Wild Angels

by Bethany Brown

  Julian,

  Yes, I realize that I am being a rather large coward by doing this, but I couldn’t tell you to your face. I just didn’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes. I need to explain to you why I didn’t take the painkillers or any of the other pills that the doctor gave me.

  Three years ago, Justine and I (She’s my partner. I can’t remember if I told you that. I must have) were in a convenience store when some punk burst in to rob it. I know what you’re thinking. Only me, right?

  Anyway, this guy must have been on drugs or something, ’cause he just started screaming and waving his gun around. I guess things were going too slowly for him, ’cause the next thing he did was point his gun at a pregnant girl and pull the trigger. I did the only thing I could think to do. I jumped in front of her and pushed her out of the way.

  I got shot in the spine. When I woke up in the hospital after surgery, they told me that they got the bullet out, but that I would never walk again. I know that I should have called you, but you had your own problems and I didn’t want to burden you with an ex who couldn’t walk. Hell, Julian, we used to go dancing all of the time. If I’m honest, I didn’t want you to see me like that.

  The doctors never believed me when I told them that I could feel pain in my legs. They said I was either imagining it or I was just transferring pain from somewhere else so I thought it was my legs. All they did was continue to pump me full of drugs. Every time that I mentioned my legs, they upped my painkillers.

  You know, my mother came to see me when I was in the hospital. She said that the bullet should have killed me. She told me that losing use of my legs was punishment for my deviant ways. She never came again after that. The last time I saw her, she spat on me in the grocery store. Guess she didn’t like that I was walking again.

  One of the nurses, Keith, he believed me when no one else did. He started to cut back on the pain meds. The more he cut back, the more I could feel my legs. When he saw me wiggle my toes for the first time, he stopped giving me the pain meds all together. Well, at least the strong ones. I’m not sure how he managed not to get fired. I guess he got all of the nurses together and they covered for him. All I know is that after that first time I wiggled my toes, all of the nurses started to help.

  It was the nursing staff that got me through the hard part. Keith was at my side the entire time. Yes, I slept with him. The man is gorgeous. We’re still friends. When I got to the point where I was starting to make progress, they brought in a physiotherapist and one of the doctors. The looks on their faces when they saw me stand up and walk a few steps away from the bed were priceless. Needless to say, after that they started listening to me.

  This is why I don’t like painkillers. Painkillers almost kept me from walking again. It has nothing to do with you. I think that you are an incredible doctor. You amaze me, Julian. You really are like Asclepius, Ace. You’re a god of medicine. I’d trust you any day. It’s just the drugs I don’t trust. Even now, I’m afraid that if I take a strong painkiller I won’t be able to feel my legs any more. As long as I can feel pain, I’m still feeling.

  What it comes down to is that I’m scared. I’m scared of the way I feel when I’m on the drugs. I don’t have some weird need to be in pain. I just don’t want to stop feeling.

  So, there you have it. The whole crazy thing that I was too chickenshit to say to your face.

  Please don’t be mad at me, Ace. Love you,

  Patrick

  Patrick scrawled Julian’s name on an envelope and shoved the letter inside. He took it up to the bedroom and placed it on top of a pillow on the bed, where he knew Julian would notice it. He also figured if he left it there, Julian wouldn’t get it until he went to bed, which meant that Patrick wouldn’t have to deal with it until tomorrow.

  It was time for phase two of the plan, which was to apologize in person with a gift of some sort. Flowers had worked in the past, so Patrick decided to try that. His usual technique of offering up his body was most likely not going to work with Jack in the picture, so he was actually going to have to grovel. That meant leaving the house.

  Patrick tossed on a pair of jeans and actually managed to get a T-shirt on without too much pain. Opening the hall closet, he found the jacket that he had been wearing when Roz had picked him up. He slipped it on and then put the sling on once again. Patrick found a spare house key hanging on a hook by the door and slipped it into his pocket. Sitting on a conveniently placed bench, he pulled on his boots. Once fully dressed and ready for the outdoors, he left the house.

  It was sunny enough outside that he had to put on his sunglasses. There was a nice breeze in the air, and birds were singing in the trees. It was a beautiful day for a walk, which was a good thing since Patrick didn’t have a vehicle. Making sure that the door was locked behind him, Patrick stepped off the porch and started walking.

  The slight breeze ruffled his hair as he walked, and Patrick actually felt himself relaxing. He was starting to think that Cam may have had a point. He really did need to relax. He just hoped that he was relaxing in the right direction. Since he had spent the entire drive up sleeping, he wasn’t sure which direction he should be headed in. Hopefully someone would tell him if he was going the wrong way.

  He hadn’t been walking that long when a car pulled up next to him. Patrick stopped as the window came down.

  “Do you need a ride?” The man asking the question had blond hair and a pair of very nice blue eyes. Patrick found himself smiling as he leaned his upper body in the window.

  “That depends.” Patrick smiled at the man in the car. He was cute, and Patrick was a sucker for a nice pair of eyes.

  “On what?”

  “On whether or not you’re heading into town.”

  “I am.”

  “Then I would love a ride.” Patrick climbed in the passenger side of the car and pulled the door closed. Once settled, he turned to face the driver. Hot damn, is he fine. “I’m Patrick.”

  “Brad.” Giving him a rather shy smile, Brad pulled the car back onto the road. “So, are you visiting?”

  “Yeah. I’m staying with my friend and his boyfriend for a month while I get my strength back.”

  “What happened?”

  “I got shot.” Patrick laughed softly as Brad’s eyes widened. “I’m a cop, not a serial killer. You don’t need to worry about me shooting you.”

  “That’s good to know.” Brad cleared his throat and glanced at Patrick. “So, which one is your friend, Jack or Julian?”

  “Julian. We used to date.” Patrick grinned as Brad’s eyebrows nearly merged with his hairline. “I’m sorry. Have I made you uncomfortable?”

  “No!”

  Brad seemed to realize that his last comment had been rather loud, and blushed a charming shade of red. Patrick was itching to reach over and touch him.

  “Sorry, that came out much louder than intended.”

  “I don’t mind. I like vocal people.” Patrick shifted so he could look at Brad. It made his bad shoulder press against the window slightly, but it was worth it for the chance to watch the other man. “So, what were you doing today that ended with you riding to my rescue?”

  “I was visiting my grandmother.” The flush crept back into Brad’s cheeks.

  “That must have made her happy.” Patrick could tell that Brad was embarrassed, but he thought it was sweet that he had been visiting his grandmother. “I loved my grandmother. After she died, I got her name tattooed on my left forearm.”

  “Really?”

  “She was the only member of my family who didn’t disown me when I told them I was gay. When she found out what my father did to me, she told me that he was an ass and I would always be her little boy and that she would love me forever,” Patrick replied. He could feel tears misting in his eyes. He really missed his grandmother. He could also see that Brad had started to relax while he was telling his story. Patrick got the feeling that not many people were supportive of his visits to his grandmother. />
  “What did your father do to you?”

  “He beat the shit out of me when I told him I was gay and then threw me through a window. It took twenty-seven stitches to close up my side.”

  “I bet that left a scar.”

  “Yeah—do you want to see it?” Patrick grinned as Brad blushed again. Patrick liked the reactions that he was getting from the other man, but he had the feeling that Brad didn’t have much experience with men. Not wanting to push too hard and scare him off, Patrick decided that a change of subject was needed. “So, Brad, what do you do?”

  “I tend bar at Brenda’s.”

  “Sounds exciting.”

  “Not as exciting as being a cop.”

  “Hey, I’ve seen a lot of bar fights. Hell, I’ve even started a few.” Patrick ran a finger along Brad’s arm. “Nothing like a good fight to get the blood pumping.”

  Brad cleared his throat nervously as his arm trembled under Patrick’s touch. “Where did you need to go?”

  “Well, I’ve got to go and see Julian, but first I need flowers.”

  “Flowers?”

  “I was a prick. I need to apologize, and for that I need flowers. Plus, I’m going to get some flowers and chocolates for Roz as a type of preemptive apology, since I’m pretty sure I’m going to be a horrible physical therapy patient.”

  “Flowers it is,” Brad responded. He drove just a bit farther, then pulled into a small parking lot. Putting the car in park, he turned to face Patrick. “This is it.”

  “Thanks for the ride.” Patrick ran his hand through his hair. Looking into Brad’s blue eyes, he had to force back an unexpected case of nerves. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Would you like to have dinner with me?”

  Brad’s mouth opened and closed in surprise. “You mean, like a date?”

  “Yes.”

  “Um, I’d really like that.” A blush was covering Brad’s face. “But I work most nights at the bar.”

  “Lunch, then?”

  “I could do lunch.”

  “Great.” Patrick smiled brightly. “I’m staying with Julian and Jack; do you have their number or do you want my cell?”

  “Um—”

  “I’ll just give you my cell.” Patrick reached into his pocket for a piece of paper and pulled out one of the business cards that he gave witnesses. He hadn’t remembered putting it there. The card had his cell number on it. “Here you go. Call me when you figure out what day is good for you.”

  “I will.”

  As he pulled his hand away, Patrick let his fingers trail over Brad’s hand. He gave the other man a soft smile and turned to let himself out of the car. Patrick got as far as putting his hand on the door. Ah, screw it.

  Patrick spun back around. With his good hand, he grabbed the back of Brad’s head and pressed his lips to the startled man’s mouth. Patrick ran his tongue over the seam of Brad’s lips, gently prying them open. When Brad opened for him, Patrick let his tongue dive inside, learning the unique taste of the other man. He moaned when he felt Brad’s hands in his hair. Patrick gave the roof of Brad’s mouth one last lick and then pulled away from the kiss. He stared into dazed blue eyes.

  “You better call me.” Patrick brushed his lips over Brad’s once more before he got out of the car. He waved at Brad and then stepped into the flower shop.

  It only took Patrick a few minutes to pick out two beautiful bouquets. He gave the rather perky girl behind the counter an obscene amount of money for the flowers and then headed out of the store. On his way to Julian’s office, he stopped in a chocolate shop and bought a box of what he knew were Roz’s favorites. Arms full of his apology tools, Patrick stepped into the medical center.

  After giving the woman at the desk his name and charming her a bit, he headed into the exam room that she indicated. Julian had his back to him as he entered.

  “I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

  Patrick moved up behind him and slipped his arm around him with the bouquet in his hand. “These are for you, Ace.”

  Julian actually jumped as he spun around. Patrick’s sudden appearance had apparently startled him. Patrick managed to back away quickly enough that Julian didn’t bang into him or make him drop the flowers. Julian was staring at him. “Patrick?”

  “Ace?” Patrick shoved the flowers into his hands.

  “These are for me?”

  “Yes.”

  Julian looked at the flowers in his hands then back at Patrick, confusion plain on his face. “Why?”

  “Because I was an ass and I wanted to say that I was sorry.” Patrick leaned against the exam table. He was still holding the chocolates and flowers for Roz. “These are for Roz, so don’t you get any ideas. You’re holding your flowers.”

  “This is not how you normally apologize.”

  “Yes, but I can no longer apologize to you in that way because you went and got yourself a boyfriend.”

  “Sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Patrick.”

  “Julian.”

  “These flowers are in a vase.”

  “Of course they are. I was bringing them here. I knew you wouldn’t have something to put them in.”

  “And the ones that you are holding are also in a vase.”

  “Yes.”

  “You should not be carrying things this heavy with that shoulder!” Julian put the vase of flowers on the counter with jerky movements. Patrick was pretty sure that he was resisting the urge to throw it at him.

  “I’m trying to say that I’m sorry, and you’re yelling at me again.”

  “Well, you’re doing stupid things!”

  Patrick put the vase down on the exam table then moved toward the angry doctor. “Ace, calm down.”

  “Do not tell me what to do! If you aren’t going to take care of yourself, someone has to!”

  Patrick lunged forward and did the one thing he knew would stop Julian from yelling at him. He shoved his tongue into his mouth. Patrick thrust his hand into Julian’s hair and pulled him closer. He plundered Julian’s mouth, relearning the way that he tasted. When he felt Julian’s hand clutch at his jacket, he pulled away. Julian was panting and staring at him

  “Done yelling?”

  Julian nodded.

  “Good.” Patrick moved back to the exam table and hopped onto it. He started to remove the sling as Julian shook himself out of his daze and moved over. “Now, tell me about Brad the bartender.”

  Chapter 5

  Patrick knocked on the window of Roz’s office and made a funny face when she looked up at him, feeling oddly cheerful. He and Julian had made up; he’d met someone; and the horrible examination process involving a lead skirt and a bunch of X-rays and being stuck full of holes was past. Now he just had to get through an hour of physiotherapy with Roz, and his karma would be back on an even keel.

  Roz laughed at him when he opened the door and then laughed harder when she saw the flowers.

  “What?” he asked, perplexed.

  Roz put the chocolates in a tiny bar fridge and set the flowers on her desk. “It’s nothing. Ask Jack to tell you about the first time he brought me flowers some time. It was an experience for both of us.” She smiled. “Thanks. What’s the occasion?”

  Huh. Patrick wondered what Jack could have done to piss off Roz. Maybe he’d been her patient once or twice too. Julian did tend to fall for the needy ones. He himself was just one example in a long line. “I’m apologizing in advance,” he said, and then slouched down onto her smooth, leather couch. “We all know what a terrible patient I am. So, Barracuda, what’s on the agenda today?”

  “Well, I just finished seniors’ aquafitness.” Her expression forbade him from making a comment. “I’ve got about an hour window, and then I’m scheduled to do a bit of supervision, waiting for the eight-to-ten swimmers’ parents to pick them up. You want to get started today already? I thought you might want some time to wind down.”


  Patrick thought that maybe the truth, or at least part of it, would best serve him here. “I can’t take my pain medication. It’s a long story. So the faster I get this arm back in working condition, the faster I can start sleeping again, and the less grouchy I will be for the majority of my time here. I think it’s in everyone’s best interests if I start physio as soon as possible.”

  Roz apparently took his refusal of pain meds at face value, because she didn’t comment at all; what she did was gesture to the door in the opposite wall of her office. “In that case, we’ll get started. I know you won’t mind taking your shirt off again.”

  “Pervert,” Patrick said helpfully.

  Roz helped him out of his sling, jacket, and T-shirt, and Patrick hopped up on the massage table. For the next ten minutes, she had him moving his arm around and demonstrating his range of motion. Then she strapped a small weight around his wrist and had him repeat the process.

  “Ow,” Patrick finally complained when Roz had him press against her outstretched arm for resistance. His shoulder was telling him that continuing this exercise would be a bad idea. “Can we leave this one for a few days? I don’t think those parts of me are healed yet.”

  “We’ll wait for your X-rays to come back,” Roz agreed. “I wish we had the extra hour to wait for the development. Julian’s been pushing them to switch to a carbon nanotube X-ray so we can get instant results, but if you’ve ever applied for a government grant, you know what that’s like. They just don’t have the staff to process them any quicker.” She peeled the Velcro and spandex weight away from his arm. “You up for a swim instead?”

  “Are you trying to drown me?” he asked suspiciously.