by Quinn, Vera
“Gunny, you oversee the run assignments, so get with the brothers that need to be prepared. That’s a three- day run. Whistler, you need to have the route ready for them,” I tell our road captain.
“I already have it ready,” Whistler speaks up.
“Anything else?” I look around. No one says anything until Sanity speaks up.
“Are we leaving Dra in his position while he’s gone? I think that’s fair? We can all step up until our brother is ready to come back. I was ready to nail Dra’s ass to the wall with the rest of you when I thought Dra was screwing up, but even though he has things to answer for, it wasn’t entirely his fault. If it hadn’t been Dra, then it could have been any one of us. We knew the stress that Dra was under with having that new baby. We owe it to Dra to wait and listen to his side of the story. I think we all had a hand in what happened. We got so damn cocky that no one would try the shit that Banger and Kim did. I say we wait, and everyone takes their part in the situation. We let the shit happen in the clubhouse. Any one of us could have spoken up and stopped it. We all know the rules.” It surprises me that Sanity is the one that spoke the truth.
“I agree,” Raven speaks up. “Dra screwed up, but we could have stopped what happened in the clubhouse and if Dra loses his patch and his cut there will be no worse punishment, but if remains in the club his punishment will still be harsh. He does need punishment for the drug use. We can’t let that shit slide without club punishment. It could happen again.”
“Agreed,” Brass speaks up.
“Anyone opposed?” I ask. “Then it passes. Dra’s position will be filled by the person that can step up. We’ll deal until he gets home.” I bring the gavel down. “Dismissed. Watch your backs,” I remind everyone. I need to find Cage and Bethany, so we can tell Cage that Bethany and I were married yesterday. I pick up my phone from the basket and I see I missed a text message. I see that it’s Micah’s number and I hope it’s news on Maddie. I click on the message and what I read makes me laugh at first, but the more I read, there’s nothing funny about the message. I walk to the closest table so I can reread the text. In the beginning Micah lets me know that she is going to kick Dra’s ass even if she must come all the to Colorado to do it. Then she tells me that B and Lucas are doing fine and loving all the attention they are getting. Then comes the hard part. Maddie had a miscarriage. Maddie is in the hospital because she was dehydrated, and her body just wasn’t ready to be pregnant again so soon. Maddie is blaming herself for the long trip she just made. Micah said they would get Maddie through it, but Dra better stay away or she would shoot him herself. I have no doubt that Micah would do just that. Micah and Maddie are twins and though they are as different as night and day, they are loyal to each other. When they say they will shoot someone, they mean business. They learned that from their aunt Deb. Micah is pregnant herself and I’m sure that will be hard on Maddie. I should send her some flowers but that seems lame.
“Is everything alright, Son?” Scout is standing in front of the table I sat down at.
“Maddie had a miscarriage right after she got to Texas. Micah texted me to let me know. She also wanted me to know that she is going to kick Dra’s ass,” I tell Scout.
“That woman is a little firecracker. She’ll try to do just that. I hate to hear our girl is hurting like that. I’m sure it hit her hard and it will Dra too. They’re both going to blame themselves. I’m not sure that their relationship is strong enough to come back from this. I’m not telling you what to do, but I don’t think I would tell Dra until he gets out of rehab.” I know what Scout is saying but I can’t do that.
“He has a right to know and if it were me, I’d want to know. If he finds out we knew and didn’t say anything, then he won’t trust us. We have to have faith in our brother,” I tell Scout.
“You know Dra better than anyone so it’s your choice.” I nod.
“I want to give Maddie a chance to tell him first. It’s between them. I don’t want to overstep. I love Maddie like a sister, and she has been hurt enough. I am going to give her the chance. I’ll call her in a day or two. I want to give her a few days to have to herself so she can deal with it. I would want the time.” Maddie will be in her own head for a few days to adapt. She’s a thinker, but then I’ll let her know I am always here.
“Let her know I am here too. We all are. She’s family and she can always come home to her family,” Scout says and then walks away. That man reminds of my dad so much that I long for one more talk with the man who molded me into the man I am today. I know if ever said that in front of him when he was alive that he would have said something like it was all me, but I know who instilled in me the values and morals I have.
Chapter Sixteen
Jen
Blade thinks he’s going to deliver me to Cassius. That would mean that Cassius owes Blade a favor. I have been used to further the place of a man with another man for the last time. Blade’s mistake was locking me in my own room, and I will make him regret that. Men are always underestimating me. Rico learned better when he lost his precious Bethany and Cage.
I have been used by my brother since the day he learned to use manipulation as a tool. I know it was my own greed that started it. I have never been happy with what I have. It’s like a sickness with me. I can’t explain it. I will want something and do anything that I need to, so I can get it. Then when I get it and it’s mine, whatever it is loses its appeal, and I move on to the next thing that I must have. This isn’t a want to me; this is a need. If this only applied to material things, I could deal with it or at least be alright with it. I’d be one of those people that you see on television that hoards things. The thing is, it’s not just material things. It’s people too. I meet a man and I lure him in with my sex appeal. I’m not blind when I look in the mirror, I see I am a beautiful woman and if I work at it, I can be even better. I can be breathtaking, and all eyes will be on me when I walk in a room. Sometimes I crave that attention. I can get the man I want and I will be satisfied after I seduce him into my bed. Then just like the objects that I crave, the man loses his sparkle and I can’t stand to be touched by him and I want him gone.
I never have had a true feeling for any man except Krill and even then, I knew it wouldn’t last. I think that was more to see how long I could keep him because I wasn’t supposed to have him. My head is a real mess. I liked Krill, but I don’t think I know what love is. I’ve never had anyone I didn’t think I could live without. Isn’t that the all-consuming love that Bethany was always telling me about from her romance books? A man I would die for.
I wouldn’t even die for my own son and I have no real feelings toward Cage—the human I shared my body with for nine months. Shouldn’t I feel something toward him? The best I can feel is I want him happy with Bethany. I want Bethany to be happy with Cage. That is the closest to love I can feel, and now it’s too late for me to figure out what is wrong with me. The story to my life will be I was the woman that men used, and I liked it until I had enough.
I am the one that is going to write the last chapter of my life. I am the one that will write the ending. My ma, before she left, always said ‘Jen always have a backup plan.’ I took it to heart, and I have always had a backup plan.
Rico will not get to use me to get what he wants anymore. He can’t use me to get his hands on Cage. He left me here to fend for myself. I think Rico and I are a lot alike. Blade will not get Cassius to owe him for turning me over to him for the debt that Cassius thinks Rico owes him. Cassius will not get me to abuse and pass around to his crew until he tires of it and sells me to the highest bidder.
I walk into my bathroom and run some water into the cup I use to wash my mouth in the mornings and then open the medicine cabinet and take out the bottle of pills I have been saving for my backup plan. I put a bunch in my hand and drink some water to wash them down.
I make sure they are going to stay down by drinking another drink of water and then I empty the rest of the pills in my hand
and drink the rest of the water. I could say this would be a hit-or-miss thing but I researched my backup plan very thoroughly, so I wouldn’t end up left on life support. Half the pills I took should be enough, but this is one time I want to be thorough. I pick my brush up and brush my hair out and walk back in my bedroom and spray on my favorite perfume. Then I go to my closet and I stand there, changing into my prettiest dress and then climb back in my bed and lay down. I’m sleepy now and I’m just going to shut my eyes for just a few minutes. My chest feels heavy. The book didn’t describe this pain right. It’s sharp and…
Chapter Seventeen
Bethany
I was up early this morning. I think the butterflies in my stomach are the worst case of nerves I have ever had. I have no reason to be nervous. I am fixing breakfast for Cage like I have done many times before, but today I am not only preparing food for my new husband, I am also giving Maudi the day off and fixing enough for the entire club.
I decided last night when I was going over everything in my head that if I am going to be here, then I need to earn my keep. Since I quit the one part-time job I had when I became Cage’s full-time caregiver, Rico has paid my bills. Rico may not have been much of a brother, but he did provide for Cage and me. I can’t depend on that anymore, so I need to do my share at the clubhouse until Krill says it is safe for me to leave. Since I will no longer be Cage’s only parent figure, I need to get a job to pay my way and Cage’s.
The only work experience that I have is as a waitress. It won’t pay much but I was good at it, and I made generous tips. I can find a diner or restaurant where I can work around Cage’s school hours. That’s something I need to make sure that is clear with Krill. Cage may need to be homeschooled the rest of this year since I enrolled him yesterday, but next year, Cage needs to be back in school with children his age. I will make sure that Cage gets to every testing at the end of the year. Cage is very smart and always makes good grades, so I know he will keep up. I won’t let Cage miss an important part of being a child because of any club problems. No matter whose club it is. If Krill wants to argue with me, then this will be the first test of how this relationship will work.
I know I have gone overboard on everything I have made for breakfast but I’m not Maudi. I haven’t been here for years, I don’t know everyone’s likes and dislikes. I’m not the best cook in the world but I have never had any complaints. I can follow directions on a recipe. I used to be a ‘box and a can’ cook before Cage. When he was old enough to eat table food, I started reading labels. I realized that a lot of the stuff in those boxes and cans were not good for us. They use too much salt and too much fructose. A growing child needs nutrient to promote growth. I have learned how to make vegetables taste better over the years. I hope men are just grown boys and like the same things, if not I’ll give them a box of sugar-laced cereal. Cage likes the waffles with the homemade strawberry syrup on them. It’s more strawberry than syrup but my little man loves it. Just like he likes cinnamon oatmeal and blueberry pancakes.
Maudi thanked me for giving her a morning off and she liked the food I made. I like other people’s food better too. What woman doesn’t? Maudi has nothing to worry about any woman taking her place. That woman has endless energy and is a marvelous cook. I have just sat down beside Cage when the men start coming into the kitchen and making themselves a plate. I haven’t seen Krill among them, but I know he is president and if anything needs to be done, then he must tend to it before he comes in. Scout comes in and fixes a plate and goes and sits with Maudi. They sit and talk for a few minutes and then they look over at me. Scout has a smile on his face. Scout doesn’t smile very often, but it looks good on him.
His smile is forgotten when Krill walks through the door. There’s a frown on Krill’s face until he sees Cage eating and then the frown is replaced with a genuine smile that only Krill can give. I think I have been half in love with this man for years and the more I am around him, the more infatuated I become. Now I am married to a man I want more than a glass of water in a dry desert, and I don’t have enough experience to seduce my own husband. I mean we’re legally married. Surely, two adults can handle a physical relationship in a marriage that is only on paper? All the men I have known in my life would have taken advantage of the fact we were married last night, but I never even heard from Krill last night after he returned from his meeting. I know it’s just an infatuation on my part. I have my daydreams to keep me going.
“How are my favorite girl and my son doing this morning? I’m sorry I didn’t get home in time to say goodnight. I’d say it wouldn’t happen again, but I’d be lying, and I don’t lie. All I can say is, I will try from now on to give you a call or text if I’m going to be late,” Krill tells us.
“That would have been hard to do since you still have my phone and Cage isn’t old enough, yet, to have one,” I tell Krill.
“A lot of my friends in school had phones. Why can’t I have one? You said when I turned ten and became more responsible, we would talk about it again. I’ll be ten in two weeks. Can we talk about it then? I told you I wouldn’t lose anything else and I haven’t.” Cage has wanted a phone for a while now. At the beginning of the school year, Cage had a problem keeping up with his jackets and backpacks. Cage is right when he said he had become more responsible and kept up with his things. I had talked to Rico about getting Cage a phone for his birthday. It was a promising idea for Cage to have his own phone with conditions and limits. I wouldn’t worry as much but when I approached Rico about it, he wouldn’t even hear me out. All he said was Cage could have a phone when he could pay the bill or buy one of those disposable phones. I wanted to get a part-time job to get one for him and Rico wouldn’t allow that either. I was lucky every year to be able to save the money I would have left after I paid the bills and bought groceries to buy Cage a present at all. I was queen of coupons and keeping the bills low so I would have money left for Cage’s extras. I learned fast that raising a child is expensive and getting extra money was hard.
“Your dad and I will need to discuss it. Don’t get your hopes up but you are right, you did become more responsible with your possessions just like I asked,” I say as I look at Krill.
“We’ll discuss that further this afternoon. Bethany, I am going to get you a new phone, today if possible. Just don’t contact Jen or Rico for the time being.” Krill looks at me and I know there is more there, and we’ll be discussing that later too. “I think it is a good time to let Cage know what we did yesterday when we left so we can put his mind at ease a little bit. He needs to start his homeschooling today.” The butterflies are back in my stomach again. There are two people in this world I never want to let down, one is Cage and the other is Krill. I don’t know what I will do if Cage is not happy with us being married. I look at Krill and he shakes his head. He’s going to let me take the lead in this.
“Cage, honey, do you remember how your dad said that he would protect us both?” That gets Cage’s attention. He looks up from his waffles. “Yesterday we took steps to ensure that he could do just that. Your dad and I were married yesterday and that means that you and I will both be living here with your dad.” I try to keep it simple.
“You understand what married means, right?” I look at Krill and laugh to myself.
“Of course, he knows what married means,” I say
“It means that you are my dad and that Aunt Bethany is now my mom. I had a friend that his mom and dad were divorced, and his dad was married again, so he had two moms. I’m just glad that you’re my dad and I get to live with you, and we get to keep Aunt Bethany here too. She is now my mom. I always wanted a dad and a mom.” That breaks my heart and makes my heart soar at the same time. Cage looks at me. “This means that you and Dad are going to share a room now like dads and moms do.” I almost spit out the water that I was drinking. “I like we are going to be a real family. We’ve never had a real family before.” Neither Krill nor I correct Cage, nor do we look at each other. In fact,
we look at everything else in the room but each other. Scout and Maudi walk up about that time with smiles on their faces. They might have heard what was said.
“That breakfast was some delicious food. I am sure that Maudi appreciated the morning off and she got sit and eat with us. I’m sure she is looking forward to you two working together in the kitchen. Most of the club girls can’t boil water without burning it. I also wanted to welcome you into the family,” Scout tells me and I can tell that he’s being genuine.
“Thank you. It feels good,” I tell him with honesty.
“Now that the niceties are out of the way, I know that Cage is going to start his schooling here today, but I was wondering if I could borrow him for about an hour so we could get started on that whittling by letting him choose one of my knives. He can pick one that he’s most comfortable with and it will take me about an hour to go over all the safety precautions that he needs to take every time he handles a knife including cleaning it afterwards.” I look at Krill and let him handle this one.
“One hour and then have Cage back to the family room where Bethany will be waiting. Cage, enjoy yourself but pay close attention to the safety part.” Krill emphasizes the safety part and that makes me happy.
“Place your dishes in the sink first and rinse them out,” I remind Cage.
“Yes, ma’am. Thank you for letting me do this and I will pay close attention to it all. I want to learn it just like you did, Dad.” That makes Krill and Scout both have a big smile on their faces. “Thank you, Scout, for teaching me.”
“You’re welcome, so get those dishes taken care of,” Scout tells Cage. Cage is up and gone with his dishes. Scout looks at us. “We’re all getting a refresher course on good manners. Bethany, you have done a wonderful job on that boy. I think we all forget what our parents taught us, and the young ones coming up keep us on our toes.”
