We hadn’t changed, but the very rules we had set and lived with had. If we thought we could just scrap the past and have a do-over with everyone, we were sadly mistaken.
Randy, who had always been our friend before, was suddenly more sullen and withdrawn. His loyalty was with Shelby. Vanni, who knew more than anyone else about why we had done the things we had done, was far more sympathetic. Terrell was in a tizzy about all the changes that had to be made, which accommodated all these backstage dramas that were, in his mind, unnecessary. We all had a job to do. No one had time for a soap opera behind the scenes.
It seemed everyone had an opinion, and I couldn’t even really blame them. Why shouldn’t I take the hits? My stupid decisions had wrecked everything, from the moment I allowed Eddie and my mother to follow me to Los Angeles a year before.
My stomach lurched every time I wondered what kind of welcome I would get in my home state of Iowa. Would I be cast as the heavy in my own backyard? Or would they have any smidgen of loyalty for one of their own? Everyone else had chosen a team. Had they?
Like everyone else on tour, I was invited to participate in radio interviews in the week leading up to the concert. This was part of the job. I went on the radio to talk about the tour, which would inevitably sell more tickets. Unlike everyone else, though, I hadn’t been offered a key to the city. The controversy of the tour had blemished my reputation, though Iris was working overtime to minimize the damage. She flew into Iowa to hold my hand during the interviews, laying the law down with every single interviewer that certain topics were off limits.
She also coached me on how to respond to the questions. “How does it feel to be back in Iowa, Jordi?”
“Iowa is home,” I would say with a forced smile. “I’ve had the honor of seeing so much of the country thanks to the tour, but it’s special to me to end it right where everything all began.”
Iris even warned me they would try to sneak in some of the controversy, but to roll with it. In my very first interview the host danced over the line with, “We understand that there have been some upsetting developments with the tour, losing Shelby Goddard from your lineup. How have you had to adapt?”
“Obviously it hit us hard to lose Shelby. She was a valued and loved member of our Fierce family, and the tour is indeed lesser without her. We can’t do justice to her performances, so we’ve had to change the lineup almost entirely for a brand new show.”
“Isn’t it difficult to change the lineup after all these months?”
Another sweet smile. “Maybe if you haven’t competed on one of reality TV’s top talent shows! This is old hat after last year. Besides, change is good. It keeps you on your toes and keeps you fresh. The Iowa audiences are going to see something no one else got to see. It should be great.”
The host laughed and Iris gave me a big thumbs-up from the side. By that afternoon we sold out the Saturday show, with Friday not far behind.
While Vanni did not extend invitations to my mother or Eddie to join the show, Racine and Bree were considered VIP guests for the first performances on Friday. I was on stage when I saw them ushered up to the front row Friday morning, and I sailed down the steps with a squeal of glee.
Racine was practically in tears. As my hometown music teacher, and former backup singer herself, it gave her great joy to see my dreams of superstardom come true. “I always knew you could do it, girl,” she said as she gave me a big bear hug.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” I said. “You were my inspiration every day.”
She waved a hand. “Go on, now.”
Bree was a little shier when she greeted me. She had shown up to the Fierce finale in Los Angeles, but I had been so busy there hadn’t been a whole lot of opportunity to reconnect. Our friendship was delegated mostly to the occasional email or social network comment. We were both busy with our own lives now, which were going in two very different directions. She was in college in Des Moines, majoring in education and minoring in music, no doubt following in the footsteps of our favorite teacher.
It would have been my future had it not been for an impulsive decision to hightail it to Los Angeles and dare to live my dream.
On another impulse, I asked Vanni if I could make a couple of tweaks to my set. He was all for it, but I knew that Terrell was planning a trip back home to Louisiana to personally stitch a voo doo doll in my image to make up for all the headaches I’d given him all spring.
Racine and Bree were stunned when I told them what I wanted to do.
“You want us to what?” Bree asked, her eyes wide.
“I want you to sing backup for me,” I said with a big grin. “Come on. It’s no different than what we used to do in my bedroom.”
She laughed. “I think it’s very different!”
Racine shook her head. “I haven’t been on a stage in years, Jordi.”
“Then it’s time to come back,” I said.
By show time Friday night, they were backstage with me, in full costume, waiting for the show to begin, along with some other friends flown in over the past week to make the last stop in the Fierce tour an epic one.
As the audience filled in, they had no idea what to expect. Everyone on the tour had been threatened on pain of death by Graham himself to keep it all a secret. Even PING couldn’t see what was coming.
The audience came unglued when Fierce’s Rappin’ Geek Martin O’Reilly exploded onto the stage with a Run DMC tune. Halfway through I joined our opening act, and I can guarantee you that no one was milling around trying to find a seat or get that last beverage before the “real” show started.
We mashed it up with a Black Eyed Peas tune, where my dear friend Milo joined us.
This segued into the Pink tune, on which I sang lead but I didn’t sing alone. By the chorus, Pepper and our beloved transgender queen Lavender Snow joined Martin, Milo and I on stage.
Bo Dean and his new wife Jolene Anderson were up next with an Eagles anthem. Jace and I sang each word, holding each other backstage, in a defiant statement that we’d all prevail in the long run.
I slowed down the set for my inspirational ballad, which I dedicated to, “anyone who has to fight to that voice in your head, telling you’re not good enough.” Again my cast mates joined me on stage, one by one, one verse at a time.
My intro for Jace was next, and by then the crowd had been whipped into a complete frenzy. Racine and Bree joined me to sing backup, but I let both of them have their moment to shine with specific verses or carrying the chorus.
When Jace exploded through that circle of fire and skid downstage on a motorcycle, I thought I saw some of the girls in the front row practically swoon.
He launched into his two songs and ended with a Bon Jovi tune that allowed Randy to shine on guitar. “This ain’t a song for the brokenhearted,” he declared. I joined him for the chorus. We declared in a bold proclamation that our lives were our own, and we lived for no one but ourselves. The fans went wild as Vanni joined us for the second verse, clad only in his leather pants and various bling on his fingers and his wrists. His hair was wild and his feet were bare, but his voice thundered as he underscored the sentiment of the song.
Everyone joined us onstage for the chorus.
Afterward Vanni took the mic. “Sounds like a party up in here!” he shouted. Girls screamed so loud I thought the roof might blow off. “I can see Iowa rocks. But I already knew that, because I happen to know this girl from Iowa who rocks hard core.”
He smiled at the crowd as they thundered in response. I could hear the chants of “Jordi! Jordi! Jordi!” rise from the audience.
“Oh, you know her?” he said with a grin. “Maybe you’d like to hear an original song from her,” he offered. They responded in kind, so Vanni turned to call me onstage. “Come on, girl.”
I trotted out on stage while Vanni hung back to sing backup along with DIB.
“Thank you, Iowa!” I said. I could see the people in the front rows jumping up and down as the
y screamed for me. Two years ago, this had been unfathomable. Now – here I was. There they were.
There was only one thing left to do.
I sang.
To my amazement, they all sang right along with me.
“Thought you won when you walked out the door, thought you’d leave me begging for more. Thought I’d be alone night after night, thought I’d never give up the fight. Wanted to kick my love to the curb, now there you stand with your arm around her. I got news for you fool, I’m nowhere near done. You left me, but I’m the one who won. I’m here!”
Vanni led the callback response, and ultimately everyone else joined me on stage.
DIB took over the stage after that, with the master at the helm. Vanni was a consummate professional who had the audience eating out of his hand. The concert ended with a double encore of “Make It Happen” and, of course, the Journey anthem that started it all for me. The audience sang every lyric.
It was a magical night.
Racine and Bree stayed through the after party. Randy’s sullen mood evaporated the minute Bree turned her bright blue eyes at him and, in a soft, shy voice, asked him how long he had played guitar. They retreated to a quiet corner while the rest of the Fierce family had a long overdue reunion.
Jace kept me at his side as we made the rounds. It was like old times back at the mansion, except this time he was able to drape his arms around me or plant kisses at will. The other cast mates were still trying to process this unexpected turn of events, but in general were all supportive. The trickier questions were the ones regarding Shelby.
All the performers in the tour she left behind decided that her story was not ours to tell. We’d nod and share their shock and concern, but we kept much of what had driven her to her heart attack to ourselves.
Fortunately, the people who were chosen to participate in Fierce were not gossipy. They really did care for Shelby. Coy was keeping us at bay, but that didn’t stop us from protecting her or loving her in our own ways.
When we got to the hotel, Jace danced me through the door. “How does it feel, superstar?”
I laughed as I twirled at the tip of finger. “Victorious.”
He pulled me into his arms. “You are victorious, Jordi. But then again, you always were.” He brushed his hand against the curve of my face. “You’ve been in battle after battle since you were six, but you never let it get you down. You never stopped fighting for something better, single-handedly molding the life of your dreams despite the odds. You’ve fought every nemesis with courage and with grace. You’re more than a star, Jordi. You’re my hero.”
My eyes misted over and I held him tight. “I must have done something right,” I murmured against his strong chest.
He nodded. “You were born,” he said against my ear.
The second concert on Saturday was even more fun the first. Even PING had decided to cut me a break.
FIERCE DIVA ENJOYS TRIUMPHANT HOMECOMING WITH SOLD-OUT CROWDS!
FIERCE TOUR ENDS ON A HIGH NOTE FOR BELEAGURED STARS!
It was so much more than I ever dreamed to put on my wistful vision board. When I set out for Hollywood nearly two years before, heartbroken and desperate, clinging at any straw to be happy, I had hoped to one day return to my home state and prove every naysayer wrong.
Now that it had happened, I realized it wasn’t enough. Even as I lay in Jace’s arms that night, sated in almost every conceivable way, I knew that the war would not truly be won until I finally faced my past once and for all.
“I need to go home, Jace,” I said as I twirled my finger along his chest.
“You know that’s not your home, Jordi. It never was.”
I nodded. “I know.” Then I looked up into those loving eyes. “I think it’s time that I find out why.”
He gathered me into his arms. “Then I’m coming with you,” he decided.
I smiled as I reached for a kiss. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Oswen, Iowa
April 23, 2012
Jace eased our rented car toward the curb of the brick house at 1429 Sleepy Willow Drive. It was a house that I had lived in since I was ten years old, but as I sat there staring at the carefully crafted gardens and neatly trimmed yard, it felt like I had never seen it before.
Perhaps that was because the Jordi I now was had never been there before.
Everything was the same, but everything inside me was different.
Well, almost everything was the same. At no time during the years I lived there did a work truck belonging to Shane Pearcy sit crouching in the driveway. Just seeing his name printed on the sign struck terror through my heart.
I hesitated so long that Jace reached over to touch my hand. “You don’t have to do this, Jordi.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I kind of do.”
I took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Jace followed me up the carefully laid sidewalk tiles, surrounded on either side by fragrant flowers just starting to bloom.
Every day for eight years I watched these same bushes flower and die, season after season. They’d bloom, they’d thrive and then they would wilt away as the cold of winter descended on our little corner of the Midwest. Then, like a miracle, they’d be back the following spring.
I never realized how amazing that was until now. I inhaled their sweet scent, drinking in the perfume of hope and renewal. Wordlessly I took Jace’s hand and we stepped onto the porch.
I half-expected Shane to be there, wielding his trusty shotgun our direction, treating us like the trespassers we were. But instead it was my mother, staring at me through the screen.
“The big star finally decides to come home,” she said, crossing her arms against her chest.
“Something like that,” I answered. “Can I come in?”
It was something one would ask of a stranger. As I stared into the cold blue eyes of my mother, I realized that was what she was to me. We had lived in the same house for 18 years, but I didn’t know anything about her. What had her dreams been? Did life end up for her the way she wanted?
Mother stared at me, and then looked over at Jace who stood steadfast and silent beside me. She noted our clasped hands with a sneer of disapproval. But instead of refusing, like I feared she might, she pushed open the door and allowed us to enter.
As I entered the living room I noticed Shane kicked back in a worn leather recliner he had to have brought from his own home, because it did not match my mother’s hand-picked collection of antique furniture in any way, shape or form. There was a can of beer in his hand, and an arrogant look on his face.
“The prodigal daughter returns,” he sneered.
Jace gripped my hand. In my peripheral vision I could see his jaw clench tight. I squeezed his hand.
Shane inspected the tall, younger muscular man at my side, as if assessing whether or not he was a threat, then turned to my mother. “Get me another beer, would you, babe?”
It was strange enough that my straight-laced mother even allowed beer in the house, much less hand-deliver it like some sort of bar maiden.
She turned to us. “Would you like anything?”
Yes. Anything fried, covered in sugar and drenched in chocolate. “No, thank you,” I declined politely.
She nodded curtly before disappearing into the kitchen. Shane eyed me as I pulled Jace over to the sofa. “I hear you had quite the victorious homecoming,” he commented as he drained the can in his hand. “We would have come to cheer you on, but we weren’t invited.”
I stared him down, silently challenging him to ask me why. Before I could say anything, Mother had returned. She gave Shane his beer, taking his empty can.
“I’m sorry we’re dropping in on you,” I offered to her. “But I thought if I called, you would tell me not to come.”
“I’m never surprised when you don’t call, Jordi,” she called from the kitchen. When she came into the room, she walked over to where Shane sat and perched on the edge of
the chair. “You only seem to show up when you need something, and it’s clear you don’t need your lowly family anymore.” She glared at Jace. “Or your husband.”
“Eddie was never really my husband,” I clarified. “He only wanted me for the fame and the money. He was cruel and abusive, and he was blackmailing me.”
Mother rolled her eyes. “Still playing the victim, Jordi?”
Jace opened his mouth but I squeezed his hand. “What happened between Eddie and me isn’t why I’m here,” I said.
Her eyes were ruthless. “Then why are you here?”
I squared my shoulders. “I want to know why you never loved me.”
“I raised you from birth,” she said. “I tried to pull you back from all your unhealthy choices and it was a struggle since you were a child. But I never gave up, even when it cost me everything. How can you even sit there and ask me that question?”
“Because you never loved me,” I answered. “You did all those things out of obligation because I was your child.”
Shane snickered and Mother sent him an angry glance. He didn’t take it very well, glaring back at her in return. “Tell her the truth, Marianne,” he said.
My eyes traveled from him back to her. “What’s he talking about?”
She hopped up from the chair and stalked from the room. Shane turned to me. “You’re not her child,” he stated simply, and with great satisfaction, as my entire perspective of reality shattered with his words.
I sucked in a breath and turned to face Jace. He was as stunned as I was.
“Your daddy was the one who wanted a baby, not Marianne. She never wanted kids, even when we were teenagers. Right, Mare?” he called out with a smile. When his eyes met mine, they were sharp and cruel. “Your mama never told you but I was her first. Way before dear ol’ dad. We fogged up the windows on a regular basis, until she got knocked up. She was sick as a dog for three weeks, afraid to tell her parents the truth. Finally they went to the doctor and he shared the happy news. How long did it take them to kick you out, Mare?”
Unstoppable (Fierce) Page 24
