by Jaye Cox
“Dane,” Brad says, shaking his hand. “Callie, nice to see you again,” he says to me, ushering us into his office. They start talking about football and their lives, I feel awkward and left out so I take a seat and cough, hoping to make them aware I’m still in the room.
“As much as the idle chit-chat is making me feel awkward, you obviously asked us here for a reason. I took time off work to be here, so can we get to the point?” I might come across a bit nastier than I intended, but Brad and I never got along and I could see the smugness in his face as he talked about Dane and his wife going over for dinner, a way to rub everything in my face.
“Nice to see you haven’t changed in all these years,” Brad snaps back. I’m about to give him a piece of my mind when Dane steps in, just like he used to all those years ago.
“So, you asked us here to talk about Beau?” Dane asks Brad.
“Yes, I ran all those tests like you asked me to.”
“Tests? What tests?” I ask, no one ever talked to me about doing any tests, but why would they.
“It was nothing, Callie. I didn’t want to burden you with this unless we found something,” Dane says, facing me. It’s hard not to melt away at the sight of his crystal blue eyes.
“A burden? Are you serious? I’ve been clean for five years not five minutes, I can handle knowing if there’s something wrong with my son.”
“The tests came back negative; he has a clean bill of health,” Dane pipes up, trying to interject.
“So, why are we here? Can someone explain that to me? I have a moody rock star and a whole heap of drama to deal with.” When I say rock star they both turn to look at me. “It’s confidential and I can’t tell you anything,” I say before either of them ask who.
“I feel like Beau could use going back to counselling again, or even back on anti-depressants,” Brad says and I turn to Dane. How could they keep this from me? He gives me a look as if to say, keep listening, and I turn my attention back to Brad. “He has the impression that he’s going to die, we’ve done tests for everything we possibly could as per your request, but he isn’t dying. I think he’s had this in his head so long that he now believes it. Maybe it’s from everything he went through as a child.”
I put my head down and rub my temples. Not only did I abandon my child for drugs, but after his uncle being killed and me trying to take my own life he now thinks he’s going to die. I’m sure I won’t be getting a mother of the year award anytime soon. I can’t believe I’ve done this to my baby, he would have been better off if I’d stayed out of his life; tears rise in my eyes and blur my vision.
“This isn’t your fault, Callie. He’s had this in his head for a long time and I never told you because I knew you’d feel this way. I hoped as he got older he’d grow out of it, but he hasn’t and that girl he hangs around with doesn’t make it any better by buying into his delusion.”
“How is this not my fault? I was a pathetic junkie and my next fix was more important than my family. It got my brother killed, and instead of thinking about my son, or even you, I wanted to end it all and even after all that I still didn’t get clean. It took my niece, who I didn’t even really know, dying to shock me into getting clean. I was pathetic, I still am. I should be settled down in a relationship, and maybe even had more kids like you and Tara did, instead I’m barely hanging on and running around trying to help a pain in the ass rock star who doesn’t even think he has a problem get sober before he loses his career.” I sniffle and wipe the tears from my eyes.
Dane turns to me and takes my hands in his. “We were too young when we had Beau. Maybe if I hadn’t been so selfish, and paid more attention to you and Beau, you wouldn’t have done the things you did. Even I have to take some responsibility and guilt for the past, it’s not all on you.”
“Thank you,” I say, looking up at him. He squeezes my hand and for a second it makes me feel content.
“I’ve put together some pamphlets with numbers. If you can talk with his psychiatrist, give him this envelope and hopefully we can get him feeling good again.”
“Thanks again for calling me,” Dane says to Brad, letting go of my hand and standing to shake his. I also stand, but don’t shake his hand. It might seem childish but I don’t care, that guy just gets under my skin; how he was smart enough to become a doctor is beyond me. I follow Dane out of the room, and the receptionist smiles and waves to us. When I say us, I mean Dane, he still has that way about him that used to make girls fall at his feet, and now it seems grown women, too. In the parking lot I say my goodbyes, and we agree to meet up for dinner and talk to Beau together as a family, along with Tara. I can’t exactly deny her, she was a mother to my son when I couldn’t be and she still is.
Pulling out onto the street, I decide Eddie can fend for himself for one night. He seemed to be in a good place after our meeting and seeing him with those kids made me feel a little bit at ease about going home. I’m in no mood to deal with him now. If he was to act like a brat it could make me do something stupid, so it’s best if I go home and call Olivia, she can always talk me down, take a hot bath and maybe even look at a few houses. It would be nice to finally have a place to call my own again; the last time I could truly do that was when I bought Beau home from hospital and I was just a scared little girl back then.
Chapter Nine
Eddie
One thing about distractions is that they only last for so long, and self-control is not something I’d class as my strong suit. I think Callie’s given up because my phone has not blown up with missed calls in about an hour. Even though I’d put it on silent, I could still feel the vibrations from my pocket. As I wave goodbye to Beth and the kids.
My phone buzzes again and I decide I’d best find out what she wants before she thinks I’m MIA and does something stupid like call Oliver or Mickki. I’m surprised to see it isn’t her, it’s a friend from a few tours ago; his band opened for us. We called him Blazin’ Brazen, and I haven’t seen him in well over two years, just a case of never being in the same place at the same time.
“Yo, my brother from another mother, what’s up?” I say.
“Not much, I saw all the publicity and knew you were in town. Come hang and catch up on old times.”
“Text me the address and I’ll head straight over.”
You know when you instantly know something is a bad idea, but you think fuck it and do it anyway? I see Damien give me a look, he knows of Brazen and doesn’t think it’s a good idea that I go catch up with an old mate. I agree to just one drink, but he knows as well as I do that that’s bullshit. The driver takes me to the address Brazen texted, it’s not too far away and as we pull up to a security gate we get buzzed in. The house is massive, there are cars and people everywhere, and a party is in full swing.
As I walk inside, I see Brazen straight away. He’s sitting on a massive chair like a fucking King, with a woman rubbing herself all over him. This is my kind of party; the music is loud, the women are loose, and anything goes. Brazen whispers something to a leggy blonde, she smiles at him and looks my way. I know how Brazen’s parties work; she’s just been assigned to me for the night and I can't say I mind. She looks to be just my type; legs that go on for days and a big rack. She struts towards me in her very skimpy outfit. I'm not one for theatrics - I don't need the batter of the eyelashes, or the flip of the hair. I'm a fucking rock god, and I have needs and no trouble finding someone to fulfil said needs. Damien is close behind me; he gets jumpy when I take him into big crowds by himself. He has Marcus on speed dial and I swear that guy is magic and just appears out of thin air.
“Brazen would like to talk to you,” the blonde woman says, taking me by the hand. As she pulls me along I watch the sway of her hips, which causes a twitch in my pants.
“I see you like my gift for the night,” Brazen checks, clicking his fingers and a waitress dressed in next to nothing brings us both a scotch on the rocks. I knock mine back and hand the empty glass back to the woman who g
oes to get me another.
“So, what's been happening with you? The paps have been all over your binge,” he says with a laugh.
“I wouldn't say it was a binge, more like a good time. Now I'm supposed to have a fucking sober buddy and stop using.”
“A sober buddy, that’s fucking hilarious,” he spits out through uncontrollable laughter.
“Fuck you man, she’s riding my balls and she’s always around.”
“She! Is she at least hot?” he asks.
“Maybe, in a stick-up-her-ass kind of way, but I need to get rid of her.”
“Easy, just fuck her and then go fuck some more chicks after.”
“She hates me, she won't just drop her panties like a normal woman,” I say seriously. Callie needs to go, she makes me want to use with her judgemental looks and condescending tone.
“Make her fall for you, charm her, then fuck her and dump her.”
“Let's just get fucking wasted and not worry about women.”
“You might want to think about that woman,” he says, pointing to the blonde who has two coke lines across her tits; one line can't hurt. What my sober buddy doesn't know won't hurt her. I snort the coke straight from her body and I see the look Damien gives me, I point to the second line on her other tit and nod my head his way, he shakes his head no. Can't say I didn't offer, right? Brazen tells me about his upcoming tour and I'm glad we’ve got a break. I love the rush of playing on stage every night, being constantly on the move, but there’s nothing like being at home and writing and recording new songs. I can't think of anything I’d rather spend my life doing - well besides fucking, but that comes with the lifestyle.
After a few drinks, Brazen has an idea that we should go to a club because he wants to dance. It's not an easy task going out in public at times, but he convinces me it's fine, he knows the owners and they have a VIP booth sectioned off. We’d just blend in with the rich assholes and wouldn't even draw any attention to ourselves.
Because I can, I tell Damien to go home early, that Brazen has plenty of security, and I’ll be fine. I only have him with me because everyone’s gone nuts over my recent outbursts. He’s hesitant to leave, but I remind him who pays him and he leaves.
After an hour, we’re pulling up to Club Stixx; it's a pretty popular club and the line to get in goes all the way around the corner and into a side street. Brazen walks straight up to the bouncer – so much for blending in. Since people will know we’re here, we might as well make it worthwhile. Brazen leads us to a VIP booth and shakes hands with the massive bouncer guarding the entrance. I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and think, ‘here we go again, this chick is worse than a nagging girlfriend.’ I pull it out so I can shut it off, but the name flashing on the screen catches my eye. It's Sasha, now why would she be calling me? She’s made it clear she can't be my friend, so something must be wrong.
“Hello?” I say, but can't hear a damn thing over the music. “HOLD ON, I’LL GO OUTSIDE!” I yell over the music as I push my way through the crowd. “Can you hear me now?”
“I can hear you,” she says. I can tell she’s been crying.
“What's wrong? Are you okay?” I ask, genuinely concerned.
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called you,” she sobs.
“Don't be silly, you can always call me…anytime.”
“That's the problem, Eddie, I can't. Seeing you bought back so many memories. I need to stay away from that dark place, but I miss her so much.”
“I miss her too, every day. I feel numb without you both.”
“You're a good man, you know that.”
“Tell that to Mickki and the rest of the fucking country. You and Amelia were the only people who saw the best in me.”
“We still do, I believe she’s watching down on us. Do you remember her telling you before each show to make her proud? That shouldn't have to end just because she isn't here.” Her words hit me hard in the centre of my gut. Not only did I let her down in life, I'm letting her down in death as well. Hell, I need to change the subject.
“I’m sorry, I never wanted to let you both down. Look, I have to go.” I hang up before she can get a word in. How did my life get to this point? I’d give up everything I have for a do-over.
As I walk back towards the club, I see photographers everywhere. It wouldn't surprise me if the owners had tipped them off, the publicity would be good for them. Putting my head down and walking in the other direction, I need to call someone to come and get me, but who. Calling a taxi is out of the question since the incident of 2009, apparently making the chubby driver think you're going to not pay and do a runner isn't funny, especially when he had no idea who we were. Being charged with fare evasion wasn’t one of my finest moments, but watching him chase me was hilarious. Mickki is also not an option as he won't take me being high very well, and there’s no point calling my security team as they’ll just tell Oliver and the last thing I need is the label on my ass again. Maybe Callie? She might bust my balls, but she wants to see me sober. The call rings and rings, and I’m expecting an answering machine to click over before she answers.
“Hello?” Holy shit, stick-up-the-ass Callie has a phone-sex voice.
“What are you wearing?” I say in my best sleazy voice.
“Eddie?”
“Say it slower, more like, Oh, Eddie, right there.”
“I’m going to hang up if you don’t get to the point. I don’t have time for your stupid games.”
“Well love, you’re my sober buddy and I kind of need your help.”
“Do you really need my help, or is this some kind of trick?” she says and I can tell she’s getting frustrated with me. As much fun as it is to tease her, she’s my only chance of not being busted.
“I really need your help. I’m sitting in the dark at the corner of Paulson and Amie.”
“Fine, I’ll come, but you owe me an explanation on the way home.”
Sitting back on the steps of some upscale café, I try not to think about the phone call from Sasha. I decide to send a quick text to her, apologising for hanging up on her. Why do I have to be a disappointment to everyone? My mother used to tell me that all I was was a disappointment and I always would be; I guess she was right and could see it in me even as a child. Fuck them all. They all think I can’t do it, even Mickki. I can see it in his face when he looks at me, I’m just taking him down with me. They all want me to be sober and deal with my past, maybe they’re right and it is time. What do I know, I’m high as hell and a little drunk? Okay, maybe I’m a lot drunk; the shitload of shots I’d done with Brazen before we left his house weren’t a good idea.
Headlights approach, but it can’t be her. The car slows down and I see a window roll down; It’s her alright. I shake my head, there is no way I can get in that death trap.
“Get in the car,” she calls out.
“You seriously want me to get in that?” I question.
“You called me, remember? Sorry not all of us can afford to drive around in limos. I can call Mickki to come get you if you prefer, though?”
“Nope, I’m good. Just let me quickly update my twitter and all my accounts, and say goodbye in case we die.” Buckling myself in, I pull my phone out and take a selfie.
“You’re being ridiculous, this car is perfectly safe,” she says as she pulls away from the corner.
“How about we go buy you a new car, my shout?” I slur.
“How about I take you home and you can sober up?” she retaliates.
“NO, I can’t go home. Mickki will be there and I don’t need his look of pity. Just drop me at a hotel.”
“People will recognise you and you’re supposed to stay out of the papers. Oliver is going to be pissed.”
I look in her back seat and see a big floppy sun hat and big fly looking sunglasses, then I reach for them and put them on. “They won’t even know who I am in these.”
“You look ridiculous,” she says with a smile. I’ve not seen her smile befor
e, and now that she doesn’t look so serious it’s the first time I’ve seen Callie and not some stuck-up pain in my ass.
“I look seriously hot.”
“If you say so,” she says, rolling her eyes at me. “We’re here.”
“We’re where? Gang bangers are us? I’m too young and pretty to die.”
“Just get out of the damn car. You’re drunk and need to sober up. This is my sister’s house. I’ll take you home in a few hours and Mickki won’t ever know, but you owe me one.”
“It’s a bit soon to meet the family, don’t you think? We haven’t even banged yet. Don’t you want to ‘try before you buy’ so to speak?”
“For shit’s sake”. Just get inside.” She leads the way to the house.
“Won’t your sister care that you’re bringing a strange man home? And what the hell are you wearing?”
“My sister isn’t here, she’s away, and this is what I sleep in.”
“That’s something a granny would wear to bed. You’re what, in your early thirties? And from what I can tell, you’ve got a somewhat rockin’ body under there. You’re going to die a lonely cat lady, if you dress this way and drive this thing.” I say, following her into the house. She switches on the lights and it looks like a typical family home, with pictures on the walls and nothing like I’ve ever had in my life.
“Maybe it’s to scare men like you away?” She throws her keys onto the kitchen bench and I lie down on the couch, kicking my boots onto the floor.
“Men like me? You mean to say you know heaps of rock stars with monster cocks?”
I see her smile again and for a spilt second I get a warm feeling inside me. Damn it, Eddie, how fucking pissed are you?
“Go to sleep. I’ll take you home in a few hours.”
“You don’t want any company?” I ask, raising my eyebrows suggestively at her.
