Julie made two mugs of strong coffee. ‘And are you?’ She placed the coffee on the table and sat down opposite Kerry.
‘Of course,’ Kerry confidently assured her.
‘When do you want me to leave?’
It was on the tip of Kerry’s tongue to ask her to leave the next day, but a deeper instinct made her pause. What if she found it hard going with Mike? What if he was much changed from the man she knew? How would she deal with it all, and what about Jack and Susie? How would they take to him?
‘Leave it for a day or two, Mum,’ she said. ‘We’ll see how it goes.’
‘Whatever you say.’ Secretly, Julie was relieved. She had never liked the idea of leaving her daughter and grandchildren alone with Mike. Whatever the doctors said, there was no doubt in her mind. Mike Peterson was hopelessly insane.
Kerry drove into the hospital car park. She made no move to get out of the car or to switch off the engine. Instead, she sat there, assailed by troublesome memories, her thoughtful gaze fixed on the sign above the entrance:
LANDSMEAD
INSTITUTE FOR THE TREATMENT OF
PSYCHIATRIC AND NEUROLOGICAL
DISORDERS
She had lost count of the times she had visited this place, and though she had walked beneath that sign on many occasions, she had never before noticed the exact wording there. Now, almost against her will, it seemed to imprint itself on her brain. ‘Institute for the treatment of psychiatric and neurological disorders.’ What did it really mean? More importantly, how exactly did it apply to Mike? Could the doctors ever be sure that the treatment had worked?
Doubt flooded in, then guilt, and afterwards a determination that she and Mike would make it work. ‘We have to make it work, for Jack and Susie.’
She switched off the engine, got out of the car and locked it, then with the quick, confident steps of a woman with a purpose made her way into the hospital.
As usual, the clerk greeted her with a glued-on smile. ‘Nurse Henshaw asked if you would please make your way to the dayroom.’ When Kerry thanked her, she answered, ‘You must be delighted to be taking him home at long last.’
News travelled fast in this place, Kerry thought. ‘Thank you,’ she said, and hurried to the dayroom.
Mike was standing by the window, hands thrust deep into his pockets and a faraway look on his face. Even when she closed the door he didn’t turn to see who it was.
‘Mike?’ Crossing the room, she peeped round his shoulder to look into his face. ‘Are you all right?’
When he turned, there was a look of fear in his eyes, but it soon melted when he saw who it was. ‘Kerry! Oh, thank God, I thought you might not come.’ Sliding one arm round her shoulders, he drew her close. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’ve no idea why they should want to see you.’
Reaching up, she kissed him on the mouth, but it was a fleeting kiss, conveying only the fact that she was his wife and she was here to support him. ‘It’s only natural they would want to see us together. They have said you can go home today, haven’t they?’
Drawing a deep breath of air, he let it out in a long, relaxed sigh. ‘Yes, and isn’t it wonderful?’ His gaze went to the window, to the world beyond. ‘It’s been a lifetime,’ he murmured. ‘I can’t tell you how I feel at this minute.’
‘I can imagine how you must feel.’ But she couldn’t. To be locked away from the outside world, to see your family only once a week and have your every move monitored – how could anyone imagine such a thing?
Shifting his gaze to her, he looked so hard into her eyes that she was unnerved. ‘Please, sweetheart, don’t patronise me,’ he warned softly. ‘I don’t like it.’
Shocked by the vehemence in his voice, she stiffened in his arms. ‘I hope they don’t keep us waiting long,’ she said, pulling away. ‘Hanging around always makes me nervous.’
His dark eyes appraised her. ‘You look lovely, did I tell you that?’
Oddly embarrassed, she lowered her gaze.
He laughed, a soft, infectious laugh that told her he had not lost his sense of humour. ‘Good God, Kerry! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you blush before.’ He placed his hands on her shoulders, his dark eyes looking into hers. ‘I’d almost forgotten how beautiful you are.’
Her smile was delightfully girlish. ‘I’ve never been beautiful.’
Placing a finger beneath her chin, he raised her face to his. ‘You could have had any man you wanted, and you waited for me.’ There was a pause when his dark eyes seemed to flash danger, then, in the softest voice, he asked, ‘Tell me, has there been anyone else?’
Kerry skirted the issue. ‘Are you suggesting I’m so desperate I couldn’t go without a man for three years?’ Her voice was flippant, her smile innocent, but inside she was in turmoil.
‘Give me an answer, Kerry.’ His grip on her tightened. ‘The truth now.’
Thankfully, Kerry was saved by the arrival of Nurse Alice Henshaw. ‘The doctor will see you both now,’ she said in her best jolly manner. Her advice to Mike was, ‘Don’t let him frighten you. It’s just routine stuff.’
Backing to the door, she allowed them to pass, Kerry first.
As Mike went by, Alice slid her hand in his, thrilled when he turned to give her a warm, intimate smile.
Ahead of them, Kerry was oblivious of their closeness.
Dr Carlton was a small, thin man with bright, wary eyes and a slight stoop to his shoulders. Straight-faced and serious, he beckoned them to the chairs set before his desk. ‘Nurse Henshaw, I would like you to stay,’ he said.
‘Certainly, Doctor.’ Closing the door, she stood like a sentry at the back of the room, her gaze on Mike, her love for him bared to the world.
Seating himself, Dr Carlton took out a folder, opened it and began perusing the contents. After a few moments he looked up. ‘I won’t take up too much of your time,’ he said, smiling at Mike. ‘I know how anxious you must be to see the back of us.’
Neither Mike nor Kerry commented. Instead they sat, rigid and uncertain, their eyes focused on his pale, narrow face.
‘Right!’ Leaning back in his chair he looked from one to the other, finally addressing Kerry. ‘As we explained to your husband, the consultants are confident that he has made a good recovery and, as far as we are concerned, he is well enough to leave.’
‘Does that mean he won’t need any more treatment?’ Kerry asked.
‘We believe that won’t be necessary. He has of course been weaned off the drugs over a matter of months, until now he seems not to need them. His own GP will be informed of his release and will want to see him from time to time, that’s all.’ He paused, seeming to think things through in his mind before continuing, ‘As I have already said, in our opinion, your husband has made an excellent recovery, but as I’m sure you both understand, it is very important to avoid undue stress or worry of any kind.’
Mike pointed out that he had plans to restart his business.
‘I understand. All I am saying is, don’t rush things. See what your GP has to say and be guided by his advice.’ Beyond that he would not be drawn. He stood up and shook them by the hand. ‘There are forms to be filled out. Please go with Nurse Henshaw. She’ll take good care of you.’
Throughout the consultation, Alice Henshaw had remained at the back of the room, her whole attention on Mike. There was only one emotion stronger than the longing she felt for him, and that was the hatred she felt for the doctor who was sending him out of her life.
Kerry and Mike followed Alice Henshaw down the corridor like two lost, trusting souls.
‘We’ve already made an appointment for you with your GP,’ she told Mike in the outer office.
‘Is it really necessary?’ Mike had seen enough doctors to last him a lifetime.
‘Afraid so.’
Sitting there, watching nurse and patient together, Kerry felt like an outsider.
As if reading her mind, Mike took hold of Kerry’s hand. ‘You go out for a few minutes,’ h
e suggested. ‘There’s no need for you to sit through all this.’ He thought she looked pale and troubled. ‘Go on, get a breath of fresh air.’ Leaning forward he kissed her on the mouth. ‘I’ll be as quick as I can.’
When Kerry left, Mike’s contented gaze followed her.
Neither of them saw the look of raw jealousy on Alice Henshaw’s face.
* * *
Kerry made her way back to Dr Carlton’s office, and then stood outside it for a moment or two, wondering why she was here. Surely he had told them all he could. What else could he tell her? Could he reassure her that Mike was as normal as anyone else? Could he convince her that their lives would be the same as before? Of course not!
She turned away.
‘Mrs Peterson?’ Dr Carlton had seen her shadowy figure through the glass-panelled door. ‘Are you looking for me?’ He seemed irritated. ‘I thought we had covered everything.’
Embarrassed, Kerry was about to make her excuses and hurry away, but if she lost her chance now, she might regret it later. ‘Can you spare me a few minutes?’ It wasn’t much to ask, she thought. After all, there were still a number of unanswered questions she couldn’t ask in front of Mike. ‘Mike is still with the nurse,’ she explained. ‘I just needed to see you on my own.’
‘You had better come in.’
Once inside his office, with no one else to hear what she had to say, Kerry confided in him. ‘I’m concerned that Mike may never be the same. My mother is convinced he’ll always be unstable.’
This time his smile was genuine. ‘I shouldn’t be too concerned about that,’ he chuckled. ‘Mothers are known for being overprotective.’ Tongue-in-cheek, he suggested, ‘Unless of course she’s a specialist in the field of neurological conditions?’
Laughing at the idea, Kerry shook her head. ‘She has never got on with Mike. She seems to look for the worst in him.’
‘That must be very difficult for you.’
‘Not really. I don’t let it get out of hand.’
‘Very wise.’
Anxious in case Mike should come looking for her, she brought the subject back on line. ‘I need to know. Is Mike completely cured?’
‘Cured?’ He sat back in his chair, regarding her with interest. ‘Well, yes, I suppose you could say he’s cured… to a certain extent.’
‘What does that mean exactly?’
‘I’ll try and explain. Your husband had a severe mental breakdown. He suffered acute memory loss and anxiety. He experienced hallucinations that brought on sheer terror; these hallucinations were frighteningly real to him and, I have to admit, it was a long, hard battle before he could recognise the real from the unreal. You see, it’s all in the mind, and none of us, not even those of us who have dedicated our lives to seeking the answers, can ever say we know enough about the mind to claim a cure.’
‘So how will I know what to do? What to look out for?’ Fear twisted her insides.
‘All you can do is help him to live as normal a life as possible.’ Settling deeper into his chair, he gave her hope. ‘Mrs Peterson, your husband really has made a remarkable recovery.’
Afraid to ask yet knowing she must, she said softly, ‘Need I worry about leaving him alone with the children?’
‘You’re asking whether he might have violent tendencies?’
She shifted uncomfortably. ‘I know it sounds a dreadful thing to ask, but however much I value Mike, I have to think of our two children.’
‘Have you ever know him to be violent?’
‘Never.’
‘Apart from the need to forcibly restrain him when he was first admitted, I can assure you we have seen no evidence that he can be physically dangerous. And once he is home, you should be able to satisfy yourself on this particular matter.’
‘Should I keep in touch?’
‘If you’re worried, yes.’
‘Thank you, Doctor.’ She rose from the chair. ‘I’m sure he’ll be fine.’
‘So am I.’ He led her to the door. ‘Your husband is a very determined man, Mrs Peterson. He has suffered a very frightening ordeal and, I’m sure you understand, he will need a certain amount of understanding.’
‘But he is well now, isn’t he?’
He replied with a smile, ‘Ready to face the outside world, shall we say. But no undue stress, remember. And try not to let your mother get under his skin.’
‘Don’t worry, Doctor.’
‘Goodbye, Mrs Peterson.’
‘Goodbye, and thank you.’ No more hospital. No more skirting her responsibilities.
She had gone halfway down the corridor when a sound from behind made her glance back.
A man, whom she assumed was a doctor, knocked on Dr Carlton’s office door. ‘Come in!’ he called. Curious, she continued watching.
The man opened the door. ‘I’d like a word, if I may, with regard to Mr Peterson.’ The door closed and Kerry could hear no more.
Treading softly, she made her way back. Not daring to position herself outside the door in case he saw her there again, she pressed herself to the wall and listened. The voices were not very clear, making it difficult to follow the conversation.
Kerry leaned closer, concentrating hard. Dr Carlton’s voice was firm and quiet. ‘I’m sorry, Doctor… I have… your arguments before and… convinced… you are wrong. In my opinion, the man… sound of mind… keep him here… longer… harmful to his well-being.’
The other doctor sounded agitated. ‘I recognise the fact that… senior to me, and… therefore abide… decisions. It does not… mean… that… must agree with them. Nor do I have… work… you. I… your manner… and overbearing…’
‘Thank you, Doctor… your disapproval… noted.’
Sensing the conversation was over, Kerry hurried away to watch from a discreet distance.
The man who had gone into Dr Carlton’s office came rushing out, his face suffused with anger. A short distance from the office he stopped and thumped his fist into the palm of his other hand. ‘Damn the man!’ he muttered. ‘Damn and bugger him!’
Intent on his own thoughts, he strode past Kerry, apparently oblivious of her presence.
Kerry found Mike and Nurse Henshaw laughing together. ‘Oh!’ The nurse seemed startled. ‘We were just about to come and find you,’ she said, glancing at Mike.
For just the briefest moment, as she looked into Alice Henshaw’s pretty eyes, Kerry felt the awful pangs of jealousy. It was an odd, revealing experience, making her wonder if she loved Mike just as much as ever.
‘We’re finished here,’ Mike told her. ‘I’m all yours, my lovely.’
Glancing at his suitcase, boxes of books and other paraphernalia, Kerry expressed surprise. ‘I had no idea you’d accumulated so much.’
‘All good stuff,’ he answered light-heartedly. ‘Nurse Henshaw will vouch for that.’ He glanced at Alice, who returned his easy smile. She might have smiled at Kerry, but Kerry was already on her way out of the door.
‘I’ll bring the car to the front entrance,’ she called. ‘It’ll save us carrying that lot out to the car park.’
Parked some distance away, it took her a few minutes to locate her car. As she drove it to the front entrance, she thought of the angry conversation between those two men. ‘It sounded as if the other doctor didn’t agree with the patient being sent home,’ she murmured. ‘He mentioned Mike’s name when he first went in, but how do I know they weren’t talking about somebody else by the time I got there?’ She was in a dilemma. She could go to the other doctor and ask him. But what if she was wrong? On the other hand, what if it really was Mike they were talking about and Dr Carlton had lied about him being ‘ready to face the outside world’? A look of resentment hardened her features. ‘I trusted you, Dr Carlton, and now I’m not so sure.’
Mike and Nurse Henshaw were waiting at the entrance. He looked bright and eager, his eyes shining like they had not shone in a very long time. Maybe his ordeal is over, she thought, but if it doesn’t work out the wa
y I hope, mine may just be starting. ‘Mike isn’t the only one who went through hell,’ she whispered harshly. ‘What about me and the kids? Nobody cared about the agonies we went through. I only hope Dr Carlton wasn’t foolish enough to release Mike before his time.’
Mike didn’t talk much on the way home, except to say how much he loved Kerry, and how he could hardly believe he was going home at last. Kerry chatted about this and that, attempting to make him feel at ease. Occasionally she reached out and touched him, inwardly thrilled when he stroked her hair away to kiss the nape of her neck. They even laughed a little, remembering funny, ordinary little things that seemed so important now. Yet, in spite of all that, there was a kind of awkwardness between them, a sort of mistrust, which only time would heal. ‘We have to learn all over again,’ Mike murmured as they neared home.
Silently agreeing, Kerry thought how accurately he had expressed her own feelings.
The children were waiting at the door, having been collected from school early on Kerry’s instructions. Julie stood behind them, her ever watchful eyes on Mike as he came lumbering up the garden path. They didn’t speak. That would come later. For now, the children needed reassuring.
Having parked the car in front of the garage, Kerry stood back, allowing Mike his time with the kids.
Susie rushed towards him to be swept into his arms. ‘You’re so pretty,’ he said, hugging her tight, and when she planted a kiss on his face, the tears rose to his eyes.
His gaze went to Jack. ‘Hello, son.’
Jack stood small and upright, his eyes dark and sullen. He didn’t speak, nor did he make a move. For a long, electric moment they stood, father and son facing each other, and the air was charged with emotion. But it was not emotion of a gentle kind. How could it be when they each knew what the other was thinking when their thoughts carried them back to a dark, stormy night where innocents were stolen, and all hell let loose.
Kerry stepped forward. ‘Jack!’ Fear sharpened her voice. ‘Answer your daddy.’
With incredible calmness Jack stared her out and then turned to go indoors.
Hiding Game, The Page 7
