Dani nodded. “I heard you’d had some problems.” She hadn’t followed his career very closely, or anyone else’s, after hockey left town the first time. When the Generals made the decision to sign Trevor to a one-year free agent contract, though, plenty was reported about his past history with drugs, including an arrest and a stint in rehab. It hadn’t come as a great surprise. He’d already begun to show a fondness for parties and clubs toward the end of his time with the Stampede. It was one of the reasons Dani chose to end their relationship.
“Some problems?” Trevor repeated. “That’s putting it mildly.” He went quiet for a minute, as he took a bite of his salad, and when he spoke again, his tone was quiet and reflective. “I was out of control, and I’ve done some things that maybe should have killed me by now. I let a lot of people down, most recently my teammates in Carolina.” He poured more salsa on his salad. “I probably didn’t deserve another chance in the league, but I’m grateful to have it,” he said. “I’ve got eleven months clean and sober now, and I’m learning how to make better choices. I live pretty simply these days, and I don’t want to be tempted, which is why I passed on the offer to join Casey and some of the other guys at the clubs. I can’t do that anymore. I’m not the same guy I was back then, and I don’t ever want to be him again.”
Even though it wasn’t exactly a surprise to Dani, and he hadn’t offered a lot of details on his struggles with addiction, Trevor’s words had an impact on her, and she couldn’t help but wonder what might have happened if they’d continued their relationship. That’s completely stupid, she admonished herself. You know that was impossible.
“Congratulations on conquering your demons,” Dani told him. “And getting another chance. I know people here are really pulling for you.”
“Thanks. That means a lot,” Trevor said. He leaned back in his chair and studied her across the table. “I hate the circumstances, but it’s so nice to see you again. You look the same. Still beautiful.”
Yeah, right. Dani shook her head and laughed. “And you still know to charm a woman, but in this case, you’re completely crazy.”
***
“Crazy? That’s not usually the word I hear when I pay a woman a compliment,” Trevor said. “And by the way, it was sincere.” Dani was beautiful, she always had been, even if she didn’t want to hear it. Or did she just not want to hear it from him? “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.” It probably was too forward after so many years. “I hope your husband won’t come beat me up.” It was partly fishing for information, and Trevor waited for her response.
“You won’t have to worry about that.” Dani’s eyes shifted downward and she moved her fork around in her salad, finally spearing a black olive. “I’m not married.”
“Divorced, then?”
She shook her head. “Never married.”
“What about Kaylen’s father?” While he hated the idea of Dani dealing with everything herself, a selfish part of Trevor hoped there was no man in her life.
“Not in the picture. Never really was.” Dani’s words were curt, and Trevor wondered what the history was, but didn’t want to pry.
“His loss, then,” was all he said.
“It’s for the best,” Dani said. “Especially now...”
Now what? That Kaylen might not make it? “What is her condition, exactly? If you don’t me asking.”
“Acute Myelogenous Leukemia,” Dani answered. “Basically, her bone marrow produces immature cells, called blasts. She was diagnosed a couple years ago and went through and chemotherapy and radiation, and last fall, we thought she’d licked it. She was in remission. Then a few months ago, it came back.”
“I’m so sorry,” Trevor said, though he knew the words were hollow. It was a cruel world. Why had a such a beautiful child, who obviously loved life, been chosen to go through this? “What happens next?”
“We’re going through it all again,” Dani said. “The chemo, the radiation...” She sighed and shook her head. “It’s too soon to tell if it’s working, but if it doesn’t, then her last real hope is a bone marrow transplant.” She blinked and wiped an eye with the back of her hand. “Are you sorry you asked?”
“Of course not. I’m only sorry you’re going through this, and especially by yourself.” He knew she was an only child, and her parents were deceased. Did she have anyone at all?
“I’m not really by myself. I have friends, and a reasonably supportive job.”
Trevor nodded. “Where do you work?”
“I’m a legal secretary at the Connors and Marlow law firm downtown,” she explained. “I’ve been there about ten years, and fortunately they seem to like me, so they’re usually pretty accommodating with me being gone for Kaylen’s treatments.”
So she’d done well for herself, even on her own. Trevor was pleased to hear it. She was better off, for sure, than she would be if he’d stayed in her life, if he’d tried to fight for her a little harder all those years ago. No, she deserved much more than a life with him, the NHL and all of his battles. It didn’t stop him from wondering ‘what if’ though. “How old is Kaylen?”
“Tw—. Ten,” Dani said. “Kaylen just turned ten a few weeks ago.”
“Was she in the hospital at the time?” Trevor wanted to know.
“Yes and no. I got permission to spring her for a few hours and took her to your game.” She smiled. “You guys played Carolina, and you scored the game winner.”
Trevor nodded, remembering the game well. In addition to the game winner, he’d recorded two assists. “I had a little chip on my shoulder that night. Something to prove against my old team.”
“I’m glad,” Dani said, “because it was a special night for Kaylen.” She pushed her chair back. “Anyway, I should get upstairs and see if my little princess is awake now. Are you coming?”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Trevor said. And not just because he had to retrieve the jersey he’d left in the room.
Chapter Three
They got back upstairs to Kaylen’s room, and found that the little girl was indeed awake again, sitting up in bed with a pad of paper in her hand, and a pen.
“Did you have a good nap, honey?” Dani asked, walking toward the bed.
“I guess,” Kaylen answered. She looked to where Trevor stood, leaning in the doorway. “Trev! You’re still here.” Her face lit up in a smile.
It’s nice someone’s happy to see me. “I sure am,” he said, moving closer. “I wanted to see my Special Kay again, but you were asleep, so your mom and I went and got some food. The other guys had to leave, but maybe we’ll come back, and bring more guys from the team next time.”
“That would be nice,” Kaylen said. “Nik is funny.”
“Yes, he is,” Trevor agreed. No doubt his Russian teammate would make a great dad someday. Far better than Trevor would, anyway, not that he expected to get the chance. What woman would put up with his issues, always wondering if he’d slip up and revert back to his old ways? The worst part of it was, Trevor couldn’t even blame his problems with drugs on personal demons or a rotten childhood, like so many people he’d been in rehab with. No, he was just a selfish jerk who liked to live the good life, thought he was invincible, and had no idea how to stop until it was almost too late. ‘Almost’ being the key word. At least he’d finally woken up from the haze before it was too late. When his former team had been in town a few weeks ago, Trevor had even taken the time to thank their General Manager for cutting him loose. It might have been the wake-up call that saved his life.
“You’re still my favorite player, though,” Kaylen said, jolting him back to the present.
“I’m glad,” Trevor said, and leaned closer to bed in a conspiratorial whisper. “Can I let you in on a little secret?”
“What’s that?”
“You’re my favorite patient. Of all the kids I met today, you’re my number one.” And it hadn’t even been close.
“You’re sure?” Kaylen’s eyes seemed to light up even more than usual. “Wha
t about Micah or Cam?”
“Oh, they’re nice boys, that’s for sure,” Trevor said. He’d certainly admired young Micah’s determination to get back on the soccer field. “But you stole my heart, Special Kay. Maybe I’m just a ladies’ man.” It was a ludicrous statement, given the quiet, boring life he led since being back in San Antonio. No, if anyone on the team had achieved ladies’ man status, it was definitely Casey. He’d already left a trail of broken hearts in the river city.
Trevor cast a glance in Dani’s direction, and she proceeded to roll her eyes. He wished he could read minds, as he’d love to know what she was thinking, seeing him today, after so many years. Was she as full of questions and conflicting emotions as he was? He tried to banish the thought from his mind and redirected his attention to Kaylen and the notepad in her hand. “What are you doing?” he asked. “Writing?”
She shook her head. “No. Drawing. Would you like to see?” She extended her sketchpad toward him.
“I’d love to.” Trevor took the pad from her and began to thumb through it. Some of the drawings were in ink pen, others in pencil, and a few in various colors of marker, leaving Trevor with the impression that Kaylen used whatever writing instrument that might be nearby at the time. It didn’t matter, though. Her work was exquisite, whether she’d drawn animals or people—she seemed partial to animals, though, and particularly frogs. Trevor thought about his own stick figures and rudimentary attempts at art, which were laughable compared to Kaylen’s. She possessed amazing talent, especially for girl of only ten.
“These are incredibly good,” he said. “Do you want to be an artist?”
“Yes,” Kaylen said, nodding. “I want to illustrate children’s books when I grow up.”
“That’s great. I’m sure you will.” A lumped formed in Trevor’s throat. He knew he’d say an extra prayer that night that Kaylen’s latest treatments would work.
***
Trevor took over, happily engaging Kaylen in a discussion of her drawings, and Dani hung in the background, observing. Earlier in the day, when it had been Trev here with his teammates, he’d been the one hanging back, letting his Russian teammate, Nikolai, entertain Kaylen with jokes and funny faces. At the time, Trevor had seemed awkward, unsure of himself and how to react around a sick child.
Seeing that Trevor, it was easy for Dani to justify the choices she’d make a dozen years ago. See, Trevor was into himself, not a kid person at all. It never would have worked. Heck, even on a visit to the hospital, organized by his team’s charity foundation, he seemed to treat it as more of a perfunctory obligation than anything else. This was Trevor’s last real shot in the NHL. Of course, he’d be on his best behavior and make the public appearances expected of him. It didn’t mean his heart was in it, or that he actually cared.
Something happened, though, and the Trevor that now thumbed through a sketch pad and talked to a sick girl about her drawings of horses, frogs, parakeets and ferrets seemed to be a different person than the one a few hours ago. So what changed? Had Kaylen truly captured Trevor’s heart in such a short time? It was certainly possible. She was a delightful child—mothers’ pride notwithstanding—and she’d made an impression on many people during her long stay at the Childrens’ Hospital of San Antonio. Why not Trevor, too?
Dani was a little more cynical, though. She couldn’t help but wonder if Trev’s sudden fascination with her daughter was because of her, and the past they’d shared together a dozen years before. And wasn’t it a bit arrogant and presumptuous of her to assume that? Sure, she’d loved Trevor with everything she had once upon a time, but by his own admission, he was a much different person now. Dani wasn’t naive. She knew the opportunities a professional hockey player had. He might have said he loved her once, but that was years ago, before the fame, the millions, the drugs and the women. Because of course there were women, and probably lots of them. They were inevitable with the first three.
So why would he be interested in her how? A plain woman, a tired woman. A single mother with a very ill child who lived paycheck to paycheck and still ate macaroni and cheese? No, he wasn’t interested in her. He was doing his job, trying to show his worth to the team. He wanted to make headlines in All Sports San Antonio, or better yet, land on the Channel Twelve news. Dani had an acquaintance who worked at the station, and she knew full well that every time the Generals players made an appearance like today’s, the head of the Generals charitable foundation sent the press release out to every news outlet in central Texas.
Yes, Trevor was only doing his job. That was the best explanation. The only other possible one was that he’d already figured out the truth. He suspected Dani’s secret. And there was no way she was ready to accept that.
She hurried toward her daughter’s hospital bed. “It’s nice of you to show Trevor your drawings, honey, but he needs to leave now. And you need to rest.” Her eyes met Trevor’s and he didn’t look thrilled, but handed her her the sketch pad. Dani closed it and set it on the bed tray.
“Mom! I just wanted him to see them. And I just had a nap.”
“Yes, and tomorrow’s chemo day and you need your strength. Trevor understands, right?” Dani’s eyes met his in a silent plea.
“That’s right. I need to go, anyway, but I’ll see you again, Special Kay. Soon.”
“Promise?”
He nodded. “Yes, I promise.”
***
Trevor didn’t want to leave, and he suspected Dani’s dismissal had more to do with him than Kaylen’s need for rest. He respected her wishes, though, and said goodbye to the little girl, but not without promising he would be back. As he made his way out of the room and in the direction of the elevators, he noticed Dani followed him.
“You don’t have to do that, you know,” she said. “Come back and see her, or promise her you will.”
“I get that, yeah,” Trevor answered. “My obligations to the team ended several hours ago.” Yet here he was, and he would be again. Dani would have to find a way to deal with it. “I meant what I said, though. I am coming back. What time is her treatment tomorrow?”
“First thing in the morning. It takes a couple hours.”
Trevor nodded. “That should be fine, then. I’ve got practice in the morning. I’ll come by after that.”
“Trevor...”
“What?” he challenged. “You heard her. She wants me to come back.”
After a second, Dani nodded. “Yes, she does. You made quite an impression on her in a very short time.”
Yeah. Just like I did with you twelve years ago. “Hey, sometimes I can be charming.” He gave her a sheepish smile.
“Yes, I know that all too well.” Dani sighed. “It’s fine, if you want to come see her. I won’t stop you. As long as you understand I’m only doing it for Kaylen, and it’s not about us.”
“Us?” Trevor repeated, and choked back a laugh. “Don’t worry. I’m quite aware that there isn’t an us, and there hasn’t been for a very long time.” He jabbed at the elevator button. “It’s been nice seeing you again, though, and maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter Four
Trevor was anxious to hit the ice again on Monday morning, in preparation of their home game against Dallas the following night—one team he hadn’t spent time with in his less-than-illustrious NHL career. Maybe if he’d cleaned up his act sooner, he wouldn’t have bounced around with five different teams, always vowing to turn things around.
And maybe if he could have persuaded Dani to follow him to Ottawa when he got the first call-up, his life wouldn’t have been in such a downward spiral for the past decade. Who was he fooling, though? He was already headed down that path when he left San Antonio the first time, and Dani knew it. It was why she knew better than to go with him. Sure, he’d loved her. But he’d also taken a strong liking to rum and coke and puck bunnies. It wasn’t until later that the other ‘coke’—the white powder variety—became part of his diet, but his path to self-destruction was clear. If o
nly he’d been smart enough to see it that the time.
He saw young guys in the league now who thought they were invincible, and tried to offer guidance. When the Generals’ captain, Colton Tremblay, found himself traded from Montreal to San Antonio for little more than a bag of pucks, Trevor had a frank talk with him. Colton could leave behind his partying reputation in Canada and become the leader and the superstar that his natural talent and charismatic personality allowed him to be, or he could learn nothing from the experience and continue his wild ways... likely in a city other than San Antonio.
Fortunately, Colton got the message, and he’d grown into an exemplary team captain over the course of the Generals’ first season, even giving some of the other guys a little grief if he thought they were stepping out of control. This morning, it was Casey, who boasted about his exploits the night before.
“Her name was Bonita,” Casey said. “And let me tell you, she sure was muy bonita. Especially her pussy.” He licked his lips. “I want some more of that.”
Trevor rolled his eyes. Casey was a good teammate, but they were in completely different places in their lives. That was why Trevor knew better than to join Casey at the clubs. Nothing good would come of that.
“Jesus, Denault,” Colton muttered. “Do you always have to talk that way?”
“What way?” Casey countered. “I can’t help it. I love women, and they love me. I always treat them with respect when I’m with them, and why can’t I have a little fun? Not all of us are ready for the old ball-and-chain yet.” He took his helmet from his locker stall. “So when are going to make an honest woman out of Maya, anyway? Isn’t it about time?”
“Maybe,” Colton muttered. “Sheesh, you’re almost as bad as her brother the cop.” He reached for his gloves. “I’ve got other things on my mind right now. Like trying to lead this team to the playoffs.” He gave them a look. “Anyone joining me on the ice today?”
“Sure thing, boss,” Casey said, strapping on his helmet. He glanced at Trevor. “See, this is why I stay single.”
Winning it All (Men of the Ice Book 3) Page 2
