by S. H. Kolee
I tried to blot these dismal thoughts from my mind as I returned Logan’s kiss. It was an effective way to forget about everything except how he made me feel.
“It’ll be okay, I promise,” he murmured against my mouth, as if he could read my thoughts. “Nothing will get in the way of us being together again.”
I told myself I believed him and wrapped my arms around his neck, wanting to feel as close to him as possible. Desire was making my worries recede into the background and I welcomed the reprieve.
“Fuck me, Logan,” I whispered, wanting to feel the wild abandon I had experienced with him yesterday. “I need you inside me.”
Lust flared in his eyes, and he kissed me fiercely as he grabbed my hips and lifted me as he stood in one fluid motion. I wrapped my legs around his waist as I slanted my mouth against his, our tongues tangling together. He carried me to the bedroom and broke the kiss, throwing me on top of the bed as if I weighed nothing. I felt a thrill of anticipation, loving the feeling of being powerless next to his strength. His eyes burned into me as he took off his shirt and threw it to the floor. The rest of his clothes soon followed until he was completely naked. My desire grew as my gaze ran down his hard body, settling on the jutting ridge of his shaft which was already intimidatingly erect.
“Take off your clothes,” he ordered as he stood at the foot of the bed. “Slowly.”
I sat up and gripped the edge of my shirt, pulling it over my head. My breasts were already swollen and pressing against my bra, straining to be released. I let the straps fall down teasingly so the tops of my breasts were bared, pushing my arms together to emphasize their fullness. I reached behind me to unclasp my bra and let it fall forward, baring myself to Logan’s hungry eyes. His breathing became shallow as I ran my hands across my already-hard nipples. I moaned at the sensation, the simple caress feeling deeply erotic because Logan was watching me.
I undid my jeans and pulled them down until I was completely naked except for my panties. Before I could take them off, Logan had moved onto the bed, settling himself between my legs as he supported himself over me. I could feel the ridge of his shaft nestled between my cleft and I couldn’t help rubbing myself against him, the friction from my panties only intensifying the sensation.
He caught one taut nipple in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue. I arched my back, the sensation so exquisite that I wanted more.
“Harder,” I whispered, not caring how wanton I was being. Logan obliged and suckled harder on my nipple, scraping his teeth against the sensitive nub. I cried out at the mixture of pleasure and pain that rippled through my body. My nipple was raw and aching when he released it, but I was flooded with more pleasure when he latched onto my other nipple, showing it the same attention.
“Oh God, that feels so good,” I moaned, gripping the back of his head as I arched off the bed even more.
I was gasping when Logan released my nipple. He took my wrists and pinned them over my head against the bed, making me feel helpless. His eyes pierced into mine as he bucked his hips, rubbing his shaft against my swollen wetness. I whimpered, feeling helpless and utterly aroused by it.
“You belong to me,” he said in a raspy voice.
“Yes,” I mewled, moving against him, desperate for more.
“Say it,” he ordered, his eyes burning into me.
“I belong to you,” I said, loving the feeling of being dominated by him. “Everything I am belongs to you. My body, my heart… everything.”
His eyes flared with emotion as he reached down and slid his hand beneath my panties to stroke my swollen folds. I made a choked sound when he flicked my clit with his thumb. I couldn’t help gasping when he pushed the flimsy fabric aside and thrust two fingers inside me almost violently.
“What about this?” he asked, pulling out and then roughly pushing his fingers back into me. “Who does this pussy belong to?”
“You,” I sobbed, lifting my hips, lost in a vortex of pure sensation. The feeling of surrender and complete vulnerability enflamed my desire. “My pussy belongs to you. It’s only for you to fuck.”
“Will anyone else ever touch your pussy?” he asked in a low, rough voice. His thrusts became faster and combined with his thumb, which was stroking my swollen clit, I didn’t know how much more I could take before I came undone.
“No,” I said, breathless. “Only you. My pussy is only for you. It’s only for you to fuck. Fuck me, Logan. Use me as your slut.”
Logan growled, seeming to lose control at my words. He grabbed my panties, pulling them down so roughly that I could hear them ripping. He threw them aside and gripped my hips, positioning me so that I was completely open to him. He entered me in one swift thrust, filling me completely to the point of pain.
“Is this what you want?” he asked in a thick voice as he pounded into me over and over again. “Is this how you want to be used?”
“Yes,” I sobbed, my head shifting from side to side restlessly, my legs wrapped around his hips. I felt wholly owned by him and my body was at its breaking point. Slivers of pleasure sliced through me and I felt like I was going to shatter as I strained for my release. He drove into me relentlessly, making me feel like I was going to split in half, yet I didn’t want him to stop. I could never have enough of him.
I cried out as the tension snapped and I was wracked with wave after wave of exquisite pleasure as I climaxed, my body taut. I was barely aware of Logan’s shout as he found his own release. My orgasm seemed to go on forever until I collapsed against the bed. Logan’s eyes were closed and his head was thrown back as he gritted his teeth. I could feel him jerking spasmodically inside me. I tightened my legs around him, wanting every part of him. When he finally collapsed beside me on the bed, he wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me so I lay on top of him, still intimately connected.
“Are you okay?” he asked, looking exhausted but completely satisfied.
“I’m more than okay,” I said with a smile, nuzzling into his neck contentedly. He reached up and stroked my hair.
“I wasn’t too rough? I have a feeling you’re going to have a few bruises tomorrow.” He reached down with his other hand and swept it across my hips where he had gripped me tightly.
“They’ll be worth it,” I said, kissing the edge of his jaw lightly. “It’s never too rough with you.”
Logan cocked an eyebrow. “Never say never. I don’t want to push you too hard.”
“Don’t worry,” I reassured him. “If it ever becomes too much, I’ll tell you.” I blushed a little at my next admission. “Trust me, you can push harder.”
The corner of Logan’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. “Be careful what you wish for.”
“I wished for you and it came true,” I said, feeling a little weepy at my sentimental words but it was what was in my heart.
The amusement on Logan’s face vanished. He cupped my cheek in his hand, his expression fierce. “I love you, Maddie. Nothing will ever get in the way of that again, I swear.”
I kissed him gently, feeling my heart overflow with love and happiness. For the first time in a long time, I felt a real sense of hope that we could have our happy ending.
“I love you, too, Logan. Forever.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next few days brought about a lot of change. Kristina left Chicago to go back to L.A., and I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about being confronted by her anymore. I had been afraid that she would fight for Logan like she had vowed to, but apparently, she had changed her mind.
Logan latched onto the idea that I should move in with him, but it didn’t feel right. Even though I believed he loved me, I couldn’t help feeling like I would be taking Kristina’s place, and I didn’t want to be a stand-in for anyone. He tried every way to convince me, even ordering me to, but I told him in a few colorful words that the strong-arm tactic only worked in the bedroom.
The buzzer for my entrance of my building sounded, and I pressed the button to unlock i
t. I opened my apartment door and waited for Emily to reach my floor. I hadn’t seen her since she had gotten back in town from her work trip, and I had only talked to her briefly on the phone to give her the bare bones of what had happened between me and Logan.
“It’s good to see you!” I said as I let her in, giving her a hug. “I feel like it’s been forever.”
“You’re telling me,” Emily said with a grimace as she returned the hug. “New York was crazy busy. I had no time to myself. It was just work, work, work.”
“That sucks,” I said sympathetically as I led her into the living room. “Did you at least get to go to a lot of fabulous restaurants?”
“Restaurants?” Emily scoffed as she settled onto the couch. “I barely had time to eat with the way Sylvia had me running around. I was lucky to grab a hot dog in between one appointment and the next.”
Emily refused my offer of a drink and looked at me expectantly. “Well?” she asked when I didn’t say anything. “Aren’t you going to give me all the dirty details?”
I laughed at her lascivious look. “Tell me more about your trip to New York. I feel like lately I’m always monopolizing the conversation with my problems.”
“My life is boring,” Emily said with a sigh. “All I do is work. At least let me live vicariously through yours.”
“Well,” I relented. “I already told you about Kristina coming over to tell me off. It was pretty awful. She was obviously really upset, but the worst part was when she begged me to leave Logan alone.”
Emily wrinkled her nose. “Doesn’t she have any self-respect? If I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, I’d just kick him to the curb. Not beg the other woman to let me have him.”
I knew Emily didn’t mean to insult me with her statement, but it just reinforced my own reservations about how my relationship with Logan had started. “I don’t know. I can’t blame her. She loves him.” I shrugged helplessly. “I’m not sure what I would do in her situation. She’s really the innocent party in this whole mess. It’s hard for me to come to terms with my role in the demise of her relationship with Logan.”
“It’s better for her to find out now than to invest years in Logan and then find out that he’s really in love with someone else,” Emily reasoned. “So is everything good between you and Logan now?”
I hesitated as I pondered how to answer her question. I was deliriously happy being with Logan, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the circumstances of our rekindling were a bit of a black cloud over my head.
“Things between me and Logan are really good,” I finally answered. “I just hate that our relationship started off with him cheating on his girlfriend. I can’t help feeling like karma is going to bite me in the ass one day and we’re going to have to face the consequences of our actions.” I paused a beat before continuing, my voice lowering. “It’s almost like I’m repeating the sins of my past. I think my guilt over Kristina is multiplied because it’s like I’m betraying Cassie all over again.”
“Don’t think like that,” Emily said with a grimace. “Just focus on being happy with Logan. The rest shouldn’t matter.”
I tried to take Emily’s advice to heart, but it was difficult. Fortunately, I was able to veer the conversation back to her, and I listened to her crazy stories about her trip to New York, from scouring dozens of stores to find the perfect lamp for a client to navigating the subway system while carrying an antique oriental rug.
After a while, Emily checked her watch with a frown. “I hate to cut this short, but I have a client dinner that Sylvia sprung on me.”
I was disappointed that Emily couldn’t stay longer but I knew how demanding her job was. After she left, I tried to concentrate on writing this week’s article but my mind kept wandering to Logan. As if he had read my mind, my phone rang, and I saw that it was him.
“I was just thinking about you,” I said when I answered the phone.
“Hopefully all good things,” Logan replied. I could tell he was smiling from his voice.
“Actually, I was thinking about how loudly you snored last night,” I lied. “It was like there was a jackhammer in the bedroom.”
“I guess that’s something we have in common,” he said good-naturedly.
“I don’t snore!” I exclaimed indignantly, and then laughed that I had been baited so easily. “When are you leaving work?”
“In about an hour. Should I pick up something for dinner on the way over?”
“Let’s just order something when you get here.”
“That impatient for my company, huh?” Logan teased.
“Whatever,” I said, but I couldn’t help laughing. It felt so amazing to be free with Logan and know that we could be together without any obstacles.
After we ended the call, I forced myself to sit in front of my laptop and concentrate on working on my article. Now that I had talked to Logan, I was able to be more productive and time flew by. I was surprised when I heard the buzzer to my apartment building and saw that almost two hours had passed.
It was still a novelty to be able to be with Logan with no reservations, and I felt a surge of happiness when I opened the door to find him standing there, looking tired but upbeat. Before I could say anything, he leaned down to give me a long kiss.
“I missed you,” he murmured as he gently brushed the hair back from my face.
“You mean from when you last saw me this morning?” I joked, but I was touched by his sentiment. He had been on my mind all day, and I almost told him that, but I held back. I was going to have to get used to making myself vulnerable to Logan, and not be afraid of getting hurt.
“That was ten hours ago,” he replied with a grin. “That’s practically a lifetime.”
We decided to order a pizza, and while we waited for it to arrive, we snuggled on the couch, catching up on each other’s day. When the buzzer announced the arrival of our dinner, Logan got up to pay the delivery guy. When he came back, he laid the pizza box on top of the coffee table and dropped his wallet next to it.
“That’s the wallet I got you for your birthday,” I blurted out, surprised that he still had it. “I thought you had thrown that out with the rest of my stuff.” It was the one he had put in the box of my belongings that he had so callously left for me with his doorman before he left for L.A. It was hard to forget how humiliated I had been when he had shown up with Ella and I had run out of there after their little display of affection, leaving my things behind. I had always assumed he had just gotten rid of my stuff, but here he was still using my wallet. It made my heart ache a little as I realized that I wasn’t the only one who had suffered while we had been apart.
“I never stopped using it,” he admitted. He gave me a look of self-deprecation. “In fact, I still have all your things from a year ago, if you want them, including a half-empty bottle of shampoo and a few pairs of socks.”
I laughed even though my chest constricted at his words. All that wasted time. I promised myself that I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of our relationship again.
We spent a comfortable night in eating pizza and watching TV. I was leaning over to rest my head on Logan’s chest when the necklace I was wearing fell out from under my shirt. I grabbed it, but before I could slide it back under my shirt, he reached down to touch it.
“This is pretty. Is it new?”
His question was casual, but it made my heart beat erratically. I had fished it out of my jewelry box after my last dream of Cassie. It was a simple charm—a delicate gold heart on a thin chain. It was the necklace I had given Cassie for her twentieth birthday, not knowing that it would be the last one I would celebrate with her. She had squealed over it, exclaiming that she loved it even though it was nothing ornate. I couldn’t afford much as a college student, but I knew the instant I saw it in the jewelry store that she would love it. Her mother had given it to me shortly after her death so I would have something of Cassie’s to hold onto. That was before she had lost herself in her d
elusions about Cassie still being alive. I had shoved it into my jewelry box and hadn’t looked at it in years, but my dream about her birthday at the amusement park had sparked the desire to wear it. It made me feel closer to her.
“No, I’ve had it for a while.” I had gotten better at being able to talk to him about Cassie without feeling guilt-ridden, but for some reason, I hesitated to tell him the truth about the necklace. I was about to confess, but the moment passed as Logan pulled me towards him. I let myself get lost in his kiss, telling myself that it didn’t matter whether or not I told him the necklace used to belong to Cassie.
I pushed all thoughts out of my head and allowed myself to get swept up in the tidal wave of our desire. My sexual boundaries kept getting pushed further and further every time Logan and I were together. I found myself saying and doing things in the heat of the moment that I would have previously been shocked to even consider. Logan didn’t hesitate to help push those boundaries, and I had a feeling he was wading into territory that was new for him as well, but he took to it with enthusiasm.
Even though we pushed boundaries in the heat of the moment, after our desires had been satiated, Logan was sweet and gentle, and I loved cuddling with him afterwards almost as much as the act itself. Almost.
It was in his warm embrace after a sweaty and intense bout of passion that I drifted off to sleep. I was content and happy and hopeful for our future.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Suddenly, we plunged down and I followed Cassie’s advice, screaming as loudly as I could. My screams released all the tension in my body, and soon my screams were interspersed with laughter. Expelling all that sound somehow made my stomach remain steady, and I felt gravity leave me as I was pushed into weightlessness. Nothing existed except the wind in my face and my screams, which sounded distant to my own ears. I felt incredibly free with nothing weighing me down. No guilt. No shame. No self-loathing. Just freedom.
