by Candy Harper
‘Oh. What did they say?’
‘Well, there was the usual irritating request for details, but in the end we all agreed that I have earned a break.’
Actually, Dad pointed out that the trip overlaps with Granny’s stay so it might help make the house less crowded. He also said that it would be nice to have a bit of peace and quiet without me asking him for money. And he probably won’t miss me pointing out that if he doesn’t want vomiting at the breakfast table he really ought to keep his ear hair under control. Basically, as I’ve been saying for some time now, it’s in everybody’s interest for me to have a relaxing holiday.
LATER STILL
Sam’s back. He says Granny’s friends thought he was great. I’m not sure I believe him.
But then, old people do get excited about beige trousers, coach trips to Bognor, and all you-can-eat carvery so clearly they don’t expect much from life.
And if you think about it, Sam’s got a lot in common with a beige pair of trousers.
MONDAY 30TH APRIL
Icky heard me talking to Megs about the French exchange this morning.
‘Oh God,’ she interrupted. ‘If I’d known you were coming I wouldn’t have signed up. They’re not seriously letting you go, are they?’
I gave her my haughtiest look. ‘Well, obviously the school are very protective of me because I’m their star pupil, but since I’ve promised I’ll come back they’ve agreed I can go. Although between me and you I’m pretty sure they’re sending an undercover bodyguard to keep an eye on me.’
Icky snorted, snottily. ‘You’re delusional. They’re probably hoping you’ll fall in the Channel and sink like the fat lump you are.’
That’s what I love about Icky. You expect her to be utterly evil and she always delivers. ‘It’s been delightful as ever, Vicky, we really must chit chat more often. Oh no, wait, actually, it’s been truly revolting listening to your disappointment in yourself once again emerge as nonsensical vicious ramblings and I’d rather scoop my own eyes out with a chopstick than ever speak to you again. Yeah, that was it. Must dash.’
She got quite sweary and aggressive at that point, which was a mistake because Miss Ramsbottom has got a rude word radar and she swept down and started lecturing Icky. I managed to get in a smug look before we sauntered off to Chemistry.
‘See?’ I said to Megs. ‘Icky is going on the trip. I need you there to protect me.’
‘You’re quite capable of doing your own walloping. Besides, it’s a rip off; all that money and when you get there you still have to go to school.’
‘You can’t put a price on education, Megs. Or French pastries.’
But she still wouldn’t agree. Lily hasn’t changed her mind either, so at lunchtime, Angharad and I had another go at persuading them.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to come?’ Ang asked Lily.
‘The thing about France,’ Lily said. ‘Is that everything is in French, isn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Megs said.
Lily wrinkled her nose. ‘I don’t think I can be French.’
‘Don’t worry, I don’t think the French want you,’ I said.
‘You don’t have to speak French all the time,’ Angharad said patting Lily’s arm. ‘The French are very good at speaking English.’
‘Exactly,’ I agreed. ‘And if you get stuck there’s always the international language of pointing. Or dancing. Remember in Year Eight when we did that dance about saving the rainforest and Mrs Williams said that you communicated powerfully through your movements?’ (Actually what Lily’s jerking and kicking communicated to me was that she was choking, but I didn’t mention this.)
Lily stood up and shrugged. ‘I still think I’ll give it a miss. I’m a bit busy at the moment. I’m working on hatching something out.’ She ambled off to get second helpings of pudding and we were left staring at each other.
‘Hatching something?’ Angharad repeated.
I held up my crossed fingers. ‘Let’s just hope it’s a baby chick rather than an alien offspring.’
MAY
TUESDAY 1ST MAY
More school. It never stops. At lunchtime I said to the girls, ‘Apparently these are supposed to be the best days of our lives.’
‘What? Tuesdays?’ Lily asked
‘No, school days. We’re supposed to be all young and carefree and skipping about singing. And we could be if it weren’t for Miss Ramsbottom talking about mocks, and regulation hairdos and the futility of human existence all the time.’
‘Because I prefer Wednesdays,’ Lily said.
I sighed. ‘I think that adults pretend this is a great time just to keep us here. They’re afraid of us growing up and leaving home and eating ice cream for tea. It’s all a lie.’
‘Thursdays are probably the worst.’
‘Anyway, it would be pretty miserable to think that Mr Hampton’s lecture on the best way to clean a test tube was the peak of your life’s happiness. I think the best days of my life will be when I make some kind of scientific breakthrough. . . . On a tropical island . . . While wearing diamonds.’
Lily nodded. ‘Yeah, and that will probably be a Saturday, won’t it? Most good stuff happens on a Saturday, so that’s the best days of your life isn’t it? Definitely Saturdays.’
‘Exactly, because there’s no school,’ I said.
Megs looked from me to Lily and back again. ‘If Lily changes her mind and decides to go to France, promise me the two of you won’t go anywhere alone together.’
‘Are you getting jealous again?’ I asked.
‘No, I’m worrying that one of you will say, “Look out for that French lorry!” And the other one will say “Yes, I like baguette sandwiches too” and then get run over.’
I raised my eyebrows at Lily. Megs talks a lot of nonsense sometimes.
LATER
Anyway, what is Megs blithering on about? If I need protecting from an out of control French lorry, she’ll be there to throw herself in front of it like a good friend.
WEDNESDAY 2ND MAY
After debating club we went to Juicy Lucy’s. I wanted to prove to myself that I can get along with Ethan without getting all droopy about it, so I sat next to him. Obviously, that’s the only reason I sat next to him and nothing to do with his shiny dark curls looking particularly lovely, or anything.
‘Pretty good debate today,’ I said. ‘Something about Michael’s speech reminded me of you. I think it was the part where he said, “It’s obvious I’m right”.’
He grinned. ‘But when I say it, it’s cute, yeah?’
‘Oh, totally. Arrogant and conceited and cute.’
‘Stop, you’re overwhelming me with compliments.’
We chatted away about what Miss Ramsbottom’s powers would be if she was a super villain. I said I’m pretty sure that Miss R has already got spidey sense because the minute I started thinking about painting Lily’s shoes purple today, she appeared in the doorway of the art room and gave me a very stern look. Ethan pointed out that the chances of catching me planning mischief at any given time are quite high. It was a pretty good chat until Westy came over and gave Ethan a dig in the ribs.
Ethan stood up. ‘Er, excuse me Faith. I can see Vicky looking happy and well-adjusted over there, so I’d better go and do something about that.’ And he wandered off to where Icky was sitting. I wanted to go and listen to him take the micky out of her but Westy was hovering expectantly, so I said, ‘All right, Westy?’
He cleared his throat.
‘I got you a coke,’ he said, putting it down and sloshing most of it over the table.
I mopped it up with a napkin. ‘Thanks, that’s really nice of you. I’ll buy you one next time.’
He nodded.
‘Are you going to sit down?’
‘Oh. Yes. Yep, I’m going to sit down now.’
So he did.
I couldn’t help noticing that he was being a bit funny.
‘Are you okay, Westy?’
‘Fin
e. I mean, I probably shouldn’t have had that third helping of chilli at lunch, but I thought, you know, that it was best to keep my strength up. But I’m really sweating now.’ He loosened his already loose tie. ‘Phew, are you hot? I don’t mean hot hot. I mean, obviously you are hot hot, but honestly that’s not all I notice about you because you’re really smart too.’
I looked round for Megs, but everyone had mysteriously melted away from our table.
Westy took a gulp of air. ‘Faith, can I tell you something?’
I looked up at his nervous face and suddenly I had a really bad idea about what the something might be.
‘Please don’t, Westy,’ I said.
‘I’ve sort of psyched myself up now. It’s a bit like when I did that white water rafting, as soon as you’ve got your nerve, you’ve got to go.’
‘Didn’t you capsize that raft?’
‘Yeah, but I’m surprisingly buoyant.’ He frowned, ‘This speech isn’t exactly going as I planned it. I don’t know how I’ve got on to my Venture Scouts rafting holiday. Unless you like Scouts? Because I did actually get quite a lot of badges. I even sewed them on myself. I did once sew my pants to my trousers but that’s why you really should take stuff off before you sew it . . .’
‘Westy, shall we go and sit with Elliot and Angharad?’
I thought that if I could get him with some other people I might be able to avoid what was coming next.
‘Can I just say this thing? It’s taken me a long time already. It’s taken all the time I’ve known you.’
I tried to speak but he carried on.
‘Because the time I’ve known you has been really good. Really, really good. Because you’re so . . . good.’
I thought my heart was going to break. ‘Thanks, I think you’re good too, but West—’
‘I like you more than good. You’re definitely an excellent . . .’ he swallowed. ‘Faith, would you ever think about going out with me?’
I honestly have never thought about going out with Westy. I had no idea what to say because I knew I couldn’t give him the answer he wanted. I hesitated, but Westy must have been able to tell from my face because his whole body sagged.
I put a hand on his arm. ‘Westy—’
‘Nah, course you don’t want to go out with me. Only kidding!’ He tried to give me a playful punch, but it threw me sideways and I banged my head against the wall.
I wanted to cry.
‘I think you’re brilliant, Westy. You’re a great mate.’
‘Yeah.’ He was looking at the floor. ‘Yeah, okay, Faith.’ He stood up. ‘I’ve just got to . . . I’ll see you later.’
I felt terrible.
I still feel terrible.
THURSDAY 3RD MAY
Why don’t I fancy Westy? He’s got a nice face; he’s sweet and funny. It would be so much simpler if I liked him instead of Ethan. The thing is that just looking at Ethan makes me feel swoony inside. Staring at Westy doesn’t exactly have that effect on me. Oh no, am I one of those people that’s only interested in looks? Wait a minute, I split up with Finn, who is probably one of the best looking boys on the planet, because we didn’t have anything in common.
Have I got things in common with Westy? I mean, we always seem to have plenty to chat about. We both like watching people fall over and large amounts of cake, but he’s definitely a much bigger fan of wrestling and rugby than I am. And I’m pretty sure that I like reading and getting really good marks in Chemistry more than he does. He’s great as a friend, but there isn’t really anything beyond that matey level, at least not for me.
What I like about Ethan is that he makes me feel . . . understood. He gets my sense of humour. He appreciates how I am not exactly fond of doing tons of homework, but I do like being top of the class. He knows how I enjoy insulting my family and friends even though I sort of, you know, love them a bit really. I suppose he understands all this because that’s the way he is.
Hmm. Does this mean I only like people who remind me of myself?
That’s a bit vain.
Even for me.
I don’t know, I just like the way Ethan and I interact; we connect. Also, I’ve spent quite a lot of double RE lessons thinking about snogging his face off. I think that’s a definite sign that you’re quite keen on someone.
I don’t feel that way about Westy.
FRIDAY 4TH MAY
I’ve decided to become a prefect. It happened at lunchtime.
Angharad said, ‘They’ve got prefect application forms in the office.’
I said, ‘Mmm hmm, they’ve also got a form you can fill in if you enjoy telling people their skirts are too short, and you want to spend time helping Miss Ramsbottom make up more pointless rules. Oh no, wait, that’s the same form.’
Angharad gave me a reproachful look. ‘I think it would be amazing to be a prefect.’
‘It would look good on university applications,’ Megs said.
Lily nodded. ‘And you get that cool badge.’
‘Oh come on, prefects are not the coolest people, or the nicest. And some of their methods are questionable. What about that PTA barbeque they had last year? Corinne Taylor got those cheeky Year Sevens to behave by vomiting on them.’
‘I’m not sure she planned that,’ Lily said. ‘I think it was more to do with the fact the prefects were running the ice-cream stall and she’d been helping herself to free samples.’
That got my attention. ‘Free samples?’
‘Yep. And that’s just one of the advantages to being a prefect,’ Megs said, ‘You also get actual permission to go into town at lunchtime.’
Angharad’s big hopeful eyes were fixed on me; this was clearly something she wanted us all to do together.
‘And they’ve got their own common room. I heard there’s a toaster in there,’ said Lily.
That did it. Ice cream and toast are precisely what I’m looking for in a remunerative package. I gave a decisive nod. ‘As you know I have always been a keen upholder of the school charter. Angharad! Fetch us some forms!’
That was pretty much the extent of my decision making, but the more I think about it the more sense it makes. After all, I have a lot to offer.
I pointed this out to the girls when Ang came rushing back with what looked like an unnecessary large amount of paperwork.
‘What exactly have you got to offer?’ Lily asked.
I waved my hands about to indicate piles and piles of good stuff. ‘Loads. It’s like when they employ ex-criminals to help catch burglars. I know every way to break the rules in this school; I could give the teachers invaluable advice.’
‘Isn’t that going to spoil other people’s fun?’ Megs asked.
‘I didn’t say I was actually going to give them the advice – but they don’t need to know that until I’m elected by a landslide.’
Megs shook her head. ‘Prefects don’t get elected.’
‘Don’t they? What is this, some kind of totalitarian state?’ I remembered where I was. ‘Don’t even bother to answer that.’
‘You have to apply,’ Angharad said. ‘That’s what the form is for. Then you get invited for an interview. Imagine if they chose you to be head girl!’
This was all news to me.
Megs poked me. ‘It amazes me how little you know about this school; you’ve been coming here for nearly four years.’
‘Yeah, but it’s a bit like when you have to use those stinky loos in car parks; you just keep your eyes straight ahead and try not to let any of the filth rub off on you.’
They looked at me blankly. Even more blankly than usual.
‘Or when you’re forced to go to a DIY shop with your parents. You keep your eyes straight ahead and try to let as little boringness rub off on you as possible by humming something cheerful.’
Megs’s eyebrows had knitted in an unattractive fashion. ‘Do you honestly hum for entire school days?
I shrugged.
‘Me too,’ Lily said.
‘Any
way,’ said Megs. ‘Back in the real world where there are rules and things. If you want to be a prefect you have to apply like Ang said. And if your application gets approved by your Head of Year then you have to do an interview with a selection committee.’
I groaned. ‘I want to be a prefect, I don’t want to adopt a baby.’
I leafed through one of the forms. It was three pages long.
‘It would be easier to buy a gun,’ I said.
‘Prefects have more power than guns in this school,’ Megs said.
It’s certainly true that you wouldn’t want Corrine Taylor firing all she’s got at you.
SATURDAY 5TH MAY
We went bowling with the boys today. I was kind of apprehensive about seeing Westy because I still feel terrible about turning him down. But he never showed up.
When I arrived, Ethan was sat in the corner scowling into a coke. Even when he’s grumpy he looks fit. His dark eyebrows were all scrunched and tortured and his eyes were burning into the table like he was thinking brilliantly funny, but wickedly biting, things to say about people. Obviously, I didn’t exactly want to put myself in the firing line, but somehow I found myself drawn towards him. He looked up at me with his deep dark eyes and I couldn’t stop myself from sitting down. For a second, I thought something fantastically witty was going to just trip off my tongue and then he’d laugh and we’d have a nice chat. What I actually said was, ‘All right?’
Which wasn’t quite as clever as I’d been hoping for.
Ethan just scowled some more.
Then I followed up on my stunning opening line by scratching my ear and saying, ‘No Westy?’
Ethan twitched. ‘I don’t think he’s coming. He’s pretty cut up about you breaking his heart.’
It was like he’d punched me in the stomach.
‘I didn’t break his heart. I just said I thought it made more sense for us to be friends.’
His eyes flashed. ‘I’m not sure you’re in a great position to talk about sense. I don’t think you’ve used a lot of sense choosing boyfriends, so far. And that’s up to you, but maybe you shouldn’t be messing with the emotions of decent people.’
