by S. H. Kolee
“Oh,” I said, feeling a little foolish. I was still uncomfortable with being in a bedroom with him, but I tried to play it off as if I was completely at ease. “Thanks. I’ll see you back out at the party when I’m done.”
I strode to the bathroom without looking at him, quickly closing the door behind me and switching on the light. I held my breath as I waited to hear his footsteps leaving the bedroom but there was nothing except silence. He couldn’t be planning on waiting out there until I was finished, could he?
I had no need to use the bathroom, but I made a production of flushing the toilet and running the faucet. I waited a few moments before opening the door, hoping that I would find nothing on the other side except an empty bedroom.
Instead, I found Logan waiting for me with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall next to the closed door that led back into the living room.
“You didn’t have to wait for me. Your apartment is huge, but I doubt I would have gotten lost.”
Logan didn’t respond to my joke. His eyes were narrowed as he studied me, and I tried not to show how self-conscious I felt as he watched me walk towards him.
I had my hand on the doorknob to make my escape back to the party when he spoke.
“So, you’re really okay with me and Kristina being together?”
Whatever façade Logan had been maintaining slipped away, and he looked at me with hard eyes, the tension evident on his face. I was surprised by his question since I had pretty much convinced myself that Logan had moved on and was happy in his new relationship.
“What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly, not wanting to presume anything.
“I mean, are you okay knowing that Kristina is the woman in my life now. Are you okay knowing that she’s the one I fuck at night and the one I wake up to every morning?”
I was shocked by Logan’s vulgar words and watched him warily. I didn’t know what he was trying to do, but this conversation had veered into territory I wanted to avoid.
“Kristina was wrong about your ability to handle alcohol. You must be drunk right now to be speaking to me like this.”
I turned the doorknob so I could flee but Logan placed his hand against the door so it wouldn’t open. He deftly moved between me and the door, effectively blocking me from leaving.
“Answer my question,” he demanded, his jaw clenched. In that moment, he looked like a stranger to me. At one point in my life, I had thought I knew him so well. I knew what he looked like when he was happy, and I knew what he looked like when he was upset. The person in front of me was unrecognizable. He looked like someone hell bent on self-destruction.
“You’re being ridiculous,” I said, trying to snap him back to his senses. “You said yourself that you wanted us to be friends. How do you expect that to happen when you ask me questions like that?”
“You still haven’t answered me,” he taunted, his eyes darkening. “Tell me you’re okay with it, and I’ll let you leave.”
“I’m okay with it!” I sputtered furiously. “I couldn’t care less whether you fuck her ten times a night! Now, get out of my way!”
I shoved his chest with my hand, furious that he was playing games with me. I had stupidly believed he truly wanted to be friends. Now I knew better.
Unfortunately, my attempt to physically remove him from my escape path was as effective as a flea pushing against a mountain. I made a sound of frustration, but when I glared at him, there was a look on his face that made me step back.
I took another step back when he advanced forward to match my retreat, but he just kept coming closer. I stopped when the back of my legs hit the bed. I put out a hand to warn him not to come any closer.
“I don’t know if you’re drunk right now or just being an asshole. Either way, you’re starting to really piss me off.”
Logan ignored me, and didn’t stop until he was just inches away. I felt captive as I tipped my head back to meet his gaze. I intended to show him how disgusted I was with my withering stare, but instead I swallowed hard, feeling a mixture of fear and excitement when I saw the way he was looking at me.
“Logan, I—”
Whatever I had been about to say was cut off when he lifted his hand and lightly traced the flesh just above the neckline of my dress with one finger. I sucked in my breath, far too affected by his touch. I had thought my dress was fairly modest, but now I felt completely exposed as he brushed his finger back and forth across the top of my breasts that were revealed by my dress.
“Stop,” I said weakly, not knowing what else to do.
“You look beautiful in this dress,” Logan said in a low voice. “Did you think about me when you put it on? Did you wear it to please me?”
“No, of course not!” I said emphatically, but my face flushed at his accusation because he was right. I had purposely chosen this dress because I thought he would like it.
“Liar,” he muttered, but his attention was focused on the finger that still swept leisurely across my chest.
Goose bumps rose all over my body, and I couldn’t deny the rush of heat his touch brought between my legs. I had to resist the urge to press my thighs together.
I tried not to react when he hooked his finger under the neckline and continued to lazily brush it back and forth. My hardened nipples were evident, even through the layers of my bra and the fabric of my dress. Logan seemed entranced as he continued to caress the flesh beneath my dress. I could barely suppress a whimper when he pushed in deeper so that his finger burrowed beneath my bra and brushed against my pebbled nipple. My clutch fell from my numb fingers and made a soft thud on the floor.
“Logan,” I choked out. “This isn’t right.”
My words had no effect on him as he focused his attention on my right nipple, sweeping his finger back and forth against it, igniting a fire in me. Each brush of his finger made it ache even more and it took everything I had not to fall back against the bed.
“Do you remember how it was between us?” Logan whispered, his eyes lifting to meet mine. His gaze was intense as he continued to tease my nipple. “Do you remember what it felt like to have me inside you?”
I couldn’t answer him. I was lost in a vortex of sensations that I had long forgotten. Only Logan could make me forget everything with one caress.
I gasped when he pulled down the neckline of my dress, exposing my right breast to his hungry eyes. Logan smiled grimly when I moaned as he flicked my nipple with his thumb, sending shockwaves of desire to my core.
“What do you want?” he asked in a guttural voice.
I shook my head, confused by his question. Everything—his apartment, the party, Emily and Kristina in the living room—receded into the background until there was nothing except me and Logan.
“Tell me what you want,” he demanded in a raspy voice.
“I don’t know what you mean.” My voice was breathless and strained as panic started to mix in with my desire. What was happening right now? What was I allowing to happen?
“Do you want me to take your nipple in my mouth and suck on it? Do you want me to lift up your dress and press my tongue against your pussy? I bet it’s already wet and dripping. Do you want me to fuck you until you beg me to come inside you?”
I couldn’t deny the rush of wetness that his words produced, but I also felt like a bucket of cold water had been overturned on me. There was no real caring or desire in his words. He was just using me; getting even with me. This must be some sort of sick ploy to pay me back for all the pain I had caused him in the past. I was sorry for what I had done to him, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him play me for a fool.
I shoved hard against his chest, and he stumbled, taken off guard. I quickly pulled my dress up with trembling hands so I was no longer exposed to him. I felt so angry and betrayed that I was afraid I was going to burst into tears, but I swore I wouldn’t let him see how much he had hurt me.
“I don’t know what kind of sick and twisted game you’re playing rig
ht now,” I spat out, fighting to keep my voice steady, “but I’m not willing to be a participant. Your girlfriend is in the other room while you’re groping me. Don’t you feel any shame about that?”
Logan shrugged as if he didn’t have a care in the world, but his eyes said otherwise. They burned into me with an emotion I didn’t understand.
“Just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean we can’t have fun on the side. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”
I gaped at him, utterly and completely shocked by the words coming from his mouth. “What happened to you?” I asked, aghast. “What happened to the Logan who was kind and considerate? Even when you were dating a new woman every month, you were honest with them and took their feelings into consideration. Now, you’re just some asshole who’s looking for a piece on the side. We were friends for a long time before anything happened between us. Does that mean nothing to you, that you can treat me so cruelly?”
“You mean when I waited for you for eight fucking years, and you just threw me aside like I meant nothing?” His hands clenched into fists and a muscle in his jaw twitched reflexively. “I wasted so many years on you, only to have you ask me for some time.” He spat out the last word as if it disgusted him. “I figure you owe me a piece of ass now and then for all the time I put in.”
“You’re sick,” I hissed, feeling nauseous by who he had become. I wanted to scream at him, but I forced myself to keep my voice low so the others in the next room couldn’t hear me. “You’re not the only one who was hurt. I asked for one last fucking chance, and you wouldn’t even give it to me. Instead, you paraded Ella in front of me to hurt me. Is that what you’re doing with Kristina now? And for you to say you waited eight years is laughable. You came back into my life five years after Cassie died, so don’t pretend like you were fucking pining away for me all that time!”
“That’s because you wouldn’t have anything to do with me! How many times did I reach out to you for you to reject me? Hell, I even came to see you after you transferred schools because I stupidly thought you would change your mind once you saw me in person. Instead, you told me you hated me and never wanted to see me again. I waited five goddamn years because I thought that would give you enough time to get over Cassie’s death, yet you still kept me at arm’s length. I had to be a fucking patsy while I watched you piss your life away with that idiot boyfriend, only to have you reject me again when he was finally out of the picture.”
As quickly as my anger had flared, it dissipated. What the hell were we doing? We were dredging up the past again, hurting each other again. Why couldn’t we just let the other one go? Hearing that Logan had waited to give me enough time to get over Cassie’s death before coming back into my life just made everything worse. I was tired of living my life through a haze of regrets.
“Stop,” I said, shaking my head. I quickly wiped away the tears that had unknowingly streamed down my cheeks while I had listened to him. “This isn’t healthy. It’s obvious that we can’t be friends anymore. Let’s just leave each other to live our lives in peace.”
I stepped around him to escape, but he grabbed my arm before I could walk past him.
“Maddie.” The anger on his face had vanished, replaced by an expression of remorse. His voice was full of sadness, and it only deepened my own desolation.
I shook his hand off my arm as I turned away from him. “Be happy, Logan,” I whispered. “There’s nothing left between us. We should stop before we hurt each other again.”
I grabbed my clutch from the floor and resumed walking to the door. I took hold of the doorknob like it was a lifeline and opened it, softly closing the door behind me.
The gaiety in the room as people laughed and drank grated on my senses. I was relieved to see Emily standing alone, and I made a beeline to her, waving away a waiter bearing a plate of hors d’oeuvres as politely as I could.
“We need to go,” I said quietly, trying to hide the tremor in my voice. I was grateful she didn’t ask any questions. The expression on my face must have been enough, and I followed her as she made her way through the crowd of people to reach the front door.
I glanced quickly behind me before I left and saw that Logan had stepped back into the party. He was watching me, and I couldn’t help locking eyes with him, but then he turned away, distracted by Kristina who touched his arm to get his attention. I turned back around and made my escape, my heart wrenching in pain.
Emily didn’t ask me any questions as we rode the elevator down. She waited until we were outside on the sidewalk in front of Logan’s building before saying anything.
“What happened?” she asked gently, obviously seeing my distress. “You were gone for a long time. You and Logan both. Kristina had just excused herself to find him when you came up to me.”
The thought that we had been so close to being caught made me nauseous. The bedroom door hadn’t been locked, and Kristina could have easily walked in to see Logan’s hands on me. I thought I had changed since my college days. I thought I had grown up and matured, but I was once again compromising someone else’s relationship for my own desires. Logan had been the aggressor, but I had let it happen.
“Logan’s excuse of inviting me to his party because he wants us to be friends was shot to hell,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. “He basically told me he was willing to screw around with me on the side while he was with Kristina.”
Emily looked as shocked as I felt. “Are you sure? That doesn’t seem like something Logan would say.”
“There was no mistaking his intention. He made it clear that he was looking for nothing more than a roll in the hay.” I was too ashamed to tell her about how I had allowed Logan to touch me. “I think humiliating me was his way of getting revenge on me. He said he had wasted so many years waiting for me that he deserved some kind of compensation for it.”
“What a pig!” she exclaimed with a look of disgust. “L.A. must have corrupted him. Even though I never knew Logan as well as you did, I can’t imagine those words coming out of his mouth. Especially to you!” She bit her lip before continuing to speak. “Did you notice anything about Kristina?”
I shook my head, confused. “What do you mean?”
“She looks like you. I mean, she could be your freaking doppelganger. Don’t you think it’s a little creepy that his new girlfriend looks so much like you?”
I frowned at her. “I don’t think she looks that much like me. Sure, we both have long brown hair and green eyes, but that’s about it.”
Emily gave me a skeptical look. “It’s more than that. It’s not like you guys are Siamese twins, but if I didn’t know better, I would think you two were sisters. And it’s more than just her appearance. You said yourself that she’s different from all the other women he’s dated. She’s more down-to-earth and normal. Pretty in a classy way instead of over-the-top like those other women Logan’s dated. She reminds me of you.”
I couldn’t deny that there were some physical similarities between Kristina and I, but I thought Emily was taking it a little too far.
“Is that why you acted so weird when you saw her?” I asked. “You looked dumbstruck.”
“Seriously, it’s a little creepy.” Emily wrinkled her nose. “It’s like he found himself a stand-in because he couldn’t have the real thing.”
“But he could have if he wanted to. He’s the one who rejected me in the end. I was the one asking for another chance.” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I angrily swiped them away before they could escape. I was tired of feeling pathetic. “Let’s just go home. I want to go to bed and forget this night ever happened.”
We grabbed a cab, and I declined Emily’s offer to come over. I wanted to be alone in my misery, and I was sure she was tired of hearing about my problems with Logan. When the cab dropped me off in front of my building, I promised to call her the next day.
I was relieved when I was finally inside my apartment. I took my dress off and threw it on th
e floor of my bedroom. I would never be able to wear it again without thinking of Logan and what had happened tonight.
I stripped off my bra and tossed it next to the dress. I was reaching for a t-shirt in my dresser when I caught sight of my reflection in the full-length mirror next to my closet. My mind was instantly filled with images of Logan’s hand on my breast, teasing my nipple until I ached for him. I caught my breath as I remembered what his tanned hand looked like against my paler flesh as he caressed the aroused bud. There was an answering wetness between my legs at the memory and I couldn’t resist reaching up and touching my nipple. I rolled it between my thumb and forefinger, twisting it as I imagined it was Logan’s hand arousing me.
I whimpered at the thought and slipped my other hand beneath my panties, finding the wetness that I already knew would be there. I stroked myself as I continued to caress my nipple with my other hand, all the while imagining it was Logan who touched me. My eyes fluttered closed as I tipped my head back, and my breathing grew labored. My touches became more frenzied as pressure built up inside me. In my mind, Logan’s face darkened with desire as he stroked my swollen flesh.
I opened my eyes and looked at myself in the mirror. The fantasy fell away, and I saw that I was utterly alone. I dropped my hands as my arousal deflated. I was only torturing myself because there was nothing left to salvage between us. The sooner I forgot about him, the better.
My dreams believed otherwise, torturing me further with images of him even in my sleep. I woke up gasping from one particularly bad dream in which I watched him making love to Kristina. The worst part was when she turned her head to look at me, it was Cassie’s face I saw.
I was too afraid to go back to sleep after that nightmare, so I spent the rest of the night laying in bed wide awake, wishing Logan had never come back to Chicago.
Chapter Eighteen
I spent most of Sunday moping around my apartment. I called Emily to let her know I was okay but took a rain check on brunch. I had absolutely no desire to go out in public.
