by E. L. Todd
She felt deflated. Her own emotions were so conflicting that it confused her. She wanted Coen to kiss her as much as she didn’t. Perhaps this was best. She seemed to have no sense when it came to him. “Yeah.”
He stood up then put his hands in his pocket, walking to the door.
She followed behind him with a heavy heart. She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew he should. The sexual tension between them was suffocating the entire room.
“Can I give you a ride to school in the morning then a ride home?”
“Yes,” she said quickly, wanting to see him first thing in the morning.
He smiled. “I’ll see you then.”
“Okay.”
He walked out the door then got inside his car.
She watched him from the doorway, staring at the road long after he left. Coen came into her life as quickly as a shooting star. He had always been in her universe, floating by, but now he was so close. She knew her life had changed permanently. Coen would probably break her heart, shattering it worse than Aaron did, but she couldn’t stop herself. It was like she didn’t have a choice.
8
“How’d you sleep?” Coen asked when she got inside the car.
“Good.” That was a lie. She dreamt of Coen, waking up with soaked panties and drenched skin. “You?”
“Not so good. I was thinking about you.”
That got her interest. “And what were you thinking?”
“That I’m glad you’re going on another date with me.”
She stared at her hands in her lap. She hoped she wasn’t making a huge mistake.
They got to school and parked the car. When they walked to the main building, it was awkward to be side by side with Coen. She had never spent time with him outside the library. The sexual tension was overwhelming no matter where they were. It was in the car, her house, and now under the sun.
His tattoo shined under the light of the sun, the black ink glistening. She thought the marking was hot even though she knew she shouldn’t. Guys with tattoos were never good. She had never been attracted to bad boys but she was attracted to Coen. They said nothing as they walked to their classroom. When they got inside, Coen sat in his usual seat across the room. She was a little disappointed.
The day passed and all she thought about was their date that evening. Her friends bugged her about Coen but she kept brushing them off, saying they would discuss it later. She took notes but didn’t remember writing them. If the professor called on her to answer a question, she would look like an idiot because she wasn’t paying attention.
After class, she tutored Coen, but they didn’t open the textbook. He stared at her intently while she spoke, hanging on her every word. It was difficult for her to decipher his expressions. They all looked the same. He always looked sexy and confident, like he had never been embarrassed, humiliated, or ridiculed in his life.
He dropped her off an hour later and said he would return at seven. Instead of studying like she usually did, she rummaged through her closet, looking for something to wear. Normally, she didn’t care about her attire. She wore whatever was most comfortable. After trying on a few dresses, she settled on a pair of white shorts with a blue top. Her outfit was ordinary, but she didn’t want to make herself seem too eager. She was dressed up anyway.
When she looked in the mirror, she thought about putting on makeup, but she wore so little that she felt weird doing it now. The weight of the cosmetics always made her face feel heavy and painted. She preferred to go natural even though she had been teased about it her whole life. It just wasn’t her thing. She styled her hair and gave it a little extra bounce, letting it curl around her shoulders.
She said she would talk to Henry today after school, but she told him she was in a hurry and managed to sneak off with Coen before he found out what was really going on. Since she was excited and happy today, she didn’t want to ruin it by breaking Henry’s heart.
When the knock sounded on the door, she jumped. It was already seven. Where had the time gone? With a shaky hand, she opened the door.
Coen was wearing jeans and a green shirt. The color highlighted his eyes, making them appear brighter than normal. His arms were bulging with prominence. The lines separating his biceps, triceps, and deltoids were defined. His shirt hung loose around his stomach because his waist and hips were thin. His chest was strong and stood out to her. She knew she was staring, so she averted her gaze. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He looked at her for a long time, particularly eyeing her legs. “You look nice.”
She shrugged. “I just threw this on.” She felt stupid for saying that. Why did she always make an idiot of herself around him?
“You’re lucky you look good in anything.”
She didn’t know what to say. Like a smart person, she kept her mouth shut before she said something else stupid.
“Are you ready?”
“Yeah.” She grabbed her keys then walked out the door.
He guided her to his car then opened the passenger door for her. She got in and waited for him to walk to the driver’s seat. After he got inside, the heated tension was there again, filling the car. She wanted to touch his thigh, his hand—anything. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She wasn’t sane when she was around him.
Coen parked the car in front of a restaurant near the beach. It had a large terrace that overlooked the ocean. It looked nice, but not too nice. She was relieved since it was their first—second—date.
“I like this place,” he said.
“I’m sure it’s great.”
He grabbed her hand, sending enough electricity coursing through her body to make her tingle, then led her inside. When they reached the hostess station, he asked for a table on the terrace. He pulled her along as the waitress led them to the patio. There was no one else there. It was just the two of them. The sun was setting over the horizon, making the sky bright with various colors. A slight breeze blew through the strands of her long hair.
Coen pulled out her chair and helped her sit down.
She looked at him in surprise, not expecting him to be so gentle and thoughtful.
When he sat across from her, he looked at her. “Why are you so surprised?”
“What do you mean?”
“I told you I was a gentleman. I meant it.”
“Sorry, but you don’t always come off that way. Actually, you never come off that way.”
“Because I don’t treat everyone with the same respect and consideration. Only special people receive such attention.”
“Until you get what you want,” she blurted.
He glared at her, looking wounded and offended.
Her cheeks reddened. She didn’t mean to say that. Now she felt embarrassed. “I’m sorry. It just came out.”
He shook his head, saying nothing. He picked up his menu and looked at the selections. She knew she really upset him. The tension was in his shoulders and the anger was evident on his face.
“Coen?”
He didn’t look up. “What?”
“I take it back.”
“Thank you.” He finally met her gaze, looking into her eyes. The intensity of his stare made her look away. She couldn’t read him or understand his thoughts, but she couldn’t meet his look anyway. It was fierce and powerful. She imagined looking into his eyes when they made love, and the heat spread to her groin then made her spine shiver. She imagined what his naked body looked like then thought about the feel of his tongue on her skin. Inappropriate thoughts sped across her mind, getting dirtier and dirtier. She felt guilty for assuming Coen was just a manwhore when she was clearly the pervert. She couldn’t help it. He made her want to do trashy things, forgetting about her reputation and her morals. The area between her legs started to become damp. She crossed her legs and squeezed her thighs together.
“Look at me.”
Automatically, she looked up, unable to disobey him.
“What are you thinking about?”
> Her cheeks reddened. “Nothing important.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
She said nothing for a long time. “What are you going to order?”
“That’s what you were thinking about?” he asked incredulously. “Because I was thinking something totally different.” His words hung heavily in the air. “I thought we were sharing the same thought.”
Now she felt even more embarrassed.
“Would you like to know why I asked you out?”
She really did want to know why. They had the same class together all semester but he never showed any interest in her until she started tutoring him. “I guess.”
“You’re the most unique person I’ve ever met.”
“How so?”
“You don’t wear makeup but you look gorgeous without it. You’re natural. I like it.”
“So you just like my appearance?”
He smiled. “No, but it is a huge factor. I’m not going to lie. So why did you agree to go out with me?”
She shrugged. “I couldn’t say no.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I forced you?”
“No. I just couldn’t turn you down.”
“So you wanted to say no?”
“I should have.”
“I don’t think so. You won’t regret this decision, Syd.”
“I hope not,” she said quietly.
“I’m really not the asshole that you’ve depicted.”
“My heart is relying on that,” she whispered.
He stared into her eyes, the blue color becoming more hypnotic. “No matter what choices you make in life, you’re risking a part of yourself. You just have to make sure the jackpot is worth the gamble. If it isn’t, then don’t risk it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, feeling nervous.
“So, am I worth it, Syd?”
“I—I don’t know.”
The waitress came and took their orders, interrupting the heated conversation. Sydney hadn’t looked at the menu so she opened it and ordered the first vegetarian item she saw. Coen ordered his food then handed over the menus. The waitress walked away and left them alone.
Coen returned his look to her, staring like she was the only thing that existed. She felt like an insect under a magnifying glass, being examined under a high resolution. The slight curl of her brown hair caught his attention the most. It was soft and silky, never dyed or bleached. He wanted to run his fingers through it, feel every strand. Her skin was a chestnut brown, kissed by the Hawaiian sun. She was perfect in every way, unique in appearance and pure of heart.
“You stare a lot,” she whispered.
“People stare at paintings.”
“Are you comparing me to a painting?”
“You’re my muse.”
The compliment caught her off guard. It was the oddest, but sweetest praise she’d ever received. And she least expected it from Coen.
“I could stare at you forever. I would never be bored.”
She felt the same way but would never admit it. Not yet, at least.
The waitress brought their dishes and placed them on the table. Coen placed his napkin on his lap then started to eat. His movements were so precise that he looked elegant, refined. He had perfect manners and ate like it was a profession. He didn’t inhale his food like most men, but chewed every bite and enjoyed it.
Sydney ate less than she normally did. She was too nervous around Coen. When she watched him eat, she wondered how her tongue would feel next to his. His wet kiss on her skin would feel so hot it would burn her entirely. When her thoughts turned naughtier, him lying on top of her with her legs spread, she shook her head. She couldn’t think about that right now. She was disgusting.
“What?”
“Huh?”
“Why’d you shake your head?”
“I...I don’t know.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Okay…”
She poked her food again.
“You’re so different around me.”
“I’m just quiet.”
“No, you aren’t. A shy girl doesn’t take self-defense classes and fight better than most men. You could kick my dad’s ass if you wanted.”
She said nothing, knowing she was stuck in a lie.
“I think you were thinking about something else.”
She looked out at the ocean, staring at the setting sun. She wanted to stare at Coen, seeing his beautiful face and his prominent cheekbones.
“Fine. I’ll discover all your secrets eventually.”
“Why did you choose marine biology?” she asked, trying to change the subject. She would never admit the truth—that she thought about fucking him all day, every day.
“I like animals. I think they’re awesome. I’ve been obsessed since I was little. In third grade, we learned about all mammals, insects, arachnids, reptiles, and dinosaurs and I was totally hooked. I’m not ashamed to admit I still have all my dinosaur figurines.”
That made her smile. “I was obsessed with dinosaurs too. I was teased for being a tomboy.”
He rolled his eyes. “Kids are stupid. They’ll rip you apart for being different in the slightest way. After pulling your hair and stealing your lunch, I would have shared my toys with you,” he said with wink.
“My dad and I saw Jurassic Park together when it came out. I made him take me five times.”
He laughed. “I did the same thing. And when it came out on video, I watched it like a million times. Don’t worry. You aren’t the only loser.”
“I didn’t say I was a loser.”
“Well, you were. We both were.”
“I guess it’s a little better if I’m not the only one. So what do you want to do with your degree?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not going to pretend that I know what I’m doing. I think most people are clueless.”
“Well, it’s either research or teaching, right?”
“Or dolphin training.”
She stared at him, her heart falling.
He caught her serious expression. “Syd, that was a joke. I would never do that. I may eat animals but I respect them.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. She taught Rose a few tricks, but she would never become a trainer. Aquariums and zoos were disgusting to her. She hated keeping the beautiful creatures locked up and away from their natural habitat, but she knew it was inevitable. That’s the only reason she was able to work at the aquarium. She did her best to make it clean and pleasant for the wildlife there. Her respect for animals was the foundation of her spirituality. She could never be with someone who didn’t uphold the same values.
“I didn’t mean to offend you. Since you work at the aquarium, I assumed you’d enjoy the joke.”
“You didn’t,” she said quickly.
She was done so she placed her napkin on the table. Then she stared at him, sneaking in a long look of his features. He was watching the ocean, finally focused on something other than her. She took advantage of the opportunity to capture his handsome features, his chiseled jaw and his kissable lips. She loved everything about his physicality but she loved his eyes the most. Every time she looked at them, she thought of the ocean, the most mysterious thing on the planet.
The waitress brought the check and placed it on the table. Coen slipped the money inside before Sydney could even move. She wanted to offer to leave the tip but decided not to. She could tell Coen would never allow that.
“Thank you for dinner,” she said.
“You’re very welcome.” He stood up then pulled her chair out, helping her stand up. He grabbed her hand, and she immediately felt the rush inside her body. She loved touching him, having a hold on him. As he walked her back to the car, she was in a daze, feeling a variety of emotions.
He opened the door for her like he always did, allowing her to get inside first.
As Coen drove down the road, Sydney kept glancing at him, seeing his profile from the light of the dashboard. Her attraction to him was d
riving her crazy. She loved everything about him, his personality as well as his looks. But the fear was always in the back of her mind—that it wouldn’t last.
When they arrived at the house, she felt her heart hammer in her chest. She didn’t want their date to end. He walked her to the front door, his hands in his pockets. He stopped when they reached her door. It didn’t seem like he had any intention of coming inside.
He looked at her. “I think you’re breathtaking, sexy, and beautiful. When I look at your legs, I want to run my hands across them, from the bottom of your toes up to your ass. I want to kiss your inner thighs and taste you. When I look at your hips, I think about kissing the skin above the brim of your shorts. Your hair reminds me of the sun on a bright day, shiny and bright. My fingers want to run through the strands until they stop on your neck, feeling the slender curves of your body. And when I look at your lips, I think of a million things. I want to feel every curve of the skin, taste the flavor of your ChapStick and suck them until they are dry. When I look into your eyes, I never want to look away. That’s what I was thinking about, Syd. Just in case you were wondering.”
She was speechless, not expecting such a detailed recollection of his thoughts. It made her feel flattered and embarrassed at the same time.
He continued to stare at her. “Now, what were you thinking about?”
She searched for the right words for a long time. “You wanna come inside?”
He smiled. “I thought so.” He came forward, pushing her against the door.
She turned around, shoving her key in the door and opening it. She walked inside and felt him behind her. She moved into the living room then sat down on the couch, feeling her heart in her chest, fluttering wildly. No one ever made her so nervous. Normally, she was calm and collected, not a blundering idiot.
He sat beside her, seeming relaxed. “What do you want to do?”
The question surprised her. She thought he knew what she wanted to do. “I guess we can watch a movie.”
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
She had no interest in watching a movie. She wanted him to kiss her, but at the same time, she didn’t want him to. Her insecurities and fear were competing with her desire at equal force. But when she looked at his lips, she had one thing on her mind. “No.”
