“You’ll be fine, Jules. Just remember to breathe. That’s all you need to remember, deep, deep breaths.”
***
Will’s face is a picture of concentration as he stares into the mirror above his dresser, struggling to knot his tie. Frustrated, he unwraps the fabric, yanks it off and begins the process all over again. He’s trying to make a Windsor knot like his father has shown him a thousand times before, but he’s never gotten the hang of it. He hates ties. No matter how loose he makes the knot, he feels like someone’s slipped a noose around his neck, strangling him.
“So, my darling brother, you’re bringing Julia to Skip’s wedding?” his sister Ellie asks, poking her head into his room. She’s home visiting from Chicago this weekend and they haven’t had a chance to catch up yet. Ellie plops across his bed while he fumbles with his tie.
“Uh huh,” he nods, preoccupied.
“I really like Jules,” Ellie smiles. “Are things serious between you two?”
He notices the time on the alarm clock beside his bed. Shit! I’m going to be late. He can’t wait to see Julia and is anxious to get out of the house.
“Hey! Answer my question!”
“Define serious,” he says, trying to evade her question.
“Will!” Ellie throws a pillow at him. “What’s going on with you guys? You’ve been seeing her for a while now.”
He finishes knotting his tie, and studying his handiwork, shrugs his shoulders. This will have to do. Julia won’t care about his tie anyways. He sits beside Ellie on his bed and pulls on his shoes.
“I wouldn’t exactly say we’re seeing each other.”
“Will,” Ellie frowns. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“That means it’s none of your business.”
“You’re so secretive! I hate that about you! We shared a womb. Surely you can tell me about your relationship with Julia.”
Will raises an eyebrow and sits back on his bed.
“Well… it’s hard to date someone you only see once every two months. The last time we were together was in February when I had an interview in New York. The distance makes things a bit difficult.”
“Yeah, I imagine it would,” Ellie pauses. “So, do you have some sort of understanding? You can both date other people while she’s away at school?”
He really doesn’t want to talk about this with his sister, he hasn’t talked about Julia with anyone. Will prefers to keep his private life just that, private, but his twin sister is tenacious and she won’t give up until she has some answers.
“We’ve never discussed that. What I mean is we haven’t ever… you know.”
His cheeks are burning and he reluctantly makes eye contact with his sister. Ellie, for once, is speechless, her face frozen in surprise.
“You’ve been dating her since last summer and you haven’t had sex?” she asks, her voice incredulous, her brows drawn together in confusion.
“That’s just it El, we’ve never defined our relationship. We’re… friends. Really, really good friends.”
“I’m sorry… what the fuck?” Ellie shakes her head in disbelief. “I’ve seen you with Julia and you’re not just friends. I can cut the sexual energy between you two with a knife, it’s that thick!”
Will shrugs his shoulders. She doesn’t have to tell him! He can’t count the number of times he’s tried to get closer to Julia and she’s shied away.
“Last summer we didn’t even kiss, other than hello and goodbye.”
“Seriously?” Ellie’s visibly taken aback, and stares at him, mouth open. “I never would have thought…I mean I just assumed you two were sleeping together. You seem so close.”
“We are close…” his voice trails off.
When he’s not pressed for time, maybe he should have a conversation with Ellie about Julia. This is uncharted territory for him. Most of the women he knows are ready to climb into bed after a couple of dates. He’s always been the one to put on the brakes, not wanting to jump into something before he’s ready. Maybe his sister can provide some valuable female insight into this situation.
“Julia seemed…I don’t know…nervous. Like she’s afraid of getting too close. It’s not like we haven’t done anything.” Again, Will feels the color rising in his cheeks.
“What happened when you went to New York?” Ellie asks.
He looks down at his hands with a shy smile. If the circumstances had been different during that visit, who knows what would’ve happened…
“I see that smile,” Ellie nudges him, grinning. “I want details!”
“I’m not sharing details.”
“Sometimes I wish you had a vagina,” she sighs, disappointed.
“I’ll tell you this, then I have to go,” Will chuckles, reaching for his jacket. “We went to dinner, then to hear a band at some bar in the Village. I wanted her to come back to our brother’s place, but she said no.”
“Why?” Ellie asks, frowning.
“She didn’t want Peter to hear us,” he says, eyebrow raised.
“Oh my god!” his sister bursts out laughing. “She makes that much noise?”
“I wouldn’t know, El!” Will runs his fingers through his hair, frustrated, “But I understand her point. I’d rather we were alone too. I don’t want to push her, Ellie. Julia’s…different. I’ve never met anyone like her and… I care about her.”
“Do you want to be with her?” Ellie takes his hand in hers.
“Yeah,” he says, a smile tugging at his lips.
“Do you have the opportunity to be alone tonight?”
“Her mother is sleeping out,” he nods, then clears his throat.
“Well then, it is time to man up!” Ellie’s face lights up, “Tonight could be the night! But before you go, let me fix that tie.”
Will borrowed his parents’ car for the ride to Hartford, Connecticut. It’s a two-hour drive and he figured they’d be more comfortable in the BMW than his Jeep.
On the drive to Julia’s, he can’t help but think about the last time they were together, his face breaking into a smile. He had an interview on Wall Street in February and surprised Julia at work, though they’d made plans to meet later that evening. He hadn’t seen her since Christmas night and couldn’t wait, not while they were in the same zip code.
It was a frigid day, and Will was shivering as he entered the cavernous lobby of the Metropolitan Museum of Art where Julia has a part time job, giving art history tours in the Renaissance wing.
The building is huge but he spotted her almost as soon as he pushed his way through the revolving door. She was standing off to the right near the gift shop, a group of thirty high school students gathered around her, waiting for her tour to begin, and he managed to slip unnoticed into the back of the group while Julia had a conversation with one of the teachers.
A moment later she called the students to attention.
“All eyes on me please.” The fidgeting, chatter, and shoving subsided. “Welcome to the Met. Before we begin our tour I have a few rules to share with you.” He heard groans from the teenagers. “Hush now,” she continued. “Unless you have a gazillion dollars to spare, don’t touch the priceless art you’re about to see. Hands off the merchandise.”
“And rule number two…” Julia raised two fingers into the air, and stopped mid-sentence, her face breaking into a huge smile, her eyes lighting up as they came to rest on him at the rear of the group.
Will covered his mouth to stifle his laughter and Julia looked around the room, as if remembering where she was. “Ummm…rule number two,” she continued, “Don’t forget rule number one.” She took a few steps backwards.
“My name is Julia, if you have any questions during our tour please raise your hand. If I know the answer I’ll tell you, if I don’t, I’ll lie.” She winked at him. “Follow me to the right.”
The tour lasted an hour and the moment it ended, Julia made a beeline toward him. Without a word, she grabbed the sleeve of his coat, pulling h
im around the corner into an office and closed the door behind them.
“What are you doing here?” she smiled, lightly punching his arm, “You threw me off my game!”
“I don’t know what happened,” he laughed. “I was at Peter’s place and the next thing I know I’m standing in front of the museum!”
She jumped up and threw her arms around him, and he held her close, pressing her back against the wall… His body tingles, remembering how they looked into each other’s eyes, their lips quickly coming together, and the passionate kiss they were in the midst of sharing when her boss walked in on them moments later.
“Umm… Excuse me?”
They froze for an instant, their faces turning various shades of red, then Julia slid down the wall and said, “We were just leaving.”
Will smiles as he pulls his parents’ car into the driveway of Julia’s house. She lives with her mother in a white Cape with dark blue shutters, flowerboxes filled with daffodils and purple crocuses, and boxwoods bordering the front of the house.
Julia’s mother, Carol, is outside filling flowerpots with soil. Her mother is a beautiful woman, petite with thick straight brown hair, cut just above her shoulders, high cheekbones and big brown eyes. Julia looks a lot like her, but is taller and curvier, with a gorgeous mass of long dark curly hair.
He has a hard time reconciling the woman Julia’s described with the person standing in front of him. When her parents’ divorced, her mother had a hard time and started drinking. Apparently she spent the better part of a year drunk in bed, then began going out at night, dressing and acting like a teenager, and bringing home strange men. Before Julia left for college, they had a big blowout, and her mom seems to have gotten her act together over the past few years.
Julia calls her mother a work in progress. He can’t imagine what it was like for her, especially as an only child. Divorce is taboo in his family. Once you’re married, you stay married, no matter what.
He steps out of the car, smiles and waves.
“Hi Will,” Carol rises, brushing the dirt off her jeans and removes her gardening gloves. “Nice to see you again. Go on in. Julia’s getting ready.”
“Thanks Mrs. Grasso,” he says, shaking her hand.
“Please, call me Carol. Mrs. Grasso is my former mother-in-law!”
Will nods and opens the side door to the kitchen.
“Jules?”
“Just a sec! I’ll be right there!” she calls from her bedroom.
Someone has been baking. He scans the countertops for cookies, hoping to grab a few for the road, but comes up empty handed. He’s always liked her house, it’s small, but warm and inviting. The kitchen is painted a cheery yellow, with white cabinets and trim and a colorful collection of Depression-era dishes hang on the wall beside an embroidered map of their hometown made by her grandmother, commemorating Bristol’s tri-centennial.
His parents’ house has a museum-like quality. Growing up, he was always afraid of breaking one of the many antique lamps, vases, or sculptures scattered around the house. He did his share of damage before coming to the conclusion that the only safe place to play was the finished basement or outdoors.
“Hey there!”
His breath catches as Julia walks down the hallway toward him, a smile on her face.
“You look beautiful, Julia,” he says, swallowing hard.
“You like?” She stops and poses for him.
“I like a lot,” he says and wraps his arms around her.
Will’s heart beats hard against his chest as he gazes with longing into her eyes. Two months is too long! He’s so relieved her semester comes to an end next month. They’ll have the whole summer together before she enters her final year of school.
Julia stands on tiptoe and kisses him on each cheek, her cheeks flushed.
“I’ve missed you, Will,” she grabs his hands, then steps back to study his outfit. “And oh, how I’ve missed my favorite pants!”
“What? You don’t like my clothes?”
He’s wearing a white button down shirt, navy blue tie, a madras blazer, and his Nantucket pants. They’ve debated the actual color in the past, he thinks they’re red, she disagrees.
“You look very handsome. You know how I love the pink pants.”
“Shut up,” he murmurs and pulls her close, feeling the energy flowing between them. He’s never experienced anything like it before, a tingling that begins in his fingertips and radiates inward. The closest thing he can compare it to is a runner’s high. When he’s with Julia he thinks clearer, everything seems brighter and he feels alive, like anything’s possible.
He lightly brushes his fingertips along the side of her face, and for the first time, understands what’s behind these sensations. I’m in love with Julia.
“Are you ready?” he asks, taking a deep breath in.
“Let’s do this.”
***
An hour into the ride to Hartford, Julia and Will fall into companionable silence. The radio is tuned to the oldies station, playing hits from the Sixties and Seventies, and Julia stares out the window, quietly singing along with The Doors, her head back against the seat. Gabby’s words from earlier today are echoing in her head. It’s time to take a risk and open her heart.
If Julia didn’t care about Will, if what they had was a purely physical connection, she would’ve slept with him last summer. But she’s always known… this is different.
They skipped the wedding ceremony at the church and headed straight for the reception, pulling into the country club parking lot a little after six-thirty.
“Jules. Jules.” Will lightly shakes her arm and holds her hand to his lips. She turns toward him and smiles. “Were you sleeping?” he laughs.
“No, just thinking…”
“What were you thinking about?”
“Ummm,” she pauses. I was thinking about taking you to my bed later tonight? “About last summer.”
“That was a good summer.”
“The best.”
Will opens the door and takes her hand, helping her out of the car. She looks around the lot, surveying the landscape, and frowns. Something isn’t right. It takes her a minute to figure it out. The cars are all the same, an assembly line of BMW’s as far as her eyes can see, with a Mercedes thrown in here and there.
She was surprised when Will pulled up in his father’s car earlier, and now understands why he did. The Jeep would have been totally out of place in this environment, and she knows deep down, before they’ve taken one step into this wedding reception, so am I.
“What’s up?” Will asks. “Everything okay?”
“Yes, yes. I’m fine.” She shivers and pulls her coat around her, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling that’s settled in the pit of her stomach. Every instinct is screaming for her to get back into Will’s car and drive away from this place.
“You ready?”
She nods and forces a smile, the first of many forced smiles she’s sure she’ll have to plaster across her face this evening.
“What’re the names of the happy couple?”
“Skip and Poppy,” Will says with a straight face and her eyes grow wide.
“Uh huh… I’m ready.” Julia holds her breath for a moment and sighs as they enter the country club.
Chapter Two
The ballroom is an undulating sea of navy blue and pastel. Hundreds of people are milling about, talking, laughing, drinking. Is there a dress code? she wonders, then glances down at her outfit, realizing one of her little black dresses would’ve stood out even more conspicuously than the one she’s wearing now.
She pulls the dress down as low as she can without ripping the embroidery, but gives up. There’s no way this dress is going to reach her knees. She knows she’s in for a long night and braces herself for her first introduction.
“Will, you bastard!” A man in what appears to be the standard uniform of navy blue blazer and khaki pants, greets them. With relief she realizes, Will may be wear
ing pink pants and a plaid blazer, but at least he’s original. He must have known the uniform and chose to wear something different, and she’s momentarily comforted by the notion.
We’re in this together, two sore thumbs sticking out in the crowd.
“Walker, you son of a bitch!” Will’s face lights up, and they firmly shake hands.
“How are you old man? I haven’t seen you since the Figawi last May!”
What the hell is a Figawi? she wonders.
“I’m good,” Will laughs. “How are you? Is Georgie here?”
“She’s floating around somewhere.”
Julia watches their exchange, fascinated. Who is this person? Will’s chest is puffed out, his back rigid, and his voice a few decibels louder and deeper. Where is my Will?
“Walker, this is Julia.”
“Enchanted to meet you Julia,” Walker takes her hand in his and kisses it. Julia raises an eyebrow, taken aback.
“Charmed,” she replies, withdrawing her hand.
“Will, what an exotic creature you have here,” Walker proceeds to slowly undress her with his eyes, her own growing wide in disbelief. “Lucky man!” Walker winks at Will. “Save me a dance, Julia.”
Not in a million fucking years, she thinks, forcing her second smile of the evening.
A dozen or so Walker clones fawn over her as Will and Julia make their way to their assigned table, and she tries desperately to keep an open mind. Will stops often to introduce her and chat with friends, and she’s never felt more uncomfortable in her life.
She’s always been able to hold her own in a room full of strangers…before tonight, and she can’t help but wonder, they can’t all be this phony…can they?
Watching the servers maneuvering through the guests, she envies them their anonymity. She wishes she could throw on an apron and carry a tray of hors d’oeuvres. She’d be more comfortable in that role, and she’s sure these women would be as well. The men, on the other hand, would prefer she do a striptease and dance around a pole.
What if I Fly? Page 2
