“You’re fine,” I tell her, forcing myself to make eye contact. “I’m just a little jumpy this morning. In case you couldn’t tell.”
Her eyes soften and I’m struck, once again, with the desire to kiss her. I have no idea when she left my room this morning and thus no idea how much sleep she got, but she looks fantastic, regardless. Her skin is still slightly pink form the sunburn, her black mess of curls pulled up in a bun above her head, leaving her long neck exposed. A memory of kissing that smooth column of skin, of the taste of it, assaults me and I have to look away.
“So,” she says, sounding awkward and unsure for the first time that morning. “You said something about a walk?”
“Yeah,” I say quickly, eager for the chance to get moving. “Let’s head back down the beach.” She seems to hesitate for a moment before nodding and we set off across the grass together.
“Nice day,” I say, and immediately wish I could kick my own ass. I’m talking about the weather?
But Paige doesn’t seem to find it weird. “It’s gorgeous. Every day here has been beautiful. Like paradise.” She sighs a little. “It’s going to be so hard to leave.”
“You could always come back some day,” I point out.
She shrugs a little. “I’d never be able to afford something like this.” She stiffens suddenly, as if she’s revealed something embarrassing. When she replies her voice is overly bright and cheerful. “So, I’m pretty lucky to hang out with such generous friends.”
“We’re glad to have you here,” I tell her sincerely. And then, because she still seems uncomfortable, “I’m glad to have you here.”
Her entire body seems to relax. “Thanks, Reed.”
We walk on, hitting the sand in silence. I realize, once we’re on the beach, what her earlier hesitation came from. If we turn left we’ll be following the same route from last night, eventually hitting the lagoon area where we first kissed. But the beach on the other side of the privacy wall is already crowded and I have no desire to be recognized. I hesitate, unsure of what to do, but Paige moves confidently in the direction of the lagoon. If it doesn’t make her uncomfortable, I decide I can deal with it, too.
Just as the silence between us is getting awkward, she clears her throat. “I hope things won’t be weird now.”
I breathe out some of the tension that I was holding. “I hope so, too.”
She stops in the sand, turning to face me. “Then let’s not let it get weird.”
I smile down at her. The sun is glinting off her hair and I’m dazzled for a moment by it. “That easy, huh?”
“Look, Reed. You don’t like... owe me anything, okay? I’m a big girl.”
I frown, not liking the turn of conversation. “What do you mean, owe you something?”
She sighs, as if annoyed she has to explain further. “I’m not some fame hungry groupie, you know? I didn’t... last night... that didn’t happen because I was expecting anything. I’m not, like... after your money. Or hoping to get my picture taken or—”
I hold up my hands. “Hang on a second. Do you honestly believe I think you’re like that? Seriously, Paige?”
She shrugs, looking away. She looks so uncomfortable it’s almost painful to watch. “You seemed awkward this morning, like, totally turned off by me. I couldn’t help but think you were wondering if I was about to turn into some crazy, opportunistic, fame-whore fan.”
“Hey, I don’t—”
“I didn’t sleep with you to get something out of it, okay? I’m not going to freak out on you. I’m not going to sell my story or stalk you or—”
“Jesus, Paige, will you just listen to me?”
She finally cuts off, her breathing heavy, and looks up at me. Her eyes are wide and filled with some mixture of anger, fear, and embarrassment. Without thinking of anything but erasing that look, I reach out for her hands.
“I know you aren’t like that, okay? I trust you, Paige. And I know you—we’ve been friends for a while now, haven’t we?”
She looks away, nodding.
“I wasn’t awkward or jumpy because I’m afraid of you, for Christ’s sake. I was awkward and jumpy because... I’m nervous, I guess. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Why would you hurt me?”
“Because I’m not in a good place for a relationship right now, Paige. You know that, right? After everything we talked about last night, you should know that more than anyone.” I release her hands and shove mine into my pockets, turning away to look at the ocean. “Everything with Sienna was a mess because it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be—because the band is my focus right now. That’s not going to change.”
“I know.” Her voice is soft and almost wounded. “I would never want you to give up that focus. I love Ransom.”
“I like you too much to just screw around with you. You’re way too good for that.”
“Reed—”
But I have to get this out before I chicken out. Or, worse, give into the nearly overwhelming urge to kiss her. “And since I can’t really promise you anything better, I think it’d be best if we were just friends.”
There’s a slight pause and then, “Okay.”
I turn to her again, surprised. “Okay?”
“I agree. Us being friends is probably best.”
“Oh.” I don’t know why I feel so weird. She’s just agreeing with me. So what’s this feeling in my chest? Disappointment? Wounded ego? Did I want her to cry, beg me to change my mind? That wasn’t Paige. I swallow. “Okay.”
She grins, all the worry and embarrassment now absent from her face. “So, we’re fine? We can just be friends? Because I have to tell you, Reed, this work-study opportunity is really important to me. And I would hate for things to be weird or uncomfortable between us.”
God, she must think I’m such an ass. “Of course, it won’t, Paige. I’m excited for you to have this opportunity. I wouldn’t mess that up for you, I promise.”
She breaths out, obviously relieved. “Great. Honestly, I really like hanging out with you guys. So if we can just enjoy this vacation without awkwardness, I would be so happy.”
She’s looking up at me with those wide blue eyes, so expressive—bright and hopeful. She hides nothing in her face or expression; more open with her emotions than anyone I’ve ever met. How can I possibly deny her this request?
Even if it does, for some reason I can’t explain, make my chest hurt way more than it should.
“It would make me happy, too, Paige,” I tell her, though I’m not entirely sure it’s the truth.
Chapter Ten
Reed
I spend the next twenty-four hours doing my best to forget about the night I spent with Paige. We go jet-skiing with Karen, Cash, and Lennon and eat dinner with most of the crew at the resort restaurant that night. When Cash orders rounds of tequila for everyone, I eagerly accept. I could use some liquid assistance in getting my attention away from Paige in her little red dress, her hair teased and piled on top of her head like some kind of rock goddess princess. It’s exhausting, pretending we’re nothing more than friends.
It’s not pretending, I tell myself firmly more than once. You are only friends. One night together doesn’t equal anything more.
The next morning I get a phone call that effectively manages to distract me from the Paige issue. I’m enjoying a bloody Mary breakfast for one on my balcony, when my phone starts ringing. I glance at the screen and suppress a sigh. Dad.
Well, he managed to make it a few days without checking in or micromanaging. That has to count for something.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Reed,” he says, his voice crackling slightly over the line. “How’s the trip, Son? You all having fun? Staying out of trouble?”
“It’s great, Dad. Resort is perfect—you should take some time off and get down here sometime.”
He chuckles a little, as if I’ve just told him he should make an effort to get to the moon. Time off is just not in his vocabulary.
“Look, I know I’m not supposed to be bothering you down there, and I’m sorry for the call—”
“You don’t have to apologize, Dad. You said you wouldn’t bother us with band stuff. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you.” I wish, not for the first time, that he could figure out a better way of separating his manager role from his father role.
“Well, that’s why I’m apologizing. This is band stuff.”
“Dad.” There’s a warning note in my voice but he barrels ahead anyhow.
“This will just take a minute. The PR guys have been calling me all week; they want to talk to you about the Sienna situation.”
My entire body tenses up. “Why in the fuck do they think it’s any of their business?”
“Because the label has money tied up in this reality show of hers and they aren’t happy with the fact that you now will not be in it. They’re also considering the promotion for Hellbent. They’re expecting a big return on that soundtrack and they don’t want anything to complicate the situation.”
I swear, loudly, not caring if I’m being rude to my father. It’s his own fault for agreeing to call over this. He should have told them to go screw themselves.
“Dad, if they think I’m going to base my dating decisions on PR they can go to hell. I can’t believe you’re taking their side on this!” I’m really building up into a rage now. I have to set my bloody Mary glass aside, my hands are shaking so much. “I can’t believe you would call and interrupt my vacation—which is supposed to be off limits—to lecture me about who I date!”
“If you would calm down, son, you would see that I’m not doing that at all.”
I pause, trying to chill out. “Why are you calling, then?”
“The label was insisting on sending the PR guys down to talk to you in person.”
“The hell!”
“Reed.” He sounds tired and annoyed and I wonder how many hours he’s been working on this issue. I bite my tongue, letting him finish. “I told them in no uncertain terms they absolutely could not bother you. They fought me on it but they finally agreed when I promised you’d make no statement about the break up before they had a chance to speak with you next week.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means they don’t want the news getting out before they can talk to you. That’s why I’m calling—they’ll leave you alone as long as you promise not to talk about Sienna with anyone. I’m just giving you a heads up.”
I sigh, suddenly feeling so tired I can barely stand it. The constant fatigue I’d become used to had lessened while here. I’ve actually been feeling energetic, for once. “They’re going to try to talk me into staying with her, aren’t they?”
“They are,” he agrees. “And I don’t think it’s something you should automatically discount, either.”
“Dad—”
“Look, Reed. No one is saying you should marry this girl. No one is saying you should love her. All we’re saying is that it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to at least consider the career implications of this relationship.”
“Do you have any idea how fucked up that sounds?”
“You’re a big boy, Reed. You live in the real world, where people often have to do things they might not be crazy about in order to get what they want. You’ve always seemed to understand that better than anyone.”
“I have what I want,” I snap. “I have a kick-ass band, a sold out tour, and a goddamn platinum album.”
“You think those things are guaranteed to last?” he asks. “You think now that you guys have made it you can phone it in?”
“Of course not.”
“Media perception is an important key for continued success. Appearing in a few episodes of this reality show as the dutiful boyfriend is the kind of publicity we can’t buy.”
I have no response for that. I hate the idea of what they’re proposing, hate that my own father thinks they might be right. More than anything, though, I hate that the argument makes sense to me. Am I really becoming that jaded, that entrenched in the industry, that I would consider participating in a sham relationship just to get some TV time?
“You don’t have to make any decision right now,” my dad says, his voice tired again. I wonder if he too is questioning how we got to this point. “You don’t even have to think about it yet. Enjoy your vacation. Just keep your mouth shut and hear them out when you get back. That doesn’t sound so awful, does it?”
“I guess not.” I feel defeated. For all his talk about not needing to think about it, I know I won’t be able to think about much else.
“I’m sorry, Reed. I really am. I know you don’t want to worry about work right now. I wouldn’t have called you at all, but I needed to make sure you didn’t talk to some waitress or something and have the story in all the papers before you even leave.”
“I don’t blab about my personal life to strangers,” I snap.
He’s quiet for a long moment. “You boys have a good trip, okay? Try to keep your brothers out of trouble.”
“Will do.” I hang up before he can say goodbye, not in the mood to listen to him try to transition from manager to father.
I move to the balcony railing so I can stare out at the water, trying to dislodge the sick feeling in my stomach. I would be naive not to realize that my relationship with Sienna was ever just about us. I’d been told flat out by label execs and PR guys that they thought the relationship was good for the band and our press. Sienna, too, had hinted that her manager was supportive for reasons larger than just our personal happiness. And I’d been fine going along with it for all those months, telling myself I cared about her more than I did. The truth was, I liked being photographed together. Liked walking the red carpet with her on occasion. Liked being known as the guy dating such a popular movie star. Was that the real reason I stayed with her—a desire, not fully admitted, even to myself, to take advantage of the positive PR?
So why was this so much worse, what the label and my own father were suggesting? They wanted me to pretend to be with her at least while the show filmed. Hadn’t I been pretending all along, really? I knew she didn’t love me. Knew I didn’t love her. Why was it so much worse now? Just because we were all admitting to the farce?
“Reed?” Lennon calls from down below. I look down and see him standing on the patio, looking up at me. “I was gonna rent a sea kayak. Want to come?”
I wonder how long he’s been under my balcony. Long enough to have heard any of that? Part of me wants to storm off on my own to work my way through the bullshit in my head. But then again, Lennon is the perfect person to hang out with when you don’t feel much like talking. The quietest of my brothers, sometimes even bordering on brooding, Lennon, out of anyone, would leave me alone with my thoughts. And the exercise might actually help.
“Yeah,” I call down. “I’ll be right there.”
He gives me the thumbs up sign and I duck into my room to get dressed, hoping against hope that a few hours battling the ocean swells with a paddle will clear my mind.
The time out on the water with Len does help a bit. As expected, he doesn’t talk much. And the waves are a lot bigger than they appear from shore, requiring as much exertion as I can muster to keep the kayak moving. I’m almost feeling better by the time we hit the beach. But then I happen to catch sight of Cash across the sand, making out with that same dive shop girl from the other night, completely oblivious to the gaping eyes around him.
Why the hell does Cash always get to do what he wants? Why am I always the responsible one? Cash whores around, not caring who notices. Daltrey gets fucking arrested defending his girlfriend. Even Lennon is allowed to be nearly silent in interviews and appearances, deferring to his brothers to deal with the press.
It’s bullshit.
I flag down Martin, who’s making his way across the lawn with a bucket of beers. He hands me a cold bottle and I plop down right there in the sand, content to sit and feel sorry for myself
for the foreseeable future.
“Hey,” Paige says brightly, sitting down in the sand next to me. I close my eyes briefly, not in the mood for company. I also know it will make me feel shitty, sitting this close to Paige while I contemplate fake dating my ex for publicity. I may have only known her for a few months, but Paige would never, ever do something like that.
“How was the sea kayak?” she asks, apparently oblivious to my dark mood. “Karen and I were thinking of renting one later.”
I have to half smirk at that. “When you say Karen and you are thinking about it, do you actually mean you want to do it and you’re desperately trying to convince her to join you?”
She laughs, the sound hitting me straight in the gut. It seems strange that she can be so free and happy in such close proximity to my own pissiness. “Pretty much.”
I lapse into silence until she nudges my shoulder with hers. “You didn’t answer me. How was it?”
“What?”
She frowns, finally catching up that our moods don’t match. “The sea kayak. Was it fun?”
“It was fine. Tough on the arms.”
I keep my eyes trained on the water but I can still tell she’s watching me closely. “You okay, Reed?”
“Yup. Just fine.” I know I’m being a dick but I can’t help it. She should just leave me alone. Paige is way too happy and bubbly to be dragged down by someone as dickish as me.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her voice low. I start to brush it off again but she places a small hand on my arm. “I know something’s wrong, Reed. Just tell me.”
But, how can I do that? After everything we talked about the other night, how can I possibly tell her, of all people, what I’m considering? When I don’t respond she removes her hand.
“If it’s about the other night...” her voice shakes for a moment and I get the sense she’s actively trying to control it when she continues. “Look, I know we said things wouldn’t get weird, but, if it’s awkward for you having me here, I can take an earlier flight. I won’t be offended. This is your vacation and—”
Release: A Ransom Novel Page 10
