Struggle

by P. A. Jones

  I didn't know what I did for the week after that event, except drink and drink and drink. James came over a few times and asked me to go out for some fun, but I kept saying no. My thoughts were focused on one thing…Eva. When I woke up, the first thing on my mind was Eva; when I thought about doing anything, I thought about Eva; when I went to sleep, the only thought that mattered to me was Eva. I knew she wasn't missing me, and might even be cursing me for ruining her life.

  Every day, I kept thinking negative. One day, it just became too much. All the negativity was building around me, and I decided to get up and do something. I looked at the calendar. It’s been a week since I’ve seen Eva. I marked it on the calendar. One thing I remembered was Eva's race. I wanted to be there. If she kept up with the training, she had a good chance of winning. I saw her times when we were practicing. They were good compared to her earlier times. I actually couldn't wait to watch her in a real race.

  I marked the date of the race on the calendar, then went to see a divorce lawyer. The one thing that prevented me from seeking the divorce before wasn't there anymore. The soft side about Samantha was gone forever. I knew what I needed to do and signed the papers. The lawyer told me that it would take few weeks to get it filed, then few months before it would be finalized.

  I felt good when that was done. The more I thought about my life, the more I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t live knowing that Eva’s in the same city. I started searching for opportunities outside of the country. I didn't want to leave the country forever, but I did think about spending some time outside the country once my divorce was finalized. Another good thing I did was I started practicing. James came over one evening and listened to everything I had in mind, and gave me the advice of starting to practice again. The days leading up to Eva's race I spent focusing on my training and my diet.

  ***

  Four weeks has passed. I looked at the calendar. Today was marked in black .It’s Eva's race day and I needed to get going.

  I wanted to go and watch Eva, but I knew the possibility of her losing the race because of me was great. I decided to dress so she wouldn’t recognize me. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had changed a little. One month added a few gray hairs to my head, and I had a beard. I would be undistinguishable from a long distance. It was an advantage for me. I didn't want Eva to recognize me.

  Before I left for the race, I sat on the couch. I kept asking myself if I wanted to go. It was getting harder every day. Though I was super focused on the outside and doing my best to train, I was beating myself up inside. The moment she walked out of my house, I got a hole in my heart, which got bigger and bigger each time I thought about her. And there was not a single moment in the day when I didn't think about her.

  Do I need to do this? I asked myself this over and over again, but I got no definitive answer. My brain wanted to go out on the town that day, but my heart wanted to see her one last time.

  I looked at my watch. Her race was starting at 11 AM so I had one more hour. Finally, I got up and took out my oldest hoodie. It was left over from when Samantha and I were together. I couldn't throw it out because it was gift from her. The irony was that I was going to use it to see my love for the last time. I prayed to every god for Eva's success. I knew one thing…that I loved her from the bottom of my heart.

  My brain told me to stay home, but my heart was excited to see her again so I went a bit early. The race was at the college and was open to all, thank god. I sat in the fourth row near the end so that I wouldn’t be visible to Eva, but I could still see.

  A few people had arrived before the race, probably relatives or friends of the participants. The runners were already there stretching. I could see Eva doing the yoga that I had taught her. My heart raced when I saw her. I wanted to go out there and kiss her, but I knew I couldn't. When I saw her, I knew why my heart was aching. She was the girl of my dreams and I loved her more than anything. The thought of losing her and not touching her again killed me. Maybe going to see her again was a bad idea.

  The announcer declared that the race would start in ten minutes. I looked at Eva thorough my binoculars. She was the same, as beautiful ever, but her smile was missing. Her face was determined, but the confidence was missing. She also looked a bit pale. Because of me? I realized that coming here was a very bad idea. She was hurting just like I was. Maybe she was afraid of losing her dream by participating in the race half-hearted. I wished I could help her, but I had to remove myself from her life. I had to sit there and accept defeat…defeat as a trainer and defeat in a relationship. I killed her spirit.

  The race started and I could tell that she wasn’t running like she could. She was running good, but she wasn't trying. For the first fifty meters, she was in the lead. Everybody was cheering. She should easily win the race, but she dropped back to the middle of the pack in the next fifty meters. All the other runners were a bit slower but, at the end of first fifty meters, all the other girls started pulling away. One by one, all the runners started passing her. She was fourth now. She could have tried more and kept the lead position, but she didn't.

  I was sitting near the stretch of the remaining hundred meters. When she was coming near me, I leaned over the railing to look at her closely and, for a split second, I thought she saw me.

  She increased her speed. Three other runners were ahead of her, but not by much. But, in short races, things can change in an instant. In next two seconds, she was in third place. The crowd cheered. My heart started racing. I knew she was herself again. My eyes became wet. I could see the fight in her eyes.

  She was running faster now. With twenty meters remaining, she was closing in on second place. The girl in front of her was trying everything to prevent Eva from passing. With only ten meters remaining, Eva increased her speed and finished the race in second. My spirit lifted, I wanted to run and lift her in my arms. Would I ever be able to do that again?

  The whole experience was thrilling as the crowd around me jumped up and down. I found my peace. My training had helped her in getting her college scholarship and I was happier than I could have imagined. I had nothing left to see.

  Chapter 28

  Eva

  "And second place goes to Eva Clark,” the announcer declared and the crowd cheered. For the first time in a while, I was happy, but I kept searching for Nathan. When I came around the bend to run the last hundred meters, I saw him. He was there. He looked different, but he was there. For a moment, I thought it was my eyes playing tricks on me, but it was definitely him. I knew I had to win the race, but not only for my dream… for him, as well. He betrayed me, but he did his best to help me recover from my injury and race again. My thoughts vanished as all my friends came up to me.

  "It's time to party, guys," Chloe shouted.

  I didn't wanted to go out, not after I saw Nathan there, but the crowd didn't ask my opinion. They just took me to a nearby lounge.

  All my college friends were enjoying themselves, but I wasn't. It was a fantastic thing to know that my dream was getting closer but, without Nathan, I didn't feel that it was worth enjoying. I missed him more than anything and, for a split second, I thought of going to talk to him.

  "Hey, baby, what are you doing here?" I looked up and rolled my eyes. Jacob was very drunk and couldn't even stand up straight. "Are you with your boyfriend?”"What the hell you are doing here, Jacob?”

  "You bitch. When I asked you to come out with me, you declined. Now you are here with your boyfriend."

  "Jacob, just shut up. I don't want any trouble.” I looked around for Martin and Chloe, but they were nowhere to be found.

  Jacob put his hand on my shoulder. I tried to push it off, but he was stronger than me.

  "Jacob, don't make me angry. Just get out of here. I don't want to fight with you."

  "The lady says fuck off, buddy."

  The voice was familiar. I looked up and, to my amazement, saw Mason. Did he follow me here? At that moment, I didn’t care if he did.
<
br />   "Who the fuck are you, man?" Jacob turned and threw a punch.

  Mason was quick to duck and punched Jacob in the stomach. Jacob was forced back into a woman taking a drink, causing all the whiskey she was drinking to splash in her face. She turned in anger and slapped Jacob.

  Jacob couldn't believe what had just happened and, furious, he tried to hit the woman. Mason grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

  While the crowd was looking on, two bouncers came running up. The woman started crying and complaining about Jacob. Watching the whole scene, I was enjoying myself.

  "It's your turn, Eva," Mason whispered in my ear.

  I smiled, walked up to Jacob, and slapped him across his face before the bouncer could hold me back. “Ma’am, please don't. Please take your seat and remain calm,” the tall bouncer said. “Tony, make sure this man doesn't enter the lounge again. I don't like people hitting women in my place." The other man nodded and dragged Jacob out.

  "That was a nice one, Eva,” Mason said, laughing.

  "Yes, I thought that it was appropriate.”

  "I agree. Can we talk?”

  "Where did you learn to punch like that?”

  "Didn't I tell you I am a boxer?.”

  “Impressive. So what did you want to talk to me about?”

  "Let's go grab a quiet table, then we can talk."

  ***

  “Listen, Eva. About Nathan…”

  I interrupted him. “Mason, I am not going to listen about Nathan anymore. Don’t try to help him. I know exactly what kind of person he is now." It still hurt me.

  "What if I said that Samantha is his wife?"

  "I know that already."

  "And what if I said that she cheated on him five years ago, and he never talked to her after that?"

  "What?" This was a different part of the story. "But he is still married to her, right? That's what she said and he didn’t deny it.”

  “Because he couldn't. He tried getting a divorce, but she never allowed it."

  “But he still should have mentioned it to me.” My eyes were filling with tears.

  "This is not as simple as you think. You should listen to the story, then you will understand."

  "Okay, tell me, but how do you know all this?”

  "I will get to that later."He started telling me the story. “Six years ago when Samantha and Nathan were in college, they had something good going on between them. She was the most beautiful girl at school, and he was a handsome hunk. In their last year of college, they started dating each other and turned it into a sweet love story.,

  The love story ended in their marriage, which was right after they graduated and he started searching for a job. They had a good friend who was rich, and Nathan was there on student loans. You can understand what that means.”

  Hell, I was here on student loans myself, though my family was one of the richest families in the world. That’s why I was trying for the scholarship. "But then?"

  "Nathan was so in love with Samantha, and he got a menial job to get them through things. But she was always attracted to money, and her definitions about life were so different from Nathan’s. She did love Nathan, but she expected a better life than he could give her. Her needs won and she cheated on him, in their home, with the best friend.”

  "What happened then?"

  “Nathan caught them one day. He was devastated. He ended up loathing them both, and ended the relationship with Samantha. When he told her he wanted a divorce, she didn't let him have it. She went out of her way to make sure that she remained married to him. She left the country so he couldn’t get the divorce. He was so devastated that he came here to try and start over. I have seen his struggle over the years, how he became the man he is today. Eva, you’ve put some life back into his world. He knows he screwed up, but he doesn’t have hope anymore.”

  "But why didn't he tell me all this?"

  "He might have tried to, but Samantha was in some other country for the last two years. Maybe he thought he could sort it out. He’s made himself into a certain person, but he’s finally able to trust somebody again. That’s you, Eva."

  My heart was racing. So he didn't lie to me. He told me that he didn’t want any girl in his life, and he was all about one-night stands. He said that I was changing that about him. “He still could have explained this to me."

  “How would you explain something when the wife you want to get a divorce from shows up at your door?”

  "Where is he now?”

  “Probably preparing for the match…and packing his bags."

  "What? Where’s he going?”

  “What does he have to stick around for? He went to the attorney and filed for divorce. This time, hopefully, he will get it.”

  "But where is he going?"

  "Britain. He’s got a match there, and he might think of staying there.”

  "I can't let him do that! I need to stop him!”

  Mason smiled. “He’s not leaving until tomorrow.”

  I got up. "One thing before I go. What happened with the best friend?”

  "He regretted it. He’s been trying to help Nathan for many years, but he couldn't."

  "And how did you know all this? Nathan never mentioned you.”

  "He wouldn't. I was the best friend.”

  I was in shock, but I couldn’t stay there any longer. I had to go and catch him.

  Chapter 29

  Eva

  What the hell? I was waiting for a taxi for almost ten minutes, but none came. When you need one, a taxi is nowhere to be found. I was in hurry. The love of my life was leaving, making me alone in this crazy world. I had to catch him, but more than that. I had to love him again and again. I was the crazy girl who declined his love without listening to him. I really regretted that.

  After I heard the whole story from Mason, I jumped from my chair and ran out of the lounge. I couldn't let him get away from me. Finally, a taxi stopped. "Let's go, driver. Fast please." I gave him the address. I leaned back, remembering Nathan. I remembered when I first saw him… his sexy attire and how I wanted to undress him right then and there. I’ve never felt that desire with anybody before, but Nathan was special. When the taxi reached Nathan's, I burst out of it and gave a hundred bucks to the driver. "Keep the change!"

  I rushed up to the door. I knew where he kept his extra key so I grabbed it, put it in the keyhole, and opened the door with a bang.

  I went in, but he wasn't there. I checked all the rooms and called his name, but he was nowhere. Did he leave already? I hope I didn’t miss him. I loved him more than anything, but now he was gone. He had left the country and I was heartbroken. I fell down on the couch. I had lost the love of my life, maybe forever. I held my head in my hands, tears splashing my dress.

  May be I should call him. I searched for my phone, but I didn’t have it. Even Chloe didn't knew I was here. I have to go home. I stood up, but the room started to spin. The last thing I remembered was falling to the ground.

  Chapter 30

  Nathan

  I was feeling good and bad at the same time. Good that Eva won the race, and bad that I couldn't celebrate her success with her. I was all alone. My heart was burrowing deeper and deeper into the black hole that I made for it. But it didn't kill my hunger. I had to get some groceries from the market before I could do anything because my refrigerator was empty. I kept thinking about the match and my decision to go to Britain. Would it bring any peace to me? Maybe not, but I couldn't stay here.

  When I got back home, I was surprised to see that my door was open. What the hell? Robbery? I thought of calling 911, but my gut told me to check inside first. I looked, but everything was silent. I went in slowly, looked past the couch, and my heart stopped. Eva?

  I jumped across the couch. She was unconscious. What the hell happened? I picked her up, walked out to my car, gently put her in the front seat, and took her to the hospital.

  They got her admitted in the emergency room. I couldn't understand what she wa
s doing in my house. Why was she unconscious? My mind was playing tricks with me and my heart was getting restless. I couldn't concentrate on anything. The thought of calling Chloe didn't came to my mind until the doctor came out. Then I texted Chloe.

  “You, and now your girlfriend?"

  “Is she okay? What’s wrong with her?”

  "Relax, young man. It was nothing serious. She is awake now. I did some tests and the reports will be in soon, but I can say that I didn't find anything when I examined her. It might be something minor. Let’s just wait for the reports." He clapped me on the shoulder and went back to his patients.

  I went in to see her. She was sleeping like a baby, but she was also sexy. I bent down and kissed her on the cheek. I might not get to see her again, but I knew that being able to kiss her made me happier than I’ve ever been.

  She opened her eyes and smiled. "Is this a dream, Nathan?"

  "It might be. Depends on what you are thinking."

  "I am thinking of hugging and kissing you.”

  "Then maybe it is a dream,” I said, smiling. I lowered down to hug her. It contained the peace that I wanted. It took all my tension away and reignited me with a new hope. "I love this dream, Eva."

  "I love you, Nathan, and I am very…”

  I put my fingers on her lips. "You don't need to be. Let’s just enjoy the moment.” She rested her head on my shoulder. That gave me the confidence to know that she was back with me. This time, I was not going to let her go. "I am not leaving you Eva; not now, not ever.”

  "I am not letting you, Nathan. I am yours and only yours."

  The doctor came in the room. "Hello, lovebirds. Good news. It's just a minor concussion. She was over-exhausted, physically and emotionally. But she is fine and reports are normal.”“Thanks, doctor. Thank you very much,” I said, exhaling.