could summon the master.
Fuck fate and David’s fatalism. I was going to make destiny my bitch.
With one last, longing look at Adam’s smooth, muscled back, I grabbed my boots and tiptoed from the room. Like a thief in the night, I crept down the hall. When I reached the door to the workroom, I heard the muffled sounds of Zen and Rhea making plans. Holding my breath, I made it by the door without any creaks of the floorboards to give me away. Farther down the hall, the fae’s door was also shut. But instead of hushed voices, I heard the telltale sounds of a snoring demon. Apparently, Giguhl had crashed in PW’s room. I paused, placing my hand on the door.
Not being able to say good-bye to Giguhl was one of my biggest regrets with this plan. Once I was dead, Giguhl would immediately return to Irkalla. Demons were always tethered to the mage who summoned them. If the mage died, the demon went back to the underworld. Adam would be able to bring him back, though, and I prayed they’d at least keep in touch. But if that wasn’t possible, I prayed my friend would eventually be able to forgive me.
Downstairs, I rushed through the empty shop, grabbing Zen’s keys from the back office as I went. I threw on my boots and opened the back door. With my hand on the knob, I stopped and looked over my shoulder. Behind me, the dark shop, with its musty, mysterious smells, sat in quiet judgment. Ahead, the rain had stopped, leaving the courtyard heavy with the scent of wet cobblestones and the sharp green scent of plants. A few rogue rays of late-afternoon sun broke through the cloud cover.
Oddly, I didn’t fear death. Not if it was on my own terms. And not if it meant that everyone in the building above me stayed safe.
I paused as Pussy Willow’s words from the day before came back to me. Guess she was right, after all. I was capable of connection. Maybe even love.
Yeah, I decided, love.
Because even though I didn’t have a lot of history with that particular emotion, what else could explain this sudden unfamiliar but fierce need to protect?
Ironic that I finally figured that out right before I left them for good. Would Adam forgive me? Giguhl? Eventually, I decided. After they got past their anger.
Behind me, the concussion of a large expenditure of magical energy exploded through the building. My heart contracted from the pressure and the curtains in the office fluttered. The Queen’s knights and the Pythian Guard had arrived. Which was my cue to exit. With any luck, Adam would be so busy dealing with them he wouldn’t be able to come looking for me until it was too late.
As the sounds of male voices and the pounding of boot heels filled the store, I took a deep breath and stepped out into the light. Then, without another backward glance, I ran toward the street. But I couldn’t help feeling like I’d left something important behind.
I checked the clock as I sped through the French Quarter. Four-twenty p.m. Since Lavinia couldn’t handle the sunlight, she’d be forced to wait until true night to perform the ritual to summon Cain. That meant I have about forty minutes to get to the cemetery, get Maisie out of harm’s way, and kill Lavinia.
At the last minute, I’d forgone Zen’s Gremlin in favor of a black Kawasaki motorcycle I’d found parked off Bourbon. I revved the engine and sped up, enjoying the familiar power of 180 horses between my thighs. My own bike—a cherry-red Ducati—had met an untimely end on a highway outside Boisie several weeks earlier thanks to Lavinia’s assassins. I still hadn’t finished mourning its demise. But now I leaned into the power and allowed myself to enjoy the breeze on my face, the dip of my stomach, the brief moment of freedom.
Ten minutes after I left Zen’s shop, the bra
kes squealed to a halt in front of the Cajun Sausage Fest. I hated the time this would waste, but I knew better than to go into a confrontation with Lavinia without ample reserves of blood. Even though I’d recently fed from Adam and his blood still tingled in my veins, I wasn’t taking any chances.
The sign we’d hung on the door read “Closed for religious observances.” Few in a Catholic-rich city like New Orleans would question the Cajun closing down for All Saints’ Day. That meant I didn’t have to worry about anyone snooping around looking for Alodius while I was inside. I pulled his keys from my pocket and clicked the lock open.
In the shop, the reek of bleach assaulted my nose. I kept my eyes averted from the spot where the Cajun’s body landed the day before. There was nothing left to see there anyway after our thorough clean-up job.
I went straight to the counter for some blood. Only when I pushed back the sliding lid of the fridge, I found nothing but a few steaks and a rump roast. Cursing, I ran toward the back and through the plastic curtains.
Inside the walk-in freezer, slabs of meat hung from hooks like gruesome party decorations. I pushed past them toward the back, where tall shelves held hams, sausage links, and a few jugs of blood. Lifting the nearest one, I popped open the plastic lid and tossed it back.
Cold blood coated my tongue, leaving behind a gamey flavor. Knowing Alodius, it was probably raccoon or opossum or some other roadkill cuisine. I cringed and had to force myself to swallow. Blood is blood, and this beggar definitely couldn’t be a chooser.
I also kept my eyes averted from the pile of meat in the corner, covering the body of the Cajun. When you kill vampires, their bodies exploded. The ultimate in self-cleaning. But humans? Always a mess. Luckily, no one would find the Cajun’s body until long after I was gone, and there was nothing to tie Pussy Willow to the crime.
I grabbed an extra jug of blood from another shelf, just in case. If Lavinia had really been feeding from Maisie, she’d need a hefty infusion. My stomach cramped at the thought. I speeded up so I could get to her sooner.
When I turned to leave, I spied a shotgun propped up in the corner. A box of shells sat on a shelf nearby. I grabbed both before exiting the freezer. Regular bullets can’t kill vampires, but a well-aimed shotgun blast sure as shit can take one’s head off, leaving them very, very dead. Since all I’d brought was the three guns and two daggers, I added the shotgun to my pitiful arsenal.
I rushed back through the plastic curtain, juggling my supplies while I took another swig of blood from the open jug.
“Let me guess.” The masculine voice was deceptively quiet and so cold a chill passed over me. “You had a sudden craving for boudin?”
My heart stuttered in my chest. Blood sputtered from my lips. My hands jerked. Shotgun shells scattered, and blood puddled across the floor between us like a crime scene.
Adam leaned against the glass meat case with his arms crossed. A black duffel bulged at his feet. His expression wasn’t giving away anything, but his tense shoulders hinted at barely leashed anger.
I opened my mouth to speak without any idea what to say. Luckily—or unluckily, as the case may be—Adam saved me from formulating an appropriate response. He held up a hand. “Don’t.” He breathed deep and closed his eyes. “Don’t speak if you’re just going to lie.”
My stomach clenched. Visceral pain tightened my chest. “How did you find me?”
“Does it really matter?” He opened his eyes and speared me with a look. “And save your breath. I know exactly what’s happening here. But I’ve got news for you, Red. Sacrificing yourself doesn’t make you a hero. It makes you a godsdamned idiot.”
My mouth fell open as indignation flooded out the guilt. “Excuse me? How does wanting to protect you make me an idiot?”
“Wanting to protect me doesn’t make you stupid. What makes you stupid is that you honestly believe it’s your job to protect me. Have you thought about what will happen if Lavinia gets to you before you save Maisie?”
“That won’t—”
He bulldozed on like I hadn’t spoken. “You’ll both be dead, and then Lavinia, the Brotherhood, and the Caste will kill the rest of us. Not just me, Sabina. Giguhl, too. PW, Zen, Rhea, Orpheus. And once we’re dead, nothing will stop the war. Then, if what we know about the Caste’s prophecies are true, when mages are finally wiped off the face of this earth, Lilith will return and kill all the dark races. So, forgive me if I’m not in awe over your noble martyrdom act, but when it means the potential annihilation of everyone I know and love, it’s real hard to work up any admiration for you or your idiotic plan.”
His words hit me like a punch in the gut. It was bad enough he was looking at me like I’d betrayed him. But the truth of his words cut deep. If I failed, all that and probably worse might happen.
But he wasn’t done. “Last night you reminded me that we were a team. What happened to that, Sabina?”
“Don’t you see? I’m doing this for the team!” I hefted the shotgun barrel to my shoulder. “Besides, I’m not going to fight the entire Caste. I’m just taking out Lavinia. One way or another.”
He went totally still as the implications sunk in. Then, like someone flipped a switch inside him, his fist shattered the glass case. When he finally spoke, icy rage lowered his voice. “I can stop you. You know it.”
My chin came even as tears stung my eyes. “Why don’t you try?” Part of me wanted it. Wanted to fight him. But not magic to magic. Fist to fist. Then, maybe, I could turn my anger outward instead of this searing pain tearing me apart from the inside. “Why don’t you hit me?”
“If you don’t know the answer to that question, then everything we shared last night was a lie.” He laughed bitterly. “But maybe that was your goal all along.”
My stomach cramped at the coldness in his gaze. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He snorted and shook his head. “I can’t believe I didn’t put it together earlier. Kill two birds with one stone, right? Get your rocks off one last time before you kick the bucket and distract me so I didn’t see this coming. So I couldn’t prevent you from pursuing your sick fucking death wish.”
“You sonofabitch! You know that’s not what that was about!”
The caustic humor drained from his face. “You know what? You want to get yourself killed? Fine. But I’m not going to let you take Maisie down with you. You said it yourself, of the two of us, I’m the only one who can flash her out.”
When I’d made this decision, I knew Adam would be angry. It’s just I’d hoped he wouldn’t find out until after I was gone. That part of the plan had just gone to shit, but in the end the result was destined to be the same. So I sucked down the pain and pushed it into the shadowy corner of myself. Added it to the reserves I’d draw from later if I needed to use my Chthonic magic to take out Lavinia.
“You want to help me? Fine.” I forced the corners of my mouth up in a mocking smile. “But the minute Maisie’s free, you get the hell out of my way.”
“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not helping you. You might have been fooling yourself all along, but your goal is and always has been taking out Lavinia Kane. By getting Maisie to safety, I’m just clearing an inconvenient to-do off your list. But rest assured, the minute I have Maisie, I’m gone. I won’t stay around to watch you and your grandmother act out your fucking Greek tragedy.”
I gritted my teeth. Part of me wanted to argue with him. To tell him to go to hell for implying Maisie wasn’t my priority. But in the end, I let it pass. After all, having Adam focused on saving my sister would make it easier for me to concentrate on ensuring Lavinia wasn’t a threat to either of them in the future. And if Lavinia showed up before we were ready, Adam could just zap both of them out of there. So why didn’t any of this make me feel better?
“Suit yourself. But just you. The others need to stay out of this.”
“I told Giguhl if he didn’t hear from me to call everyone off. Good thing, too. If they knew what you were planning t
hey might get in your way. And we both know how much you hate distractions.” He bent to pick up the duffel and tossed it at me. “The reinforcements arrived loaded for war. You might want to avail yourself of some party favors. Until you’re ready to surrender your life, that is.”
His words slammed into me like shrapnel. Instead of responding to his dig, I slammed out the front door and into the street. The faster I could get to the temple, the sooner Adam would be rid of me. And the sooner I’d find an end to the pain of knowing I’d hurt him so badly he was now looking forward to that moment.
28
After a tense drive in which Adam refused to touch me despite sitting behind me on the bike, I parked just outside the cemetery gates behind the temple. The building sat dark and appeared deserted. But I knew better than to not expect company pretty damned quickly. Knowing Lavinia, she had the place under surveillance or magical wards rigged up around Maisie’s prison. That meant, as much as I hated to admit it, having Adam with me might be a blessing.
Of course, judging from the scorn on his face or the fact he didn’t spare me even a glance as he dismounted the bike, he didn’t necessarily agree with my assessment. But dwelling wouldn’t do me any favors. So I shoved it all away—the pain, the regret, the fear. Emotions had no place here. Any one of those feelings could get me killed before I was ready to go. And combined, they all but guaranteed it.
I forced steel into my spine and resolve into my gut. Adam didn’t wait for me to say anything. Just took off toward the gate in long, purposeful strides. Removing a gun from my waistband, I covered his back.
The gate swung open without a sound. Adam held out a hand, indicating he wanted me to lead the way to Maisie’s tomb. Without a word, I pushed ahead, ducking as I ran through the avenues of tombs. Behind me, the only indication he followed was the occasional muted crunch of boots on gravel. I kept my eyes out for other shifting shadows that might foretell an impending ambush.
