by Jools Louise
Slowly, his heart heavy with sorrow, he trudged off to find Cracker.
Chapter Five
Douglas knew he was being followed but kept moving, ignoring the sharp stones beneath his bare feet as he concentrated on cooling his anger. He’d exploded like a rocket, the rage coming from nowhere. Not much of it had anything to do with what Ryder had said. Most came from a source that had been welling up for months now.
He already knew about Ryder. John and Pace had been very thorough when checking out the man’s past. Neither had been too enamored with the big guy’s interest in Douglas, and with Cody’s help they’d taken a good, long look into Ryder’s history, letting Douglas know everything in the hopes that he would change his mind. He’d known something about the reasons that Ryder had gotten involved with tracking down the cult, not the full details, but enough to know that something bad had happened, and Ryder had blamed himself. Douglas ached for the torment his mate must have gone through, when he’d realized what he’d done to those poor children. Even then, for some reason, he had allowed himself to believe in Houston’s honesty. Douglas figured the man had been a bad egg for a lot longer. If he’d been Ryder’s team leader and commander, then he would have been the one to lead his men into those missions, knowing full well who and what their targets were. Douglas couldn’t believe that there had been only one “mistake.” The cult had been collecting recruits for a long time, and Houston’s meteoric rise through the political ranks was something of an anomaly. Miraculous, really. The link to Gibbons, a cult stooge who had been a federal agent, added to the evidence against those monsters.
“Are you going to follow me all day?” he called back to his stalker, stopping suddenly. He turned, sniffing lightly, and scented a man who would not be so easy to shake.
“It occurred to me,” John retorted amiably, moving closer. Douglas had to strain his ears to hear his friend and honorary dad padding up to him. The man walked so quietly, it was as though he floated on air. It was uncanny.
“I thought you were Ryder,” Douglas said, feeling a little disappointed that his mate hadn’t followed.
“I sent him off to find Cracker,” John retorted. Something in the tone alerted Douglas that they hadn’t parted amicably.
“It wasn’t his fault,” he said, shrugging diffidently and kicking his toe into the dirt. He winced as he hit a rock. Belatedly it occurred to him that he was still wearing his Speedos.
“Here, you might feel more comfortable in these,” John said gently. Reaching out, Douglas fumbled for the strap of the backpack that John held out, and sighed with relief.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
“Are you going to watch me dress?” Douglas asked sarcastically, tilting his head.
John snorted, his voice sounding a little fainter, as though he’d turned away. “No, peewee, I didn’t come here for a peep show.”
Douglas laughed at that, shaking his head ruefully. Even when he badly wanted to punch something, John could always make him smile. The guy had a knack for finding Douglas’s sense of humor, even in his darkest moods.
Quickly stripping off his trunks, Douglas dressed in record time, then tugged on his Sketchers. He felt warmer immediately and gave himself a mental slap for not shifting. His jaguar had a fur coat, after all.
“So, why did you follow me?” Douglas asked curiously. The man had been in the pool with the children.
“Cody took over with the little ones,” John admitted. “I told him that I’d talk to you. Do you mind?”
Douglas shrugged, frowning a little, still not sure of John’s intentions. “I don’t mind exactly. I’m just not sure why you left the kids to come after me.”
“I’m the one who suggested you come to the pool,” John replied, sounding full of remorse. “I had no idea that you were terrified of the water, or I would never have suggested it. I’m so sorry.”
Douglas heard the pain in John’s voice and held out his arms wide. The bigger man stepped into them and they hugged. “I didn’t know, either,” he said, resting his head on John’s chest, comforted by the man’s strength. “I knew we were at the pool, and I was definitely scared when we went inside. It was only when I felt a splash of water on my face that I panicked. It triggered a flashback. I couldn’t breathe, and I panicked.”
John’s arms tightened, and Douglas heard the hitch in his breathing, the shudder that shook the snow leopard shifter’s big body. “And for that, I can never forgive myself,” he said. “I had an idea that you may be nervous. When you were in the hospital, you flinched every time you heard water being poured into a glass. I noticed. I had some clue what might have been done to you. I’ve had it done to me, in training, and it’s terrifying, even when you know nobody’s trying to kill you. I knew, and I still pushed to have you go into the pool. Cody’s promised to kick my ass later. I’m not going to stop him.”
Douglas sighed shakily, shuddering as he remembered being waterboarded. The scene replayed in his mind on a loop, the feeling of being utterly helpless something he never wanted to repeat.
“I’d pushed it to the back of my mind,” he said. “I don’t remember too much about when I first was in the hospital, or the actual attack, it’s all a bit of a blur. When I left there and went back to my dad’s, I made myself forget. I just wanted to be normal again and concentrate on getting better.”
“You’ve done that,” John said proudly. “I can’t begin to tell you how in awe I am of what you’ve achieved. You never gave up, even when I know you were in so much agony.”
“I didn’t want them to win,” Douglas replied firmly. “They’d done so much, and that bitch of a wolverine had hurt so many people, I didn’t want her to have another victim for her tally sheet.”
“Then why did you tell Ryder that those children were the lucky ones?” John asked suddenly, sounding angry.
Douglas trembled, not through fear, but because beneath all the bravado, beneath the bravery that he brandished like a sword, he was terrified that he would always be a victim. He was scared of water. How stupid was that? He’d just acted like a fucking idiot, in front of all those little kids, who’d been raised in a fucking laboratory for Christ’s sake, and he blubbered and panicked because he got splashed.
“I’m not brave,” Douglas said bitterly. “I’m not courageous. Why the fuck are you so proud of me? I did a stupid thing going after Rash, thinking that I could reason with a psychopath, and got myself into all sorts of trouble. You even told me that it was dangerous, and I didn’t listen. I taunted and provoked the bitch at the enemy camp, because I wanted her to kill me, after losing Ellis. I didn’t want to live without him.”
“I know,” John replied gently, stroking Douglas’s back soothingly. “I also know that we should never have left you alone that night. I knew that you were in a bad place in your mind, and I didn’t act on it. I watched that van pull up and should have been right there after you, but I didn’t. I used you as bait, so that I could find out where they were hiding. I didn’t save you in time. That one’s on me. I should have saved Ellis, too, when that bastard Rash first came into the café. I let this happen to you.”
Douglas punched him in the gut, hearing a whoosh as John’s breath left him in a hurry. “Idiot!” he shot back, growling a little.
“Is Dougie okay?” a tiny voice said suddenly. Both men whirled in surprise, staring at the pint-sized child who stood there. Candy.
“Candy, what the hel…heck are you doing all the way out here?” John asked, releasing Douglas. The jaguar shifter tilted his head, listening as the little girl giggled, then there was a loud smacking of lips, as though she’d kissed John on the cheek.
“I was worried about Dougie,” she said in her lilting little voice. Douglas smiled at the tinge of mischief there. She was a little stinker. She obviously had a really good sense of smell to be able to follow them so far, since they were a fair way from the sports complex and she was mostly blind. He shuddered, thinking abou
t that for a minute.
“Thank you for worrying,” he said, smiling more widely as she giggled again. “Can I get a kiss, too?”
He heard John move closer, and then ended up with an armful of shifter child and a pair of sticky lips kissing him on the lips. “You were really scared,” she said, and her head lolled onto his chest. She sighed tremulously. “I get like that sometimes, at night. But then one of the sitters comes and puts on the light, and I’m okay.”
“Candy, I don’t suppose you told anyone that you were leaving, did you?” John asked, sounding resigned.
Douglas felt the little girl’s head move from side to side. “That would be a no,” he said dryly. “Perhaps we should head back, before someone has a heart attack.”
“Excellent idea,” John retorted.
Douglas felt John’s arm loop through his, and the three of them set off, walking slowly back.
* * * *
Ryder arrived back at the main arena and scouted around for Cracker. He found the man naked and lathered up with soap, in the shower and changing area attached to the basketball hall. All thought left his brain, bar one. He undressed quickly, slipped in behind his lover, and closed the door. Cracker turned in surprise, then his eyes gleamed with pure lust as he viewed Ryder’s engorged cock.
They came together, clashing like two rhinos battling for supremacy. Their lips clung, fingers searching, as their cocks slid together sensuously. Ryder came unglued, desperate to get closer still, and he muscled Cracker against the wall, eating hungrily at the man’s succulent mouth.
“Fuck me,” Cracker moaned, cupping Ryder’s ass in his big hands, squeezing the twin globes firmly. “I need that big fat cock of yours inside me, stud. Fuck me through the wall, baby.”
Ryder obeyed the hoarse plea, lifting the big man, then dropping him with little ceremony onto his hard dick. Cracker cried out, flinging his head back as Ryder’s nine inches speared his ass. Ryder watched the contorted pleasure on his lover’s face, knowing he needed this. Cracker had some quirks, some needs that Douglas was reluctant to give him. Ryder loved that Cracker let him go all alpha on his ass, fucking him without having to worry about hurting him. Cracker liked a little pain with his lovemaking once in a while, and between the three mates, they managed to balance each other out. Douglas preferred more gentle attention, with extended foreplay. Ryder enjoyed that, too, but when he and Cracker connected, like now, it was pure, unadulterated power play, all the way.
Cracker gripped the tiles behind him as Ryder began to fuck up into him, using Cracker’s own weight to aid him, shoving into his sweet chute, grunting with the effort. He didn’t want to think right then, just wanted to lose himself inside his mate’s body. Cracker clutched at Ryder’s big shoulders, levering up and down in time to Ryder’s hard thrusts. They kissed passionately the whole time, grinding together as they rutted together with a ferocity that bordered on feral.
Ryder came with a harsh shout, pumping his load inside Cracker’s clenching chute. Before he’d finished, Cracker hopped off his spurting cock, slammed him into the other wall, facing the tiles, and then sank his dick deep inside Ryder’s hole. Shouting again at the searing heat that shot up his spine from his ass, Ryder thumped the wall as his lover gave him no time to recover and began power fucking him fast and hard, going primal on him in the best possible way. Ryder took the pain, the heat, and the strong, forceful thrusts eagerly, shoving his hips back at his mate with each driving stroke.
“Not gonna last, lover,” Cracker grunted, then gave a low, tortured moan and came, lashing Ryder’s insides with hot spurts of his semen. Ryder felt his lover’s fangs bite deep into his neck, and snarled with pleasure, trembling through the aftermath of so much intense exertion.
Cracker sagged, blanketing Ryder’s broad back, panting hard as he rested his forehead on Ryder’s shoulder. “Well damn, stud, that was an unexpected pleasure,” he murmured drolly, drawing a startled chuckle from Ryder.
“I was looking for you,” Ryder responded, shrugging.
Cracker bellowed, his shoulders shaking as he laughed loudly. “You found me,” he drawled laconically, his dick quivering inside Ryder’s aching chute as the big man chortled with amusement.
“Easy there, tiger,” Ryder said, laughing, as well. “You pack a hell of a punch.”
Cracker lifted his head and turned Ryder’s face toward his, kissing him tenderly and stroking his spent dick gently. “So do you,” he said warmly, playing tongue tag for several seconds as their breathing slowed. “Any particular reason for that little display, or should I just put it down to my outstanding sex appeal?”
Ryder barked out another chuckle. His big lion shifter was a pistol. “I…er…” He trailed off lamely, shrugging again and resting his forehead against the wall.
“Need to talk?” his lover said intuitively, easing out of Ryder’s hole and turning him so they were facing each other. His pale blue eyes searched Ryder’s deep brown ones, and Ryder almost flinched under the direct stare, feeling as though the man could see right into his soul. “Talk to me,” Cracker pleaded, stroking Ryder’s cheek gently. “This mating business doesn’t work unless we all purge ourselves of the shit from our past,” he said in his own unique way.
Ryder cracked a smile, despite his inner turmoil. He closed his eyes, breaking the connection to that laser-sharp observation. “I upset Douglas,” he admitted. He braced for the explosion. Instead Cracker wrapped his big arms around Ryder, holding him close as the water turned chilly. Reaching over, Ryder turned off the faucet and enjoyed his lover’s strong embrace, loving the hard muscles and the feeling of security that came from being wrapped in the big man’s arms. He sighed heavily, not knowing what to say.
“There was an almighty uproar earlier,” Cracker said quietly, kissing Ryder’s cheek. “Apparently our lovable mate went barreling out of the swimming pool as though he was being chased by a whole load of mini critters.” Ryder’s smile widened at the analogy.
“He had a panic attack in the pool, when someone splashed him,” Ryder explained. “I grabbed him and took him out to one of the small lakes a couple of miles away. I told him some stuff about my past. He was catatonic, lost in his nightmare, and I was terrified that he wouldn’t come back to me. PTSD can break you like nothing else can, messing with your memories and turning you into a fucking vegetable if it’s not treated properly.” Ryder snarled, angry at himself again. “We pushed him to go into the pool, and he had a fucking flashback.”
“Yes, we pushed him,” Cracker admitted softly. “And I’ll apologize for my part in that. I had no idea he was that afraid of water. He’s never shown any sign of fear when he’s been in the shower or anything.”
Ryder realized that was the truth. Douglas loved being in the shower with one or both of them…he sometimes begged to be fucked in there, craving their touch. “Do you think that perhaps he’s been so eager to go in there with us is because he’s frightened to be there alone?” he said.
Cracker nodded slowly, looking sad. “Maybe,” he replied, kissing Ryder on the mouth. “We’ll have to have a family meeting, figure things out.”
Ryder sighed again, letting out a shuddering breath, then shivered suddenly. “Can we get dressed?”
“Big baby,” Cracker retorted, slapping his ass, and grinned at Ryder’s offended expression. “Come on, sweet stuff, let’s get you all warm and dry.”
Ryder flipped him off and stepped out of the stall, stopping short when he saw Douglas standing there, accompanied by Cody and John. Crap.
“We’ll make sure no one comes in here,” Cody said, dragging John out of the wet room. The place had a large, communal shower area, as well as individual stalls. There was a separate area where the toilets were located. Lockers were lined up along one wall, and a long, knee-high bench with hooks to hang clothing lay in front.
Ryder grabbed his clothes and stepped into them, still dripping wet. “Dude,” Cracker sighed, shaking his head as he held out his towel. Ryd
er gave him a rueful smile and looked down at his sodden garments, then held his hands up in a “too late” kind of manner.
“Hey, Douglas,” Cracker said, stepping toward their mate and greeting him with a hot smooch. Then he toweled off and took down a backpack from one of the hooks, dressing swiftly, before turning to his mates, hands on hips, and fixing the pair of them with a steady look. “Now we’re all comfortable,” he said with a speaking look at Ryder, “it’s time to have a little chat, don’t you?”
Douglas pouted, his lower lip pushing out adorably until Ryder wanted to go over to him and kiss him senseless, making him forget their harsh words. Instead of acting on impulse, Ryder remained where he was, folding his arms against his chest and looking down at his feet, ignoring Cracker’s glare.
“Jesus, this is like dealing with a couple of teenagers. What happened between you two?” Cracker sounded exasperated.
“Ryder thinks he’s a monster, and is taking all the blame for everything that’s ever happened to us,” Douglas finally muttered, sulking.
Ryder glanced at the younger shifter through his lashes, biting back a smile at the expression on Douglas’s face. He couldn’t help it. Douglas in a snit was too funny.
“I did some stuff, not long after I first enlisted. I was a good, patriotic young soldier, and I wanted to do my best for my country,” Ryder said, frowning at the floor again.
“We’ve all done stuff,” Cracker said in frustration. “Can you be a little more specific, or should I get out the thumb screws?”
Ryder snorted at that, shooting Cracker a dry look. “No need for those, pipsqueak,” he retorted. “Your dick just did a number on my ass, so I don’t need any more sex games, thanks very much.”
Cracker laughed. “I said thumb screws, douche,” he shot back, grinning. “Unless you have other uses for them that I don’t know about.” He waggled his brows teasingly.
