In the shaft of light that filtered through the dusty windowpane, she looked small, and sad, and so vulnerable, the sight of her made him ache with longing. He went across to her. ‘When I was in that hospital, I thought of you every minute of every day. I dreamed about you, and remembered all the wonderful times we had together.’
‘Me too,’ she murmured. And it was no lie.
He smiled. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. Really.’ During those dark days, he was always in her mind. Not always in favour, but in her thoughts all the same. Even when she was making love with Steve, her emotions were tainted with other, more uncomfortable feelings – shame, guilt and revenge all mingled together.
His dark eyes grew pained. ‘If I thought all that was gone for ever, there would be no point in going on.’
Feeling herself melting beneath those wonderful eyes, she moved away. ‘We’d better press on or the kids will be back before we are.’
Mike was aware she had deliberately changed the subject, and once again he suppressed his anger. ‘You’re right.’ He took up his pen and notebook. ‘Give me a minute or two,’ he said, and resumed his note-taking. ‘The whole place needs rewiring,’ he muttered. ‘I reckon the freeholder should pay towards that.’ He remembered the broken window and made another entry in the notebook. ‘I’ll tell him vandals broke the window, so he can pay for that too.’
‘What about new doors?’
‘Down to me, I’m afraid. And the decorating, new floor coverings… it won’t be cheap.’
‘Nothing ever is.’
‘I don’t really want to touch your money. I’ll get a job. Put this enterprise on hold for a while.’
Kerry would not hear of it. ‘When I was a lady of leisure and you were working, was the money you earned your money?’
‘No, it was our money. We always shared, you know that.’
‘Right. So you’ll take the money I’ve saved and use it to set yourself up.’
He looked at her. ‘If you’re sure that’s what you want.’
‘I am.’
‘I’ll put back every penny.’
‘That’s settled then. Are we done here? Can we go and choose the children’s Christmas presents now?’
‘Two more minutes, then we’re out the door.’ He noticed a tattered old cardboard box tucked behind his desk. ‘What’s this?’ Curious, he opened it up, and gasped with astonishment. ‘Good God! I wondered where this had got to.’ Swinging round he called Kerry. ‘You’ll never believe what I’ve found. It’s been hidden under here the whole time.’ Carefully, he lifted the box and placed it on the desk top. ‘I wonder if the battery still works. Hidden behind the desk – can you credit it?’ He was like a child with a toy.
‘What is it?’ Kerry asked, and then smiled as soft music filled the air.
Mike laughed for joy. ‘It takes me back, I can tell you,’ he said, patting the battered brown radio lovingly.
Kerry recalled the first time they had heard it. ‘Peacock’s market, wasn’t it?’ she chuckled. ‘The auctioneer played it over the tannoy and we put in a bid for it – two pounds, if I remember right.’
‘Three,’ he corrected her. ‘That bald-headed feller with the lion-head walking stick kept pushing up the price.’
Caught up in the mood, she threw back her head and laughed aloud. ‘I remember! When it was knocked down to us, he swore like an old trooper, and some old dear hit him over the head with her umbrella.’ She listened to the music. ‘10cc,’ she murmured, swaying to the rhythm, her voice singing along. ‘ “I’m not in love… so don’t forget it… it’s just a silly phase I’m going through…” ’ It was one of her old-time favourites.
When Mike slid his arm round her waist and began dancing her across the floor, she moved with him. It was like old times, when they were foolishly young and so in love, and nothing else in the whole world mattered. He pulled her closer, drifting to the music and thinking how good it was to feel her in his arms at last. ‘God, you’re so lovely.’
Looking up into those smouldering eyes, she felt herself weakening. His hands began to move over her body. She didn’t have the strength or desire to resist, and why should she? He was her husband, after all.
Gently he drew her down.
Carried along by the mood of the moment, they made love there, on the cold, hard floor, with soft music washing over them and only the heat from their bodies to keep them warm. It was a wonderful, sensuous experience; she opened herself to him, and he took her greedily, tenderly, like he used to.
Afterwards, they were like strangers, not knowing what to say; hardly able to look each other in the eye. ‘You don’t regret it, do you?’ Mike’s love for her was stronger than ever.
She was confused, her loyalty split… Mike… Steve. Which one did she really want? ‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t regret it.’
Yet he was still afraid. Afraid of her; afraid of Jack. Afraid of what lurked out there, in the night, wanting to spoil it all.
Outside, the watching figure crept stealthily away. It had seen too much for its own peace of mind.
It was half past four in the afternoon when Kerry and Mike arrived home. The lights were on and through the window they could see Julie and the children laying newly wrapped presents beneath the tree. ‘Oh!’ Kerry was disappointed. ‘I wanted to get home before they did.’
‘It’s OK.’ Mike took the presents. ‘You go in. I’ll shoot upstairs with these.’
Mike opened the door and went straight up, while Kerry took off her coat and made her way into the kitchen.
Upstairs, Mike quickly hid the presents in the wardrobe. That done, he would have made his way down but on opening the door he could hear the four of them talking and laughing together. They didn’t need him, he thought, not when they had each other.
Softly closing the door, he sat on the bed, feeling alone and dejected. He had felt at odds with them all ever since coming home but he had never felt as much like an outsider as he did right now.
Today had been wonderful, and yet there was something not quite right. He looked round the room. Nothing had changed. It was all exactly as he remembered, and yet it was like the room of someone he had never known.
He looked again, trying to belong, needing to know that he was back among those who loved and needed him. His anxious gaze drew on these familiar surroundings; the pine dresser littered with Kerry’s things – he had bought that for her a week before their wedding day. And the pine bed, with its beautifully embroidered cover. She had persuaded him that a pine dresser needed a pine bed. ‘It won’t look right otherwise,’ she pleaded. They couldn’t afford it, but he went ahead and bought it anyway, just to please her. She could always twist him round her little finger.
It was such a beautiful room, he thought. Kerry’s room. He smiled. ‘In hospital, whenever I thought of her, I would always picture her here, in this room, at the dressing table brushing her hair, or gazing out of the window at the garden.’ The smile fell from his face and his eyes grew sad. ‘Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever belong here again.’ There was a kind of undercurrent whenever he was around; suspicion and fear, that’s what it was, and he was the cause of it. Yet he had done nothing wrong and he was not a threat. He didn’t want to take over, or belittle what Kerry had achieved. Through what must have been a terrible time for her, Kerry had become independent and he respected that. He knew he had to establish his proper place here, but that would take a long time.
‘There are things I have to come to terms with before I can pick up all the pieces,’ he mused. ‘What Kerry and I have now is too delicate. I can’t risk losing it by confiding in her. She wouldn’t understand. I hardly understand it myself.’ He knew he must confront the strange phenomenon that had changed him for ever alone. He pushed it to the back of his mind and went downstairs.
The evening was enjoyable. Julie helped Kerry lay out the tea and everyone sat down. The children talked about their day with excitement. ‘Grandma took us to see
the big Christmas tree and there were goblins and Father Christmas and everything!’ Susie told them. Kerry said how she and Mike had sung along with the carolers in Bridport, and how the square was filled with people, all singing along to the sound of the brass band. Susie and Jack had an argument about who should have the last fairy cake, and Kerry told a joke that made them all laugh.
Mike was happy with his family all round him, and he never stopped smiling – except when he caught Julie regarding him in that penetrating way she had. She feared him, he knew that. She didn’t know it but he feared her too.
At nine o’clock Kerry prepared the children for bed. When they protested as they always did, she chastised them with a warning. ‘Don’t push your luck, not if you want to stay up late on Christmas Day.’
Susie hugged Mike. ‘Will you take me to the park tomorrow?’ she begged. ‘It’s holiday and I’ve got two whole weeks off school.’
‘I might.’ He held her close. ‘We’ll see, sweetheart.’
Julie’s voice cut across their conversation. ‘Have you forgotten, Susie? You and I were going on the bus to West Bay, to see the boats in the harbour.’ She looked disappointed. ‘You did promise.’
Susie seemed surprised. She couldn’t remember promising but it sounded like a nice treat. ‘Oh, all right then.’ Addressing Mike, she said, ‘I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t know.’
‘It’s all right,’ he teased. ‘That’s the way with beautiful young women. You offer to take them out, then find they have a prior engagement.’
Surprisingly, Jack had something to say. ‘I’d much rather go to the harbour than walk in the park,’ he muttered, casting a glance Mike’s way, and before Mike could answer, he was out of the room and on his way up the stairs.
Having cunningly secured Susie’s company tomorrow, Julie bade everyone goodnight.
A few minutes later, Kerry followed the children upstairs. After making certain they were safely tucked up in bed, she made her way to her mother’s room. Normally she would tap on the door before going in, but not tonight, because tonight she wanted answers.
Julie was putting curlers in her hair. One glance at Kerry’s face and she knew she was in the wrong again. ‘She did promise to come with me to West Bay,’ she said defensively.
‘You’re lying! Why, Mother? You know Mike is trying desperately to get his life together. It’s important for him to gain the children’s confidence, you know that.’
Casually scooping cream out of a jar, Julie began to spread it over her youthful skin.
‘Mother!’ Banging her fist on the dressing table, Kerry demanded an answer. ‘I asked you why?’
Julie wiped her hands on a pink tissue. She looked her daughter in the eye. ‘Because I don’t trust him, that’s why.’
Flushed with anger, Kerry took her mother by the shoulders and swung her round on the stool, her face so close to her mother’s she could see smears of cream on her skin. ‘What the hell did you think he was going to do with her? He idolises that child. There is no way he would let anything bad happen to her.’
‘If anything bad happened to her, it would be Mike who caused it,’ Julie said calmly.
Reeling back as though from a slap in the face, Kerry was momentarily speechless. Behind her shock was the knowledge of her own fleeting suspicion of Mike.
‘Why don’t you admit it?’ Julie insisted. ‘You don’t trust him any more than I do. You know he should never have been let out of that hospital.’
The only thing Kerry knew at that moment was that if her life was ever to have any meaning again, she must make a stand. Either she believed in Mike, or she listened to her mother who seemed determined to tear the family apart.
‘Where did you go this afternoon, Kerry?’ her mother asked. ‘Where did he take you?’
‘None of your damned business!’ Her face grew hot as she recalled how she and Mike had made love on the cold floor.
Guessing she had struck a raw nerve, Julie sighed. ‘Dear God. Can’t you see what he’s trying to do? Don’t you understand what’s happening here?’ Relentless now, she went on, ‘I wish I knew what really happened on that night.’
‘I don’t want to hear this kind of talk.’ Kerry pressed her hands over her ears.
Julie lowered her voice. ‘What about Jack? That poor boy hasn’t had one restful night since it happened. What I want to know is, what did Mike do to him? What did he tell Jack to make him so terrified?’ She took hold of Kerry’s hand. ‘He’s bad,’ she whispered. ‘There’s something evil about him, and I can’t help being afraid for you and the children.’
‘I think you’d better go home.’ Julie’s strange comments were making her nervous.
Julie gasped. ‘What did you say?’
‘I want you to leave.’
‘You’re asking me to leave? You want me to desert you and the children when you need me most?’ Tears rose, and her voice faltered. ‘I’m sorry if I frighten you when I say these things about Mike. I know I shouldn’t. Please, Kerry, don’t make me go. I have to be near you and the children.’
‘Why?’
Julie was a crafty soul and knew how to use her wiles. ‘I’m lonely, that’s why. I can’t stand to be on my own. Let me stay, for a while longer at least. Please?’ The tears began to flow and Kerry was mortified. Love and hatred, where did she draw the line? ‘Please, Kerry?’
Against her better instincts, Kerry relented. ‘All right, Mum, but only if there’s no more talk of Mike being evil. And no more coming between him and the kids. If you can’t agree to that, then you’d better pack your bags right now.’
Julie nodded.
Convinced that her mother had learned her lesson, Kerry planted a kiss on her forehead. ‘Goodnight, Mum.’
‘Is it all right to take Susie to the harbour tomorrow?’ Feigning humility, Julie gave a half-smile. ‘I won’t take her if you don’t want me to.’
‘All right, but I mean it, don’t ever try that trick again.’
‘No. Goodnight, dear.’
‘Goodnight.’ Emotionally drained, Kerry returned downstairs.
Mike was watching television, but switched it off when she came in. ‘Kids all right, are they?’ Getting to his feet he came towards her.
‘They’re asleep by now, I shouldn’t wonder.’ Gratefully, she sank into the nearest chair. ‘Won’t be long before I’m off to bed myself.’
‘Fancy a cup of hot chocolate?’ He always used to make her a hot drink last thing at night.
She shook her head. ‘No. I’m too tired.’
He stood over her, hands in pockets, like a naughty boy. ‘About today…’
‘Don’t make too much of it, Mike. Like I said, I’m not ready to make a full commitment just yet.’
‘Will you ever be?’ He was patient, but not a saint.
‘I hope so.’
‘For the children’s sake, or ours?’
She looked up at him. ‘It’s not that I don’t love you.’
‘But?’ He had a feeling she had been talking to Julie.
‘I’m not sure, Mike. I want it to be right. I want it to be like it used to be.’
‘It can’t ever be like that again. Too much water under the bridge and all that.’ Seating himself opposite her, he smiled into her pretty eyes. ‘Let’s not fool ourselves. I’ve changed, and so have you. But I still love you just as much as I ever did, and I value our marriage all the more because I thought it was lost to me.’
‘You just have to give me time, that’s all I need. Time to readjust.’
‘You’re sure there’s no one else?’
Kerry shook her head. ‘No one else.’
‘Truth?’
She giggled. Now and then she saw glimpses of the old, mischievous Mike and it pleased her. ‘Truth.’
In a more serious tone, he asked, ‘Just now, when you went upstairs, did your mother waylay you?’
‘Why would she do that?’
‘Did she tell you how evil I was, and ho
w she was afraid for you and the children?’
‘Mother’s always had a strange attitude, you should know that.’
‘I know she hates me.’
‘She’s not married to you. I am.’
‘Thank God for that.’
‘Don’t be wicked.’
‘Can I be wicked with you tonight?’
‘Not tonight.’
‘Do you want me to move into the spare bedroom?’ He felt so insecure.
‘Don’t be silly. I hope things never get that bad.’
‘We won’t let them.’
Kerry got up and went to the fire where she warmed her hands, her face turned away from him as she remarked shyly, ‘It was good, Mike. You and me, today.’
‘So there’s hope?’ Coming to stand beside her, he thought how childlike she looked in the soft glow of the flames.
‘Yes,’ she agreed. ‘There’s always hope.’
‘Take your time. I won’t harass you.’
‘I know you won’t.’ If she knew anything, it was that Mike would respect her feelings. ‘I’m going up now,’ she told him. ‘I really am tired.’
‘I’ll be up later,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t wake you. I’ll be as quiet as a mouse.’
‘Be as noisy as you like,’ she laughed. ‘The way I feel, it would take a truck through the wall to wake me.’
A fond, fleeting kiss and she left him there, staring into the flames and wondering if it would all come right between the two of them. ‘Be patient,’ he told himself. ‘However much she might deny it, she does have a lover.’ His features hardened. In the firelight the dark eyes glittered. ‘One of you will win,’ he muttered, ‘and one of you will lose.’
He did not intend to be the loser.
It was midnight when he turned out the lights and went upstairs. As he passed Jack’s room, he heard crying. Gingerly he turned the door knob and peeked in.
The room was lit by only the small bulb in the bedside lamp. In the halo of light he could see Jack lying in bed, eyes closed and obviously asleep. He was disturbed, writhing about and thrashing his arms, as if trying to fend off some attacker. ‘No! Leave me alone!’ he sobbed. ‘Get away! Get away from me!’
Hiding Game, The Page 10
