by Jaye Cox
“Aren’t you glad she didn’t come tonight?” she says, taking my length down her throat.
“Hmmm,” slips from my lips as she pulls away.
“Lucky her tickets never made it to her then,” she purrs, trying to sound seductive.
“What?” I yell, pushing her away. She sits in the shower, naked, and looking up at me as if I’ve lost my mind.
“Did you honestly think I’d be happy about this? That I would want you, over her?” I say stepping from the shower and wrapping a towel around my body.
“You wanted me,” she screeches, throwing the container of shampoo my way.
“I never said I wanted you, love. I said I could fuck you, and just because I can doesn’t mean I will,” I snap as Damien comes running into the bathroom. He takes one look at Alex, naked in the shower, shakes his head and walks out.
“I think you should leave, I’ll have Damien escort you out. Don’t ever pull anything like this again or your ass will be fired. Callie is, and will always be, the woman every other woman has to live up to. She’s pretty damn special, so I don’t think anyone could live up to that.” I don’t wait for a reply from her, I walk out, leaving her sitting in the shower.
“Yo, Damien, get your buff ass in here.”
He casually comes into the room. “What’s up boss-man?”
“Make sure she leaves and isn’t seen; if she is, pay the slimy fuckers whatever they want for the roll of film. If Callie gets wind of this I won’t have a chance with her.”
“No worries. Don’t go anywhere until I get back, Marcus will hand me my ass if you do.”
“Marcus? Never, he’s a pussy cat.” I laugh.
“You can tell him that,” he says back.
“I’ll pass, I’m sure I can entertain myself for a few minutes.” I drop my towel.
“Put some clothes on. The last thing we need is some naked dick pics spread over the bloody internet by morning, those paps are like chameleons and blend into the walls.”
“I do all my best thinking naked,” I throw back, picking out some clothes from the walk-in robe. I don’t know why they even unpack our stuff, it seems pointless.
“Don’t you mean you used to do all your best thinking naked. Eddie Diamond, rock star, wouldn’t leave a hot naked woman in his shower unsatisfied?”
“That was when I had nothing to lose,” I say, walking out of the robe. Alex is now standing in a towel, next to Damien. He hands her a black trench coat that she must have worn in, she has the nerve to drop her towel and take it from him.
“When you’ve finished this little show, I’ll take you to your room,” Damien says. Alex huffs and storms from the room, he follows behind her. I must give him a raise, I knew I liked him for a reason. I get dressed and wait for Damien to come back. I don’t feel like going to the after party, but I need to play some music. I hear the door unlock and Damien comes walking back inside.
“Took you long enough,” I say, jumping up from my seat
“Sorry, that chick’s crazy. Where we headed?” he asks.
“Somewhere where there’s music,” I say. Damien makes a call and gets another few security guys to meet us downstairs, he’s so paranoid. I must say I miss being a nobody, not having someone with me all the time. We meet downstairs and Damien runs them through what’s happening; I ask for them to at least stand back and not draw too much attention our way, I just want to blend in.
It takes no longer than half an hour to spot a few buskers near Central Station. A group of young girls catch my eye, I make Damien pull over and I stand at the back of the crowd listening to the music; this is what it’s all about for me, the passion and love. No pressure. These girls have that. One girl taps away on her bongos, another plays the flute, the third is on an electric violin and their sound is beyond amazing. When the girl playing the bongos starts to sing, I’m blown away by her voice; it sends shivers down my spine and goose bumps form on my arms. They are playing Don’t you worry child by Swedish House Mafia, but it’s a totally different arrangement than what I’ve ever heard before, they own it. I watch as they play song after song, switching instruments, ukuleles and keyboards, my mind is blown. They start another song, one that reminds me of Amelia and I find myself pushing through the crowd. I pick up the ukulele and start playing, they don’t even stop to question a stranger joining in, they seem so lost in their art. Touch the Sky was one of many songs Amelia made me play for her, she was obsessed with Brave; she loved that a girl could be a kick-ass princess. At the end of the song, the crowd erupts and that’s how I remember music feeling. The girls start to pack up and talk amongst themselves, I pull all the money from my wallet and throw it in the open violin case. The girl that was playing the flute, walks up to me and hands me my money back. “We can’t accept this, Mr Diamond.”
“Please take it, you ladies reminded me about why I fell in love with music, I lost that the last few years.”
A short blonde girl snatches the money back and her attitude reminds me of Callie.
“You might not accept his money, but I sure will.”
“Sorry about my friend, she has no manners. I’m Penny, the rude one is Shan, and the voice of our trio. And that’s Misty.” Misty gives me a small wave and Shan is counting the money.
“I’m Eddie.”
“I know,” Penny says with a giggle. “I’m so star-struck right now,” she says, blushing. Damien comes closer and whispers in my ear.
“We need to go; the crowd has realised who you are.” I look up and he’s right.
“Do you girls want to come with me and talk music, I can pay you for your time.”
“We’re not hookers,” Shan throws back and Misty hits her in the arm. “What? Just sayin’.”
“We would love to,” Penny says. Damien and the other security guys help get their instruments in the cars and Penny jumps in the front seat, calling shot gun; I laugh because I’ve not called shot gun since Mickki and I were kids. I end up between the other two girls, and they just sit and stare at me for a few minutes. A song I’m not overly familiar with comes on the radio, Penny turns the volume up and all three start to sing.
The girls have talked my ear off for the last few hours. Shan has let her guard down and joined in, and has taken a liking to Damien. I tell him to call in someone to replace him, because he’s officially off duty and free to do whatever or whomever he wants. Ten minutes later, Damien and Shan have disappeared onto the balcony.
“So, what is Eddie Diamond doing roaming the streets of Sydney, instead of going to that after-party ACE TV’s been going on about for the last few weeks?”
“I wasn’t feeling it,” I say.
“So, it’s about a girl,” Misty says.
“Not exactly.”
They keep at me with the questions until I find myself telling them about Callie and how and why we met. I don’t tell them about her background because it’s not my place, but I tell them about how she makes me smile just thinking about her. When I get to the part about Alex and the shower, they both gasp and a few not-so-nice remarks get thrown around.
“So, why don’t you just call her?” Penny asks.
“Or better yet, just say screw it and go get the girl?” Misty interjects.
“Because I want to show her I can do this by myself and be the man she deserves.”
“I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit,” Penny says, filling her glass with more champagne.
“I think you see me as Eddie, the famous rock star, and Callie can see the real me under all that; and it’s hard when I’m not even sure I see the me under it all some days. I need to find me, not the rock star or the drug addict, just Eddie, you know? And tonight was the first time in forever that I remembered why I loved music and how the music made me feel.”
“Let’s play some music then,” Misty says, throwing the ukulele my way.
We play music until early hours of the morning, and I ask the girls if they want to crash here since Damie
n and Shan went to Damien’s room; I think she’s squealing a yes. I take them into the spare room; one of the joys of being a rock star is that our rooms are always massive. I never share a hotel room with anyone, but they know I need two rooms, or used to anyway. Sometimes the hot chick has a friend and I wouldn’t want to be rude and leave anyone out. But you get the odd few that don’t want to join in. I take them a shirt each to wear, I couldn’t imagine sleeping in uncomfortable clothes. Tonight has been the best time I’ve had in such a long time.
I wake up to the sound of girl’s laughter, I drag myself from the bed and pull on some jeans. As I walk into the kitchen, all three girls are sitting at the breakfast bar drinking coffee.
“Morning Ladies,” I say and all three reply at the same time, even Shan who’s eyeing off Damien in his uniform.
“So, I wanted to talk to you and see what you’d think about coming with me back to my record label and playing for Oliver. Your sound is amazing and I want him to hear it.
“As in, Oliver Fontaine?” Misty asks.
“That would be the one,” I say.
“Holy fuck, that’s amazing,” Shan says and Penny elbows her. “What? He is a rock star, I’m sure he swears all the time.”
My phone buzzes on the counter, and I see it’s Callie calling.
“Is that her?” Penny asks and I nod. Why do I feel so giddy and nervous?
“Callie?” I say, answering the call, but the line is silent. Maybe she’s butt dialled me, that would be my luck. “Hello? Are you there?” I say and the line goes dead.
“I think she butt dialled me,” I say to the three young ladies all staring me down.
“Call her back, you pussy,” Shan says.
“Should I?”
“YES!” they all yell in unison. I hit redial and wait as the phone starts to ring.
“Hello?” she says shyly, maybe I woke her up.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, I don’t know why I called. Being alone and thinking is never a good mix for an addict.”
“I’ve been wanting to call and hear your voice, I miss you,” I say and get a thumbs-up from the girls. They start whispering for me to tell her I love her, and Shan makes a crude comment about wanting to screw her brains out and that makes me laugh because it’s not far from the truth.
“Oh God, I’m interrupting something,” she says.
“It’s...”
She hangs up on me before I get a chance to explain. I try to call her back, but her phone goes straight to message bank. I tell Damien to take the girls and get some stuff packed for a few days. Mickki barges through the door, looking worse for wear. His massive sunglasses don’t hide the massive hangover he’s sporting this morning. Marcus follows close behind him.
The girls all squeal again and that causes Mickki to hold his head.
“Sore head this morning, brother?”
“You could say that again,” he replies.
“What’s going on here?” he says, pointing to the girls. “No wonder you didn’t show up to the after-party.”
“It wasn’t like that.” I say in my defence, but he just looks at me as if he doesn’t believe me. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” I snipe.
“Oh, Sasha called me because Beau wants you to call him. Here’s the number.”
“Beau, as in Callie’s son?”
“Yes, unless you know another Beau.”
I snatch the number from him. Damien heads out with the girls and says he’ll be back as quickly as he can. We have our private jet ready to leave whenever we’re ready to leave. I go into my room for some privacy, while Mickki raids the mini bar; hair of the dog is all he mumbles.
I type in the numbers and hit call. I’m hoping it’s just a lecture about treating his mum right.
“Hello?”
“Hi, this is Eddie,” I say unsteadily. Why does the kid make me so damn nervous?
“Thank you for calling me. I don’t have much time, but I wanted to ask you to look after my mum. She likes you a lot, I can tell by her need to take care of you. I won’t be here to do it and I need to know she’ll be okay.”
“Why won’t you be here? What’s going on?” I ask.
“This day’s been coming for a long time, and no one besides Jaynie ever believed me.”
“What day Beau? You’re kinda freaking me out.”
“My death, Eddie. Just promise me, please.”
“I promise. Your mum is special and I’ll always do whatever I can to help her. I love her and I hope she’ll love me back one day.”
“She already does,” he says. I can hear the shake is his voice and know he’s crying.
“Beau?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re not going to hurt yourself, I’m not sure even I could help your mum if you do,” I say, trying not to spook him.
“I can’t do it any longer. I’ve known for as long as I can remember, that I wouldn’t live past eighteen and even though it’s only days away and I can’t handle not knowing how I’ll go. At least I have control this way. Make sure she knows it’s not her fault.”
The line goes dead and I call him back over and over, but he doesn’t answer. Shit. I try Callie and her phone goes straight to message bank. I run out and ask Mickki to call Sasha and get a number for Callie’s house.
“FUCK!” I yell. Just great, Callie still isn’t answering my calls. I need to explain to her what just happened. I need to find her before it’s too late.
Chapter Sixteen
Callie
We’ve looked everywhere for Beau, in all his favourite spots, called all his friends, and nothing. They say a mother just knows if her child is okay, like a sixth sense, but I feel nothing; I’m just empty inside. A horrible feeling of dread keeps washing over me. Everyone is still out searching and I feel useless sitting here trying to explain Beau to these officers who don’t know him. He’s just another face to them, but he’s my everything, the reason I try so damn hard every day to be a better person - without him I’m nothing. They try to reassure me they’ll do everything they can before they leave.
Jaynie flies through the door and tells me she got a signal from his phone, he must have turned it on to make a call; it’s some ‘find my phone’ app that kids use these days when they lose their phones. I grab my keys and follow her out to my car. Her friend who was helping her search for Beau, gives her a wave and drives away. She programs the address of his last known whereabouts into my GPS. It’s a small park close to the cemetery where my brother and Amelia are buried. She says she already looked there, but maybe she missed him. There really isn’t much close by besides a train station and the park.
As we drive in silence, I hold back my tears. Where’s my boy? What’s going through his head? If only his father and I had listened to him more, maybe he wouldn’t feel so alone. Jaynie’s nervous leg-tapping is echoing through my brain as we slowly pull up in front of the park. We decide to split up, I take the park and she’ll look at the train station.
As I wander through the park, I see kids playing on swings, all happy without a care in the world. I don’t have good memories of my son at that age, and I’m sure as hell not ready to lose him now. I approach a few mothers and ask if they’ve seen a teenage boy fitting Beau’s description, and one thinks she may have seen him about forty-five minutes ago, on his phone and sitting at the little bench over by the big pine tree. Heading towards the main road that separates the park from the train station I see them both, Jaynie and my Beau, he waves at me. When Jaynie steps off the curb, I see the car…and Beau has seen the car.
“Jaynie!” I call out and rush towards them. It all happens so fast, tyres screech, and Beau is on the ground.
“BEAU!” I scream and run to his side. He’s lying there, still, and the blood makes me dizzy, everything around me goes in and out of focus.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t see the car,” Jaynie says.
I can hear someone on the ph
one to triple zero
He was just standing there, he waved to me, how is this possible? I try to stand up but with a hand on my shoulder someone tells me to stay where I am, that I must be in shock. I need to be with my son, I’m not sure if I say it or think it; everything seems halfway between reality and a really bad dream you want to wake up from.
September 26th 2009
As I slowly come to, I become aware of my surroundings and the beeping noise. Why am I in a hospital bed? I must be dreaming. I open my eyes and the room is empty, I pull the wires from my body and get myself out of bed. I do a once over of my body and I have gauze taped to my wrist and a killer headache. The machines make an awful noise and a few nurses come rushing to my room.
“Miss Dean, please hop back in bed,” one of the nurses demands.
“I need to go,” I say, trying to find my clothes, I have to have clothes.
“You can’t leave,” says the man in a white coat entering the room.
“I have a son, he needs me,” I cry.
“Honey, do you remember what happened?” the older lady asks.
“Of course, I do. Billy died and it’s all my fault and that bitch just wouldn’t let me die,” I seethe, why wouldn’t she just let me die?
“You’re under suicide watch and Sasha has filled us in on what happened. Your sister would like to see you before we move you.”
“I don’t have anything to say to any of them,” I say. “I want to leave, let me leave,” I beg.
“We can't do that,” the man says.
“I can,” I say, trying to push my way through the doors. An alarm sounds and a few more men in white lab coats run our way. There’s a sharp jab and I start to feel drowsy. I’m laid back on the bed and the lights in the room keep spinning.
