Eli never told Fernando either. He just let him go back to the kitchen somewhat confused and he and Frank later laughed about it among themselves.
Then there was another time when Eli had said he had a gift for Fernando. He handed him an old worn shoebox and Frank could tell he was up to something by that mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
Fernando was such a nice guy, Frank almost warned him. But Eli seemed to read his intentions and gave him a quick look of reproach and then a wink.
The box was taped shut and Fernando had quite a time getting it open. He finally lifted the tattered lid and peered inside. The box seemed empty except for a small dark shape in the center. Fernando looked closer, then looked back at Eli.
“What is it, a dead spider?” He asked, confused.
As Fernando returned his attention to the dark shape in the box, Frank noticed a small strand of black thread, so thin as to be almost invisible, stretching from a tiny hole in the side of the box to one of Eli’s fingers. Eli twitched his hand and the “spider” in the box danced to life.
Fernando yelped and dropped the box and raced to the far corner of the room and Eli began to howl with laughter. Frank did his best to control himself but, in the end, he couldn’t help joining in.
It took a good five minutes for Fernando to calm down and forgive them (Frank was assumed to be party to this prank). The “spider” was revealed to be a cleverly tied bundle of black thread that Fernando threw harmlessly in Eli’s face when he left.
It seemed Eli would do anything to shake things up and change the routine so when Frank learned that he was able to take patients outside on brief trips around the neighborhood, he immediately thought of Eli. Predictably, Eli jumped at the chance — even when Frank explained that he would be required to remain in a wheelchair at all times, that Frank would need to sign him in and out, and that this was only allowed once a month and for a maximum of 30 minutes.
Frank and Eli decided that the following Thursday would be a good day and Frank made the arrangements with the staff. Eli was delighted and literally counted off the days on his wall calendar. When Thursday came, Frank met Eli in his room at the appointed time with the wheelchair and they rolled off for the lobby.
Eli was all grins — one might have thought he’d just won the lottery. He’d followed the staff instructions and worn several layers of warm clothing; mostly checkered flannel, and looked bulky and rather less stylish than in his usual attire. He even had the hospital-issue blanket splayed across his lap.
The one thing he didn’t like (but knew would show that he was serious about the rules) was wearing a knit cap someone had given him. He said knit caps were for skiers or punks and confided to Frank that he would take it off the second they were out of sight. Frank knew that they didn’t mandate all the gear for Eli’s benefit, they did it to protect themselves from lawsuits and to appear to be the “caring home of the elderly”.
Frank paused at the front desk, signed out with the desk nurse and wheeled Eli through the big front doors out into the bright sunny and windy day.
He pushed Eli slowly along the sidewalk, doing his best to avoid large cracks and divots. Eli’s cap quickly went into his pocket and his thick grey hair blew back in the wind. He tipped his head on his thin neck this way and that, relishing his temporary freedom. He reached over his shoulder and patted Frank’s hand.
“Been a long time since I been free of that place — even for a few minutes…Thank you, Franklin…” He said.
They rolled on in silence for a time, Eli turning and trying to absorb as much as he could of a world he wouldn’t see again for a while. He reached a hand towards a shriveled lemon at the end of a long branch that hung over the sidewalk but wasn’t tall enough to touch it and let it pass with a smile. He tilted his head up towards Frank.
“Used to be surrounded by living things. Helped my folks run a farm in Nebraska. Wheat, corn, chickens, cows — If it mooed, barked, chirped, snorted, or farted, we had it.” He said.
Frank laughed. “Did you just say farted?”
Eli grinned at him. “Yep. Shock you?”
“A bit. Though I’m starting to get used to your trickery.”
Frank knew it was a good time for more “research” but didn’t relish the thought. He didn’t want to encroach on this special outing with Eli… And yet…
He would broach it carefully… If it didn’t go well, he could always abort and try again another time…
“That how you made your living — as a farmer?” He asked.
“No, I was a mechanic after age 16.” Eli replied. “Least that’s when I took it on professional. Learned offa my daddy’s tractor. Always takin’ it apart, puttin’ it back together. Damn good thing, too. Was almost never outta work. Always a place fer a mechanic, even in wartime.”
Frank rolled Eli on in silence for a few minutes and tilted his head towards the sky, let the sun shine full on his face. It was time to try to bring up the Big Subject — The whole reason he’d really taken this job in the first place. But it wasn’t easy…He’d love to postpone it for another week or two — Give their relationship time to strengthen a bit more. His mind answered instantly with a reprimand: Quit stalling! — it must be done and there isn’t much more time.
He asked the pivotal question softly, almost reverently. Everything was riding on how he handled this…
“You ever think about religion, Eli?”
Frank held his breath. Had he sounded relaxed? Did it just sound like more casual conversation? He’d know in a few seconds.
Eli nodded almost imperceptibly. “At my age it’s something to be considered.”
Whew! Not even a hitch or an odd look at the question. He was on his way!
“You Catholic?” Frank asked, more confident now.
Eli nodded.
“Yup.”
It was going beautifully! So much easier than he thought it would be. Frank forged ahead with a casual air.
“Think you’ll go to heaven?”
Eli swiveled in his chair and peered up at him with a quizzical smile. Uh oh.
“You writin’ a book or somethin’?”
Eli stared at him — hard.
Frank almost lost control of the wheelchair in his distraction. He corrected and avoided the high edge of a curb at the last instant. It had to be a rhetorical question! He couldn’t know that!
Eli finally looked away and nodded.
“Yeah, I think I’ll go to heaven.” His tone became wistful. “If anyone should, I think I should. What ‘bout you, Franklin? You gonna meet me there?”
Frank couldn’t look at him, still rattled. Was he out of danger now? Eli must’ve just been teasing. If he was, Frank knew the path of this conversation by heart, he’d practiced it in his head at least a hundred times. And it was all going exactly according to plan except for that one remark...
“Don’t know if there is such a place.” He replied quietly.
There; done for now! He’d sown the seed he needed to sow.
He expected the subject to end and was pleasantly surprised when Eli continued the topic.
“Well of course none of us knows.” Eli said. “You don’t know ‘til ya get there.”
Frank looked away, glanced at the old man out of the corner of his eye. My thoughts exactly, Eli. My thoughts exactly. Might as well hammer the subject home—make it easier to bring up next time.
“No, Eli, I guess you don’t… Do you?” He almost whispered.
Elated with his progress, Frank swiveled the chair around in a tight circle and headed back towards the hospital.
CHAPTER 8 – Day of Reckoning
By the third week at the hospital, Frank felt good about his progress towards his goal and it showed in everything he did. At home, he was sleeping better and there were no more nightmares (which meant Jackie was sleeping better as well). His disposition was decidedly upbeat and even Fernando had asked what was making him smile so much (of course with a reference to “getti
ng some action” thrown in). It seemed that fortune had finally decided to turn their way — Jackie had also just gotten a new advertising account for a dishwashing detergent company and had gotten a small pay raise for her efforts. Life was looking up. The financial pressure wasn’t gone but at least it was backed off a bit. Frank hoped it would buy him enough time to complete his latest novel and set them on a new course.
The only impediment, and it was a nagging itch that returned at every free moment, was how to broach the Very Difficult Subject with Eli. He’d laid the groundwork — they now had an excellent rapport and he had planted the seeds of the topic so that it would be easier and more natural to return to it. The problem, however, was taking it to the next step in a way that would provoke the reaction he needed for the pivotal thematic scene of the book without completely alienating Eli. One misstep and all his time and groundwork would be wasted — and all hopes of making this book as real as possible would be dashed.
By the time Saturday rolled around, Frank was obsessing. The subject simply refused to leave his mind. Jackie had said she wanted a quiet day in their small front yard since she was exhausted from her work week of long hours. She always got a tremendous amount of relaxation out of gardening (something Frank couldn’t understand at all, he just got annoyed at all the weeds that grew back so soon). He figured it would be a good opportunity to get her advice.
Since their street was quiet and there was usually no traffic, he threw the tennis ball down the road for Argus while Jackie pruned her large red and pink roses. The pleasant fragrance wafted across to him as Argus sped gracefully off into the distance after the bouncing ball.
“…He’s a great old guy…” He began, smiling at her over the short picket fence. “I wish you could meet him…”
Jackie squinted back from under her wide-brimmed straw hat.
“Who are we talking about again — oh, yeah — Of course; Eli.”
She slapped the side of her head with an exaggerated comical physicality. “What was I thinking — Who else would we be talking about?”
She flashed a silly grin and went back to snipping the heads off dead roses.
“I’m serious — you should meet him…” Frank tried again. “He’s really somethin’.”
“Gee, let me check my calendar…” She replied with a wry smile, then pulled a big rose to her nose and inhaled deeply. She let out a huge sigh of pleasure. “God, these smell good!”
“Artful at changing the subject — as always.” He sniped.
She shrugged and cut off another dead head. “So how’s the story coming?”
He shrugged, noncommittal. “Good — I think.”
She glanced over sharply. “That sounded convincing...”
Argus brought the ball back and Frank took his time prying it out from between his long teeth. He made another throw down the street, the ball arcing against the bright sun and Argus scurrying after it at full speed, legs pumping in a graceful gallop. Frank looked over to see Jackie still staring at him and knew she was onto him and it was time to capitulate.
“Okay… Okay…” He began sheepishly. “I want to run through a crucial scene for the book and it’s really awkward… How am I supposed to tactfully bring up death with an old guy that’s…”
His voice trailed off. He was disgusted with himself. “I feel like a bloodsucker.” He finished with eyes downcast.
Jackie just leaned towards him against the fence, eyes narrowed, stare hardening until he looked up her. Her mouth had fallen open and the clippers dangled forgotten from her hand.
“You’re kidding?!? That’s what this is about?”
“What did you think it was about?” He replied. “It’s about what it’s always about; death. You knew that...”
He tried to sound firm and hoped he was able to conceal the guilt rippling through his brain.
“Maybe…” She reluctantly agreed. “But this seems messed up to me. These are people, not just some characters in your book…Why don’t you just skip it? You’ve fictionalized before?”
It was the danger of being so close — they often tried to resolve problems alike. He’d already pursued this line of thought and eliminated it. There were major reasons he couldn’t skip it but he wasn’t sure she’d understand any of them. He’d always prided himself on complete honesty with his wife but this was somehow different…How could he tell her that everything hung on this one scene, that his entire idea would either succeed or fail by how well this lynch pin was handled? Sure, he could wing it — but it wouldn’t be as good or seem as real to the reader—not by a long shot. And as the springboard for the whole idea, this scene had to work perfectly. Without verisimilitude in the setup of fiction, especially in horror, the payoff didn’t work and the ultimate goal of creating FEAR failed miserably.
She was waiting, just staring. He had to tell her something but he refused to lie. He whistled for Argus to come back faster and spun the gold wedding band on his ring finger round and round, avoiding eye contact.
“I’ll figure something out.” He said and strolled off for the house before she could respond.
***
Frank was jittery. The conversation with Jackie had unnerved him — he didn’t like doing this anymore than she did. On the other hand, he really didn’t want to be a grade school teacher for the rest of his life. He knew what would happen if he failed in this attempt. She had meant it when she had said that he could just go back to teaching to catch up on bills but he knew how these things morphed into something else. First it would be temporary. Then they would get used to the extra money and she’d start bringing up getting a more advanced teaching degree again. The concept of “golden handcuffs” popped into his head. Once she was used to more, she would never be content with less.
He strode down the hospital hallway with his intent bolstered. He would play out the scene today — there would be no more procrastination. Afterwards, he would duck out of the hospital as quickly as he could and race home to write down what had happened in as much detail as possible. He had a good memory for dialog and was fairly sure he’d be able to transcribe the exchange exactly.
He passed the time clock and a few wandering patients. He barely noticed the orderly that said hello or Larry screaming in his room as he made his way towards Eli’s room.
He turned the corner and broke stride for just an instant when he saw Eli at the end of the hall leaning on his walker and whispering something to Lidia whose wheelchair blocked his path. She quickly scuttled out of the way and Eli glanced up and saw Frank approaching. He waited and smiled broadly.
“Hi ya, Franklin, what are you doing here today, isn’t it your day off?”
Stay resolved, Frank thought. Just stay resolved and get it over with.
“I was wondering, Eli, can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked. He was painfully aware that his voice sounded hurried…breathless. Eli didn’t seem to notice.
“Sure. Come into my office.” Eli replied with his characteristic Mr. Rogers-ish voice and a lazy wave of his big veiny hand.
Frank followed Eli’s slow progression towards his room; Eli lifted the walker, set it down, took a step. Lift, set, step. Lift, set, step. It was giving Frank too much time to think.
Eli made it to his bed, sat stiffly on the edge. He looked up at Frank with an expectant gaze and waited. Frank cleared his throat and finally launched in.
“Eli, do you remember that conversation we had the other day? About religion and heaven and all that?”
Eli squinted back. “Course I remember.” He said.
Frank struggled with how to broach this... The delay was becoming awkward — He needed to fill the gap. “Well something you said got me to thinkin’…” He said weakly.
Eli just smiled, as relaxed as could be. “Guess that’s a good thing, ain’t it?” He asked.
Frank was floundering and knew it. He had to keep going…Had to…
“You said you wouldn’t know if there were a heaven until you
got there. So I wanted to ask you something…”
Fuck. He was blowing it! Just ask the damn question and get out of there!
Eli waited, now grinning. He finally slapped Frank’s hand playfully.
“Well, c’mon boy, out with it. What’d you wanna ask?”
Frank swallowed, rubbed his eyes. Get-it-over-with!
“This is just hypothetical…” He began and stalled again. He forced himself to continue. “This is just hypothetical but what if after you… Well, what if you could come back and tell me what it’s like after you…”
“Die?” Eli chimed in with an unexpected tone of glee. His eyes glittered like he thought this was the funniest joke he’d heard in his whole long life. “Don’t be afraid to say it, Franklin…” he continued. “I know I’m gonna die, we all do. What if I could come back and tell you what it’s like after I die — that’s what you wanted to ask me, isn’t that right?”
Frank’s throat was dry — he could only numbly nod. Eli eye-balled him.
“Now how the hell am I supposed to do that, Franklin?” he asked with a strangely harsh tone, his top lip pulled back from his teeth. Frank noticed his sharp incisors poking out — He’d never noticed that before…Don’t get distracted! Stay on The Important Subject and Get-it-over-with! Frank tried to clear his throat and dropped his eyes to the floor. His voice came out husky and rough.
“By making a promise that you will. Maybe coming back has something to do with unfinished business — A commitment that must be kept — Even beyond the grave.”
After Death Page 6
