“Not the time to talk about this.” I step out of my office before he can add anything else or ask more questions. I can’t believe she’s here and working today. She should have taken the day off, but the distraction is helpful and the escape from her mother necessary, I’m sure.
I make my way downstairs and toward Kate’s desk. Jefferson is standing nearby with a frown, staring at Kate’s work. When I approach, he looks up, and his worried eyes widen in response as he watches me. Kate’s sitting in front of her computer with her headset on, her purple hair pulled up in a mess on top of her head. Her monitors are black and colored lines of intricate coding scroll across the screen. She’s typing in swift strokes and so lost in whatever she’s working on that she hasn’t noticed her growing audience.
Four other guys are standing nearby, their gazes turned her direction with concerned expressions. No one dares approach, though. My desperation to check in with her has me coming forward and placing a hand on her shoulder. She jumps and spins, and I have to reach out to stop her drink from pouring over her keyboard.
“Shit. Sorry.” Kate grabs the to-go coffee cup from my hand and tosses it into the trash nearby. “It was empty anyway.” Her hand slips the headset off, and she looks up at me with a longing and desperation to escape written on her face. That’s why I’m here.
“Come grab lunch with me?”
She looks around at the guys and Brad standing nearby. Her boss nods his head, having heard my request, and she stands up to join me.
“Sure.” Kate snags the brown messenger bag she wears, wipes her eye with a quick swipe of her right hand, and whispers to the guys she’ll be back soon.
Chapter Seventeen
Kate
I follow Lincoln through the front lobby, keeping my head down. My mother had been challenging me this morning, and I hoped work would be an escape from her. And it was peaceful until everyone saw my face. Whatever expression I wore had anyone in my radius asking what was wrong. I didn’t want to explain everything, so I shrugged, put on a fake smile, and tried to work. I’d done a terrible job faking it, considering the audience I drew and the expression on Lincoln’s face when he asked me to lunch.
“How’s Jake doing this morning?” Lincoln asks as he holds the door open and places his hand on my lower back to guide me out. His hand heats the skin against my back despite the shirt between us.
Lincoln doesn’t ask about me, so I respond to his question with ease. “He went to school today. He needs the break from my mother.” Mentioning her has me ready to apologize for her behavior yesterday. “I’m so sorry how she acted toward you.”
Lincoln and I cross the street and walk into the sub shop on the corner. “Don’t apologize. Do you mind eating here?” I’ve learned Lincoln is a caring person during our short friendship. He is considerate of those around him. A trait I respect so much.
“No, this place is great thank you.” We walk to the counter, and he places his order then looks over his shoulder for mine.
“I’ll get my own.” I begin to rummage around inside my bag, searching for my wallet with a haste I haven’t used in a while.
“Kate, I invited you to lunch. What do you want? I’ve got it.”
It’s sweet and makes this lunch a date, but I step forward and order my sub without further argument. His hand brushes across my back again, and without thought, I rest into the palm of his hand and relish the way he holds me up today. He’s been a support for me during this time, one I needed. I need his touch more than I realized.
Every day I stand tall and fight for what I want. I’m a successful woman, despite what others might think of my profession. There’s a confidence and security that I’ve done everything right in life but at this moment, I need someone to lean on, and Lincoln is here.
He grabs our lunch and walks us to a table that’s off to the side of the restaurant. I’m thankful for the solitude he found us in our corner booth despite the busy lunch rush.
Lincoln unwraps his lunch and worries his lip a bit. He’s struggling to comfort me, but what he doesn’t realize is that being here is all I need.
“The visitation is tomorrow night, and the funeral is Wednesday. Then we have to go through Jeff and Julie’s stuff and start probate. My mother and brother Lukas will be here until everything is finished.”
“I’ll make sure Lily is there tomorrow night and the next morning.” He shifts and runs a hand down his face.
“Lily should come over tonight and as much as she can over the next two days.” I take a bite of my sandwich and don’t say more to him. The acceptance and lingering pain settles on his face. Lincoln is preparing, as I am now, that Jake staying in Chicago is unlikely and how much this alters our lives.
I considered it but my mother has guardianship of Jake and he will live with her. I broke when I found out I wasn’t considered a guardian for him, but I also realize we need to do what is best for Jake’s future. I’m not prepared to be a parent, but I could figure it out.
“I’ll make sure she’s there,” Lincoln’s voice breaks through my thoughts, and I glance up. “My mom is coming in tonight. I need to pick her up from the airport.”
“Oh, I understand.” They have a life outside of us. I just want to make sure Jake and Lily have time to say goodbye. And sure, I’ll admit to myself that I want Lincoln around.
“If it’s okay with you, we’ll come over after school. I’ll have to leave to pick up my mom, and we can come back later to get Lily.”
I nod and return to finishing up my lunch. There’s a layer of sadness that settles over our conversation. Despite the conversation, I’m pleased to have Lincoln here.
I should talk to him about work, but he isn’t bringing up the fact I still haven’t developed something to present. I need work to take my mind off Julie’s death. That’s why I lost myself in coding rather than spend today facing my mother. She’s hurting, which I understand because losing your daughter must be the worst kind of pain.
“I’m still working on the presentation, but I’ll understand if you put someone else on stage other than me.”
“Do you want to do it? I know you can still do it.” Lincoln says it with such conviction that I can’t help the warmth that comes over me from his praise.
“What makes you so sure? I could mess up your launch. You don’t know me that well.” I try to warn him I could fail him. but when I glance up from staring at my food, my eyes lock with his.
He raises a brow. “You don’t believe that. We are getting to know each other, but I realize how important this game is to you. It would take something significant to stop you from doing it, and if that happens, I’ve secured a backup plan to ease your concerns.”
He isn’t wrong. I don’t want to miss this opportunity to do something special with the first game I’ve worked on. I swear then I’ll do this for my father and sister. Show them I’m living and for Jake, I’ll show him how to be strong after such loss and always to follow your dreams.
With a spark of a new determination, I figure out a plan of what I’ll share with the gaming world. I’ll share my story with them. Whatever determined expression I wear puts a smile on Lincoln’s face.
Chapter Eighteen
Lincoln
I see the moment a brief spark of determination comes back in Kate’s eyes and a smile touches my lips. She’s working on something, and it’s lit her up.
We finish our lunch and walk back to the office. Kate goes to her desk and waves bye but says nothing more. She doesn’t turn on her computer this time but instead pulls out a pen and paper, her thoughts focused on her task, so I slip away and make sure I’m not disturbing her creative process.
The day progresses through work and I catch up on a few projects lying around then meet Kate downstairs before I leave to pick up Lily. My hand settles on her shoulder for no other reason than to touch her.
She turns my direction with a soft smile and sits her pen down. Kate is right where I left her. “Hey,” she
whispers and glances at my hand that’s resting on her arm.
“I’m heading out to grab Lily. When are you off work? We’ll come over.”
“Actually, I need to leave to pick up Jake. Mind if I join you?” I’m still surprised he went to school today but I nod so she’ll join me. I’ve stepped away so I don’t linger or keep touching her.
We walk from the office, and I catch the heads turned in our direction. Not that I’m surprised. We spent plenty of time together Friday at work, then I took her for lunch today, and we’ve left twice together now. Like Dennis mentioned, the rumors have started, and I can’t find myself to care.
So what if they think Kate is someone significant in my life? I want her to be a part of my life because she’s special. Every new detail I learn about her makes me want to close the space between us. I never thought I’d experience something close to this level of desire to get to know a woman in a deeper way after Morgan. I’d given that woman my heart for it to slowly fade away.
I won’t try a relationship with Kate right now, but I’d be here as a friend with no expectation for more. My thoughts continue to wander as we make our way to my car and across town to pick up the kids.
Kate is quiet throughout the drive, likely as lost in her thoughts as I am. When I pull up to the school, both kids jump in. The car is quiet as I drive off toward Kate’s house. There are no words and it’s okay because to be in each other’s presence is enough for now.
I park on the side of the street and let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Without prompt, Lily and I get out to follow them upstairs. Lily passes a glance my way but says nothing, even though we should go to her therapy appointment tonight. With how crazy things have been, I rescheduled because Jake is her only focus right now. Kate opens the front door and we follow inside behind her.
“Make yourselves comfortable, and I’ll order something for dinner. Any requests?” Kate asks.
I pull my jacket off, loosen my tie, and roll up my sleeves as Jake disappears into the spare room he’s taken over while staying with Kate.
Lily glances over at both of us. “I don’t care. Whatever for dinner is fine with me.” She hesitates only a moment longer before following Jake down the hall. I glance over to Kate to see her head tilted back and eyes closed. She’s in pain every time she tries with Jake, and he pushes away.
“Why don’t you relax and start a show or something? I’ll order the food.” I walk toward the counter that has a stack of takeout menus. Kate mustn’t cook with this carryout selection and that’s okay. It makes my job easier now.
“Thanks, Lincoln, you don’t have to do that though.” She digs around her purse for something as I find a menu for Chinese food. I’m dialing the number as she extends her credit card my way. With a shake of my head and raised hand, I stop her.
The order placed is enough to feed the four of us and then I add extra food in case anyone is joining us later since Kate’s mother and brother are both staying over. After I hang up the phone, I turn to find Kate with a slight blush on her cheeks. “Thanks. You didn’t have to buy everyone food, but thank you.”
“No problem. You find us something to watch? I’ve got over an hour before I have to leave and pick up my mom.”
Kate flips through the television shows to find something but glances to the side to observe me settling into the couch. “You don’t have to stay. I mean, not that I mind keeping an eye on Lily the entire time if you have things to get done before. That way you aren’t hanging out with me again.”
She’s flustered, and it causes my lips to quirk. “I planned to hang out with you for a while, if you don’t mind. Also, I’m hungry for dinner too.”
“I don’t mind at all,” Kate rushes out, which causes me to smile more. I’ve witnessed her in multiple ways, and I have to say flustered Kate is sexy. The knowledge I get her worked up adds to it. I like that I affect her the same way she does me.
“That’s good to know,” I tell her. Then she turns back to the screen and settles on a show. When she sits next to me on her tiny couch, she’s close enough I can feel her body heat radiating off her. I turn to the show and try to focus on whatever she’s watching, but her pressed into my side is a distraction that’s hard to not focus on.
The show has her laughing, and it’s been a sound I’ve missed so much. Kate pushes her hand out to get my attention. It presses on my stomach and it stirs something within me, knowing she has the same draw I have to her.
“Okay, so I’m already a few episodes in. All you need to know is—”
I lean forward and press closer to Kate’s soft body. “Did she just eat a human brain?” I ask, surprised, and cut her off as the cute blonde on TV slips, what I’m now certain is, a brain into her mouth. Kate laughs again and rehashes the episodes of I-zombie I’ve missed. “So, she’s a cop?”
“No, but she helps them solve crimes because she gets visions from the murder victims’ brains she eats.”
I lose myself in enjoying the company of a beautiful woman and brain-eating crime solving. The knock at the door distracts Kate, and she jumps up to grab dinner. I already miss her sitting next to me.
I pause the show and get up to grab Lily and Jake. They are both lying on the bed with their eyes closed and sharing a set of earbuds. “Hey, guys, dinner’s here. Why don’t you come and eat?”
They both sit up and join me in the kitchen with Kate. I still haven’t heard a sound from Jake since we picked him up. I try to pick up an easy conversation, in hopes of engaging him in small talk.
“So, Jake, your aunt has me watching a show about eating brains right before she serves us dinner.”
Jake lets out a small laugh. It’s hard to catch, but I see the rise at the corner of his mouth. “She’s watching I-zombie, right?”
“What’s that?” Lily asks and is loosening up now that Jake is engaging in conversation. She’s got such a short time with him, so it’s good that Kate invited us over so Lily and he can have this time together. Kate speaks up and starts a lengthy explanation of the show, responding to the follow-up question from Lily.
“Oh, God, Dad loves crime shows. Nice pick,” Lily adds as the two dive into a conversation which has Jake talking. I haven’t lost my parents so I can’t imagine what he’s going through at such a young age. The grief combined with the uncertainty can’t be easy to handle.
We finish up dinner when my phone beeps to let me know I need to head out to pick up Mom.
“Lily, I’ll go pick up Grandma.” She glances up in panic. “Kate said you could stay while I go. Listen to her, and I’ll be back soon.” I stand then place a kiss on Lily’s head before I walk to the door.
Pausing, I glance back one last time before I step out. Not sure if I can love anymore, I’m not even sure how much I could care. But what I know is that I’m not so alone anymore, and that’s all because of the beautiful woman who made me take notice in this dark world. Now that I’ve looked at her, I never want to look away. There’s still an underlying pain that I won’t get to figure out this new feeling before it all falls apart though.
I walk outside and let the afternoon breeze hit me. Thoughts of Kate settle as I take the drive to the airport and meet up with the one woman I’ve always understood.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Kate
Jake and Lily have disappeared back to his room. Well, it’s my guest room, but it will always be Jake’s. I’ll miss him if I can’t see him all the time. I see my mother once a year, and if Jake is moving away, it will be the same for him. Only seeing my nephew once a year won’t be okay for me.
It hurts even more now to see the sadness on Lily’s face and the resignation and pain on Jake’s. I’ve seen Julie and Jeff’s death take its toll on everyone differently. My mother is distant and hides from feeling any emotion. My brother is calculating and precise, keeping his head in the game. We mourn for loss in different ways but decide our focus is to be strong for the person who needs us most—Jake. We
keep our tears at bay and hidden deep within, hiding our pain.
Tomorrow is the start of the end for this chapter in our lives. I repeat to myself that yes Julie’s life has ended, but I have to move forward and be the new rock and anchor for Jake. He is everything in my life that matters now—the new chapter I’m on.
I walk by the bedroom to check on him. He’s lying on the bed next to Lily. They have a headphone string stretching out between them. Their arms are side by side, only their pinkies connecting their bodies.
She’s his world right now. She keeps him floating above the water. The grief and pain Jake has could take him under, but Lily has helped for now. But what happens if Lily wasn’t there? What happens when I’m not there to keep them together? My mother has said she’ll take Jake back to Georgia with her after the funeral. She has these plans for him. He’ll go to the school of her choice and live the life of her choice. He won’t have anyone to watch out for his dreams or hopes and desires. I swallow the knot that forms in my throat, step away from the room, and return to the kitchen for my handbag.
I slide out the papers I was working on at the office that contain my presentation and get to work for the much-needed distraction. The apartment is silent tonight. It lets me focus on the things swirling around inside my head. Listening to Lincoln’s voice that sounds in my mind—let the world know your story. I dig back in my memories and pull the visions of my father giving me my first coding book. The moments we shared that day were a memory I’ll never forget.
I’d been gaming for years before and I kept to myself that I wanted to learn how to code. My mother buried me under the weight of medical textbooks. Julie had made it through her medical degree and started her residency, and Lukas was in law school, so she had one kid left to focus on.
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