It was his wish only to encourage as fine a young disciple as Polycarp. John had not once over the years been disingenuous in his proclamations regarding Polycarp’s future in ministry. As it was, even in his mid-twenties, Polycarp played a respected leadership role in that important church. And surely he was destined for a bishopric—if not here, then in one of the other churches under John’s care.
John told himself that his point had been made, and that if Polycarp fell into any more doting, he would accept it gratefully as a sign of the young man’s love and concern. He would merely thank him. And ignore him.
The young man had gifts, of that there was no question, not the least of which was knowing just the right refresher for his mentor. John sat up as Polycarp returned and set before him a small bowl of grapes and olives. Such an unusual combination, and yet perfect for that moment. The sharp saltiness of the olives proved delicious, and the sweetness of the grapes energized him.
Oh, the pain in his chest was still there, and John resigned himself to the fact that if he was for some reason forced to exert himself, it would surely result in his demise. Fortunately, the work he was doing and the insightful questions of his helper proved to somehow take his mind off his ailments—at least temporarily.
“I am amazed,” Polycarp said, “at how often Jesus refers to His mission, who He is and what He is about. I do not see how anyone who studies His life and message could come to any other conclusion than that He claimed to be the Son of God, sent from Heaven to do the will of His Father. I am not so deluded as to think that everyone will agree and believe in Him. But they cannot say He was about anything else or that He did not claim this identity. And the beautiful imagery. I live for water and for bread, so He reaches me when He uses that language. Let me predict that your account will find an enthusiastic hearing among the brethren.”
“Let us pray it will also be received by those who are not yet with us,” John said. “The pagan, the apostate, the unbeliever, they need it even more than we do. And so we must resume. You know, the religious leaders complained about Him, because He said, ‘I am the bread which came down from heaven.’ And remember, He is saying this in the synagogue in Capernaum.”
“They must have been outraged.”
“They said, ‘Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph, whose father and mother we know? How is it then that He says, “I have come down from heaven?” ’
“Jesus answered them, ‘Do not murmur among yourselves. No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day. It is written in the prophets, “And they shall all be taught by God.” Therefore everyone who has heard and learned from the Father comes to Me. Not that anyone has seen the Father, except He who is from God; He has seen the Father. Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life. I am the bread of life. Your fathers ate the manna in the wilderness, and are dead. This is the bread which comes down from heaven, that one may eat of it and not die. I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread that I shall give is My flesh, which I shall give for the life of the world.’”
“How did the Jewish leaders react to that?” Polycarp said.
“As you can imagine, they quarreled among themselves, saying, ‘How can this Man give us His flesh to eat?’
“Jesus said, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats My flesh and drinks My blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For My flesh is food indeed, and My blood is drink indeed. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood abides in Me, and I in him. As the living Father sent Me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on Me will live because of Me. This is the bread which came down from heaven—not as your fathers ate the manna, and are dead. He who eats this bread will live forever.’”
Polycarp sat back. “The religious leaders must have been speechless.”
“We all were. It was a complicated treatise, and I, for one, did not understand it. Later He told us He had, of course, been speaking symbolically. His point was that just as food and drink are necessary to sustain life, people could live spiritually only by His offering His body and His blood as a sacrifice for their sins. We did not know that this giving meant His literal death, though that eventually became clear. It would take days of conversation with the Master to gain some understanding. Some among us, in fact the broader group of disciples, grew so frustrated that they gave up trying to decipher His meaning and left us.”
“That was when the winnowing began?”
“Oh, He still had those of us closest to Him, the twelve. But, yes, the rest left Him at that point.”
“Will you be explaining Him here, master, making it easier for those who hear or read this to understand?”
John shook his head. “Christ Himself made it clear to us. I sense I need to let His Holy Spirit do the same for readers and hearers. People often responded to Him by declaring, ‘This is a hard saying; who can understand it?’
“When Jesus knew in Himself that His disciples complained about this, He said to us, ‘Does this offend you? What then if you should see the Son of Man ascend where He was before? It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. But there are some of you who do not believe.’”
“What did He mean by that, teacher?”
“Oh, Jesus knew from the beginning who did not believe and who would betray Him. And He said, ‘Therefore I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father.’ That was when many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to us twelve, ‘Do you also want to go away?’
“Simon Peter spoke for all of us when he said, ‘Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.’”
FIFTEEN
By the middle of that Friday afternoon, John had become aware of the workers in the household making preparations for Shabbat. There had been much controversy among believers over whether Jewish Christians should still observe Jewish rites. John had come down on the side of freedom, that they were certainly free to, but not bound to. He himself still felt compelled to pray three times a day, as in the tradition under which he had been raised, but he also frequently prayed much more often.
Ignatius came by, speculating on whether the crowd this evening, during the Sabbath, would be larger or smaller. The three were divided, Ignatius predicting fewer, Polycarp more, and John opining that there would be little difference from the night before.
“Of one thing I am certain, however,” he said. “Cerinthus will not be here.”
“Of course not,” Ignatius said. “His type of Gnostic remains imprisoned by the laws and will surely observe Shabbat. By the way, teacher, if ever there was an evening when you should try to join us, it is tonight. Many have asked after you, and I promise not to make you read or speak or even pray.”
“Perhaps.”
The bishop had read the previous day’s output of John’s account and continued to rave about the far-reaching potential of it. “My favorite part,” he said, “is where you recount the people asking Jesus for this eternal, life-giving bread—clearly assuming He is talking about the bread that never runs out, as they had eaten the day before. But He responds, ‘I am the bread of life.’ That is beautiful! He was talking about Himself, and they had not understood it, so He simply tells them.”
As the sun set, the Sabbath was an hour old and the house was quiet until the crowd started to arrive for Ignatius’s teaching session. John felt little better than when he had risen, but he forced himself to make his way to the chapel. Not having to mount or descend stairs was a great help, but as soon as he took his place, he regretted having come.
People crowded around to greet hi
m, to touch him, to smile at him, to study him. John felt he had become a spectacle, yet he had no choice other than to be cordial. Once Ignatius got into his teaching, John leaned close to Polycarp and whispered, “You were correct. This has to be the biggest crowd.”
The young man nodded. “Do you need anything, rabbi?”
“I need you to take me out of here.”
Without hesitation, Polycarp helped him up and escorted him back to his new room. John could tell the young man wanted to ask if he was all right, but apparently he had been chastised enough about this. “I’m fine,” John told him. “Just tired. And I didn’t want to have to fight the crowd later. You may go back, if you wish.”
“I would like to,” Polycarp said. “But I am at your service, should you care to work more. I do not recommend it and, as you know, wish you would get your rest. But you have convinced me the time is short.”
“No, please. Return. Then you and Ignatius come back and report how the evening goes.”
“Only if you are still awake.”
NOT ONLY was John awake later, but he was also ready to take Polycarp up on his suggestion that they keep working. It wasn’t that he felt better. In fact, John felt worse. That was the point. He didn’t want to worry unnecessarily, but he was becoming convinced of his own mortality. And the timing must have been all right with God, because He was not answering John’s pleas for relief and healing. Perhaps, he decided, he should stop banging on heaven’s door. Clearly the work was more important than his own life, and John had long ago learned not to question the mind of God. There had to be some purpose in his own demise, and much as he longed to stay at the task, he would not fight his fate. John would, however, work for as long as he had breath.
What the men reported from the meeting settled in John’s mind that he would work that evening until he fell asleep.
“There are often faces we don’t recognize in these meetings,” Ignatius said. “And we are always on the lookout for people who would intend evil upon us. But tonight we saw some who might have been Gnostics.”
“But would not they be observing the Sabbath?”
“No one said they were devout or consistent. Perhaps Cerinthus is able to be personally observant by sending them in his stead.”
“Keep an eye on them, should they return,” John said. “And get your rest. Polycarp and I shall continue awhile.”
“I would love to sit in,” Ignatius said.
“Suit yourself. I am jumping ahead now about half a year, when Jesus walked in Galilee. He no longer wanted to walk in Judea, because the Jews sought to kill Him. It always touched me deeply that while He spent a few days here and there with great multitudes, He spent days and weeks and months at a time with us, teaching us, preparing us for our duties when He would no longer be with us. We did not comprehend that, of course, not wanting to believe He would not be with us for years to come.
“But it was during this period, when He was continuing to preach and teach and heal, that the discomfort with Him on the part of the religious leaders grew into true hatred. You see, once Jesus had taught, He also healed, but He did not just heal the worst cases. He did not heal a representative portion of each crowd. He healed them all.
“The Jews’ Feast of Tabernacles was at hand. Jesus’ brothers therefore said to Him, ‘Depart from here and go into Judea, that Your disciples also may see the works that You are doing. For no one does anything in secret while he himself seeks to be known openly. If You do these things, show Yourself to the world.’ You know, at this time even His brothers did not believe in Him. They did not become His followers until after the resurrection. His brother James became head of the church at Jerusalem, and his brother Jude wrote a treatise against apostates that it would serve us well to study as we face the Gnostics.
“Jesus said again that His time had not yet come and so He would remain in Galilee and not go to Judea. He added that the world hated Him ‘because I testify of it that its works are evil.’
“But once His brothers had left, He also went up to the feast, not openly, but in secret. The Jews looked for Him there, asking everyone, ‘Where is He?’ And there was much talk among the people concerning Him. Some said, ‘He is good’; others said, ‘No, on the contrary, He deceives the people.’ However, no one spoke openly of Him for fear of the Jews.
“Now about the middle of the feast Jesus went up into the temple and taught. And the Jews marveled, saying, ‘How does this Man know letters, having never studied?’
“Jesus said, ‘My doctrine is not Mine, but His who sent Me. If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God or whether I speak on My own authority. He who speaks from himself seeks his own glory; but He who seeks the glory of the One who sent Him is true, and no unrighteousness is in Him. Did not Moses give you the law, yet none of you keeps the law? Why do you seek to kill Me?’
“They said, ‘You have a demon. Who is seeking to kill You?’
“Well, Polycarp, it was a most unusual day. Jesus boldly challenged them. He said, ‘I did one work, and you all marvel…. Are you angry with Me because I made a man completely well on the Sabbath? Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.’
“Some from Jerusalem said, ‘Is this not He whom they seek to kill? But look! He speaks boldly, and they say nothing to Him. Do the rulers know indeed that this is truly the Christ? However, we know where this Man is from; but when the Christ comes, no one knows where He is from.’
“Suddenly Jesus cried out with a loud voice in the temple, saying, ‘You both know Me, and you know where I am from; and I have not come of Myself, but He who sent Me is true, whom you do not know. But I know Him, for I am from Him, and He sent Me.’
“Why, Polycarp, I was afraid they would overtake Him. They rushed forward to seize Him, but again no one was able to lay a hand on Him. And why?”
Polycarp looked up. “Because His hour had not yet come?”
John nodded. “Many witnessed this and believed in Him, and said, ‘When the Christ comes, will He do more signs than these which this Man has done?’ The Pharisees heard the crowd discussing Him, and they and the chief priests sent officers to take Him.
“Jesus told them, ‘I shall be with you a little while longer, and then I go to Him who sent Me. You will seek Me and not find Me, and where I am you cannot come.’
“When I reflected on this I could hardly believe I had missed it and wondered what else I could have concluded from such a prophecy. The Jews said among themselves, ‘Where does He intend to go that we shall not find Him? Does He intend to go to the Dispersion among the Greeks and teach the Greeks? What is this thing that He said, “You will seek Me and not find Me, and where I am you cannot come”?’
“On the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, ‘If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ I know now, of course, that He was referring to the Holy Spirit, whom those believing in Him would receive; but the Spirit had not yet been given, because Jesus had not yet been glorified.
“Therefore many from the crowd said, ‘Truly this is the Prophet.’
“Others said, ‘This is the Christ.’
“But some said, ‘Will the Christ come out of Galilee? Has not the Scripture said that the Christ comes from the seed of David and from the town of Bethlehem, where David was?’ So there was a division among the people because of Him. Now some of them wanted to take Him, but no one laid hands on Him.
“As you can imagine, Polycarp, the chief priests and Pharisees lost patience with the officers and demanded, ‘Why have you not brought Him?’
“The officers said, ‘No man ever spoke like this Man!’
“The Pharisees said, ‘Are you also deceived?’ and said, in essence, that none of the rulers or the Pharisees believed in Him. ‘But this crowd that does not know the law,’ they said
, ‘is accursed.’
“As the Pharisees stood heatedly discussing this, I recognized the snow-white beard and regal bearing of the one who had come to Jesus by night. Nicodemus asked his colleagues, ‘Does our law judge a man before it hears him and knows what he is doing?’
“The rest grew infuriated with Nicodemus and said, ‘Are you also from Galilee? Search and look, for no prophet has arisen out of Galilee.’”
In his mind, John was still talking, images swirling, memories cascading. And yet now this felt like a dream. He was vaguely aware that he was stretched out fully on his back, and he wondered if Polycarp remained able to hear and understand him.
John’s breathing was labored, his chest was tight, and he tried to roll up onto his side so the young man would have no trouble deciphering his words. And yet he felt confused. Was he dreaming, or was he still working? He forced open an eye and squinted against even the low light of the two lamps illuminating Polycarp’s writing area.
“You wanted to continue until you slept, sir,” the young man said. “I believe that time has come.”
“No. No. I am all right. We can continue.”
Yet several minutes later John roused and realized he had said nothing more. The room was dark. Polycarp was gone. And John’s blanket had been pulled up to just under his chin. Though he felt miserable, the old man reached for the elusive comfort of sleep, grateful for friends.
SIXTEEN
By Saturday morning John was seriously ill. And with much of the house staff still observing the Sabbath, only Ignatius and Polycarp and a few others were able to attend him. Though he still kept from them the truth about the pain in his chest, John could not deny that he had lost his appetite, his bones and muscles ached, and he was short of breath. His voice was but a whisper, and he had trouble keeping his eyes open.
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