by Sable Sylvan
The DJ turned on his mic.
“Welcome to Bear Buns, ladies,” said the DJ. “How many of you are here tonight because you wanna be well-behaved?”
Crickets.
“How many of you are here…because you have nothing to do?”
Silence.
“Alright, alright…tough crowd, but, how many of you are here because you’re ready to misbehave?” asked the DJ.
The crowd cheered.
“How many of you are here because you’re ready…to see some bare buns?” asked the DJ.
The crowd hooted and hollered.
“That’s right, ladies,” said the DJ. “Tonight, you’re seeing a very special show. For the first time ever, on this stage, you’ll get to see our two newest members, a pair of pandas, strut their stuff…and bare their buns. Of course, we’re opening with our koalas. They’ve got a very special treat in store for you, as do all our bears. If you’ve seen the show before, get ready to see some stuff that no audience has ever seen before. Forget whatever you thought you knew about Bear Buns…and put your hands together for Bruce and Zach!”
The crowd clapped, and Natalie joined in. Tonight was a special night, and while she’d seen some shaky videos of the Bear Buns club taken on cell phones, she had no clue what she was in store for. The club wasn’t as sketchy as she thought it would be, and she’d been treated like a princess so far, so who knew? There was no way she would find her true love there, but she would have a good time.
The stage’s red velvet curtains parted, revealing a backdrop that had an image projected onto it. The image was of a large rock that Natalie couldn’t name for the life of her, against a brilliant blue sky, with savannah grass coming from the rock towards the camera. There were three large wooden crates on the stage, marked ‘Bear Buns’ in black stencil letters. The music stopped playing, and a voice spoke.
“A show? At this hour?” said a smooth voice with a slight accent. “Well…I’m not sure if I can come up with something. You say they want to see…some koalas?”
The crowd roared.
“Koalas…koalas…well, I think I might have one to show them,” said the voice, and from the side of the stage came a man wearing all khaki. He had on a short sleeve button up shirt and shorts, both khaki. He had on a brown leather belt and flip-flops, and on his shirt pocket, there was a black mic.
Tall, handsome, with dark brown hair, he had good looks that looked like they belonged in Milan, not on the Bear Buns stage. When Natalie had heard that the koalas were the most senior members of the revue, she’d assumed they’d be a lot older, but the man on stage looked to be around her age…and around her type. He had bulging muscles that pressed against the usually loose zookeeper uniform.
And in his arms? There was a small furry creature, which from her angle, looked like a cat. Its face and legs were curled up into the man’s chest.
“Hello, ladies,” said the man, walking out to the crates and sitting down. “I heard y’all like bears. So, I thought it only right to introduce myself. My name’s Zachary, but you can call me Zach, and here? Well, this is my friend Bruce.”
On cue, the furry animal turned its face to the crowd. It had two large furry ears, like a hairy mini-elephant, and two big beady black eyes. Its nose was long and looked like a giant fuzzy black bean. There was no mistaking the animal for anything but a koala.
And he was a-frikkin’-dorable.
“What’s that, buddy?” Zach asked Bruce.
Bruce made a low sound that sounded like a growl, then a hiccup, then a bark. Natalie couldn’t help but laugh. Koalas looked so cute and small, but Bruce sounded like an elephant mixed with a bear mixed with a fox.
“You see a friend of yours in the audience?” Zach asked Bruce. “And…you wanna bring her on stage?”
The crowd roared as Bruce nodded, and a mini spotlight followed Bruce as he walked over to one of the support columns on the stage. Bruce wiggled his little koala butt for the crowd and then got onto the column and started climbing. The koala crawled on the ceiling, and everyone cheered, while the koala made its way over to the VIP section. Natalie could see that this section offered a special experience.
The koala did something Natalie didn’t expect. In hindsight, she should’ve seen coming.
The koala latched onto the pole that was on the table and started to slide down the pole. The crowd went nuts, but Natalie couldn’t believe the next thing she saw.
The koala, in front of her very eyes, shifted, into the shape of a handsome man with ashy blonde hair…and this man? He was stark raving nude, and she was face to face with his brilliant grey-blue eyes.
The man was on the table, crouching, his face near hers like a lion facing its prey. He moved his face forward, and unable to help herself, Natalie prepared for a kiss…
…But the koala had faked her out! He wasn’t trying to kiss her. No, one of the assistants had a bunch of eucalyptus in his hand, and the koala had munched some off of the stalk that the sexy assistant was holding out.
Natalie turned bright red. Had anyone seen her lick her lips, ready for his kiss? The koala got off the table, his twig and berries out and open for the world to see, taking in the applause and shimmying over to the lady of the evening, the bachelorette, Diane. He rode her lap for the crowd and giving her a kiss on the cheek, before getting back onto the table, spinning on the pole, dismounting, and, in one quick motion, picking Natalie up and putting her over his shoulder to carry her to the stage.
One moment, Natalie was watching Bruce do his stuff, and the next, she was like a woman being snatched by a caveman, slung over his shoulders. If it had been anyone else, she would’ve said something, but it was a hot hunk who she felt some strange connection for, so she let it happen.
Bruce put Natalie down on the third box. Before Natalie could get a good look at Bruce’s chest (as he had been moving too quickly for her to see his mate mark before), Bruce had leaped up into the air and into Zach’s arms, turning into a koala during his airborne somersault. The crowd, naturally, went frikkin’ nuts.
“Bruce, that’s no way to treat your friends,” said Zach, and Natalie and the crowd laughed. Zach unclipped his mic and held it out. “What’s your name, miss?”
“Natalie,” said Natalie, speaking into the mic. She could smell Zach from where she was sitting. He smelled abso-frikkin’-lutely delicious.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Natalie,” said Zach, holding out his hand.
Natalie took his hand and shook it. Zach’s grip was strong, protective. She forced herself to let go of him even though she wanted to keep holding onto his rugged, tanned body. Up close, she could see that Zach’s eyes were honey-amber, and they reminded her of the sea.
“Now, Brucie, have you properly introduced yourself to our guest?” asked Zach.
Bruce looked at the crowd, shrugged his little koala shoulders, and shook his head. Natalie swore she could watch his lips form an upside-down U.
“Well, is that any way to show our guests a nice time? Show our guest some of that Southern, south-of-the-equator, hospitality, Bruce,” said Zach.
Bruce held out his little koala paw.
Was this actually happening? Was she gonna shake hands with a koala? Natalie took the small paw in her hand and shook it…
…And as she pulled her hand away, Bruce kept a grip on it!
The crowd laughed. Bruce wouldn’t let go of her hand.
“I think he likes you,” said Zach, and as he did, Bruce hopped up into Natalie’s lap. He sat up, like a little teddy bear, and waved to the crowd. “Have you ever held a koala before?”
“No, never,” admitted Natalie.
“What’s he feel like?” asked Zach.
“He’s…” started Natalie, before petting Bruce and choosing her words. “Softer than anything I’ve felt. Really warm, too. And…he smells minty, like that stuff my mom would put on my chest when I’m congested.”
“That’s the eucalyptus,” said Zach. “K
oalas love eucalyptus. We can’t get enough of the stuff.” As Zach said that, he opened one of his khaki pockets and took out some eucalyptus. He started munching it once he was done. The crowd couldn’t help but laugh.
“I’d offer you some, but it’s poisonous to humans,” said Zach. “But, you can feed some to Bruce.”
Natalie took some leaves in her hand from Zach and fed them to Bruce. Bruce looked up at Natalie with his cute teddy bear eyes as he nibbled at the leaves, his little koala nose tickling the palms of her hands as he picked the eucalyptus leaves up with his rough little pink tongue. It was hard to believe that what could be the world’s cutest animal was also a big hunk of man-meat like the one sitting across from her. The koala flapped its big ears, and Natalie melted. The cocky man who had grabbed her like a caveman was able to be this adorable? Shifters really were something else.
“Koalas aren’t really bears,” said Zach. “At least, not formally. Do you know why koalas are called koala bears?”
“I can’t say that I do,” admitted Natalie.
“Because we do have some similarities,” said Zach. “Furry, four-legged…and the shifters…well, we’ve got something in common with bears.” Zach got up and faced the audience and unbuttoned his shirt slowly. Music started playing, an EDM version of ‘Waltzing Matilda.’ Bruce got up and off of Natalie’s lap and walked to the side stage. Nobody was focused on Bruce. Zach’s show was the real attraction, not the nature lesson.
However, from where Natalie was seated, she couldn’t see the frikkin’ chest! She knew that’s what Zach must’ve been referring to. Koala shifters must’ve had mate marks on their chests, just as other bear shifters had pectoral mate marks. But, with Zach putting on a show for the ladies in the audience, there was no frikkin’ way for her to see his mark.
“Get out of those thongs and into your thong,” came a booming voice with a thick Australian accent.
Natalie turned. Coming from the side-stage was Bruce, in his human form! Unfortunately for her, he was wearing clothes. He was in a pair of dungaree jeans, dark brown worn cowboy boots, with a black shirt on top, button-up, with the sleeves, rolled up to his elbows, revealing his sensual forearms.
Chiseled jaw. Five-o-clock shadow. Ashy blonde hair sticking out…of a hat with corks around it? The corks were hanging off the thick brim of the hat, from strings. Natalie noticed they were all champagne corks.
Bruce made his way over to Natalie. She noticed a mic on his pocket. He put a hand on her shoulder.
“Get it? Thongs, thongs? It’s an Aussie joke. We call flip-flops ‘thongs’ down under. But enough about that. You done learning about our slang and our shifts?” Bruce asked Natalie.
Before Natalie could answer, the crowd gave a resounding, “Yes!”
“Well, then, I have something far more interesting ready for you all,” said Bruce, as Zach waved and headed off-stage, not bothering to get changed. A stagehand, who looked like a lion-shifter, came from off stage to clean the clothes up.
“As you know, Australia has plenty of gorgeous cities,” said Bruce. “Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide…but while Zach, a Sydney boy through-and-through, might see his wildlife at a zoo, men like me, jackaroos, or as you Yanks call’m, cowboys.”
At that, the crowd hooted and hollered, and Bruce tipped his hat, taking it off at the same time.
“We see a lot more animals, and in the wild,” said Bruce. “From the kangaroos of the savannah around Uluru…” Bruce motioned to the big rock shown on the screen.
“…To the koalas of the Australia savannah’s eucalyptus forests,” said Bruce, as the background changed to show a deep dark eucalyptus forest. “We jackaroos see a lot of animals that you might not know about. Echidnas. Emus. And even…drop bears.”
“Drop bears?” asked Natalie. “What are those?”
“Drop bears are a relative of the koala,” said Bruce. “Drop bears and koalas look the same on the outside, but when a drop bear opens their mouth, you can see their razor-sharp teeth, which inject their prey with venom.” Bruce flashed her his gorgeous white teeth.
“Now, they’re called drop bears because they drop on their prey,” said Bruce. “They’re carnivorous, of course.”
“Uh-huh,” said Natalie, focused more on Bruce’s hot bod than the words coming out of his luscious pink lips.
“You’re really lucky you don’t have them in Seattle, or else you’d really have something to worry about,” said Bruce. “But if you ever visit Australia, all you need’s a strong jackaroo like me to protect you.”
Just as Bruce said his last line, something came out of the rafters. It was small, furry, with brownish-gray fur, and a bright red mouth and sharp gnashing teeth, making a sound like a combination of a duck, a rabbit, and a wolf. Its paws were extended and aimed right at her.
Natalie couldn’t help but scream. A drop bear? In Seattle? What the heck was Bruce gonna do to protect her?
Little did Natalie realize that it had turned out that Diane was right.
Fate was going to drop someone into her lap.
In fact, Fate just had.
Chapter Two
As soon as the fuzzy beast hit her lap, Natalie tossed it away. How the heck were there dropbears in Seattle?
However, mid-toss, the beast changed. It transformed into…a naked man? Wait, what was going on?
That’s when Natalie figured it out. Zach and Bruce had pranked her! There was no such thing as a dropbear. It was just Zach the entire time. Natalie had half a mind to be cross.
A stagehand came out and gave Natalie a remote.
“What is this for?” asked Natalie.
“When you’re ready for the show to move on, press the button on the remote,” said the stagehand, a tall, handsome lion shifter. “Then, well…you’ll see.”
Natalie pocketed the small remote. It only had one button on it, so it wouldn’t be hard to use. She just had to make sure not to depress the button on accident.
“Alright, ladies, this set’s nearly done, but the show is far from over,” said the DJ. “We’ve got five more sets of bears ready to entertain you. Remember, each set of bears has their own cave. That’s right. I’m talking about the cocktail rooms. These bears are ready to take a lucky lady back to their dens. The only question is, who will tonight’s six lucky ladies be?”
Natalie was still sitting on the crate when a stagehand came out wheeling what looked like a royal throne.
“This is for you, miss,” said the tiger shifter.
“For me?” asked Natalie.
“Yeah, aren’t you tired of sitting on those crates?” asked the tiger. “Come on. Hop on so I can clear the stage.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” said Natalie. She got into the plush throne and felt like a frikkin’ queen, watching the koalas shake their stuff from behind.
The bears finally turned, shaking their bare buns at the audience, and that’s when Natalie saw them for the first time: the mate marks. They were the special marks that appeared on shifters when they turned eighteen. These marks were supposed to tell the shifters how to find their fated mates. Koalas weren’t bears, but because koala shifters and bear shifters both had mate marks on their chest, well, it was easy to see why koalas had been put in the same category as bears.
The marks on their chests were…unexpected.
Natalie had to admit she was hoping there’d be something on their chests that had to do with her. Maybe a capital N for Natalie? Or, her social security number? But nope, on the chests of the shifters were two symbols that meant nothing to Natalie.
On Zach’s chest, there was a black silhouette of a bird. Natalie looked carefully. The bird had a bill for a beak, like the flat brim of a baseball cap. Its feet were webbed. It had to be a swan or a goose…but the neck was too short to be either of those birds. That’s when it hit Natalie. It was a duck.
On Bruce’s chest, there was a black silhouette of what must’ve been an animal. Natalie squinted. What the heck was i
t? Four legs, with a head that looked like a dog or cat’s, it had a weird tail, paddle-shaped, odd but at the same time, familiar. Natalie had a brain fart. Where had she seen that animal before? How the heck couldn’t she remember an animal that distinctive?
That’s when it hit her.
It was a beaver. But why the heck did an Australian koala have a beaver on his chest? Did they even have beavers in Australia?
What the heck could the symbols mean? It wasn’t a mascot of any sports team she cared about. Her college and high school hadn’t had beavers or ducks for mascots. Maybe these koalas weren’t for her after all.
But, the dangly bits between their legs? Those were definitely for a gal like her, who had the cushion to take their pushin’.
Thick, long, and not enhanced with makeup or other lighting tricks, the cocks that she saw were abso-frikkin’-lutely delicious looking. She wasn’t the kind of gal to want to put a dick in her mouth, but she found herself wondering whose dick would taste better on her tongue…and whose would feel better slapping against her honeypot.
Natalie frowned. What had gotten over her? She wasn’t the kinda girl that slept with someone when she first met them, so why was she fantasizing about two guys who were practically strangers…and why was her body telling her that they were something special? Why did it feel like she’d known them her whole life, rather than just for under an hour on stage?
It wasn’t like…like they were her ex, Randall. It wasn’t like she’d known them for years, dated them for years, and been totally and utterly betrayed when they cheated on her. She hadn’t thought about Randall for a while, distracted by the koalas, but the thought of Randall made her heart feel like it was breaking again. There was only one way to get the thought of her rat bastard ex out of her mind.
Natalie pressed the button. As soon as she did so, large pieces of shiny rainbow confetti started flying out of the rafters and onto the dancers. From either side of the stage came a stagehand wheeling what looked like a giant meringue, covered in mint leaves and deep purple Marionberries. The stagehands wheeled the meringues to the center of the stage, and upon seeing that, Bruce came over and scooped Natalie up, while Zach walked off the other side of the stage to give dances to the audience.
