Coming to the retreat on assignment, which included meeting the Guru, she was first led into the clean, air conditioned meditation room by a stern, quiet Indian woman who wore a badge on her shoulder announcing proudly that she was in ‘silence’. She wouldn’t say a word to anyone until she’d reached deliverance, from what Jax wasn’t sure. For over an hour she’d sat in meditation, looking around the plain white walls and the clock that crawled by in lethargic minutes. It had seemed like an eternity. She’d concluded that meditation wasn’t her thing, but when one was a thousand miles away from home visiting a holy site and wanting to take pictures, she was in no place to refute their methods or process. She just simply followed, indulging in the experience.
The meeting with the Guru had been an exceptional one. He had the ability to read tea leaves, something that Jax wasn’t sure she believed in, but he seemed eager to read for her. According to the Indian ways, this was a grand offering by the holy man. In broken English, he’d told Jax, “You have many directions set before you, door close and open. Do not ignore the one which appears locked for it carries much love. It is only a test for the true believer.” He’d then placed the string of beads around Jax’s neck, another gift.
She’d gone home and Travis had asked her to marry him.
Taking off the necklace, she placed it into the soap dish next to the gorgeous—gorgeously large—diamond ring that she’d taken off last night. Things had certainly changed. The first thing Tina had said when she saw the ring for the first time was, “That man must really love you.” Jax had been weighted with guilt because in the back of her mind, she’d always wondered how she would keep it safe while traveling. Travis hadn’t known her. Not at all.
Unlike most of the girls she’d grown up with, Jax never dreamed of her perfect wedding. Never had an album filled with samples of wedding gowns and flower arrangements. When other girls asked for dolls and coloring books, Jax asked for cameras and copies of National Geographic. At twenty, she’d already been to many exotic locations, taking pictures in quaint cafes and museums, and more of war-ridden countries and starving children.
At twenty-seven, she’d met Travis, a corporate attorney who was on his way to better things. She’d instantly taken a liking to his career-driven attitude and determination. In the end, it was those very things he didn’t appreciate in her.
Travis had wanted her to change. He’d expected her to attend the high-society events with him to please his law partners while wearing a bright smile, coiffed hair, and designer fashion. He’d wanted her to be the ‘perfect arm candy’. Although she’d done a damn good job at pretending, that just wasn’t her. Never would be. She wasn’t against putting on a skin tight dress, heels and lace lingerie when the mood was fitting, but she wouldn’t give up the desire she had to get dirty. Travis saw their future as a married couple with kids, dinner on the table every evening when he walked through the door at seven o’clock. His expectations were far beyond her reach, at least now. She did see herself eventually with a husband and kids, but at thirty-one, she still had many places to explore.
Their successes had affected their lives, their future together. She’d found herself pulling away from his anticipations, staying away longer, taking the trips that would keep her out of the country. At the same time, she was missing something. Her lack of intimacy with Travis had left her lonely.
After they moved in together, she thought things might change for the better, but instead she’d wake up in the middle of the night, go into the bathroom and hide there, sometimes crying. She’d lost herself, living an unfulfilled life and molding into Travis’s needs for a normal wife—a partner that didn’t crave seeing the world. If he hadn’t broken off their engagement, she would have eventually ended up leaving him. Things would have been far more difficult later.
And now here she was, going away on her honeymoon, alone.
Was this silly?
Jax couldn’t stay here. Couldn’t face her family, not yet. Couldn’t tolerate hearing them ask, “What happened?” Of course, everyone thought they were a happy couple, had everything everyone wanted. Not even close.
She stepped into the water and let the warm spray ease the tension in her muscles. Tomorrow was a new day. She was about to embark on a new life. This should be exciting.
Washing her hair and scrubbing her body until it tingled, she turned off the knobs and stepped out of the tub. She grabbed the towel and wrapped her body in its warmth, closing her eyes and sucking air deep into her lungs. Opening her eyes, she spotted the ring. It sparkled magnificently in the light, unlike the farce of a relationship she’d been living over the last four years—especially the last year. Travis would find it when he came home—and the empty apartment. Would he feel relieved?
He should stay here. She’d never found the luxurious downtown apartment in Chicago as her home. Indeed it was nice, but it seemed almost sanitary with the expensive, polished steel furnishings and abstract paintings. This was Travis’s place. She’d lived in a small loft above a Chinese restaurant and loved it. What had she been thinking by moving here? It was part of the program.
Up until now she’d played a role in her life so she had no right to complain about where the path had led her. She thought she’d wanted the upscale apartment and the secure fiancé. Turned out, when Travis informed her he’d changed his mind, she’d actually felt like he’d taken bolt cutters and cut the chains loose.
This wasn’t her life. At least not the one she’d envisioned for herself.
Yet she wasn’t even sure where she belonged.
She was free to find out and that was the importance in all of this.
Pushing her thoughts aside, she dressed in a comfortable T-shirt, jeans, and boots then read the note from Tina taped to the top of the suitcase.
“Call me. Have fun!”
Jax smiled. Fun didn’t seem fitting at the moment.
Brushing her hair until it dried part way, she applied mascara and lip tint, then packed all of her personal items into a small case.
Hearing sirens, she stepped out onto the balcony and looked down at the busy street, watching the figures of passersby on the sidewalk as they went about their day. Cars were beeping and a musician was playing on the corner. A mother and child were walking into the bank. The boy, probably four or five, dropped his ball and it rolled across the walkway, finally landing in the middle of traffic. She was too far away to see his expression, but when he started to go after the lost toy, his mother dragged him through the glass doors of the building. Poor kid.
Jax lifted her chin and scanned the tops of the high rise buildings and the hazy grey sky that promised snow. The forecast called for three to four inches. Would Wyoming also have snow? A part of her thought she should look through her packed belongings to check for warm clothing, but she didn’t dare mess up Tina’s handy work.
Leaning over the wrought iron rail, she craned her neck to see down the street to her favorite restaurant—Mike’s Burgers. She inhaled deeply and could almost smell the grilled beef, triple cheese, loaded with pickle, onion and mustard. When Travis wasn’t home for dinner, she’d always grab Mike’s take out. Travis never liked the place because it wasn’t sushi. She never liked sushi. He never asked if she did. It suddenly became real to her that he’d never asked her about anything—her day, her likes and dislikes, her childhood. They had been living in his world.
Jax needed to reconnect with something…anything besides Travis’s world that surrounded her now.
When he’d told her to pick anywhere she’d wanted to go for their honeymoon, as long as it was in the states because he wasn’t much of a long-distance flyer, she’d searched perfect wedding venues and Nirvana had popped up. She’d instantly fallen in love with the spectacular description of beautiful, virgin land and views. Even in the winter she’d bet the place was amazing. It was everything she needed. The mountains. The fresh air. Open spaces with horses. The distance from her life in the city among the corporations a
nd gourmet coffee shops on every corner.
Her mother once said that Jax belonged on a ranch, away from the cages of society.
She was about to find out if her mother was right.
CHAPTER TWO
MAVERICK STOOD IN the line at the register, holding his armful of items. Coffee. Cereal. Boxed macaroni and cheese. Toilet paper. A bachelor’s essentials. He was staring at his box of Fruit Loops when he overheard the customer in front of him say, “What is the total again?”
“Five fifty,” the young teenager behind the counter said.
“I-I don’t have enough,” the customer spoke in a lowered voice as she searched through her change purse for the second time. “I only have three.”
The teen snapped her gum and rolled her eyes. “Then put something back.”
Maverick scanned the groceries on the counter. Bread. Milk. And Valentine candy hearts. As a kid he loved those things. The customer, a woman in her mid-thirties with a yellowish-purple bruise covering one eye, darted an apologetic glance to him over her shoulder. “I can put these back.” She reached for the box of candy when the worker groaned.
“Those are only a dollar. You still won’t have enough.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Maverick said as he stepped forward, balancing his groceries in one arm and grabbing the right amount of money from his front pocket. He tossed it onto the counter. The teen girl had been in the middle of blowing a large bubble and it burst, splattering her face from pierced brows to chin. As she made great effort in peeling the pink film from her cheeks, Maverick’s attention was pulled to the customer who drug his hand in for a quick shake.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. I can repay you. I’m just, well, a little low on cash right now.” Her face turned redder. “I will give you what I have.”
He didn’t take the cash she thrust his direction. “I’m not expecting to be paid back and you keep that.” By the looks of the bruise on her eye he suspected that she needed a helping hand. Anger rushed over him, but he didn’t want to embarrass her more by asking questions.
“I’ll never forget your generosity.” She gave him a half-smile, took her bag and brushed past him.
Maverick placed his things on the counter and gave the girl at the register an irritated expression. She lowered her eyes and concentrated on ringing up his coffee.
He stepped up to the window and looked out. The woman he’d helped was crossing the snow covered parking lot and a young boy with a head full of dark curls met her half way. He had on a thin jacket, too short of pants, and untied tennis shoes. Not what he should be wearing on a day like today. She dug into the paper bag, pulled out the box of candy and the boy smiled, showing off two missing teeth. They climbed into a beat up car and when she started the engine, the exhaust rattled the store’s window. He understood all too well how much a simple treat, like candy hearts, could brighten a kid’s day. Maverick was glad he could help in some small way.
“Do you know who she is?” he asked the cashier.
“The one who couldn’t pay?”
He gave her another disgruntled look and she blinked. “Rose Parsons. Husband is a dick. That’s all I know.” She chomped her gum.
“I’ll be right back.” He hurried outside and caught the raggedy car as it started to pull away. The woman rolled down the driver’s window.
“Have you changed your mind, sir?” She started to reach into her purse.
“No, ma’am.” Maverick spotted the boy in the backseat, hungrily chomping on the candy. “I don’t want to offend you, but I work at Nirvana and, well, if you ever need anything, even if your boy here would like to ride one of our horses, just call.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a business card. “I’m Maverick McCade. Number’s right on there.”
“I like to ride. Can I mommy?” The boy piped in.
“Maybe when the weather warms up, son.” She smiled. “I’m Rose. Thank you again. We should get going.” She squeezed the steering wheel until her knuckles were white.
“Sure. Have a safe trip. Roads are getting slick.”
Maverick stepped back and watched the blue car disappear onto the road.
When he turned around to go back into the store, he noticed a white SUV had pulled up to the pump. He sighed. Who in the world would stop here and spend a fortune on gas when the best bet was ten miles back?
The driver’s door opened and he caught a glimpse of blonde hair and large sunglasses, reminding him of a Hollywood star. Wasn’t possible though. Hollywood never made it out this far.
“Are you going to pay for your groceries or not?”
He looked at the door. The attendant had her head stuck out, giving him the stink eye. “I’m coming,” he grumbled.
Once inside, he reached into his pocket, grabbed the remaining bills and handed them over to the impatient girl who needed a lesson in appropriate behavior and attire. The tight shirt she wore showed off way too much cleavage. If that was his daughter she wouldn’t leave the house dressed this way. But it wasn’t his daughter. It certainly wasn’t his right to chastise her behavior.
Grabbing his bags, he headed for the door, stepping out into the cold. He secured his thick coat against the blustery wind and pulled his hat lower on his forehead as he trudged through the snow toward his truck. Once inside he deposited the bags on the passenger seat, turned on the engine and cranked up the heat on high. His tingly skin thanked him.
Movement across the lot caught his attention. The blonde was standing at the back of the SUV, pumping her gas, hunkered close as if the cold seeped through her lightweight clothes. He read the tags. An out-of-towner, probably passing through. Her long hair was caught up in the breeze and she lifted a slender hand, grabbed the misbehaving strands and dragged them around her shoulder.
He rubbed his hands together, warming his palms, watching her return the pump and recap the tank. She strolled toward the store and he slipped his gaze over the nice fitting skinny jeans that showed off gentle curves and long legs. His heart kicked up and he chuckled. “Calm down. She’s only passing through,” he whispered, slipped the gear into reverse and backed out. He remembered he had to stop at the hardware store, hoping to hurry before the owner left. He looked through his rearview mirror as the blonde stepped out of the store, heading back to her car. He scrubbed his beard and tugged on the wiry strands. He didn’t have time to allow his brain to wander, even if he had an urge to turn back into the lot and get a closer look at the pretty lady. Hell, the glasses covered half her face. She could be cross-eyed and buck-toothed for all he knew.
At this point, he probably wouldn’t mind.
The real problem was he hadn’t been with a woman in two years. For a man with a healthy sexual appetite, those were dog years. He might as well have committed himself to celibacy. His aching body didn’t know any difference.
He pulled out onto the main road and his tires slipped on the snow. It was only getting worse as the temperature dropped and the snow kept coming. The town of a thousand people was empty. Figured. Mother Nature had dumped a good three inches of snow in an hour all along Wyoming and the forecast was calling for another five inches before the day was over. Before he’d left Nirvana earlier, they’d already gotten a handful of cancelations from guests and the airport had closed because of icy conditions. Looks like it was going to be a slow week.
Probably for the best under the circumstances.
Chase was gone from the R&R on his honeymoon with Kaycee. Maverick was the stand-in boss until Chase got back.
Maverick still didn’t understand how Kaycee had managed to talk Chase into not only going on vacation, but to a whole different continent. Then again, Chase was wrapped around his new wife’s finger—his pregnant wife’s finger. They’d wanted to make things official and get married before she had the baby. They had looked like two lovebirds as they stood holding hands in front of the minister as he pronounced them man and wife.
Jared and Sofie had left too, but for good, an
d nothing seemed the same. Maverick was happy for his buddy, but things were happening way too fast. Last he heard from Jared they had married and were staying on his homestead.
Maverick couldn’t deny he’d felt a pang of envy. Ten years ago he’d married Sara, the love of his life, only to lose her in a car accident. She’d been pregnant with their son.
Life had never been normal for him after he lost his family. Most days he was on auto pilot, going through the moments without any real substance. He choked up and pushed back the haunting emotion. He’d lost so much, so many dreams.
At times he thought about going back to Montana to continue raising Appaloosas. He’d left the family ranch where he’d lived with Sara because the memories had been too painful. Living at Nirvana he had everything a simple man needed. Shelter, food, and lots of work to keep his mind from wandering places it didn’t belong, like in the unchangeable past. He’d spent many days working his fingers to the bone hoping to scrape out the pain and misery from his heart, but loneliness occupied every recess of the blackened muscle.
This morning he’d awoke to another nightmare. They were always the same with a vision of his wife wearing a long, white nightgown telling him, “Find the right path.” He believed Sara would be pissed if she knew he’d huddled up at some retreat in Wyoming and was hiding from everything and everyone. They’d had talks—the conversations lovers share after they’d had a passionate night of lovemaking—and without knowing the future, she’d absently told him that if something happened to her, he should move on and find happiness. He’d blown off her words as silliness at that moment, but even today they haunted him like a black cloud. He’d made a promise he didn’t plan to keep—didn’t think he could keep. When he’d relieved his need with other women, he’d felt nothing but a void afterward, and that’s why he’d stopped having meaningless sex.
Kissed, Spurred, & Valentined (Cowboys of Nirvana Book 4) Page 2
