Twin Brothers

by Mia Ford

  By the end of the struggle, I had won. Marty scooped up a trout the size of Black & Decker tool box. We gutted it, packed it in ice and that night enjoyed cooking it over the fire pit on the back patio at home. We drank a couple more beers, talked about everything and anything other than my brother. But I think we both felt the obtrusiveness of Joshua’s presence.

  Even when he wasn’t physically there, his spirit lingered and cast shadows where there should be light. Like those horror stories on television about maniacal spirits and invisible evils that terrorize people when they are at their most vulnerable, my brother could control and manipulate people without even being there.

  No matter what Natasha’s decision, my brother had to be dealt with. I had a feeling it might cause me to lose her forever. This kind of drama would be overwhelming for any normal person to handle. It was worse than any soap opera I could think of.

  As Ray and I finished eating our feat of trout without speaking, I made my plans. I had no idea what my brother was capable of. I had no idea what he had been doing with himself when he wasn’t at work. Maybe it was naïve to think he was just living the bachelor lifestyle. I thought it might be bad, a little sadistic, but I never thought I’d be related to a beast that thrived so much on pain of others.

  Physical wounds heal over time. But my brother wasn’t happy with that. If he didn’t get his way he wanted to see permanent damage. Permanent damage done to me and Natasha.

  NATASHA

  As I sat at the back of the restaurant I couldn't help but get a weird sense of déjà vu. It was like I was being fired all over again even though I sat in front of Dolores Morris when she delivered the unemployment death blow over six months ago. My gut wanted to blame her for all my troubles right now. If she hadn't fired me I wouldn't have went to that dump of a bar and I never would have met Joshua Hewitt.

  There was a booth at the back of the diner that I had slinked into virtually unnoticed by everyone, including the waitress who had let my coffee cup run not just cold but dry without a refill. I had learned not to attract attention to myself, even for something as simple as a cup of coffee. It’s amazing what a person can adapt to under strenuous circumstances. I didn’t yell for cabs. I didn’t sit by windows anymore. I didn’t leave my curtains open. I didn’t smile at strangers or even make eye contact. I wanted to be invisible because every time I thought I was safe, or alone I would see him. Joshua would be outside my apartment or parked outside of work or loitering in a doorway across from a restaurant, like he might be at this very moment. I watched the door and waited for Diamond. She had promised to meet me here with a small bag of things from my apartment. I couldn't go there. Joshua was probably waiting there.

  So, I sat in the clothes I was wearing when I ran from my apartment cutting through the alley. My blond hair was tucked up into a baseball cap. I wore a sweatshirt that made me look like I was built like a United States Post Office mailbox and baggy, flannel pajama bottoms covered my legs. I had gym shoes on but no socks.

  Still, no one paid much attention to me. I was the only one who felt uncomfortable wearing what I could sleep in out on the street in broad daylight. But I was hiding. I had to look like anyone but myself because I wasn't sure where Joshua was. Truthfully, I didn't think he was at this restaurant, slipping hundred dollar bills into the busboys hands if they would pretend he wasn't there and allow him to spy on me from the kitchen or lurk near the ladies room waiting for me to go pee.

  That was what was the worst of all this. I couldn't do something as simple as go pee. I couldn't just go to my apartment and take a shower and sleep the night. No. Joshua Hewitt had decided that I shouldn't be allowed those things because I told him over four months ago I didn't want to see him anymore.

  In hind sight I am guessing he would have been okay with that had I not added that it was his brother who I loved. What was I thinking? I'll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking that honesty was the best policy. I was thinking the truth would set me free. I certainly wasn't thinking that telling the truth would get me stalked, threatened and fearful for my own life that is for darn sure.

  While I waited for Diamond I recalled the events of that morning four months ago as if they just happened. It wasn't like I was whispering words of love and commitment to Joshua. I was honest with him from the beginning making no promises. In fact, he never promised me anything either. There was no talk about kids or a big wedding or honeymooning or any of that stuff that goes with that forever kind of love. Not from Joshua. Not a word of it. But the words he did say I was certain he meant. As I thought of them I couldn't help the goose bumps that ran up my arms, like someone had walked over my grave.

  "We need to talk?" Joshua had repeated my words as we sat down at the coffee shop not far from work. It was just your average coffee shop with lots of windows and a couple of tables for two with a long counter and annoying employees who practiced their improvisational skills for their theater 101 class as they made your coffee.

  "I don't think I like the sound of that." he said, pulling my chair out for me to sit and then sitting down across from me, leaning more than halfway across the little table between us.

  "I'm sorry, Joshua. You've been so good to me and I've enjoyed our time together but I don't see it going anywhere." I kept my voice low and soft. I didn't want to hurt him but there were things that I noticed starting to happen between us that I didn't like. He always picked what we were going to do. He told me what to wear and if he didn't like what I had put on out of my own closet he'd take me to a store and drop a couple hundred on a new outfit that I didn't want or need or even like.

  Sure, it sounds like fun to be bought things like this. The price tags were never looked at by anyone but me and all I kept seeing wasn't the dress or the shoes but the shackles that they all felt like. It isn't like the movies. Nothing comes for free.

  "This certainly is out of the blue."

  "No it isn't." I said as kindly as I could, reaching out to touch his hand. "We don't really talk when we are together. Our hobbies and interests are at totally opposite ends of the spectrum and I just have more in common with Mart..."

  Joshua started laughing out loud.

  “You are saying you have more in common with Marty?”

  He threw his head back and laughed loudly as I sat there feeling heat rush up my collar.

  "That is because you came from nothing, Natasha. You have to make an effort to understand where I've come from. I can't just stoop to your level just so we can have a hobby together."

  What the hell? I remember thinking he may as well have just slapped me right there. I wasn't a Rockefeller. But I wasn't a welfare case either. I swallowed hard and tried to control myself as I looked him right in the eyes. He looked back at me as if he was searching for the chink in my armor.

  "That wasn't nice."

  "You really think you deserve to be treated nice?"

  He sat there staring at me waiting for me to answer. Still leaning over the table at me like I was under cross examination for murder he seemed to enjoy making me feel small and foolish. A switch had been flipped and all I could think was Marty was right.

  "Yes. I'm trying to be nice to you. I'm not saying I hate you or that I think there is something wrong with you. I'm just saying I don't want to date anymore. We can still be friends."

  The words felt like big, dry, square blocks tumbling out of my mouth. I didn't want to be friends. Not now. I didn't want to be anywhere near this guy at this point. But I was trying to calm the waters for Marty. Just then, as if he heard me think his brother's name, Joshua glared at me. His hands slid across the table and he took hold of mine, squeezing them hard. The ring on my right ring finger of a simple pearl that I had gotten from my father when I turned sixteen was now digging painfully into my middle and pinky fingers.

  He tilted his head to the right and smiled at me. Anyone walking by on the street who happened to look in would think we were in love. They would think he was whispering
sweet words to me and baring his feelings bravely in a public place. They would be so wrong.

  "After all the things I've done for you." he hissed, still smiling like the Cheshire Cat. "After getting you a job, lifting you up out of the gutter. After all the things I bought you, the places I took you, and when you begged for it all the times I fucked you, this is the gratitude you show me?"

  "Okay now!" I said, snatching my hands out of his and looking around at the people seated at nearby tables as my cheeks burned red hoping that no one had heard what Joshua just said. "That was totally uncalled for. If you're going to be like that then there is no reason for me to stay. You've made your point, Joshua. I got it." I began to scoop up my purse when I heard his voice. It was so close to me I thought I could feel his hot breath on my face and yet he hadn't moved from his seat.

  "Sit your ass down." I looked at him to see the shadow of something sinister creep into his eyes. It reminded me of those nature shows that film the sun going across the sky in elapsed time and the shadows of the trees cross over the ground quickly. That was how fast darkness descended behind Joshua's eyes. My gut told me to run. But, the fearful rabbit that sees the fox inside my brain made me freeze and slip back into my seat. I clutched my purse to my chest as if my wallet and date book and mirrored compact and apartment keys might somehow ward off this evil thing that was staring at me.

  "What do you think you can do, Natasha? Just walk away? Do you think my brother can help you?"

  Now, I swear I didn't move a muscle on my face. I didn't shift in my chair. I didn't let out a sigh. I didn't do anything. But Joshua read my mind and saw Marty there.

  "You do." he chuckled sadistically. "You think my brother the businessman will take you away from all this and what? Marry you? Will he marry you knowing I had you first? Will he stay with you knowing he owes it all to me? My brother will see you as a constant reminder of his baby brother who he hates."

  "He doesn't hate you, Joshua." I said trying to appeal to his emotions if only to just get away from this place without making a scene.

  "He doesn't?" Joshua asked, blinking. It was the venom in his voice that terrified me.

  "No. He's never said anything bad about you. At least not to me. In fact, he's never said a word one way or the other." Again, the dry blocks. What was I saying? How would it help for Joshua to think Marty never gave him a second thought? Marty told me what he thought of his brother. And Joshua knew that or at least if he didn’t before he did now. He could see it in my expression. How dumb was I?

  Joshua was practically shaking with rage. Any minute he was going to explode. And what did I do? I just sat there chewing my lip waiting for it to happen.

  This wasn't me. This was how other women acted around guys who they were afraid of. Sitting and cowering and waiting for the abuse then once it was all over taking the blame and confessing their undying love for the poor, misunderstood brute. No. This wasn't me. Finally, I got my feet firm on the ground underneath my chair, pushed it noisily away from the little table in order to get every patron looking in my direction and stood up.

  "You sit down." Joshua growled.

  "I'm going now, Joshua. I'm sorry. Really I am. But you have made this a bad situation. Don't call me anymore." He tried to grab my arm but I wrenched it away, almost spilling the contents of my purse. A little fancy footwork and I was out of the coffee shop, out into the cool air and among the bustle of the sidewalk. Without looking back I ran for the subway.

  I don’t know if he chased after me that day or not. It didn't matter. He made it clear that he wasn't going to just go away. And I did the wrong thing after that. I went to tell Marty.

  Finally, snapping out of my daydream I saw Diamond push through the revolving door lugging a huge duffle bag with a backpack on her shoulders. I waved, no longer as afraid now that I felt the cavalry had arrived.

  "I told you I just need a pair of jeans and a couple t-shirts." I said helping her set the bags down before giving her a big hug.

  "I know but while I was there I thought you might need a few other things. There are pajamas, jeans, a sweater or two. Your make-up. Boots in case it rains and few other things to make the time pass on the train to your parents’ house." Diamond let out a sigh of relief as she slid into the booth opposite me and smiled. "How long are your folks in Europe?"

  "They've still got about four weeks left on their vacation."

  "And you haven't told them anything about what is going on?"

  "No." I said, looking at Diamond as if she had asked me to hop up on the table and moon the hostess. "What could they do except cut their vacation short to come home and sit. No, I'm not going to tell them anything about this ever, if I can help it."

  "And what are you going to do there?" Diamond said, touching my hand gently across the table.

  I shook my head and felt the tears start to burn my eyes as they surfaced for the first time since this whole mess started. I told her everything that had happened with Joshua. But she had no idea what came next after Marty got involved.

  "I wish you would have come to me first, Natasha." he said over the phone.

  "Why?" This was not the response I thought I was going to get. Was it too much to ask for Marty to say, "You poor thing, I'm going to protect you, don't you worry"? I guess it was too much to ask because instead of comfort I got a severe scolding like I was a four year old.

  "My brother needs to be handled a certain way. Not the way you handled it. This is really going to be a mess if I don't get to him."

  "What do you mean a mess?" Images of gruesome crime scenes flashed to mind. I could instantly envision my weird neighbors jockeying for fifteen minutes of fame talking to reporters.

  "She was a quiet girl. But I heard she had gotten fired a few times so who knows. Maybe she asked for it."

  "No, I didn't know her but I did see some unsavory characters coming and going from her apartment."

  "I'm shocked. This kind of thing just doesn't happen around these parts. It happens two blocks down and over. That is the bad part of the city."

  Snapping out of it I listened to Marty's voice on the other end of the phone line.

  "I'll talk to him. I'll get everything straightened out and you won't have anything to worry about. I promise." Marty said, his voice much more gentle than Joshua's yet I could feel an edge to it as if he were upset with me.

  "I thought I was doing the right thing." I said to Diamond who nodded her head. "And for a few weeks things seemed to just go back to normal. Well, as normal as they could be with strangers and photographers rushing at you half a dozen times a day."

  I told Diamond that it had become common knowledge that I was seeing Marty. At first things were a little weird as the newspapers had snapshots of me with Joshua one week then quickly being swept away in a limo with Marty the next. It could have turned into an ugly scene at work but I just tried to act like Marty and I were just dating. It was no big deal. He was no different from the lawyer I went out with last year or the computer programmer I spent time with the year before that. I continued to eat with the other girls at lunch telling stories about my family and Diamond of course. If anyone asked me about Marty I would just say that I would like to keep my dating life private and no one seemed to get their feathers ruffled about it. If they said anything behind my back I never heard anything. There were always those who thrived on gossip. I had worked around enough secretarial pools to know that. But I thought if I acted like it was no big deal then the rest of them would too. Sounds good in theory.

  Then, about two weeks after I had broken up with Joshua he came into the office. And he wasn't alone. He had a woman with him. She was tall and pretty and seemed to like being in the spotlight. Whether she knew she was being used as a tool to get at me or Marty or both of us I couldn't tell. But she didn't seem to mind. There were also some photographers who not only took his picture but snapped mine more than once.

  He made his way to his own office and shut the door leaving th
e photographers milling around until Marty emerged from his office to tell them to leave. It was after five when Joshua finally emerged from his cave. His guest looked as if she had been crying but according to everyone around they hadn't heard a peep come from the office. Believe me when I tell you they were all listening.

  "Joshua," Marty said, with Denise behind him and me off down the hallway and out of sight. "You can't' disrupt business this way."

  "You forget, Marty. I am co-owner of this dump. I can do whatever I want."

  "Not quite. I've moved for an emergency board meeting to vote on whether or not you are still an asset to this company. I know you have friends on the board." Marty said calmly. "But in light of new developments, they may feel putting their own kids through college and a nice worry-free retirement are more important than whether or not Joshua Hewitt is mad at them."

  I watched as Joshua shook with rage. His "date" backed away from him and I was terrified for Denise and Marty who were directly in the line of fire. But Joshua did nothing.

  “All this effort for some slut, Marty? Really? What would mom and dad think of you?”

  Marty’s eyes narrowed.

  “They wouldn’t like her. You know they wouldn’t. She’s nothing but a gold-digging whore. Just remember, she slept with both of us. Me first.”

  Those words made me feel like I was going to throw up.

  “Go home, Josh. Take a good, long look around your apartment and think about how you’d like to proceed. Can you live without all that? Can you live without all your cars and homes and your allowance? You just think about that before you choose to do anything further to me or Natasha.”

  It was like Marty slapped him in the face. The smile fell from Joshua’s face and his eyes bore into his brother. After that he turned and stomped to the elevator. I hid in the shadows and thought as I heard the ping, heard the doors slide open and then shut that it was over. Joshua loved his lifestyle and the only way to maintain it was to be a good boy.

  Creeping out from my hiding place I went to Marty. His face lit up as I came toward him.