Struggle

by P. A. Jones

  My heart was racing. I clicked on reply, but decided to check her other message first.

  Hi again. Sorry if I disturbed you. If you are busy, we could meet tomorrow. Just thought that we could save time doing it this way.

  My face darkened. She didn't want to meet me, but just wanted to save time. But the spark in her eyes at the match felt real.

  I decided to go. I texted her that I will meet her in an hour, and she texted the address to me.

  Chapter 14

  Eva

  Tension rose when I saw the missed call from Nathan. Why had he called? To say that he wasn’t going to help me with the project? I didn't want that. I got only 2-3 hours of sleep yesterday, his gaze locked in my brain. My phone was on silent so when I finally decided to get up, I saw that he had called.

  Nervous, I dialed him back. "I called you before,” he said. His voice calmed me. It assured me that he wouldn't say no.

  "I know. Sorry I couldn’t answer, but I was busy with some work."

  "I called to tell you that I will take the assignment. Can we meet up to discuss things in detail?”

  I wanted to jump up and down. My brain ran through my schedule. Shoot, it's the evening out with Chloe and Martin. Why did I say yes to them? “Sorry, but I am going out to the zoo. Maybe we can meet up tomorrow?” My voice was breaking, but meeting him tomorrow was better than nothing.

  “It’s okay. Tomorrow is good." Was there sorrow in his voice? I couldn’t tell. Maybe it was just a business meeting for him.

  I hung up, and Chloe came back from class. "Let's get ready, girl. We have to go in an hour."

  I thought for a second. "Hey, Chloe, mind if we take Nathan with us? We kind of need to talk business.” I bit my lip.

  Chloe looked surprised. “Nathan? That boxer?”

  "Yes. He called me to tell he is taking the assignment.”

  "That's great. I don’t have a problem with him coming, and Martin is a big fan of his. He would love that."

  “Thanks. You are too sweet." I picked up my mobile to text him. Hi, Nathan. Would you like to come out with us to the zoo?

  I typed it, then deleted it. It sounded like I was asking him out. I needed something professional.

  Hello, Nathan. I was wondering if you wanted to join us at the zoo. Then maybe we can discuss details in the evening. It will be just four of us.

  That was good so I pressed the send button. I kept starring at the screen for the next five minutes, waiting for his reply.

  "Why are you staring at the screen, sweetie?” Chloe asked.

  “I’m waiting for his reply,” I said without thinking.

  "What?” Chloe said, smiling.

  "Nothing,” I said. “I’m going to change.”

  He must be thinking what a fool I am. I doubted if I did right thing to ask him to come with us. I regretted sending him the text and decided to text him again. This time apologizing.

  Hi, again. Sorry if I disturbed you. If you are busy, we could meet tomorrow. Just thought that we could save time doing it this way.

  My message tone rang, and I picked up the phone. He was coming! Shaking, I texted him the address.

  "Hey, Chloe. What should I wear today?" I wanted to look my best.

  Chloe had a strange look on her face, then smiled. "You should try your new ocean blue dress. It looks good on you." I ran into our room because I didn’t want her to see the expression on my face.

  Chloe and Martin were a funny couple. They planned a trip every fifteen days, and I had to go with them. They treated me like their little sister. Chloe was so sweet that I could never say “no” to her, and today was no different.

  We took a cab to Central Park Zoo. I had been in NY for almost four years, but I have never visited the zoo. Sitting in the cab, I thought about how much I love New York traffic. It makes you feel alive. Chloe loved our suburb more. I always am amazed when I see the people moving around the streets in cars, footpaths, bicycles. I usually wonder how their life is different than mine, but that day I just kept thinking about Nathan. From the moment he entered my life, it had been changed. Is it affection, or just a mere attraction? I didn’t know the answer.

  "Hey, sugar. We’re here.” Chloe shook my shoulder.

  I looked around and noticed that we were in front of the zoo already. I was lost in thought for almost 45 minutes. I looked for Nathan, but he wasn't there yet. My heart fluttered a bit. Maybe I expected too much from him. I took my phone out to search for his number, but I stopped myself. Maybe I was being too forward.

  "When is your friend coming, Eva?” Chloe asked.

  "Yes. I am eager to meet him,” Martin said.

  I was hoping that he would get there soon. I kept looking around, but he was nowhere to be seen. “Let's go inside. He might join us late." My heart was fighting with my brain. The heart wanted to stay, but the brain felt a little insulted.

  Nathan ran up behind us. "Hey, guys. Sorry I am late. I got a ticket for speeding. I hope I haven't disturbed your plan."

  My face turned red when I saw him, and I think Chloe noticed. "You could have informed us,” I said, as sternly as possible.

  His mouth dropped open a fraction. "I am very sorry. I wanted to, but my phone hasn’t been working for the last two hours. Some issue with the account, I think."

  I couldn’t stop myself from watching his lips as he talked. I felt like I would rather watch him than the animals. He was wearing a dark blue t-shirt, which showed his muscles. He looked like an angel. His lips and his smile all had a mysterious effect on me. It drew me in and left me wanting more.

  “Nice excuse.” My brain spoke before my heart could stop it again.

  He looked at me and didn't say anything. He grabbed his phone, dialed my number, and put the phone to my ear. The operator was saying how sorry they were for the service interruption.

  I looked at him as he put his phone away. "I didn't mean to doubt you. I was just waiting for you." My hand went to my mouth, as if I could capture those words before they were heard.

  Martin just shook his head, smiling. "Leave it, man. Let me congratulate you on your awesome victory."

  "Thanks. I am glad you all were there to see it." Nathan smiled back, and his eyes met mine.

  So he really saw me there? My heart started pounding again.

  "Let's go, guys. We’ve got so much to see,” Chloe said.

  We entered the zoo. The first thing we saw was the beautiful garden and small children's playground. “This is a very nice place to visit, especially the penguin area and rainforest,” Nathan said, looking at me.

  I shrugged. "Have you been here before?"

  "Yes, a couple of times. The animals are beautiful. Let me lead you to the rainforest first. Then we can catch the penguin feeding.”

  I was surprised to know that he had visited here before. He was a boxer by hobby, an IT guy by profession, and a zoo lover, too. I started thinking about the girl I saw him with that night. "You could have bought your friends with you.”

  “I really only have one friend…James. He’s not a zoo guy.” Nathan smiled again, and it weakened my knees.

  Chloe moved to my shoulder. "Let's go to the rainforest. I am dying to see it." She spoke to ease my tension.

  We started walking, Martin and he talking about his boxing. I kept looking at his long hair without listening to what they were talking about.

  He broke into my daydreaming. "Once we are in the forest, prepare to be still for couple of minutes. If we stand still, birds will eventually walk to us. It’s great to watch.”

  We entered the forest, and Nathan motioned for us to stand still. In less than five minutes, we could see birds walking freely around us. It was so beautiful that I couldn't control myself and bent down to touch a parrot. The moment I moved, all of them flew up.

  Chloe and Martin started laughing, and I hid my face in my hands. Smiling, Nathan put his hand on my shoulder. Electricity flared in my body and I looked into his eyes. “No worries. It
happens. After we see the penguins, we can come here again.”

  He moved his hand, but the warmth of his touch was still there. Speechless, I followed him. We stopped in front of penguin feeding area. People were gathered there to see the feeding. It was so beautiful to see those small animals running here and there that I felt the urge to touch one again. One small penguin ran towards our area, escaping from the enclosure. Nathan quickly moved and took that small one in his hand, folding one hand on top of the other. He moved and carefully put him back in the enclosure.

  The instructor came running and smiled. "That smaller one always succeeds in getting out. Thanks to you, we won’t have to look all over for him this time.”

  "It's my pleasure. Do you mind if I fed him?”

  “Sure.”

  Holding him in one hand, he fed him with the other. When he was done, he waved for me to come near and pet the penguin. He was so small that I was afraid of touching him, but Nathan's eyes assured me that it was okay.

  Once we left the penguin enclosure, Chloe said, “Why don’t you guys go talk business, and we will enjoy a boat ride." I looked at Nathan, raising my eyebrows, and he nodded.

  "I know a nice place to sit. Would you mind?" Nathan said.

  “Let’s go." I walked behind him.

  We walked to a garden near the rainforest. It was beautiful and not many people were around. “It’s peaceful here.” Nathan gave me a sexy smile as we sat on a bench.

  “I went through your documents, but I will require more things from your college. I would require a visit to it sometime next week. Until then, I can start covering the bases.”

  “Okay, I don't know much about your programming, but I can help you if you require anything." My heart wanted him to start talking about himself, his life, but not where this conversation seemed to be going.

  "I will definitely require you to clarify some requirements. Maybe we can meet somewhere and discuss those things."

  "That's fine. I can come to your office after my classes, if you’d like.”

  "That's good. When I can expect you?"

  "Around 4 PM."

  Nathan smiled and then said the sweetest thing. "You know, Eva, your smile is like a droplet of water. Everywhere it lands, it spreads joy and happiness.”

  Martin and Chloe came around the corner. “Shall we go?" Chloe said. I was still in shock over the words that he said.

  "I need to talk to you when we get home," Chloe whispered in my ear. I knew what she wanted to discuss.

  Chapter 15

  Eva

  When Chloe said those words to me, I knew I was going to have a confrontation in the dorm. I was right because, after I changed my clothes, Chloe was waiting for me. “What was that about, Eva?” She had a “big sister” look on her face.

  "What?" I said, acting like I didn’t know what she was talking about.

  “You know what I’m talking about. I saw the way Nathan looked at you and the way you responded.” She looked determined.

  "It's nothing like that. He’s just kind of cute."

  “Yes, he is, and I also know that you like him. He looks like a good person. I know what happened with Jacob, but it doesn't mean that there are no good men left in this world."

  I was surprised at her tone and where this conversation was going. She was always worried about my happiness. I loved her for being there for me, but I wasn't sure about what I wanted. “I’s nothing like that, Chloe. I just like being around him. He seems like a nice guy, and he’s hot. But how can I keep my inner demons away?

  Chloe smiled. “Look, sugar, life won't be easy on you because you are nice to everyone. Jacob was an asshole. From the moment I met him, I knew he didn't deserve you, and I warned you about him. Finally, he broke your heart."

  I was hurt by what she said, but she was right. She did warn me about Jacob's attitude, but I didn't listen to her. The result was a broken heart and two years of wasted time. "I admit that you were right, but Nathan is also a man. I agree with you that a spark flies between us when we’re together and I can't really take my eyes of him, but what if he is just like Jacob? I have already seen him with a girl and she wasn't his sister.”

  "Again I would say that it's not like he won't be another jerk, but he seems nice. If you feel something for him, I think you should give him a chance. This might be the healing factor for you. I know it's going to be hard for you to trust anyone again, but you should try, at least. If you think he likes you, go and have some fun. Just don't get too involved and get hurt.”

  I understood what she was saying. Nathan had given me a hint that day, but it was my heart that was afraid to take the hint and run with it. The Jacob thing almost broke me and I lost my way. Thanks to Chloe, I am emotionally strong again. I nodded my head. "I think I should try this time. Let’s see how it goes."

  "That’s my girl. Let me make some coffee for you." She went into the kitchen.

  I kept thinking about the evening, his touch, the sparks, his eyes, his words. I wondered what he really meant, but it was clear that he looked forward to seeing me again.

  ***

  I was waiting for the evening. I knew I made a few mistakes in class because of him. Finally, it was time to meet in his office. He was waiting for me. I kept thinking about what he said at the zoo, and wondered what he meant by it.

  “Would you like a cup of coffee?" he said, handing me a cup.

  I didn't expect him to be so courteous. "Thanks. So where shall we start?"

  He blew on his coffee, then sipped. "I have created a requirement chart. Let us go through the points one by one, then we can discuss what’s missing.”

  “Okay, sure."

  He moved towards his board and revealed a flowchart. We went through each point and discussed them in detail. He asked me questions to clarify some things, making notes. The meeting lasted three hours. When I looked at my watch, it was almost 7:30.

  "Oh, it’s late. I better leave,” I said, disappointed.

  "Oh, is it? The time just flew.” He looked at his watch, surprise on his face. He then walked me to the door. He shook my hand, starting the sparks inside my body. "Okay, we will meet tomorrow and maybe schedule a college visit next week." I nodded. “And, Eva? I meant what I said about your smile.” He smiled, making my body tingle. “Until tomorrow,” he said as I walked out the door. I thought about him the whole way back to the dorm.

  ***

  As I was laying down that night, a text from him flashed on my phone.

  Good night, Eva.

  The next night, we sent a few more texts before sleeping.

  The next night, we sent a few more.

  After three nights, we could write an essay with our texts. We were getting closer day by day. I was sleeping when I got his text.

  You are very adorable, Eva. Good Night. Catch ya’ tomorrow."

  Chapter 16

  Nathan

  I was sitting in the chair, thinking about Eva. She had completely gotten into my mind. Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I did at the zoo. I could still remember her expression…surprise, mixed with awe. It looked like she wanted to say something, but Chloe and Martin interrupted us.

  She was wearing an ocean blue dress, which was a little below her shoulder and made her look like an angel. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her that day. Damn, I am thinking about her instead of working again.

  I tried to focus. I had to complete at least a bare structure to show her, but the way she looked that day kept coming to my mind. Her smile was the most beautiful thing about her. When she smiled, she spread happiness. My world stopped when she was around. How she did it, I don’t know, but her effect on me was visible on my face. Chloe must have seen it. When we were at the zoo and all the birds flew away, she held her face in her hands. I wanted to touch her at that moment; take her hands away from her face and kiss her. And when I touched her shoulder to calm her, I felt electricity throughout my whole body. I wanted to take her in my arms to feel the burn again and
again. Damn, this girl is killing me.

  When she touched the penguin, her eyes were so full of wonder that I just melted. That night was the best evening of my life. I wanted to see her again so I asked her to discuss the requirements, but it turned into a good thing. We had discussed many things over the last few days, and I told her that I would show her the bare model today. But that fact kept me thinking about her and not doing my work. Each day spent with her made me want to be with her more and more.

  I walked onto the balcony, and watched the New York City traffic moving around my building. I remembered her hand in mine the other day, when we were enjoying the coffee break after a long session. Her touch told me many things, and it was getting difficult for me to keep myself away from her. But she was special, not like any girl I slept with. It eased my mind so I was able to work for the next two hours. At least I had something to show her.

  The bell rang and I woke up from my thoughts. I looked at my watch. It was already 5 PM so it must be Eva. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still in my casual clothes, but I didn't have time to change so I opened the door.

  "Hey, dude. Where are you these days? You’re not answering my calls and not even coming to the club." James looked surprised.

  "Hey, how are you?” I let him in. "I was a bit busy with the project I am working on. How come you are here?”

  "To take you to a bar. I want a wingman and who can be a better wingman than you?" He laughed.

  "Sorry, James. I have an appointment. She’s going to be here any time."

  "She? What girl? Are you dating someone?" His eyes widened.

  "No, it's just a project I am doing for her college. Let me go get dressed.” I left him standing there and went to change. When I came out, Eva was already there and talking with him.

  "I was telling your lovely client how efficient you are." James smiled at me. "Okay, I am heading to the club. If you get some free time later, you know where to find me." He waved and left.